Fook

by Brian Drinkwater

  “Yes, yes. I understand,” Derek assured him. “I’m doing this for you.”

  “You don’t need to apologize on my behalf.”

  “I’m not doing it as an apology. I’m doing it to get you a date,” Derek explained.

  “With her? I don’t want to go out with her.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, for starters, my first and only words to her were to imply that I wanted to sleep with her for a cheeseburger and some fries.

  “Oh, it’s fine. She’s over that,” Derek dismissed Jason’s concerns.

  “Oh, okay. Well that’s good to hear,” Jason sarcastically breathed a sigh of relief. “Are you nuts? How could she be over it? You’re good, but your not that good.”

  Derek just stood there with a confident grin.

  “Are you?”

  “Listen Jason, I talked you up to her and told her that you weren’t a complete ass.”

  “Oh, well, I guess it’s better that I’m just a bit of an ass.”

  “Actually, it is,” Derek replied. “But anyway, I made a bet with her that I could get her a brand new lab coat and deliver it in less than five minutes. And if I did, she agreed to go on a date with you.”

  “I can’t go on a date with her. What if we somehow screw up the future?”

  “It’s just one date,” Derek assured his nervous friend.

  “What if she falls for me. I can’t have a relationship with someone from the past and we definitely can’t tell her about the machine.”

  “Jason, it’s one date, not marriage,” Derek placed his hands on Jason’s shoulders to calm him.

  “Okay, then how do you plan on accomplishing this task? You must be just about out of time by now.”

  “That’s the beauty of it. I have all the time in the world,” he patted the case held firmly at Jason’s side.

  “That is pretty brilliant,” Jason agreed.

  “All I have to do is get a coat and, some time in the future, come back to this very moment to make the delivery and you’ve got yourself a date.”

  “I don’t really want a bet to be the only way that I can get a date,” Jason responded, defeated.

  “Hey, take what you can get man; besides, she’s hot, right?”

  “She was pretty,” Jason agreed. “So what does she get?”

  “Huh?”

  “The bet. What does she get if you fail?” Jason asked.

  “Oh, nothing big. I told her that I’d run naked through The Belligerent...Lilly’s Café.”

  “Lilly’s Café?” Jason questioned as he turned to look back at the restaurant, forgetting that they’d ducked into an alley around the corner.

  “I know. I don’t know how I didn’t notice either,” Derek acknowledged his friend’s shared confusion.

  “Didn’t you already do that though?” Jason questioned as he turned back to Derek.

  “Once...maybe twice before.”

  “And didn’t the owner call the cops?”

  “No, the cops came when that girl smashed a beer bottle over her boyfriend’s head for trying to trade her for weed.”

  Jason nodded as he recalled the memorable night.

  “The owner insisted on helping me get dressed in the back room, if you know what I mean,” Derek’s grin grew.

  “Yeah, yeah. I remember. That’s why I can’t order anything with potatoes anymore,” Jason scowled at the memory.

  “The Irish really love their potatoes.”

  “Okay, so you can’t lose the bet but I still don’t think I want to go on that date,” Jason protested.

  “Listen,” Derek’s grin faded as he once again took hold of Jason’s shoulders. “You need this. Trust me.”

  “Well…—”

  “—Good,” Derek took Jason’s hesitation as a yes. “Now we need to find a replacement coat.” Grabbing Jason’s arm again, he pulled him through the alley toward the opposite street.

  SEVENTEEN

  “Grandma, I’m home!” Ty announced as he closed the front door and turned to find the tiny living room littered with boxes; the apartment’s contents haphazardly filled to the brim and in some cases, spilling out onto the coffee table and floor. “Grandma?”

  “Back here, Ty.”

  Rounding the corner, more boxes came into view, partially blocking the hall to the bedrooms. Stepping over the low cardboard wall and pushing the open closet door as far as its scattered contents would allow, Ty made his way toward his Grandmother’s bedroom.

