Broken Desires (Broken Series)

by Boone, Azure

“I didn’t, I mean, I’ve never…I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I hit you, I’m not like that—“

  “I deserve it, trust me,” he whispered, pressing the towel to his nose like this happened to him all the time.

  “What can I do?”

  He sighed and hit the wall with his back, closing his eyes. “Not hate me for one.”

  “I don’t hate you,” she whispered.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’m cooking breakfast for you, no arguing,” Sofia said.

  Daniel watched Sofia fold his blankets that he’d gotten from the hall closet. After the whole nose busting ordeal, he’d asked her to stay, then he slept on the couch when he realized his mistake. He recalled what she’d said. Whatever you need, I got your back.

  It was that. Those words made him realize how stupid he was being. It was a mistake having her in his life beyond just sex. Bad enough he’d broken the one sided sex rule, then he invited her into his personal space. He was opening a door and she was walking through it without a thought to herself. It was wrong to allow it when he knew it was just a dead end for her.

  She had his back. Like he’d ever trust a woman to that degree. No, he had his back. His mother had had his back. She’d been the closest thing to normal that he could remember, but his five year old memory was getting more fragile every year. When she’d died, she’d taken normal with her. Leaving him with a hurricane nightmare that seemed to gain speed and strength as it entered the warm waters of his puberty.

  Fuck. To forget would be salvation. To not remember the past. Then Sofia would be with a normal man right now, not some fucking pervert with a sick need to deny himself, to punish himself. And to use her to do it.

  Worse, he realized his sexual needs were hardly satisfied with her. Right in that second, he wanted to touch her, with his lips and tongue. Make her orgasm. He wanted to be that first cup of coffee in her blood stream, licking and sucking her awake.

  She paused and regarded him suddenly. He remained reclined like a sedated panther in the mocha chair in only his BVD’s his cock straining. His arousal was past the point of caring. Once the needle hit the vein, he was lost to the addiction and had to answer it. And she was the needle. And in the deepest part of his dark mind, he knew he shouldn’t, he knew this was going to end badly, knew he would do things with her that he would regret. And he didn’t care.

  Her gaze riveted to his dick and she licked her lips. Swallowed. Flushed.

  He beckoned her over with a flick of his finger. She came shyly, but willing. When she got to his chair, he let his gaze raise to hers and held it there for several seconds before lowering it to her breasts. Then back up to her gaze.

  His cock twitched when he saw she understood what he wanted and her hands tentatively moved her blouse off her shoulder, lowering it until one breast filled his vision. His heart hammered. No bra. She did the same to the other side of her blouse. His gaze lowered again, to her skirt then raised back to her face, silently asking her to get entirely naked.

  Again, she read him like a book and slowly hooked her thumbs into the elastic of her skirt. Her hips swayed sensually as she slid it down and let it fall to the floor. His own hips pumped in response to seeing her perfect thighs and waist as well as the pink panties that served to illuminate her pretty sex.

  His eyes refused to leave the apex at her thighs and soon she was swaying her sweet hips right out of those as well.

  He licked his lips, so hungry to taste her finally. He suddenly wanted to know how well she would keep reading what he wanted. She stepped closer and held her hand to him. He took it, his gaze still locked on her sweet sex as he pulled her closer. She carefully straddled his lap and he sank deeper into the leather chair. He placed his hands on her waist, staring at how perfect she was before pulling her taut tummy to his lips. He licked in her bellybutton first, moaning at tasting her salty sweet flesh.

  How did he want her?

  He pulled down on her waist until she sat on his erection. He helped work her soft folds on his impossibly hard length while she held on to the arms of the chair. Daniel watched, his eyes burning a path from her face to her breasts and then hips, feeling like he would explode with needs he’d never had with a woman.

  Again, the rush, the high, was more than he could stop. She was soon lost as well, the pleasure bringing out a fucking sex goddess in her, arms rising to stroke over her body like she were bathing herself in desire. He was envisioning her riding his cock and she gasped when the thick shaft jumped at the idea. Her hands brushed over her erect nipples and Daniel groaned. Fuck he had to suck her essence now or he’d go insane.

