Shock & Awe (A Sidewinder Story)

by Abigail Roux

  Nick took a long drag as he stared up at the sky. His body was relaxing, settling into the lounger and into Kelly. He turned his head, placing the burning tip of the blunt into his mouth. He reached for Kelly’s chin, pulling him until their lips met. Kelly slid his fingertips against Nick’s cheek as they shotgunned the hit. Nick blew smoke into his mouth as their bodies curled together, then he took the blunt and pulled it away, stealing a languid kiss before Kelly got a chance to exhale.

  They began to laugh even as the kiss continued. Nick pulled away, and Kelly turned his head to blow smoke into the night, laughing harder.

  They lay curled together, sharing the blunt until it was gone and getting higher than the stars they watched, drawing warmth from each other when they probably should have been inside.

  “This is good, Kels,” Nick finally murmured.

  Kelly turned his head to peer at Nick in the moonlight. He was staring at the sky, the same way he always did when they’d wander off and lie down somewhere and get high.

  Kelly grinned. “I grow it myself in the woods out back.”

  Nick began to laugh, the sound kicking Kelly off into a fit of giggling too. Nick pulled Kelly closer. He turned his head, pressing his face against Kelly’s. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Their lips met, and before Kelly knew what was happening, they were curling around each other, kissing more, their legs tangling, their bodies aligning in ways Kelly had never realized they could.

  “This is good,” Kelly whispered. “What do we do about it?”

  “Wing it,” Nick growled. “It’s what we’ve always done.”

  Kelly nodded. “You promise to fuck me eventually?”

  He felt Nick smile into the kiss. “Promise.”

  When Kelly woke, the sun was streaming through the loft of the cabin and he was alone in bed. Again. He glanced around. Music was playing downstairs. On the table beside his bed was a bottle of water and his pills all lined in a row, waiting to be taken. There was also a packet of string cheese. A note was propped against the lamp, telling him to call for help before he tried to get out of bed, and to eat the cheese before taking his pills.

  Kelly laughed and disregarded the note in every way, throwing his covers off and using the edge of the mattress to pull himself out of bed. He had to sit and gather his strength before he was able to push himself to stand, and once he was up he immediately regretted his intense meeting with the wall last night. But he padded into the bathroom, proud to have done it without having to call for help.

  A quick examination in the mirror showed prominent bruises under his chin and around his neck. That was good, he supposed, it meant they weren’t too deep. He also had several red welts where he remembered Nick’s teeth digging in on his shoulder and neck. He found he didn’t care. In fact, he was as proud of those battle injuries as he was of the rest.

  He took care of business, giving himself one more look in the mirror before stepping back into the bedroom. Nick was sitting cross-legged on the bed, eating a piece of toast and scrolling through something on his iPad.

  “Morning, Irish,” Kelly said, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

  “You think I can’t hear you moving around from downstairs?” Nick asked without looking up from what he was reading.

  “Are you getting crumbs in the bed?” Kelly asked.

  Nick nodded without looking up from what he was reading. “Sheets need washing anyway,” he said as he chewed. He finished what he was doing and raised his head, his eyes raking Kelly up and down as he set the iPad aside.

  Kelly shrugged. He shuffled back to the bed, and Nick moved to help him. Kelly tried to swat him away, but Nick easily grabbed his hand and wrapped an arm around him. His chest fluttered. Nick’s scent now reminded him of everything good in the world. He turned at the edge of the bed, looking into Nick’s eyes and putting his arm around Nick’s neck so Nick could help him sit. Nick’s arms tightened around him.

  He leaned in and kissed Kelly gently. Kelly could feel him smiling into the kiss, and it made him grin too.

  Nick finally let him go, leaving them both gasping. “Good morning.”

  “Pretty spectacular one.”

  Nick helped him sit, his hands lingering when they probably didn’t need to. Kelly gritted his teeth with the pull in his chest. Mornings were always worse because the painkillers in his system were running low and his body was stiff and stubborn. It was also a little embarrassing not to be able to sit down by himself, but he supposed that was what happened when a bullet tore through you and then you decided you were tougher than your painkillers.

