Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain #5)

by Lindsay Paige

  A long breath passes through my lips as I see all the emails just from today that have been read. Avery must still be doing this. A bunch of them have been answered as well. As I scroll through all the emails, I realize that Avery has two full-time jobs. Her job at the hospital, which she is paid for, and then everything I ask her to do for me that she does with few complaints to me.

  Deciding to worry about the emails later, I go and get the desk calendar. Everything I have to do is penciled into the little blocks for each day, written in Avery’s handwriting. Taking over my own schedule is my first task. I think I can enter this into the calendar connected to my email and have reminders sent to my phone. Then Avery won’t have to remind me or keep up with it.

  Slowly, I start to enter things into the calendar and set reminders. There are about ten instances where I want to throw the laptop across the room because I hit the wrong thing. I want to do this myself. If all else fails, I can hire an assistant. I don’t want Avery doing it anymore.

  When she comes home, she stops short at seeing me hunched over the table, glancing back and forth between the calendar and the laptop.

  “What are you doing, Jax?”

  My body tenses as she steps closer to me. “I am trying to add everything to this online calendar, so it can remind me what’s on my schedule.”

  “Oh. Do you want help?”

  I shake my head. I can’t let her help when I’m trying to save her from having to do it altogether. “No, that’s okay.” She nods and is about to walk away when I stop her. “What’s my email password? I was going to add it to my phone, so I can start checking it myself, but I don’t know my password.”

  Avery seems to struggle for a second before she speaks. “It’s jaxlovesavery, no caps, no spaces.”

  I give her a small nod. “Thanks.”

  She nods again before disappearing down the hall. Leaving that stupid calendar alone for a second, I grab my phone. I’m on the technologically inept side and mostly just use my phone to make calls or send texts. I find the little envelope icon and press it. I touch a few places, but can’t find where I set up an account. Before I can stop myself, I call out for Avery.

  “What is it?” she asks as she comes back into the room, now changed out of her scrubs.

  “How the hell do I set up my email?”

  When I lift my head to look at her, she laughs. A true, genuine laugh. The sound and sight of her laughing stuns me for a moment. It’s been a long time since she’s laughed. I’ve missed it a lot. Avery doesn’t seem to notice as she comes to stand behind me and reaches around to press buttons while I hold it, so I can see what she’s doing.

  My lungs stop functioning while I watch her exit out of that and go to the settings, touching different things to get me where I need to be. The moment feels normal and I want to cling to it before it disappears and I remember why my muscles are tense. I try not to flinch away from her.

  “Now, just enter your email address and your password and you should be set.” Avery steps away, but not too far. “Are you sure you want to take over everything?” she carefully questions as she glances over what I’ve entered in so far on the calendar. Her trained typing hands could probably have it all entered by now, but I refuse to ask her.

  “Yeah, I can do it. It’s all part of my job, so I’ll do it, and if I can’t, I’ll just hire someone.” I thought Avery would be happy because it means she won’t be doing it, but she doesn’t look all that happy.

  Chapter Eight

  Avery

  I plate up our food and sit it in front of him on the table. He wants to hire an assistant? Why now? He’s never said anything about it before.

  Like all of our other meals, there isn’t much talking. I can feel the tension between us, and it isn’t like it was before. Jax picks at his plate his plate, chewing silently.

  “How was the flight back?”

  “Fine.”

  “Did you at least have fun?”

  “It was fine.”

  I nod aimlessly. So, we’re doing this again. I pick at the food in front of me. I’m tired. Mainly because I haven’t slept in days. I’ve taken a few naps, but that’s all. Work sucks and it has never been this way before. I love being a nurse. I love my job, but being there is starting to show me that I didn’t always put Jax first.

  These past few months I’ve been taking more and more shifts, staying away from home, and not being there for him like I should have been. I’m a hockey wife. I need to remember that. I know that my goals, dreams, and everything needs to be the second seat.

  It’s possible that Jax could be traded or be offered more money by another team, and he would leave Las Vegas. There is no guarantee he’ll be here for his whole career. What if that happens?

  His contract is up this year. He could be leaving. What would I do?

  I shake my head at the thought. I'll go with him wherever he goes. It doesn’t matter if it’s Alabama, Portland, or Canada. I would do it for him and our marriage.

  An idea pops into my head. It’s a thought that I would have never considered before, but this time, it might be the best option.

  “Jax, would you pay this assistant? Like an employee?”

  “Yeah, of course. I don’t think anyone would work for free.” I’m not sure why, but Jax has a guilty look when he says that.

  “Well, I have an idea. What if I quit my job and become your assistant? I mean, I know everything already. Everyone already calls me to set up appointments and what not. Plus, you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone stealing from you.” I can hear the hopefulness in my voice.

  “What? No. Why would you want to do that?”

  “We could be together more, and you can trust me.” Maybe that isn’t the best word to use at this moment, considering I cheated on him a week ago.

  Jax mouth opens and then closes again. “This isn’t about trust. I was going to hire someone so you wouldn’t have to do it because you shouldn’t have to do it. You love your job, too.” He shakes his head. “No, Avery. No.”

