Run, Jonah, Run

by Jonah Black

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re amazing,” I said.

  “No,” she said, and sat down on the bed next to me. I just looked into her eyes, drinking her in. She was really there! She was really real!

  “You’re the one who’s amazing. I’ve been waiting for so long to thank you for what you did. I mean, you totally got kicked out of school for me, didn’t you? I still don’t know how to thank you.”

  “You already have,” I said.

  “I tell you what, Jonah Black,” she said, and her face got all serious and dark. It was almost scary. “I’m going to do you a favor someday, too. Okay?”

  “Sophie, you don’t owe me anything.”

  “I’m not kidding,” she said, with this scary face that really gave me the creeps. “Someday, my debt to you will be paid. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I said. “Whatever.”

  And just like that, the cloud passed from her face and she looked normal again. She smiled at me. “God,” she said. She looked me up and down. “Look at you!”

  “Look at you,” I said back.

  She just laughed, but her laugh wasn’t cute and giggly. It was a sad laugh. Older than her years.

  “What happened?” I said. “I thought we said yesterday.”

  “Did we?” she said. She shrugged and smiled at me. “Whatever.” She looked around the room. “Man, all hotel rooms are pretty much the same deal, aren’t they?”

  “Yeah,” I said, although I haven’t actually been in that many.

  “How do you feel? Nervous?” she asked me.

  “A little,” I said.

  “Don’t be,” Sophie said. She leaned into me and put her hand behind my head and kissed me again.

  Her lips felt so delicate and vulnerable I was almost afraid to kiss her back. Like a flickering candle flame that might go out if you move too suddenly.

  After a while, she pulled away. “So let me get this straight,” Sophie said. “At Masthead. The night of the formal. You smashed the dean’s car through the wall of the motel?”

  “Yeah,” I said. It didn’t sound so heroic when she put it like that. “It was an accident.”

  “What were you trying to do? Do you mind if we go through this story just one time?” she said. “It’s like, I think I know the facts, but then there’s parts of it I don’t know. “

  I hesitated. Sophie took my hand. I closed my eyes.

  “I was going to—” I shrugged. I don’t even know what I’d been trying to do that night. “I was trying to stop Sullivan from, you know, making you do something you didn’t want to. I knew he’d been through all the files of every girl in the class, so he could use the information to blackmail you into doing what he wanted.”

  I opened my eyes again. Sophie was nodding. “Yeah,” she said. “He’s a real charmer.”

  “And Betsy Donnelly told me somebody had to stop him,” I told her.

  “So that’s when you decided to drive the dean’s car through the wall?” Sophie asked me.

  I shrugged. “I guess I’m not a very good driver,” I said.

  Sophie laughed, like this was hilarious. It was the truth, though.

  “I wasn’t trying to drive the car through the wall,” I explained. “I just lost control of it. I think I stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”

  “In the dean’s Peugeot, Jonah?” Sophie said. “You couldn’t have smashed up a Honda or something instead?”

  “Anyway,” I said. “After I smashed the car, everyone in the motel went screaming out of there. I saw you running off into the night.”

  “I saw you, too!” Sophie said. “That’s where I know you from. That was you in the back of the cop car, wasn’t it?”

  Well, of course it was me, Sophie, who did you think it was? I thought. Did she really have no memory of me at all when I was at Masthead?

  “I told them it was me in the motel room, not you and Sullivan. So you wouldn’t get kicked out,” I said.

  “That’s what I can’t believe,” Sophie said. “You got yourself kicked out. For me. I mean you don’t even know me!”

  I smiled at her. “I’d like to,” I said.

  “Well,” said Sophie, smiling. “I guess that’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”

  “Uh-huh,” I said happily.

  We kissed again, and this time it went on longer. It felt like we were kissing for hours. It felt like some wild dream and I didn’t want to wake up.

  “So,” I said, like twenty-five years later when our lips were tired and we had to stop kissing. “What was in your file? The thing that Sullivan found out. The thing he was going to tell everybody?”

  The second I said it, I knew it was a mistake. Sophie’s body got all stiff and her eyes kind of shut off, like they were turning inward.

  “I don’t know,” she said coldly. “I have no idea.”

  But from the way she said it, it sounded like she knew exactly what Sullivan had found out. It bugged me that she wouldn’t tell me, after everything I’d done for her. But maybe I was pushing her too soon. She’d tell me when she was ready.

  Sophie moved away from me. She looked nervous now. “Do you think this was a mistake, meeting here?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t want it to be. It’s just strange to actually be sitting next to each other after all this time.”

  “If you only knew,” Sophie said, and laughed quietly. There was something a little odd about her laugh. Like she was sharing a private joke with herself.

  “If I only knew what?” I said.

  “If you only knew how long I’ve been thinking about you,” she said, but it didn’t sound that that’s what she’d been thinking.

  “I’ve been thinking about you, too,” I said. I leaned toward her and kissed her again, really softly, like I was afraid I’d scare her away.