  He sat up a little in the chair and slid her ass up onto his waist. He gently eased her down so that her back was on his legs. He worked her panties off, leaning to kiss the backs of her thighs that extended straight up before him. When he got the panties off, he parted her legs and placed them on his shoulders while staring down at breakfast. Her scent filled his nose and he gripped her waist until her soft folds were right where he wanted them. Pressed onto his mouth.

  Sofia latched on to the soft leather cushions and gasped at his sudden and hungry contact with her most intimate secret. He’d planned to go slow but her smell drove him crazy, made him insanely hungry. He couldn’t have his face buried deep enough. His tongue plunged in as far as he could and he groaned, moving his nose against her clit while tasting her. Her hips rocked in a sensual wave, her opening contracting on his tongue.

  Then she began to call his name. At first a sigh then louder with yes yes. He answered her back with agonized groans and grunts. Her hips began to flick and her legs tightened and trembled against his neck as he beckoned her orgasm to his mouth. Oh my God, Oh my God yes, Daniel yes, preceded her climax. Her legs clamped his neck and she bucked wildly under his mouth. He gripped her waist hard, his fingers digging as he forced her to ride the pleasure nice and tight, making her scream from the intensity.

  When she became a quivering mass of soft moans, he eased up, pressing his cheeks against her inner thighs while kissing her folds gently, lapping the silky inner petals with a tenderness and intimacy he had no idea he was capable of.

  “Oh my God,” she gasped.

  He helped her sit up, placing her ass back on his waist, staring up at her, wanting the verdict of how that had affected her.

  She was winded and smiling. Her gaze fluttered open and met his. “Wow.” She panted. “That’s…a nice way to wake up.”

  He found himself grinning. He did that a lot with her, he realized. “Glad you liked it.”

  She lowered her head to his chest, wrapped her arms around him, and snuggled her body to his. “Can’t believe you did that. Was it…I mean did it…”

  He’d prayed he was wrong, that maybe this time he wouldn’t panic. But her display of affection triggered a freight train of the shit, shutting it all down, all that led to good feelings and joy. That was for the well, not the sick, he couldn’t deal with happiness and joy, he just fucking couldn’t. And her middle name was rapture so it would only be a matter of time before he hurt her, when she needed him to be something he wasn’t.

  Daniel barely managed not to shove her away. He tapped her hips and whispered, “I need to get up.”

  “Oh, okay,” she said, oblivious to the turmoil she created in him.

  Fuck.

  “I just need the bathroom,” he lied. “Then I’ll put on coffee for you.”

  “I’ll start breakfast.” The excitement in her voice added to his panic. This was the part where he sent women on their way, not let them stay and cook for him. Normal men let them stay.

  God, he wished he was normal.

  ****

  Sofia recognized the change in him at the first stiffening of his limbs. She wasn’t sure what happened in his head and why, she just decided to make room for the moment ruining monster until she figured that out. Confronting that beast could turn bloody again.

  But after watching him clean up the kitchen in on
ly his jeans, she was sure he was trying to kill her with sexual frustration. Her womb clenched with the need to have his cock driving into her every time she caught sight of it straining in his pants. And was it ever not hard?

  “Sooo…” She eyed him from where she sat at the island. “From a…gynecologist’s perspective…” she ran her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, “what did you think of my…vulva?” No shame in enticing him.

  He shut the dishwasher, turned and leaned against the cabinet, palms on the granite countertop, legs crossed and cock bulging. She gasped a little and shook her head, staring into her coffee for an eye break.

  “Your vulva is fine,” he said.

  Her heart sank at the fine bit. His tone hinted at casual but there was no way the man was strutting around in all that sex appeal without…sex on his mind. “You know, I um…” She cleared her throat a little. “I don’t…I mean I never like…I usually never talk about this kind of stuff with guys. Wanted you to know. Didn’t want you thinking I was--”

  “I knew that.”

  She pushed hair behind her ear, needing to somehow convey her feelings for him. She sipped her coffee. What she really wanted was to know if he liked her and how much. Enough to eat her. To finger her. He hadn’t even kissed her. Not on the mouth. Which was odd. “Do you like me Doc?”