  “Grandma, what are you doing?” he questioned as he entered the bedroom to the sight of his grandmother shoving clothes into a large, black garbage bag.

  “We’re going home,” she responded as she dumped an arm full of clothes into the bag before heading back to the dresser for another load.

  “But what about my son?”

  “You're going grab him tonight,” she nonchalantly proclaimed, shoving another arm full of clothes into the bag.

  “Tonight? I don’t think we’re ready yet. I mean, after the other night—”

  “—Exactly,” Ushi stopped her frantic packing. “There someone else out there with unknown interest in our boy; someone who obviously wish harm. I been thinking about this all day, Ty. We can’t rely on Nesbit’s to look out for him. We have to act now before that monster comes back.” And with that forceful declaration, she continued packing.

  “I told you. He’s gone.”

  “He be back. May not be today or tomorrow, but give it enough time and he return. We need to act now before he get chance.”

  “Yes, but the police—”

  “—I don’t care about police,” she interrupted.

  “Great, but they need to be considered. They’ll probably be making frequent passes through the Nesbit’s neighborhood, not to mention a likely quicker response to 911.”

  “You will get in quick and you will get out quick,” she paused again, this time placing her hands on her grandson’s shoulders as she looked up at him. “It was blessing from Lord that you were called to install alarm system. It was sign that this meant to be. No calls to police because you can get in and out before anybody even know you there.”

  “She was right,” he thought. When he’d installed the alarm system he’d programmed a backdoor pass code that would silently disarm the entire system while still giving the Nesbits the impression that their new, top of the line system was still up and fully functional.

  “You can do this, Ty,” Grandma Ushi reaffirmed as she squeezed his shoulders. “By end of night our family will be complete. Now pack. We must hurry.” And with that, she went back to hurriedly shuffling about the room.

  He still didn’t understand the sudden urgency but he also didn’t understand why anyone would be after his son, which admittedly made him uneasy. So, trusting his grandmother’s always flawless judgment, he did as he was told and added to the black, plastic suitcase.

  *****

  “I don’t know what you’re expecting to see on there,” Jennifer sighed as she stood holding Oliver while Bill rewound the security footage. “I mean the tree came through the guest bedroom window and there’s no camera in there.”

  Oliver stared at his mother as she spoke, then turned to his father as if he too was waiting for a response.

  “I know. I just wanna make sure this thing works,” Bill pleaded for patience as the four squiggly images dance across each quadrant of the television.

  “Oh, it works. Trust me. If you’d been here you would have known,” her tone changed from impatience to frustration.

  Picking up on the change in his wife’s inflection, Bill turned his attention from the screen to face his wife and son. Oliver was nestled in his mother's arms with an almost equally annoyed expression as if to second his mother’s frustration. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here,” Bill got to his feet, loosely wrapping his arms around his wife and son. “I know you told me to go to work and that you didn’t want us living our lives in fear but I shouldn’t have listened. I shoul
d have stayed home to look out for the both of you.”

  “No,” Jennifer sighed as she leaned into her husband’s shoulder. “I told you to go. I shouldn’t be mad.

  Oliver, smooshed between them, didn’t know what to think or who to concentrate on as his eyes darted from side to side.

  “I still should have been here.”

  “I guess it wasn’t that bad,” Jennifer commented in a much lighter tone. “The police did respond quickly and the two workers were very apologetic about the situation and had the window covered up in less than fifteen minutes."

  “And they said that they’d have someone out here tomorrow to fix the window?” Bill confirmed.

  “First thing in the morning, they said.”

  “See, then everything’s fine,” he loosened his hug to look her in the eyes. “But I guess more importantly, are you alright?”

  “Aside from psychopaths and trees breaking into our house, yeah, I guess I’m just peachy.”

  Smiling, Bill returned to his seat, still facing his wife and Oliver who could once again easily watch his father from a comfortable distance. “So what did you do?”

  “What?”

