Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain #5)

by Lindsay Paige

  Chapter Five

  Jax

  I've missed Avery, especially after the picture she sent last night. My eyes are constantly scanning the faces of travelers as I wait to see hers. There's a bouquet of red roses in my hand, waiting for me to give to my wife. I'm practically bouncing on my toes in excitement to see her.

  And then I do.

  She's a bit tanner than when she left, but she isn't smiling. I was hoping to see her smile. Her eyes find mine. She looks surprised and maybe a little nervous? I guess she really was expecting that I wouldn't make it. I push the thought to the side and smile wider as she walks over to me, Jasmine right beside her. As soon as she's close enough, I step forward and kiss her like it's our wedding night.

  “I've missed you. You looked beautiful in that dress, by the way,” I say quietly after one more kiss, ignoring how she seems to be holding back from me. “I brought you flowers.” I hand them to her and take her bags.

  “Thank you.”

  “Did y'all have a good trip?” I question, taking Jasmine's biggest bag as well.

  “It was great, very relaxing,” Jasmine answers.

  As we walk out, I glance at Avery. “Yes, it was a good trip,” she adds.

  “I can't wait to hear all about it.” I smile, but she doesn't give me a genuine smile in return. I guess things haven't changed for her. I'll just have to change her mind. “I took the day off. I was hoping we could go out tonight if the plane ride didn't wear you out.”

  Once again, her smile is almost real. “That sounds great, Jax.”

  The drive to the house is mostly silent, only the radio playing in the background. I help Jasmine move her things into her car and then she’s off after hugging Avery. I take Avery’s bags and carry them into the house.

  “Do you want a shower or a nap or both before we go out?”

  She nods as she starts to unpack in our bedroom. “Where are we going?” Avery glances up at me.

  “Do you remember when I brought you all those sandwiches?” She nods. “I got them from a deli, so I thought we could go see if they’re still as good as they were back then.”

  Avery smiles as if she’s remembering that day. “That sounds perfect, Jax.”

  Her reaction makes me feel better, so I offer to start a load of laundry for her while she’s showering. Afterwards, she passes on the nap and we leave for the deli. On the drive there, I reach for her hand and ask again about her trip since she hasn’t said much.

  “It was fine. Nice beaches, lots of sand, the usual.”

  “You just laid on the beach the entire time? Where did you and Jasmine go last night? You dressed up. Did y’all have fun?”

  “Um,” Avery glances away, looking uncomfortable. “We mainly laid on the beach. Last night, we went down to the bar, nothing big.”

  “Oh, okay. Maybe we can take our vacation there this summer?”

  “I guess we’ll have to wait and see, right? I mean, with how the season goes. I saw you’re back in first place again. I bet Ashton’s pissed.”

  I laugh. “Only because Reed chooses his favorites over points.” Reed is Ashton’s son and depending on who is leading in points, depends on which of us is his favorite hockey player. “I don’t want to talk about work though.” I find a parking space and face her with a smile. “I’m on a date with my wife and talking about work is not on the to-do list.”

  Again, I only get half of a smile. I ignore it and take her hand as we walk inside. It’s been so long since I’ve been here; I’m half-surprised the place still exists. The inside has been expanded and remodeled, so it looks like their business is doing well. As we stand in line, I let go of her hand to slide an arm around her waist.

  “Are you going to try one of their turkey sandwiches?” I ask, remembering that she liked that one the most on that first date, oh so long ago.

  “That sounds good. I haven’t eaten today.”

  My eyes move from the menu to Avery. “You haven’t eaten? You two didn’t stop for breakfast or lunch?”

  “No, I was… I think I might have been nervous about the flight. Flying over all the water, you know.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  “Oh.” The line moves forward and we place our order. I dance my fingers up and down her side until we reach the cashier and I have to pull out my wallet. Avery takes our tray and finds a seat. Conversation doesn’t start again until after we take our first bite. “Well? Is it as good as your memory?”