  “Jax, hear me out. I don’t mind doing it. I really don’t, and here lately,” I take a deep breath. “My job isn’t fun like it used to be. This promotion is putting a lot of stress on me, and I don’t know if I can do it. But, I know I can take care of you. I mean, you can’t even work your phone. I’m surprised you turned on the laptop.” A giggle leaves me before I know it.

  “I’ll learn or I’ll hire someone who can work it. The answer’s no, Avery. I don’t want…” He shakes his head. “It’s not going to happen.”

  “You would rather hire a stranger and have me train them because you don’t know how to work anything, instead of hiring me? I know all of this, Jax. I’ve been taking care of your schedule for years. This can work,” I plead with him.

  “No, it can’t, Avery. You complained that I treated you like an accountant and an assistant.” His voice is rising, and he’s becoming angrier. “You cheated on me! I’m not hiring you to do the job you were tired of doing. Forget it.”

  “I’m aware of what I’ve done to our marriage, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I’ve thought hard about this. I know you still care about me. I know that you know I can do this. I want to save our marriage and this will let us spend more time together. I’ll be here for you more and you can trust me.”

  He stares at me for a moment, and I know that he’s seriously thinking about it. “You’re absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”

  “Yes. Please, Jax. Let me do this. I told you that I would do anything for our marriage. I want to do this for us, for our marriage, and for you. Please,” I beg.

  “Okay then.”

  I clap my hands. This is it. We can find our connection again. I raise my arms to hug his neck, but his look says it all. “Sorry.” I hang my head.

  Jax nods and walks away. There’s still a lot of rebuilding to do in our relationship.

  ~ ~ ~

  “Wait. What?” Jasmine’s shakes her
head.

  “Yep, I put in my notice. I’m going to work for Jax.”

  “You’re quitting? Like for real?”

  I nod. I thought about it all night last night while lying in bed. Alone. Jax is still sleeping across the hall, and I know it’s going to take him time.

  “What does this mean? Are you and Jax okay?”

  I shrug. “This will help. I’ll be with him more, and he’ll know that I want to be part of his hockey life.”

  “Wow. Congrats, but... wow. You’ve always wanted to be a nurse, and I thought you loved the promotion.”

  “Yes, I wanted to be a nurse, but I want Jax more. I made a massive mistake, and I’m going to do anything and everything to fix it. This is step one. Plus, I don’t want him hiring someone who’s going to have access to all our personal information, you know?”

  “Why can’t he do it himself?”

  “Jax? No way. He can stick handle like no one’s business, but can barely use his email. Trust me; he needs help in that department.”

  “I see your point.” She pouts. “I’m going to miss you.” She hugs me.

  “I will still be in Vegas. We can still hang out.”

  “Yeah, but who am I going to have lunch with?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m sure there's a single resident doctor who can help you with that.”

  She thinks for a second. “You’re right.”

  I laugh at her as I go and clean out my locker. It’s bittersweet, but I know that this is what’s best for us. I want Jax and our marriage, and this is right.

  ~ ~ ~

  I tap my pen on the table, reading the emails. Some are from crazy fans, that’s normal and come more and more often. Most want Jax to make appearances and be a keynote. Jax isn’t the greatest public speaker. He’s fine when it comes to hockey-talk, but a keynote? Not Jax. I go through his schedule and send the standard, thank you but he’s not able to attend, letters.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” Jax walks into the kitchen.

  “Well, boss, I’m working,” I joke with him, but he only gives me a small smile. I guess he isn’t the joking mood. “Hey, would you be interested in being a spokesperson for bacon-scented aftershave?” I giggle, rolling my eyes.

  Jax turns up his nose and scrunches his face. “That exists? Who the hell would want that? It’s a definite no. Is that the kinds of emails I get?”

  “Oh, yes, and all the crazy fans who want your jock strap or hockey socks.” I gag at the thought. I’ve smelt him after games. That’s not a sweet smell.

  “Seriously? You have to be kidding. There’s no way anyone would want that, or at least, be crazy enough to write an email saying so.”

  I bring up the last message I deleted from a fan showing him how desperately she wants his jockstrap. “See?”

  “Well, I’ll be damned.” He shakes his head after reading it. “Crazy and gross.”

  “This isn’t even half of it, but there are some sweet ones, and it’s those I send small gifts to.”

  “Like what? Show me.”

  “Alright, come on.” I don’t think he believes me. I walk across the house to the side we hardly use. It’s the smaller guest bedroom, and there are over twenty boxes of Jax’s merchandise. There are a lot of 8x10 photos of him in his hockey gear. Those I send out the most. Then there are some shirts, hats, and even a few bobbleheads. I leave those for the younger kids.

  “See? All this stuff you sign, I keep and send to your fans. The post office usually hates me on Mondays because that’s when I mail it out. I send about thirty to fifty packages a week.” I look up at him and he’s staring at me. “You didn’t know?”

  “No. You never said you did it and I don’t really do the bills, so I wouldn’t have seen the charges.” He doesn’t seem pleased. He looks upset.

