Before Him Comes Me

by Sure, Alexandria

  Not only was Cartageña a place of healing for me, it was also my impetus; it was here where I took my first steps toward a completely new life. My new life. A life I could never have predicted.

  We spent most evenings going out to dinner to some of the lively neighborhood cafés. The selection of entrée’s were a mix of flavors from Spanish to Afro-Caribbean. My favorite was the ceviche: a raw fish marinated in thyme and citrus. A citrus flavor like I have never tasted before. The hearty empanadas and the stiff margaritas had also become a favorite. It has been said when a person cooks for you they are speaking to you. If that’s true, then Cartageña speaks many languages. After dinner was served, they would clear away the tables, turn up the music, and suddenly the atmosphere was filled with electricity. I loved to watch the locals dance. Dancing like I had never seen before. Latin dancing. And I mean REAL Latin dancing. Not the ballroom shit you see on TV. I’m talking about couples moving together with such passion and energy, it would make you blush, as though you were watching something intensely intimate. It was hot. It was exciting. It was sexy.

  Dr. R. noticed my fascination and one evening he dared me to accept an invitation to dance with one of the locals. I took his dare. I had no idea what I was doing, but the minute I stepped onto the dance floor I knew it was where I wanted to be. When the young dancer first took me in his arms, I was scared to death, and it made me feel very uncomfortable. Their style of dancing was so raw and heated. I almost felt I was doing something unacceptable for a woman who was supposed to be grieving the loss of her husband. But it was also, so liberating to let go, not worry and just get lost in the dancing. No one here knew anything about me and my suffering. So no one judged me. By the end of my stay in Cartageña I had become a regular, dancing with the locals. There were nights I danced way into the early mornings to the point where my feet ached and sleep came easily from sheer exhaustion. I danced my ass off most nights. At first the dancing was a way to help me forget my pain, and a way to sleep. But as time went the pain disappeared and I was left with a feeling of joy and contentment.

  I discovered the counseling sessions with Dr. R. weren’t the only thing that healed me during my stay there. There was no denying it. It was the dancing as well.

  I was ready. It was time. Time to put my big girl panties on and go home. I no longer wanted to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I wanted to take that feeling back home with me. I wanted to dance. Crazy as it seemed, I wanted to dance.

  So when I returned I started looking for a place to train. A place where I could recapture that time in Cartageña. I found a great studio in the Orlando area that taught all styles of traditional as well as the new Latin dances. After the first few lessons I felt like I was born again into the thing I was meant to be from the very beginning. After that, I never looked back.

  Even though my life today is so full, there is always that feeling that something lacking and tugging at my heart. But not today. Today I have no time for what is lacking, only for what needs to be done: planning this season of dance competitions and workshops, training with my partner, costume fittings, rehearsals, and let us not forget countless spray tans. I plan on being on the road nonstop for the next six months.

  Staying busy keeps my mind from wandering. Dance is what saved me from those dark days in the beginning, when I wasn't sure where I'd be, and what my life would become without my husband, my soul mate. Dance has filled the holes in my life with such joy and accomplishment, and most of all, excitement. It was the way for me to heal from my loss, and keep my mind and body busy. I had plenty of funds to buy me the best training available in the Central Florida area. I quickly learned that Latin dance was not easy because I had the top trainers in the area; it was easy because I was good. No, I was very good, and I excelled quickly. The first time I was invited to dance competitively, I laughed. Then I thought, "What do I have to lose?" I took first place in that competition, and I was hooked. Addicted, from then on I never looked back.

  In this world at this level competing was not cheap, but I had the money, that enabled me to buy the best partners as well. Early on in my career, I made some really bad partner choices. It seemed whoever my partner was at the time, we became romantically involved. What I should really say is that we were sexually involved. I loved none of these men. Becoming top in the Latin dance world became my obsession. I had no time for love.

  I met my current dance partner Mateo Chavez as the result of being romantically involved with my then-partner, whose name, not surprisingly, escapes me. We were competing for the first time in the World Latin Dance Championships, and it was the first round of preliminaries. On the night before competition was to begin, I caught him in bed with another woman in our hotel room. There was so much tension and hatred between us on the dance floor, we did not make it past the preliminaries. After we lost, I decided to stay and enjoy the rest of the competition. When the final night of competing ended, I joined some of the other dancers to celebrate their win at the hotel bar. Among the winners was Mateo Chavez. It was there he approached me, handing me a business card. As he pressed the card into my hand, he confidently said to me, "When you want to become the next World Latin Dance Champion, call me." Then he simply walked away.

  Hell, when the reigning champion offers you an open invitation like Mateo did, you call. Because that is exactly what I wanted. The first thing Mateo told me was that I needed to move to New York City if I wanted to train with him and become his new partner. He said that I had outgrown the talent and training that Central Florida had to offer, and I needed to be in NYC if I wanted to become a champion. I certainly had the money, and no longer had any emotional ties to Florida, so I packed up and said goodbye to my friends and the place I had spent my entire married life.