  “Yes, but this time we’re not outside, and I’m not in my ugly scrubs.”

  I laugh. “I’ve always liked you in those ugly scrubs, you know.”

  “No,” she softly speaks, shaking her head, “I didn’t know that.”

  My smile falters for half a second. “Well, of course I do. You were wearing them when I met you and if you could look beautiful in ugly scrubs, then you could pull off wearing anything.”

  “You didn’t say that last night when I sent you the picture. I mean, I know I said we shouldn’t talk, but I thought you would’ve tried.”

  “I wanted to, but I didn’t want to ruin your vacation by talking to you if you really didn’t want me to. I wanted you to have a good time away from everything here.”

  “Jax, I know this is an oxymoron, but sometimes it’s nice when you fight for me. These past six months have been the longest of my life.” She takes a deep breath and continues, “Let’s forget all that and have a nice day, okay? What else do you have planned?”

  Before I can comment, a young fan walks over to our table. His grin is from ear to ear and he happens to be wearing his Gambler’s T-shirt.

  “Hi! You’re Jax Godwin. I told my dad it was really you.”

  I chuckle. “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Can I have your autograph?”

  “Of course.”

  He hands me a marker and turns around where my number is on his back. I quickly scribble my name. He thanks me and then practically runs back to his dad with excitement over me signing his shirt. When I look at Avery, she’s not happy. Her eyes have narrowed, and a frown has dipped her lips.

  “Sorry,” I mutter. She probably doesn’t like it, but that’s one of my favorite parts about my job, seeing the excitement and passion from fans, especially the kids.

  “I don’t mind the kids, but it seems like every time we have a normal conversation, something happens to remind me I’m number two again.”

  “You’re not. I know you have been lately and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t even realize it until you said it, which bothers me, but that’s not the point. You come first, Avery. It’s why I took today off and plan to do so a little more often.”

  “Jax,” she sighs my name, “I have been married to you for almost five years. I’m a hockey wife; I know where your priorities are. It’s hard for you to take time off. I know that, but I wish there was some way for us to have a happy medium. I don’t know if there is,” she whispers, quickly wiping away a single fallen tear.

  “There is. We just need to find it.”

  “Let’s stop talking about it. You, Mr. Godwin, promised me a fun day, so let’s have it. We need to think about today and not the future.” Her face looks more sad than optimistic and I’m not sure why.

  “Okay. If Mrs. Godwin wants a fun day, then I can’t deny her. Let’s go.”

  We leave the deli and go across the city. Avery questions where we’re going, and I tell her, “I thought you might want to see your favorite musical.”

  She smiles. “Thanks, Jax. I’m excited.”

  Despite her words and smile, she doesn’t seem as excited about this as I thought she would be. I’m not one who particularly enjoys musicals, but Avery loves them, so I’ve sat through quite a few for her before. While she’s paying attention to the stage, I pay attention to her. I take her hand in my lap, using my right hand to trail my fingers lightly over her palm while using my left hand to glide slowly up and down her thigh. It sure has been a long time and just how long it’s been mixes w
ith how much I’ve missed and how much I simply want my wife.

  Avery glances at me when my hand goes to slide up and down the inside of her thigh. She’s trying not to smile and focuses on the front of the room. To distract her further, I discreetly place her hand in middle of my lap. This time when she looks over at me, I lean in and whisper, “It’s almost over and you’ve seen it a million times. Are you ready to go home?”

  When I pull away, her smile fades away a little, but she nods. The entire drive home all I can think about is Avery and what we’re about to do. I hold her hand, but keep them in her lap. Once we park in the driveway, I practically drag her into the house. I close the door behind us quickly, pulling Avery flush against my body.

  “I've missed you so much,” I whisper, placing kisses along her neck. Her grip is loose on my arms. I turn us and press her against the nearest wall. With my mouth returning to hers, I begin to lift her shirt when she pushes me away.

  “I cheated,” she blurts out.