  “Jax,” I say his name in a softer tone. “How cool would it have been when you were a kid to get a signed picture of your favorite player? I mean, a lot of those emails are from kids that say how much they love you and started playing hockey because of you. I know that I’ve complained about it, but this part is fun. I would have been excited if *N’Sync had sent me a photo,” I try to joke with him.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right. This is a good thing that you’re doing, Avery.”

  I shrug like it’s not a big deal because it really isn’t. “Actually, you’re doing it.” I look up at him. “You really didn’t know?”

  “No, I wasn’t paying attention to that either.”

  I look back down at the boxes. I know there’s an alternate meaning, but I don’t want to deal with that right now. “Um, today isn’t that busy for you. You have practice and then a workout. Of course, your game is tonight, too. That’s it. Much of the afternoon is free for you to do whatever you need. I’m running to the grocery store, do you need anything?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  I nod and turn to walk out.

  “Do you want to have a late lunch with me?”

  I stop and turn to him. “Um, sure. Sounds great. I need to get back to work before my boss fires me.” I smile brightly at him. It’s starting to feel like us again.

  Chapter Nine

  Jax

  After practice, I lift weights, thinking about all that has happened. I’m still not so sure about Avery’s new “job.” I really don’t want to call it that. I don’t want her to call me 'boss', either, even though she’s just joking. However, she does seem happier, and that’s what matters. There’s one word from our discussion that has been a headline, large and in the way, in my head.

  You can trust me.

  Can I? Do I? I don’t even really know what happened. I don’t know at all. And damn it, I want to. No, I don’t want to know, but I need to know. How much did she have to drink? Did he know she was married? Was she wearing her ring? How long was she with him? Did he wear a condom? What if she got pregnant or what if he had an STD or something? Am I going to have to spend the rest of my life wondering if the next time she has one too many drinks during a rough patch that she’s going to fuck the first man who comes up to her?

  I do trust her. I trust her with handling our money, paperwork, and emails. I trust her with all of those everyday things. But I don’t trust her with my love. Not right now. How can I? Hell, I’m starting to think I don’t trust myself either. I couldn’t keep her happy.

  Sighing, I set the weights down. That’s enough for today. I shower and text Avery that I’m on my way and will pick up something. By the time I get home, all those thoughts have played constantly in my head and I’m on edge. Avery seems to notice my mood, but she doesn’t say anything other than ‘hey’. We sit down and I can’t stop the words.

  “I need to know what happened.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Every last thing, Avery.”

  “Jax,” she shakes her head, “You don’t want to know this.”

  I narrow my eyes at her. “No, I don’t, but I need to hear it.”

  “Well, I don’t know where to start. I mean, I was drinking, and he started talking to me, and one thing lead to another.”

  “How much did you drink? Weren’t you wearing your ring? Did he not care?”

  “Jax,” she sighs, like I’m being impossible. “I had like five drinks, and I hadn’t eaten much that day. I spent most of the vacation crying over you. And why wouldn’t I be wearing my ring? I wear it all the time. I told him I was married.”

  I stare at her. I can’t believe it. “So, before you slept with him, you thought and said, ‘I’m married’, and it still didn’t matter? Did he wear a condom or am I going to have to worry about you being pregnant?” I snap.

  “I told him. I know I did. My head was fuzzy, and everything was happening so fast.” Tears well in her eyes, but I don’t let it faze me. “I’m not pregnant. He used condoms. I ran an STD panel at the hospital when I got back. I’m clean.”

  “Condoms?” She has to be fucking kidding me. “How long were you with him, Avery? And bullshit on ‘i
t happening so fast’. If you had time to say you’re married, you had time to not sleep with him.”

  “Do you really want to know all this? Do you want me to relive all this again?”

  I laugh harshly. “Do I want you to relive it? I don’t care, Avery.” She put herself in this position, so she can deal with reliving it. “I want to know and I want you to tell me.”

  “I don’t want to do this, Jax, but if you’re going to be an asshole, fine.” The anger begins to seep into her voice. “I slept with him because he was a nice guy who was actually interested in me. God forbid I should feel special. We had sex twice. Mainly because he was one-minute man, and your dick is bigger. Is that what you want to hear? Does that make you feel better?” she yells.

  “You’re calling me an asshole, but he’s a nice guy? He slept with a married woman! Why wouldn’t I be an ass, Avery? You fucked someone else! I’m sorry it seems impossible that I actually have a hard time with that. You’re unbelievable.”

  “You’re a hypocrite. In college, you told me that you slept with anything that moved. You can’t tell me you didn’t fuck someone who was in a relationship. I’m sorry, okay? What do you want me to do? I can’t take it back. Maybe you should have been a better fucking husband, and I wouldn’t have fallen into bed with the first nice guy who showed me some attention!” Her hands slam down on the table, causing the plates to rattle.

  Her words push me over the edge, and I calmly tell her exactly what I think. “Call me a hypocrite all you want, but I’m not a cheater. I never slept with anyone who was in a relationship. I never crossed that line. Yeah, I should have been a better husband, but that doesn’t mean you can sleep with someone else.”