  She didn’t lift her eyes, afraid to see the look on his face. The length of time it took for him to answer made her chest contract. How fucking complicating could it be?

  “Yes.”

  She looked at him and found his gaze unreadable and hard. “I mean…not just my body parts.”

  More silence, then, “You’re a remarkable woman.”

  She sipped her coffee, nodding, fighting not to let the pain take her, not to let the truth of how he felt or didn’t feel break her into pieces. She drew on her indignation, needing something to hold her together. “So, I guess we’re like what…bff?” She looked at him, held his gaze.

  “Bff?”

  “Best fuck friends?”

  “I don’t think so,” he said casually. “Since we haven’t actually fucked.”

  So this was supposed to be funny? She finally lowered her gaze to his groin and nodded. “I see your dick may be lamenting that fact.”

  “My dick seems to lament anything sexually related to you.”

  Only sexually. “Does it want to fuck me?”

  “Yes.”

  She only stared at him, waiting for him to explain why he hadn’t or wasn’t.

  “But my dick doesn’t always know what’s best.”

  Pain clamped her chest and she gasped around it. “Spoken like a true Pricktologist.” She would not cry in front of this freak. She would not be used.

  She flew off the stool and didn’t look back, hurrying out the front door, leaving everything behind, her shoes, purse, car, praying he’d try and stop her so she could cold cock the bastard again. Eyes stinging with unshed tears, she choked out the first sob as she made her way home.

  He’d used her. He’d fucking used her.

  Chapter Eight

  A week. That’s how long it’d been since they’d seen each other. She’d expected at least a call from him. None. Not that day, not the next or next. A fucking week. How could he do this to her?

  She debated doing so many things. Egg his house. Set another gynecologist appointment and force the issue in his office. Slice his tires. Tie him up and choke him with cookies!

  The phone rang and Sofia reached and slid it off her bedside table. She moaned. Dara. As much as she loved her, she was sick of seeing her name every time the phone rang instead of his.

  The bastard.

  She pressed talk but didn’t talk.

  “What’s going on dear. You’re not online, you’re not calling.” Dara ’s voice was gentle and full of concern.

  “Same shit. I have to do something, I can’t just sit here and mope.”

  “I agree, but…what do you have in mind?”

  Oh, she knew how close Sofia was to doing something really stupid and regrettable. She just wouldn’t be able to tell Dara if she did decide to do anything like that. “I think I’ll go pop in for a little visit.”

  “Oookay? Are you okay to do this? You’re not all psycho bitch right now, are you?”

  “No, I’m fine.” A convincing lie. “I’ll call you after. I’m just going to find out if he’s okay. I’m worried about him.” True but not her motive and certainly not her plan. She was pretty sure she was headed over there to kick his motherfucking ass.

  She drove to his house, trying to calm her crazy ass down. She’d just play it by ear, this one. One minute at a time. One millisecond at a time.

  She rang the doorbell, not even sure he was home. When he opened it, she nearly forgot why she was there. But the lack of spark in his eyes, no inspecting the goods. No wow, beautiful, helped remind her.

  She walked in uninvited, shoving the pain down, knowing she wouldn’t be lasting too long in this condition. She turned around and faced him. “What the fuck is going on Daniel?” Better to do it while she still had enough anger to keep her legs from buckling.

  He shut the door and faced her, some turmoil bullshit on his face. “I told you Sofia, I’m not good for you.”

  She choked out a gasp. “I don’t see how that’s your decision to make, doc.” She shook her head. “Plus I don’t believe you. I think you’re just scared.”

  He closed his eyes and sighed as though she were just uncovering it all back up when he’d had it nice and buried.

  “Why Daniel? What is wrong with me that you can’t stand to be around me after we do shit?”

  He stared at the floor and she hated how sweet and damn near innocent he looked in his khakis and a white buttoned up shirt, tails out.

  “I mean, is it something I’m doing wrong, cause I can change it.” Broken and desperate colored her voice, making her cringe inside.

