Body, Heart and Soul - Lucas

by Body, Heart

  Her eyes went cold. He saw the sparkle leave them, knew he’d killed a part of her soul and prayed she would somehow find a way to get it back.

  “I loved you.” Her voice cracked as she bravely fought back the tears that were immanent. Dev admired her bravery so much. She’d always been so brave, it was that bravery that had him thinking maybe things could have been different. Kira seemed so fearless, if he could have just drawn some of that for himself, well then maybe things would have been different. But he was a coward in the end. His father’s son and nothing more.

  “More the fool you, then. Huh, sweetheart?”

  She flinched as if he’d struck her and ran before he could see the tears, taking every bit of light with her and Dev went to the closest bar.

  The next memory he had was of three days later puking his guts out with Dodge there beside him.

  Dev was dead inside without her, but she had a chance and that was all that mattered.

  “Darling. Have you been lonely without me?”

  Dev felt the skin on his back crawl. The voice he wasn’t sure he could ever forget, and hoped to never hear again, grated in his ear as her anorexic body pressed down against his. Slowly he raised his head from the bar, staring straight ahead, his tone as unfriendly as he could make it.

  “What are you doing here?” He held up a hand to stop her from answering. “Better yet, fuck off.”

  He slid the glass back and forth along the bar between his palms, feeling agitated and even a little bit fearful. If Barbara had tracked him down—and the only way Barbara Folsom-Worthington would deign to enter a place like this, was if she was damn sure he was inside—something was wrong.

  “Such language.” She placed her ass on the barstool beside him. “Didn’t you miss me, my darling?” Her finger traced the line of his hand that lay flat on the bar. “I have to admit, I missed you more than I imagined. No one’s quite like you in bed, my dear.” She leaned against him, her breast pressing against his arm. Her tongue followed the curve of his ear. “No one’s cock satisfies me the way yours does. No one’s tongue knows my pussy the way yours does. No one’s hands can…”

  Smoothly sliding his hand from underneath, he pressed hers down on the bar, taking pleasure when he heard her breathy squeal.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  “You obliterated me.”

  For moments, they stared into one another’s eyes and Dev wondered how his life would have been different if he’d never met her. He might be dead now, probably would have been. But he never would have met Kira, either. That single event brought him joy like he never knew existed. Of course, that little episode ended with him dropping into a well of bottomless anguish that he knew he would spend the rest of his days in. Some days he really wasn’t sure which side of the coin he wanted.

  The music blared, the lights flashed and spun around the room, disguising enough of her eyes that he couldn’t read her. She wore a Chanel suit, complete with gloves and hat, as if she were some sex siren of the forties, and Dev nearly laughed at the contrast between the naked gyrating women on the stage and the apparently classy one in front of him. He’d take the bare assed ones any day of the week, they were at least honest about their empty souls.

  “She’s here because I asked her to find you.”

  The voice was soft enough, blended with the music enough that he could have convinced himself he’d imagined it, but Barbara’s eyes went feral and he knew all hell was about to break loose.

  * * * *

  Kira couldn’t believe she was looking at Dev again after all this time. She wanted to weep, hug him , press her body against his and never ever let go again. It only took two days of crying her eyes out to realize what he’d done. He’d sacrificed himself for her and though she was damn mad that he thought he had to, at least she wasn’t hurting anymore, but by then she had no idea where to find him.

  She’d spent weeks looking on her own. She dropped out of school, gotten three separate jobs just so she would be able to afford a sleazy private investigator who only led her on for months, then tried to rape her one night when she came to his office at his behest, after he told her he finally found something.

  Once she recovered from that ordeal, she knew she only had one option left. That’s when she went to Barbara.

  “Are you drunk?”

  She had to know, because what she had to say to him she wanted to do when he was sober. She had to make certain he understood and accepted how serious she was. She’d changed a lot since that day he walked away from her. She was more confident and more mature and surer of what she wanted than she’d ever been in her life, and maybe she had him to thank for some of that. Maybe if he hadn’t left, she would have just gone on basking in his love, letting him take care of her and wouldn’t have had to look inside herself for answers to who she was and what she wanted. And she may never have discovered how strong she was or how much strength she had. Slowly, he sat up, disengaging himself from Barbara and stared at her like she was a kangaroo with udders.

  “Is that really you?”

  She nodded and he started to stand.

  “You’re really here?”

  It could have been wishful thinking or an illusion induced by the pounding music, but the sound of wonder in his voice made her think maybe he’d missed her as much as she’d missed him. She hoped so. She needed him to still want her, so he’d understand what she had done—so that in the end everything would be okay. He took one step towards her before she saw the cold sweep his features and he settled back, spine stiff.

  “Go back where you came from, Kira. Nothing’s changed.”

  She stiffened her spine because that was exactly what she wanted to hear. ‘Nothing’s changed’ translated in her ears to ‘I still love you’ and that’s all she needed to go through with this.

  “Oh, come now, Devlin. She’s come all this way and…” Barbara’s eyes raked Kira’s body making her shudder and wish she could shower, “she’s given so much of herself.”

  Even in the colored lighting, she saw Dev pale as Barbara’s words hit him. He didn’t waste time or movement in getting to her side, grabbing her arms, he shook her, his eyes pleading and desperate. “What did you do?”

  Panic laced his voice, his eyes were tortured. He seemed more lost than she’d ever seen him. Her heart wept with the need to hold him, let him cling to her and cry, emptying his soul of all the churning chaos. She wondered what he’d been through these past months, if he’d missed her half as much as she’d missed him. She stared into his dark eyes, not answering. She knew it was insane, but hoped when it all came out, Dev would find a way out for both of them. Though she’d discovered she didn’t need a man to save her—Clyde Thorbin had taught her that night in his office she could handle whatever life threw at her—it sure was nice to have the option. Regardless, everything that had happened to her in the past year would be worth it so long as she wound up in Dev’s arms…permanently.