  Like I said, I learned early on being involved with my partner did not work for me. Mateo is this incredibly handsome man. But with Mateo I have no worries. He has no interest in what I have to offer, he plays for the other team. I have used this to my advantage, training and dancing without any distractions. Our style of dancing is so intimate, so with a partner you want to make sure that sexual energy shows. Mateo and I push those limits. We give the audience the illusion of what they want to see but our personal feelings never come in to play. It works for us.

  Beside the good looks, Mateo has the body of a Greek Adonis. Women adore him. I tell him all the time he doesn't know what he is missing out on. But he likes to remind me, he likes dick. He is so strikingly handsome both men and women alike stare at him. Mateo is what I call a head turner. You know what I mean, his drop dead gorgeous looks constantly turn heads. I have seen some women give themselves whiplash staring at him. Ashley, my assistant, thinks he looks like Ricky Martin and I have to laugh because women have stopped Mateo in airports asking him this.

  I think I’m not so bad in the looks department myself. You can't compete at the level I do and not have a dancer’s body. I'm not only known for the heels I wear dancing but also for my legs. They are flawless because of the time I spend dancing and in the gym. Now Mateo has the Latino good looks but you wouldn't mistake me for a Latin girl. Trust me, I would love to have Jennifer Lopez's looks but I'll have to settle for more of a Jennifer Aniston, All-american girl next door look. But I do have a bit of a JLo ass on me. Yep, I got some junk in my trunk.

  It's hard for me to say I'm attractive, after all I am a woman with my own insecurities, but Mateo reminds that I am the hottest female on the circuit. Thanks to him I have learned to embrace my looks and use them to our advantage. Not only does the audience love us but the judges do as well. So Mateo and I aren't just the couple to beat, we are the hottest looking ticket on the Professional Latin Dance Circuit. Together, we turn heads!

  My move to New York City was a major culture shock. Living in Central Florida was so laid back and quiet compared to New York City which is the polar opposite. People in Florida are in no hurry and I had to learn that was not the case in the Big Apple. First thing I did
was sell my car. No one owns here. Thankfully Mateo was a big help during those first few months. He taught me everything about NYC. How to hail a cab, ride the subway, where to eat and where to shop. OK, I can hail a cab like a real New Yorker but to this day I avoid the subway. Most importantly he taught me how to protect myself and be safe living in this city. Some days I so miss the Florida weather and the laid back lifestyle but I knew if I wanted to be a champion Latin dancer I had to give NYC a real chance. I threw myself into the city life and I adjusted surprisingly very quickly. I was eager to learn everything. I wanted my moment at the top. I wanted that title. It was my drug and I craved it.

  I spent most of my time dancing and training with Mateo in a studio that I now own. The original owner was a wonderful elderly gentleman named Archie Reynolds. He had spent his whole life devoted to ballroom dancing. He loved us both, myself and Mateo, and he said he knew that one day we would be World Champions. I just wish Archie would have lived a few more years, and had the opportunity to see his vision of our success come to fruition. Before his death he had to go into a nursing facility and offered to sell me the studio and attached loft apartment. The crazy thing is that he sold me the studio and loft for $50,000.00. He told me he knew the studio was going to someone that would continue his dream, and he was right. The loft had to be gutted and completely remodeled, and that turned out to be costly. I had invested my settlement money, and was doing very well. My accountant had long been encouraging me to invest my money and was very happy that I was buying this place.

  I have always been careful with my money, even before I was awarded the settlement. I am very modest about my wealth, especially how I attained it. I never wanted anyone to think that I bought myself a World Latin Dance Champion title. Even those closest to me don't know how financially secure I really am. The money thing is an ongoing issue for me. It’s been so hard to accept how I got it. At times I even feel guilty about it. Always remembering that I would trade it all just to have my Blake back. I get insulted when people try to use it as a way to sway me. It’s something I have been really working on but it’s hard to forget when you lost everything you loved.

  The annoying ringing of my cell phone brings me back to my senses, and stops my mind from drifting to my past once again. I immediately recognize the assigned ringtone of my manager, Ken Ortega. Whenever Ken calls, I hear Donna Summer singing “She Works Hard for the Money.” I am sure he is calling to add something to my already overloaded schedule. Before I can even say hello, Ken starts yapping, even though I cannot understand a word he is saying. I can feel the excitement in the tone of his voice. Before he finishes rambling his unrecognizable sentences, I stop him.

  "Slow down Ken.” I demand. It was still early in the morning, and I wasn’t fully awake. “Calm the fuck down and repeat to me slowly what you just said.”

  Ken took an audibly deep breath and said, "You need to cancel everything you have planned for next week, and be in Los Angeles by Monday to shoot a music video.”