  Then Sophie reached her hand down to the hem of her sundress and in one motion she pulled it off over her head and there she was, sitting on the bed in a blue bra and some matching panties with a little blue satin rose on the waistband.

  “Let’s do it,” she said. “Okay, Jonah? I think we should just go ahead and do it. I hope that’s all right.”

  “That’s fine,” I said.

  I pulled off my T-shirt and then I stood up and took my shorts and even my boxers off, and a second later I was totally naked, and Sophie was just watching me with this huge smile on her face.

  She reached up and rubbed my chest and my stomach and the small of my back. “You swim, don’t you? You’re like this big diving star or something,” she said.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Your body is amazing,” she said.

  “Look who’s talking,” I said.

  Then Sophie knelt on the bed and kissed my chest, over and over again, with these tiny little kisses, and each one was like a raindrop falling on the ocean. And then she turned me around and kissed my back and my shoulders. I spun around to pull her toward me, but she stopped me and reached around her back and took off her bra. A second after that, she stepped out of her panties.

  And then, man, I can hardly even believe I’m writing this! I lay down and my head was on the pillow and Sophie kneeled over me, kissing my stomach and chest and neck. Then she lay on her back and I started kissing her. All over.

  I felt like I was two people, the Jonah this was all happening to, and some other Jonah standing back and thinking, Can you believe this? Are you remembering every single detail so you can remember this moment for your entire life? I mean what if something happened like what happened to Pops’s girlfriend? We could both be struck by lightning and never kiss each other the way we were kissing now.

  Then Sophie sat up. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

  I couldn’t even speak. I just nodded.

  Sophie picked up her little red purse and I watched her walk with it to the bathroom. When the
door shut I closed my eyes, and I could still see her body, imprinted on the back of my eyelids.

  She was gone for about five minutes. Then she came back. I could tell that while she was in the bathroom she’d brushed her hair and put on more lip gloss and basically put herself together once more. I couldn’t believe she was trying to look even sexier for me. She was already sexy enough.

  “Okay, Jonah,” she said. “Let’s do it.”

  I couldn’t believe that after all these years I was about to lose my virginity to this amazing girl who thought I was a hero, even though I hadn’t done anything more than drive a car into the side of a motel. But I felt like a hero then. And we’d been saving ourselves for each other. It was going to be perfect.

  Sophie laid her head back on the pillow and her hair was streaming down over the sheets. I kissed her neck.

  Just at that moment, a helicopter flew over the hotel. Sophie’s body tensed up and her face looked frightened. “Oh, no, the helicopters,” she gasped.

  She rolled off the bed and went to the window and peeked through the curtains. The sound of the helicopter was growing softer.

  “What helicopters?” I said.

  Sophie smiled in that weird way again. “Oh, nothing,” she said. She came back and lay down on the bed and I rolled on top of her. But then she lifted her head and whispered, “No, Jonah. Kiss me some more.”

  So I slowly kissed my way down her body. I kissed the two little bones of her collarbone. I kissed the damp place between her breasts. I kissed around her belly button and down each of her legs to her toes. Everything was hushed and amazing.

  This is getting too private to even write about, but I’d never done exactly this before so I was kind of making it up as I went along. Once, Sophie made this soft little cry, like the most private noise I’ve ever heard. I put my arm around her to let her know she didn’t have to be afraid. And then I kept kissing her.

  I couldn’t believe any of this was happening. I felt like I was an astronaut walking in space. Everything was taking place in this incredibly silent, perfect place, far above the world, and everything was happening very slowly. And just like astronauts hovering above the planet, Sophie and I were surrounded by this radiant blue-white light.

  Then I said, “Sophie, I love you.”

  And at that moment, she broke into tears.

  For a few seconds I thought that maybe she was so happy to be with me that she couldn’t help crying. But the tears kept coming, and soon her body convulsed in giant sobs. I was really worried. Had I said something wrong?

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s okay.”

  “No,” Sophie said. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “Let’s just do it now, Jonah. Please?”

  She dropped her head back down on the pillow again and squeezed my hand tight. “Please. I love you,” she whispered. But as she said it, she started sobbing again.

  I absolutely did not know how to handle this situation. I mean, there was Sophie, naked, asking me to do something I’d been wanting to do since I first saw her. And yet, how was I supposed to do that when these huge tears were coming out of her eyes, and her stomach was clenched in these gasping sobs?

  “Sophie,” I said. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

  She started crying even harder. I rubbed the side of her face with my cheek.

  “Go on,” she said. “Jonah. Please.”

  I brushed the hair back from her face. “Sophie, I can’t,” I said. “Not while you’re crying.”

  “I just cry before I do it.” she said, “It’s just this weird thing. Don’t pay any attention.”

  This didn’t sound right. She’d told me on the phone that she’d never done it with anyone. That she’d been waiting for me. Had she lied to me then? Or was she lying now? I was beginning to feel a little afraid of Sophie. There was something sort of raw about her, something out of control. She’s definitely hard to pin down.

  “I can’t do it if you’re crying,” I said. “I don’t want to do it.”