  “What?” I’m confused between my thoughts of sex and her sudden outburst.

  Her eyes water and she mutters, “I'm so sorry, Jax. I don't–”

  Suddenly, the words she said slam into me and I back five feet away from her. “You cheated on me?” I question with disbelief. That can't be what she said. Things have been bad, but... “When? Who? Why would you do this to us?” Her lips part, but the anger hits me. “I've spent all day with you, trying to show you that I'm willing to push my job to the side and be there for you because you're my wife,” my words rise as I continue to rant, “and you fucked someone else?” Turning my back on her, I go to the living room to sit down. I can't believe this.

  Avery follows me, her voice pleading. “Jax, please let me explain. I don’t think you understand.”

  “What’s there to explain, Avery? You cheated on me. How many times, Avery? Who is it? I can’t believe you let me spend all day with you.”

  “Jax, it’s not like that. It was one time. I swear it. It was last night. I was in the bar, and this guy came up and treated me like a beautiful woman, and not a fucking roommate or an accountant. I had been drinking and Jasmine left. I don’t know what happened. We kissed and then…” A sob tears through her, shaking her shoulders as the tears flow down her cheeks. “Jax, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I swear it. I love you more than anything.”

  I shake my head at the craziness. “So, this is all my fault? Because I was trying to do what you wanted and wait until you got home? Not being a good husband is a fucking terrible excuse for you to cheat on me!”

  “You don’t know how I feel! Day in and out, I’m here, alone. You have treated me like shit for the past six months. Yes, this is partly my fault, but would it have killed you to at least tell me that you still love me or that I looked nice? It’s the small things, Jax. I bet every time you’re on the ice, you tell the rookies ‘good job’. What about me? What about your wife?” The fury in her voice pisses me off.

  “I’m not a mind reader, Avery! I know you pretty well, but I don’t know you that damn well. I told you today I didn’t even realize how much I was putting you second until you said something, but I knew something was wrong. You barely talked to me when I was here and I knew I needed to do better, like I should have been all along, but…” I shake my head again. “I love you, but I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know if it can even be fixed.”

  “You’re so one sided, Jax. All we’ve ever talked about was your endorsement deals, hockey schedule, and how many reps you did in the gym. Let’s not forget how hard your slap shot was. Did you ever take me out when I got my promotion? What about some flowers? I’m not asking for you to buy diamonds or fancy cars, but a hug and a congrats would have meant more than anything.” She pauses and I try to remember what happened when she got her promotion. “I’m sorry, Jax. I’ve have betrayed you in the worst way imaginable, and I didn’t want that. But it was nice to see that a male still thought I was attractive, and I didn’t have to force him.”

  I clench my jaw. “I know every wrong thing I’ve done for the past six months because it’s all I thought about while you were gone. I wanted you to come home, so I could spend the day with you and start changing those things.” I look away from the spot on the coffee table I’ve been staring at and face her. “I would never cheat on you, Avery. Never. Not just because we took vows that were supposed to fucking mean something, but because there's not another woman on the earth that I want. There's not another woman who is worth the risk of losing you.”

  All I've been able to do is shake my head at the absurdity of it all. “How is this supposed to help our marriage, Avery? Or was that your way of ensuring it doesn't last because you're that unhappy?” The images of another man touching her blast through my mind. “I can't be here with you. I don't want to be near you.”

  Without another word, I grab my keys from the table by the door where I tossed them and head to the door. Avery hurries after me, reaching out to touch my arm.

  “Jax, please, don't go. This isn't want I want. I made a mistake…”

  “A big fucking mistake.” I don't wait to hear her protest as I walk out, slamming the door on the way.

  “Jax!”

  Reluctantly, I turn. “You made a choice, Avery. When you slept with him, you made a choice that our marriage and I don’t mean enough to you, that it wasn’t worth sticking through the bad to get back to the good. Call it a mistake all you want, but you made a fucking choice. Now, I'm the one who needs space.” I start walking backwards towards my car. “Don't worry. Unlike you, I'm not going to cheat on you while I'm gone.”