  Nick piled the pillows for him, and Kelly rested against the headboard, watching Nick unabashedly.

  “You feeling okay?” Nick asked, and the gravel in his voice sent a shiver up Kelly’s spine.

  “Not as good as I was last night, unfortunately.”

  Nick’s fingers were gentle as he brushed them over Kelly’s neck. “How about you take your pills instead of trying to prove how tough you are?”

  Kelly snorted.

  Nick moved the breakfast tray he’d brought up so it was beside Kelly on the bed, making sure everything was within arm’s reach, then rounded the bed and crawled into the other side, sitting against the headboard with his iPad.

  Kelly crunched down on a piece of bacon. After living together for five years while they’d been stationed at Lejeune, Nick knew exactly how crispy he liked his bacon. He knew a lot of things. Kelly waved his bacon at the iPad. “Anything interesting going on?”

  Nick nodded, still chewing. “Ty sent a message earlier saying he was heading back to Baltimore. Digger’s convinced he’s being watched by the CIA. And Owen came out of it smelling like roses and got a fucking Easter bonus. Asshole.”

  Kelly chuckled.

  “I’ve been suspended,” Nick added after a moment, still smiling at the iPad as he checked his email.

  “What?”

  “Suspended without pay until they straighten out the warrant for my arrest in Louisiana,” Nick explained, beginning to laugh.

  “That’s bullshit,” Kelly muttered.

  Nick shrugged it off. “It’s the second time I’ve been in custody in the last year, I’d suspend me too.”

  He laughed again and placed the iPad aside, turning to look at Kelly instead. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” Kelly said with a nod, taking stock mentally. He nodded again. “Yeah, I’m good.”

  Nick hesitated briefly, then said, “I’ve got to write up a steaming pile of bullshit for my captain telling him why I shouldn’t be fired.”

  “Go do it,” Kelly said, laughing despite the underlying worry that Nick might actually lose his job.

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. I’m going to rest for a bit.”

  Nick narrowed his eyes skeptically.

  “I’ll call if I need help,” Kelly assured him.

  Nick gave him a brief kiss and rolled out of bed, taking his iPad downstairs. Kelly let his mind drift, thinking of Nick, thinking of their past together and the probability of them having a future. It was sudden and it was different, but Kelly still couldn’t see a flaw in it. So what if Nick was famously afraid to move a romantic relationship past the fuck buddies stage? So what if Kelly’d never been with a guy before? Or even been attracted to a guy before.

  He’d always acknowledged beauty in other men, but again, he’d never felt attraction. What if it really was the narcotics he’d been on the past few weeks? What if it was the near-death experience and Nick emerging as his caretaker? What if Nick was right and this was just a situational thing? What if the shine rubbed off?

  What if they looked up in a week or a month and found that they’d permanently altered the shape of their friendship, a friendship Kelly valued more than anything in the world, all for the whim of a man on the brink of death and high on Percocet?

  What if Kelly actually convinced Nick this was a good idea, and got past those defenses Nick had worke
d his whole life building up, only to decide it was the wrong thing after all? It would crush Nick. Just the thought made Kelly nauseous. They were already on a slippery slope as it was; he needed to be damn sure they could take one more step without the whole cliff giving way.

  When he looked up, he remembered he was alone. Nick had music playing low downstairs, obviously thinking it would cover the sounds of him muttering to himself so Kelly would rest. But Kelly couldn’t rest. He needed to solidify this in his mind so he’d stop panicking. He called out for Nick, and soon he heard Nick’s footsteps coming up the steps.

  “I think I need to watch some gay porn,” he told Nick as soon as the man reached the top.

  Nick stopped short, eyes wide. A look of pure confusion passed over his face before he nodded and turned to head back down the steps. “I’ll get the iPad.”

  Kelly was eating his cold bacon when Nick returned, iPad in hand.

  “Am I to assume this is you trying to test if you’re actually attracted to men instead of just being a horny stoner?” Nick asked as he crawled into the bed and propped the iPad between them.

  “Something like that.”

  “What outcome are we hoping for here?” Nick asked as he tapped at the screen.