  “When the alarm went off,” he clarified. “You said you were giving Oliver a bath at the time but what did you do when the alarm went off?”

  “I really don’t remember,” she lied, embarrassed to say that her natural reaction was to hide in a closet. The only thing worse would have been if she and Oliver had shimmied under the bed. “We went into the bedroom but the police showed up so quickly, we couldn’t have been there long.”

  Oliver looked up at his mother as if to say, “just tell him that you hid me in the dirty clothes.”

  Suddenly a loud siren filled the room, though not as loud as it had been earlier that day. Bill turned to see the cluster of videos now playing on the screen. The audio of the triggered alarm echoed from the speakers before being quieted to an almost inaudible muffle as he turned down the volume.

  Startled by the sudden and frighteningly familiar sound, Oliver let out a soft whimper.

  “It’s alright,” Jennifer comforted her son, preventing the whimper from becoming a full blown cry.

  “Just went into the bedroom, huh?” Bill smiled as the video showed his wife frantically darting from the kitchen and into the master bedroom where she and Oliver disappeared into the closet.

  “I was scared, Bill,” she defended her reaction. “You’d have done the same if you’d been home alone.” She didn’t really believe that. Since she’d known Bill, she couldn’t recall ever seeing him scared. Hell, he’d dove right in to protect Oliver the night before, without thinking twice. If he had been home he would’ve probably just gone and investigated the noise, seen the tree and turned off the alarm.

  “I wouldn’t have hidden in the closet,” Bill laughed at his suggested cowardliness. “I would have hid under the bed.”

  Jennifer chuckled at the joke as she kept an eye on the continuing footage. “Okay, I think it works. I don’t think Oliver needs to relive the entire thing, she glanced down at her son who was staring, fascinated by the array of images.

  “Okay,” Bill agreed as he returned his attention to the television, prepared to turn it off but not before the closet door on camera four reopened to display his wife firmly grasping one of his golf clubs. “Is that my nine iron?” he asked with a grin.

  “Actually, I think it was the six.”

  “Wait a minute,” he hit rewind, taking the footage back a few seconds to the moment his wife reemerged from the impromptu safe room.

  “I was scared so I grabbed the club,” Jennifer continued to defend her actions. “Someone had to protect our son.”

  “Is that Oliver?” Bill leaned in toward the screen.

  “I left him in the closet for safety,” Jennifer explained.

  “It looks like you treated him like a pair of dirty underwear,” Bill chuckled as he caught a glimpse of his son partially buried in the clothes hamper.

  Oliver turned to his mother as if expecting an apology.

  “They weren’t dirty,” Jennifer protested her husband’s claim. “And they weren’t underwear,” she then offered Oliver his own explanation. “There were only some shirts and a pair of shorts in there. I had to keep him hidden,” she continued to defend herself.

  “I’m only joking with you,” Bill laughed as he reached for her hand and pulled the two of them closer. “I’m proud of you. You did everything you could to protect our son.” He lightly brushed Oliver’s thick, dark hair with his finger tips. “Everyone knows that Victoria’s Secret shorts are like an invisible cloak for babies,” Bill smiled.

  “Ass,” Jennifer playfully swatted at her husband as Oliver smiled.

  EIGHTEEN

  “We’re going back tomorrow, right?” Derek asked as he unlocked the door to the lab, flipping on the lights as he and Jason entered with the briefcase and backpack full of wires.

  “Well...I think we should really analyze the data from this trip before we go running off on another so soon. We don’t know what kind of stress might have been put on the core...or any of the components for that matter,” Jason voiced his opinion as he returned the case to the securely locked cabinet. “Such a dramatic test so soon was dangerous enough. We might not be so lucky next time.”

  “Lucky my ass,” Derek laughed, their successful return having boosted not only his mood but his ego as well. “We’re a couple of fucking geniuses. I’m still not sure how the whole thing works, but it does. The god damned thing works and we’re going to be fucking rich as hell!” he exclaimed.