  A music video? Is he for real?

  “Ken, did you say a music video?” I have to be sure I heard him right.

  “Yes, Victoria, a music video," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

  "By Monday? It's Friday already. Talk about last minute Ken," I scold.

  "I know it is last minute Victoria, but it is a great opportunity for you. They are willing to pay you very well for this last minute trip," Ken says in an almost begging tone.

  "Ken I don't have the time to choreograph a music video right now," I tell him. I am not saying that I don't choreograph dances, and I have nothing against music videos. But I am leaving in a week to travel the workshop circuit for two months. Then when I return we start practice for the coming competition season. I just really don't have time. Also, to be perfectly honest, dealing with artists from the music world is sometimes not always fun. They have huge egos.

  "Actually, they want you to dance in the video, Victoria with Sonny. Sonny de la Cruz," he tells me, as if I am supposed to know exactly who this artist is. “The Sonny de la Cruz.”

  Ken has to repeat his name and then proceeds to recites what sounds like a five minute resume of this man's career. Seems he is the one of biggest stars in Latin music with an almost cult like following. His music is poetic, dark and moving, a bit underground. All of this according to Ken, who still seems a bit too excited for some reason. Ken finishes by telling me he has always stayed true to his Latin roots, and has never been considered a sellout. After processing Ken's lengthy description of this guy’s career I have a question for him.

  "Ken, why does he want ME to be in his music video?"

  Ken explains the Latin Superstar did not request me but his wife did, who is also his manager. She says I am the best in Latin dance world, and I am perfect for the dance sequence of the video. They want me because I am the real deal. I am laughing in my head thinking, "I bet they think I am Latin." His wife actually found me on YouTube.

  Yes, YouTube. I am thankful for it. Mateo and I have become very popular all over the world because of it. Some of our dance competition videos have several million hits on YouTube. We also have Twitter and Facebook pages with thousands of followers. Social networking has catapulted both of us to a celebrity-like status.

  "I really don't have the time for a music video that I will waste God knows how many days shooting. Then I am sure most of my hard work will be left on the cutting room floor after they edit it. We both know it’s not about the money, so you can lose that angle." I tell Ken.

  "Victoria, do you really think I’d let you waste your time on something that wasn’t going to benefit you in some way? You will not end up on the cutting room floor. I can assure you. Besides, I have already addressed that in your contract."

  I remind Ken that I choreograph for videos, not perform in them. Not to pat myself on the back and brag a bit, but I am beyond this music video dance sequence she thinks I am perfect for. Ken insists, and tells me it is just the perfect vehicle and the timing is right for my career. It will get me the exposure I need. I hate to admit it, but Ken is right. I can't compete for the rest of my life, and need to think about where my future is headed. Remember, I started very late in this dance world, and have not stopped or slowed down for five years straight. So against my better judgement I finally agree to do the video.

  "Since I am agreeing to do this, I will need you to clear my calendar for next week, and make the arrangements for all the travel and lodging," I ramble off quickly to him.

  "Victoria, do I need to remind you that is what you pay your assistant, Ashley, for?" Ken fires back.

  Before I can answer his question, he tells me he is sending Ashley all the information she will need in an email. He is also having the contract I need to sign messengered over. I will need to sign it this morning and send it back, so he can get it overnighted to LA, to Sonny’s management team.

  I don't need to be reminded by Ken about my assistant, Ashley Jones. She came to me when I first bought the NYC studio. I was looking for someone to help me manage my studio and my personal affairs. From the moment she arrived for the interview, I knew she was the right choice for the job. She’d arrived early, and witnessed me losing control as I juggled multiple phone calls while trying to make myself a cup of coffee. Without a word, Ashley grabbed the phone right out of my hand and effortlessly handled the onslaught of calls so that I could get my head together with a much-needed jolt of caffeine.

  From that moment forward, she has been my assistant. She’s my right hand, and takes care of everything for me. Ashley is like the sister I never had. Not only is she an amazing assistant she is also a great friend. My shopping buddy, my dinner date and my shoulder to cry on. Yep, I still cry and she is always there for me. Even though Ashley is efficient and great at her job she has her insecurities just like me. You know the usual stuff all of us women suffer about. That's where I come in. Religiously I drag her kicking and screaming to the salon every month but I know deep dow
n she enjoys some of the beauty rituals I make her experience. She's into the facials, mani's and pedi's but draws the line for spray tans and waxing. Even though she doesn't share my obsession with beauty products and makeup the girl can apply a wing liner with perfection. I know underneath those jeans and t-shirts she wears to work everyday is a smoking hot body. One day I'll get her to discover her inner goddess. Mark my words.

  When I walk into my studio office, I can tell by the phone conversation Ashley is involved in that she is already busy booking my flight and hotel for my trip to Los Angeles. When she finishes the call I am waiting for her comments, because she has an opinion for just about everything I do.