  Kelly gazed at his profile. Nick glanced at him, returning Kelly’s smirk with one of his own.

  “I’m hoping I find watching a guy take it in the ass just as hot as I find the memory of you that night in San Diego,” Kelly finally decided. “Or last night. Or the night before. Or just the thought of you doing to me what you did to that girl.”

  Nick was still looking at him sideways, but a flush began to appear on his cheeks.

  Kelly swallowed hard, growing warmer. “You remember that night?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “You . . . you were, um . . . impressive.”

  “I knew you were watching,” Nick murmured.

  “Exhibitionist.”

  “Voyeur.”

  Kelly laughed. He took the iPad from Nick’s hands and pressed play on the video Nick had found. It wasn’t a full video, just a free sample of something, so it started right in the middle of the act. The sound blasted through the quiet cabin. Kelly held the iPad at arm’s length, cocking his head and frowning as he watched one man ram into another mercilessly, both of them contorting into unnatural positions. Nick leaned against the headboard beside him, but he didn’t take his eyes off the video. There was a lot of moaning and slapping and what looked like some very advanced yoga poses, and by the time the five-minute video ended, Kelly wasn’t certain it had done much for him.

  He flopped the iPad into his lap and sighed.

  “Nothing, huh?” Nick asked, sounding amused. Kelly shook his head. Nick reached for the iPad and clicked it off. “I tend to like the amateur ones myself.”

  Kelly glanced at him, his cock showing interest at the mere thought of Nick getting off to amateur porn.

  “They’re more real, less acrobatics,” Nick explained, meeting Kelly’s eyes without flinching. Kelly found it harder to breathe when Nick smiled mischievously. “Real people who are really attracted to each other. It’s sexier. Sometimes just the roll of the hips is all it takes for me.”

  Kelly swallowed hard. “You realize what you just said got me harder than five minutes of watching two people fuck.”

  Nick smiled slowly.

  “You are a devious asshole, you know that?”

  “I do.”

  Kelly barked a laugh. “Is it possible to just be attracted to one guy, instead of all guys?”

  “I don’t know, Kels, anything’s possible. You’re not attracted to all women, are you?”

  “Not really.”

  “There you go.”

  “I’m so confused,” Kelly said with a sigh.

  They sat side by side in the bed, looking at each other speculatively. Nick finally shrugged and smiled. He shifted and wrapped his arm around Kelly’s shoulders, pulling gently until they were both reclining against the headboard.

  “You know what I think?” Nick rumbled in Kelly’s ear.

  Kelly closed his eyes and leaned into Nick, smirking.

  “I think you’re thinking too hard. And I know why you’re doing it.”

  “You do?”

  “The same reason I am. You don’t want to hurt me because you’re my friend.”

  Kelly closed his eyes. Nick had the damnedest way of making things seem simple sometimes.

  “Take your time figuring it out, Kels. I’ll be here.”

  Kelly wasn’t sure if it was the Percocet hitting him or Nick’s simple promise that caused the warmth spreading through his chest. “You’d do that? You’d wait for me to figure things out?”

  Nick began to grin. “I got no one better to do.”

  Kelly laughed despite trying not to. “What about that guy? What was his name? The fireman?”

  Nick cleared his throat and loosened his hold on Kelly’s shoulders. “Aidan. Like I said, that’s been pretty casual. And . . . if there’s something here with you?” He looked up and into Kelly’s eyes. “How could I pass that up?”

  Kelly caught his breath, staring into Nick’s eyes and trying to decipher the heavy feeling in his chest. Nick drifted his knuckles over Kelly’s cheekbone, and soon enough their lips met.

  Something about the combination of gruff no-nonsense and tender attention was hitting buttons Kelly had never known he possessed. He could hear hints of the staff sergeant giving orders in Nick’s words, but they were blunted by caresses full of adoration and mischief. It was a heady mixture, and it was signature Nick O’Flaherty. It was everything Kelly had always loved about Nick. His brusque leadership under fire—“Get your fat Navy ass down before I blow it off!”—and the warmth of his friendship in times of peace, all boiled down in this moment to a word and a gesture.