  He stared at her, his beautiful face turning hard. “How many ways do I have to tell you, I’m not. Good. For you.”

  Her fury shot up and she gave an incredulous laugh. “I don’t know? Maybe as many ways as you pleasured me? You can’t just do this stuff with me and expect me to just not…” she swiped angrily at the tears rolling down her face. “You’re killing me Daniel,” she gasped.

  “No, you.” He pointed an accusing finger at her. “You’re the one killing things. With your need to please and shit. Why can’t you just be content with me pleasuring you?”

  She stared at him, perplexed. “What? You’re blaming me? Because I want to make you feel good?” Sofia couldn’t believe her ears. Oh God, she was going to punch him again, she could feel it.

  She stormed past him, only he caught her arm and spun her around so that she slammed into his body. He took two steps with her and her back hit the wall. Adrenalin made her wild and he pressed his body into hers with a growl before she could buck out of his hold. “Let me fucking go,” she warned, her voice quivering.

  He stared into her eyes, his gaze brutal, making her heart race with a strange mixture of fear and lust. He felt so good pressed into her body and yet scary as hell. She gasped when he fisted her hair and pulled so that her head tilted back. Sliding his mouth along her jaw, he stopped at her ear, his breath an unsteady blast of heat. She closed her eyes, resisting the urge to turn into those lips, so goddamn desperate to have them on her, however, wherever. “I’m broken, Sofia.” His words pierced her heart and mind. “The shit I have in my head won’t allow me to be the hero you need. That’s what happens, see, when your father brings home a different slut every weekend and forces you--to fuck them.” His voice cracked with pain. “I can’t be fucking normal because I’m not-- normal. Pleasure is what I do—giving it—not receiving Sofia, it’s how I deal with my shit, and you? You keep trying to shove it down my throat.” His grip tightened and his words gritted. “You’re playing with a monster. And I don’t. Want. To fucking. Hurt you.”

  A sob wrenched f
rom her throat. “You’re too damn late,” she whispered.

  He snarled and punched the wall next to her head and she jumped, closing her eyes. The weight of his body disappeared and five seconds of terrifying silence later, the front door slammed. The sound shattered the strength that barely kept Sofia standing and she dropped to her knees, gasping for air.

  Distress levels peaked out at numb, Sofia gathered her shaking limbs and stormed out of his house. In her car, her phone buzzed and she nearly jumped out her skin. Deep breaths. Slow…deep breaths. She snatched it up and looked. Then groaned. God Dara. Not fucking now. The last thing she wanted was sensible and logical when her body and mind screamed chaos and destruction.

  She stared at the screen, debating yes or no, her hand trembling. She hit talk.

  “I’ve got good news, I’ve been researching, Googling shit, and man what can’t you find these days. So listen, you there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here.” She’d either managed to mask her psychotic vibe or Dara was desperate to tell her news.

  “I found a sugar that is actually healthy to eat.”

  The news was so far left field, it yanked Sofia off of the die motherfucker train. “What?”

  “It’s made of the same thing you find in sweet potatoes or some shit. It is one hundred percent all natural and alllll healthy. And it tastes like sugar, tons of ratings and crap, everybody loves it. So, problem solved.”

  Sofia gently pressed her eyeballs with her fingers. Problem solved? If only his dislike for dessert was the only issue. She thought about his whacky distaste for desserts and sweets and it dawned on her. “Now I know why he doesn’t like sweets.”

  “What? What are you talking about.”

  “He hates sweets because it’s what killed his grandmother, I bet you.”

  “Hihi, this could be true. Maybe if you show him about this sugar, he will learn that not everything has to be so bad? Not end the same way?”

  The weight of it all rushed in like a crushing wave and Sofia burst out in sobs. “God, how did this happen, how did I fall in love with this man so fast? He just told me his father forced him to fuck women when he was only a boy, and the sexual things he does with women, only giving pleasure and not getting it, is how he deals with it, but I don’t know what he wants from me, I want to help him Dara, I need to help him.” She sobbed on the turmoil, realizing how deep the dude had wound his way into her heart.