  “Please, Jonah,” she whispered. “You just have to pretend I’m not crying. Use your imagination.”

  She pulled me toward her again. “Please,” she said.

  I pulled back. “No.”

  “Goddammit,” she said, and she did this thing with her feet, like she kind of stamped them both back and forth on the bedsheets like a seal flapping its flippers. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “Sophie,” I said, and put my feet on the floor and cradled her head in my arms. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “It’s all right,” I said. “You’re totally safe. We can stay here all night and talk. I’d much rather talk to you than—you know, do it.”

  “You’d rather talk? Jesus, Jonah, you’re more screwed up than I am!” she said. She sounded fed up, like she was completely disgusted with me.

  “I just want to know what’s wrong,” I said. “I don’t mind listening.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “Okay?”

  “It’s really all right,” I said. “You know I love you.”

  “Shut up!” she said, jumping up from the bed. “I said I don’t want to talk about it! God, why does everything have to wind up being some great big stupid conversation?”

  “Okay, then. We don’t have to talk about it,” I said. “Whatever. I’m just saying I’m glad to listen, if you want to talk or whatever.”

  “Right,” she said, shaking her head. “Wow. Look at you. You’re all sensitive.”

  The way she said this kind of pissed me off. “I don’t know if I’m sensitive, but I’m happy to listen to you. It’s just that I care about you, okay? Seeing you in tears doesn’t exactly make me feel good.” My voice had sort of an edge to it, and I suddenly felt totally out of control. I had no idea what was going to happen next.

  “Well, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” Sophie said.

  “It’s not my feelings I’m worried about.”

  “I told you it’s not a big deal. It’s just this reaction I get,” she said.

  “It is a big deal,” I said.

  “Well, I’m not going to just pour it all out to you, Jonah,” said Sophie. “As if you or anybody would ever, possibly get it.” She pulled her dress on over her shoulders. “I must have been crazy.”

  “Wait,” I said. “What are you doing?”

  “Forget it,” she said. “Just pretend I was never here, all right? That’s what you should do.”

  She stepped into her sandals and grabbed her bra and panties in one hand and headed for the door.

  “Stop,” I said. “Please, Sophie. I’m sorry.”

  “Leave me alone,” Sophie said.

  I stood and took her by the hand. “Please wait,” I said. “Sophie. Please.”

  “If you don’t let go of me, I’m going to scream,” she said, glaring at me like I was some stranger she’d never seen before.

  “Sophie, I don’t understand,” I said.

  “That’s right. You don’t. Now let me go, okay?”

  The more I looked at her, it was like she was the stranger. Her face was convulsed in anger, her cheeks were red, and her eyes had this cold flame in them.

  I couldn’t think of anything else to do except let her go.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and listened to her footsteps going down the hallway. Then I went to the window and a moment later I saw her running across the parking lot, still holding her bra in one hand.

  (Still Dec. 29, 8:30 A.M.)

  I’ve been sitting at the restaurant now for almost two hours writing all of this down. Actually, I haven’t been writing the whole time. I keep taking breaks and just staring off into space, thinking about what happened. I don’t understand anyone at all.

  And then . . . guess what? Just as I finished the last paragraph of the last entry, this hotel guy asked me if I was Mr. Jonah Black, and I said yeah, and I was afraid it was like hotel secu
rity or something about to throw me in jail—but instead this guy said, “I have an envelope for you.” I followed him back to the front desk, and there it was—a fat white envelope.

  So I got very excited, thinking it was going to be from Sophie and that she was going to explain what happened last night. Written on the envelope was my name in handwriting I didn’t recognize.

  I opened it up and there was a note inside.

  GOOD LUCK WITH SOPHIE, JONAH. REMEMBER I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU TOO. —NORTHGIRL

  PS: I KNOW YOU’RE OUT OF MONEY SO HERE’S SOME CASH.

  Paper-clipped to this note were five new hundred-dollar bills.

  I sat there holding the note in one hand. I couldn’t believe it! How did Northgirl know I was here? And that I was short of money? And how did she get the money to my hotel? Did she bring it herself? I looked at the writing on the envelope again. It wasn’t Posie’s handwriting, and it wasn’t Thorne’s or Honey’s or anyone else I knew. Was it Sophie? It didn’t seem likely, especially after last night.

  “Sir?” the concierge said. “I also have two phone messages for you.”

  “Okay,” I said. He handed me two pink slips. The first said, Jonah. Got lucky at UCF. I think I pledged Deke last night, but I can’t remember. I’ll pick you up at the front entrance today at four. Thorne.

  I liked how he thought he pledged Deke but he couldn’t remember. I think that’s the kind of thing you’d remember, if it happened.

  I opened the second note. It was from Sophie. Jonah, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Can I meet you in Disney World today? Arch of Cinderella’s Castle, eleven A.M.? I promise I won’t cry. I love you. Sophie.

  I stood there, completely amazed. She loves me.

  So now I’m up in the hotel room, packing everything up. It’s back to the Magic Kingdom for me.