  Kelly grabbed the front of Nick’s shirt. Nick looked down at his hand, smiling when he met Kelly’s eyes again.

  “I don’t care why or how,” Kelly grunted. “I like this. I like seeing you like this. I like . . . I like thinking of you like this. I want more.”

  Nick opened his mouth to speak, but he seemed to struggle to say anything as his cheeks flushed.

  “I’m serious, O.”

  “I know you are,” Nick managed to say. He licked his lips and began to grin. Kelly’s heart skipped a beat as he recognized the look in Nick’s eyes. He had just decided to throw caution to the wind and follow Kelly into the fire, just like he’d done many times before. Damn the odds of getting hurt.

  Kelly leaned and kissed him, wincing as his wound pulled with the movement. Nick pushed him back so he was against his nest of pillows again, still kissing him, his hands beginning to roam down Kelly’s body.

  But soon Nick grunted in annoyance and shoved away from him. “I just really can’t do this properly until you’re better.”

  Kelly grabbed for him and caught him by the collar. “Are you serious? How about improperly, then, because now I need it.”

  Nick fumbled behind him and grabbed the iPad, plopping it in Kelly’s lap. “Watch more gay porn,” he said as he tried to disengage his collar. “It’ll calm you down.”

  Kelly released him and slapped him on the side of the head, but Nick took the punishment and then rolled away, out of Kelly’s reach.

  “Seriously?” Kelly cried.

  “I don’t want to get carried away and hurt you again, okay?” Nick said as he straightened his T-shirt. He looked and sounded sincere. “Because I will. Last night was bad enough. I mean Jesus, you look like you got strangled, and I fucking bled, man.”

  Kelly reached to the bedside table and grabbed a handful of bacon, chucking it at Nick with a laugh and a curse.

  “Hey! I have to clean that up!”

  “So get cleaning,” Kelly said as he grabbed a handful of cold, soggy eggs.

  “Don’t,” Nick warned with a point.

  Kelly quirked an eyebrow.

  “Don’t you do
it.”

  “Come give me a cuddle with a happy ending.”

  Nick was still pointing at him. “I will not be leveraged.”

  “Cuddle,” Kelly said, waving his hand.

  “I don’t negotiate with terrorists!”

  “Come on, Nicko, come give me a manly cuddle.”

  “Put down the eggs.”

  “Promise I’ll get a cuddle?” Kelly asked.

  Nick rolled his eyes. “Yes, just put down the eggs.”

  Kelly grinned triumphantly and plopped the eggs back onto the plate.

  “Now you’re disgusting, there’s no way I’m touching you.”

  “I needed a shower today anyway,” Kelly said with a shrug. Nick rounded the end of the bed, watching him warily. Kelly gave him a sly smile. “Will you help me?”

  Nick pulled the covers back and bent over him, pressing a kiss to his lips before growling, “I end up with egg on me and you’re on your own.”

  “Deal,” Kelly managed. Nick hefted him out of bed, still kissing him, wrapping around him, growing more heated and pulling him closer. Before Kelly realized what he was doing, his hands were in Nick’s hair, grabbing on so he could kiss him harder.

  He felt Nick growl, the sound thrilling him down to his toes. He began to smile, laughing and desperately trying not to. “I’m sorry,” he tried sincerely. He began to laugh harder, pulling his sticky hand away from Nick’s hair. “I’m sorry I did it. And I’m even more sorry I’m laughing. I can’t stop though.”

  Nick was silent for a moment, fuming. Then he shook his head and pulled Kelly back to him. “Fuck it,” he snarled, delving into another kiss. He pulled Kelly toward the bathroom.

  Kelly had to stand on his toes to wrap his arms around Nick’s neck to kiss him. He didn’t mind, though. It was kind of hot, actually, the height difference. Everything about Nick was hotter than the surface of the sun, and Kelly had to wonder why in the fuck he’d never noticed before. He pulled at the back of Nick’s T-shirt, getting egg all over it. Nick stopped and yanked it over his head, pressing their bare chests together.