  I slam the door to my Mustang after I get in and I hit the road without looking back. There’s nowhere I want to go, so I plan to just drive. After about five minutes, I can’t take it anymore. The silence in my car is getting to me and the radio is pissing me off for no good reason. I reach into my pocket and call Ashton.

  “Hey, Uncle Jax!” Reed answers.

  My shoulders relax a little. “Hey, where’s your dad? I need to talk to him.”

  “Okay. Dad!” he hollers. “Uncle Jax wants to talk to you!”

  A few moments later, I hear him say something to Reed about answering his phone before he goes, “Hey, Jax. What’s going on?”

  “Are you busy?” There’s no point in telling him if he can’t really talk.

  “Um, just at the house with Lexie and the kids for a playdate. Hold on.” I hear him talking to Lexie, his girlfriend, before he returns and says, “Okay, I’m away from everyone. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  My hand grips the steering wheel tighter. How am I supposed to admit that I couldn’t keep my wife satisfied? Dissatisfied enough that she slept with someone else?

  “Jax?”

  “Avery went on vacation,” is all I manage to say.

  “Yeah, I know. She came back today, right?”

  “Yeah.” I swallow hard and decide to blurt it out as she did when she told me. “She cheated on me while she was gone. I spent the day with her, we come home, and she tells me. After we went back and forth, I just walked out.”

  Ashton doesn’t say anything right away. “I…” he starts, but stops. “What all did she say about it? What are you going to do? I know you said y’all were having issues, but…”

  “Things were worse than I said. Apparently, I haven’t been her husband because I’ve been caught up in my career and it just fell apart.” I take a deep breath. “She said he told her that she was beautiful and that was all she needed to hear, pretty much, because I hadn’t said it. Today, I was going to show her that she was first again, and then this shit happens. I don’t want to go back home. I don’t want to see her, Ash. I was so fucking close to deciding that if my job was that much of a legitimate threat to our marriage, I would play the rest of the season and be done when my contract runs out. I don’t even know that I’ll get another contract if we don’t make it to playoffs again.” I shake my hea
d. “I was going to give it all up for her if I needed to. And now…” I can’t bring myself to say it again.

  “Wow. I don’t know why you’ve surprised me by saying that, but you have.”

  “I’ve always joked that I’m getting paid to do something I have fun doing. I don’t need to play, but I need Avery. Or I did. I don’t know anymore. I’d never do this to her, and I never thought she would do this to me. How am I supposed to forgive her for this?”

  Ashton takes a deep breath. “I don’t know, Jax. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out, but you don’t have to do that all in one night. Where are you now?”

  “Just driving.”

  “Are you going back home tonight?”

  The thought of having to face Avery makes my stomach roll. I never thought there would be a day when I would dread seeing my wife. Yet, here I am. “No.”

  Chapter Six

  Avery

  I sob harder, watching Jax walk out the door. I feel as if my soul is being ripped from me. I don’t know how else to explain it.

  This is it.

  This is how my marriage will end. Jax will never forgive me. He’ll never be able to look at me again.

  I pick myself up off the floor where I collapsed and flop onto the couch. The house is eerily quiet, except for my sobs.

  He spent all evening with me. He was trying to make it up to me, and how did I repay him? By telling him the one thing no married man wants to hear.

  My heading is pounding from all my crying. My face feels grimy, and I’m so tired. However, I’m worried about Jax. I pick up my purse and grab my phone. There are several texts from Jasmine, but nothing from Jax. I want to call him. I want to hear him say that he’s mad, but it’s going to be okay. I want my husband.

  I close my eyes as my subconscious kicks me in the ass. I should have thought about that before I fucked the first guy that said I was pretty. What kind of person am I? Yes, I was mad at Jax, but I should have been smarter. I shouldn’t have left that bar with Rob, or had sex with him.