  “We’re not going to be rich as hell because we’re not going to tell anyone about it, remember?” Jason reminded his momentarily delusional friend as he locked the cabinet and made his way over to the computer to review the data on the device’s iPad. “Why are you so excited now? You seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing when we successfully arrived back in 1991?”

  “That’s because I fully expected us to die trying to get home,” Derek, in the same nonchalant tone, replied.

  Jason turned from the computer shocked. “That’s comforting.”

  “Yes, but we didn’t,” Derek’s excitement returned as he quickly made his way to the counter beside Jason, pulling his attention away from the data being transferred from the iPad. “Do you understand what we’ve just done?”

  “Of course I understand,” Jason thought. He was the one who’d come to Derek with the idea in the first place.

  “We’ve just traveled over two decades back and forth through time. Now, yes it’s not an extraordinarily large amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but our little five minute jaunt the other night was impressive enough which means this is amazing. I know we can’t tell anyone right now, but you have to at least admit that this is the coolest fucking thing you’ve ever seen, let alone had a part in creating."

  “It was awesome,” Jason responded, his tone nowhere near the level of Derek’s excitement.

  “It was awesome,” Derek mocked. “Come on. Admit it.”

  “I agree.”

  “No, like you mean it.”

  Just wanting the distraction to end, Jason turned his focus away from the computer, giving Derek his full attention.

  “Come on,” Derek urged. “Oh, wait!” Running to the opposite counter, on which he’d sat the backpack, he unzipped the front pocket and withdrew the Northeastern medical coat that they’d picked up before returning home. “Just pretend I’m your waitress,” he continued to pick on Jason for his outburst earlier that day as he slung the coat over his right forearm. “Now...go!”

  Jason just sighed. He knew that this childish behavior wouldn’t end until Derek got what he wanted. “That was the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen or done,” he ad-libbed what he thought might satisfy his obnoxious roommate. “We are the smartest fucking human beings to walk this orbiting ball of stupidity and one day we will be considered gods amongst sheep.”


  Derek just stared at him confused. “Not exactly what I was looking for, and unexpectedly a bit mean, but I guess it’ll do.”

  “Oh shut up,” Jason smiled as he returned to the computer.

  “At least admit one thing,” Derek continued.

  “If I do, will you leave me alone?”

  “Probably not.”

  "He may be obnoxious but at least he’s honest,” Jason thought as the transfer finished and he began processing the new data. “What?”

  “The real reason you’re hesitant to go back.”

  “I told you. It might not be safe,” Jason replied, his attention split between the new data and the meaningless conversation in which he was being held prisoner.

  “No, that’s not it,” Derek rebutted.

  “Oh, okay. You tell me why then.”

  “Sarah.”

  “I told you that a relationship with someone from the past is extremely dangerous and not worth the risk involved.”

  “Then why did we spend almost an hour trying to convince the clerk, at the student store, that we’d lost our student IDs and weren’t just pretending to be students in order to buy the coat.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” Jason protested as he again focused his attention away from the conversation. “The coat thing was all you.”

  “Yeah, but I got the coat for you. Poor Sarah is still standing on that corner, expecting us to bring it to her.”

  “First off, I never agreed to go on the date, and second, we both know that she eventually went home, or to class or somewhere. Then, later she probably graduated, got married, started a family and right now is working as a pharmacist somewhere.”

  “Michigan.”

  “What?”

  “She lives in Michigan, has no kids and has a relationship status of single,” Derek replied.

  Confused, Jason turned to find Derek on his phone. “How the hell did you find her Facebook page that quickly. I swear, you’re like some sort of social media ninja.” He returned to the computer.

  “See, there’s no need for you to worry. You wouldn’t be preventing her from having the children she apparently wasn’t going to have anyway, and the husband, that you’d be depriving of a meaningful relationship, doesn’t exist, so there’s nothing to worry about,” Derek explained.