  She’d spent many months waiting to hear word of him, analyzing her feelings and behavior. She knew she loved him and wanted him. Everything else would work itself out, and—in her opinion—paled in comparison to the importance of true love.

  * * * *

  Dev couldn’t believe how good it felt to just touch her again. He was having desperate trouble keeping from flinging her atop the bar and fucking her senseless. He’d missed her so much, his body—which hadn’t been hard since he’d walked away from her—suddenly sprang to life, and his soul cried for the return of its mate, but what had really changed?

  Worse, she was here with Barbara and the part of his brain that still worked was well aware that anything that brought Kira and Barbara together was bad. Very bad.

  “Kira, I need to know what you’ve done.”

  He could barely hear himself think, and when Kira tried to say something, her soft voice was lost entirely to the sound of the club. Frustrated, Dev grabbed some bills out of his pocket and threw them on the bar.

>   “I want a private room, Manny.”

  The bartender took his money, counted it out while scratching his whiskered cheek, shrugged then grunted, “Six is available.”

  Dev dragged Kira through the club, wishing he could protect her from the images all around. He didn’t bother to see if Barbara followed; he would have bet every cent in his bank account that she was.

  Room Six was dimly lit and decorated in purple velvet. It smelled of alcohol and sex, but when he pulled Kira through the door, something came over him, and before he could stop it, she was in his arms, his tongue reacquainting itself with hers.

  She moaned. He grew harder.

  “This is nice. But if we could get the business out of the way first.”

  Dev pulled his mouth from Kira’s but couldn’t get his arms to release her body. Barbara touched Dev’s cheek, a smarmy, devious smile plastered on her lips while she delicately removed her gloves, and he knew they were all in trouble.

  “You know me, Dev. Once we get started, I don’t like interruptions.”

  He moved so Kira was partly behind him as he faced Barbara.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  She sat with royal grace on the purple sectional, crossing her legs, her skirt falling open, baring her thigh to her hip.

  “Kira and I have come to an arrangement, Dev darling.” Her eyes moved from him to Kira. “Wouldn’t you like to be the one to tell him?”

  He turned to Kira, already knowing what she would say and realizing he’d ruined her despite everything. He cupped her cheek, the warmth he’d craved for five long months his now. It moved through him, making him feel alive again. At the same time, he wanted to weep for what she’d done.

  “No. Kira, tell me it’s not true. You didn’t trade yourself to her for me.”

  She looked up at him with such dark eyes, her lip trembling as if she might cry. He pressed her body against his, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

  “Why?”

  Barbara’s cold laugh sliced him, and he felt Kira’s warmth slipping out through the incisions. He wanted to release the beast inside him tormented for so long, wanted that part of him to unleash its fury on her until she cowered before him, then he’d go in with a deathblow and watch the life bleed out of her.

  “Because she thinks she can save you.”

  He pressed a kiss to Kira’s head, wishing it were that simple. Wishing she weren’t so naive that she believed it possible to save him in the first place.

  “You can’t have her, Barbra.” He turned, pressing Kira behind him again. “Take me. I’ll come back with you and we can go on like before, but you will not lay a hand on Kira.”

  “No!”

  Kira pulled away from his arms, he saw fury flash in her golden eyes. Fire from heaven. His little hellcat was back. “I told you on the Alexa that I needed to finish school, to prove something to myself, but you said I’d learn more with you than at school…”

  “You said that. I was merely repeating it.” He interrupted, hoping she wasn’t going where he thought she was with this. She shook her head as if to get her thoughts back on track then continued.

  “Regardless, it’s true. I was alive with you, Dev, like I’ve never been before, but without you, everything is dead and cold and gray. School doesn’t matter, my art doesn’t matter, my family can go fuck themselves. I don’t care anymore what they think. I only care what you think. I only want to be with you.

  “My mother has always told me that some man will come along and save me. My friends think that women who need a man to feel complete are pathetic, but what I’ve finally decided is that you’re my other half, Dev, and I’m yours. Yes, I need you, but it’s okay because you need me just as much.

  “Without you, I can finish school, probably get a good job, and live a decent life. I won’t shrivel up and die from not having you in my life, but it’s a half-life and I want the whole damn thing.

  “My life would be like that little trio we saw trying to play the 1812 Overture. Insufficient.”

  She caressed his cheeks and searched his eyes, he felt himself weakening. The woman made a damn good argument, and God knew he did need her. He needed her warmth, needed her smile, needed her body beneath his naked and willing. No one had ever made him feel so complete before. No one had ever taken the time to love him, and he didn’t want to have to give that up. Was there a chance she was right?

  “I’d pay anything to be with you, Dev. Anything.”

  He pulled her close. She didn’t know his secrets. When she did, she’d feel differently. The old tape played in his brain but even as it did, he wondered at the validity of it. He pulled back, looked in her eyes. Kira was beyond any woman he’d ever known. He wasn’t entirely convinced his legacy would make a difference with her or not.

  “You can’t save me, ma petite amoureuse.”

  She looked up into his eyes, love like he’d never known blazing from them as she expressed with heartfelt sincerity, “That’s the thing, Dev. I already did. I loved you.”

  Tears welled in his eyes because he knew it was true. Still, he drew a deep breath to freeze them.

  “Sweet, all of this, really, but…”

  Without looking back at Barbara, he held up one finger. “Shut Up.”

  His gaze never broke contact with Kira’s. With his next breath, he sucked deep into his lungs, the way he’d seen Kira do when she faced her fears.

  “My father’s in prison for having sex with a minor. It wasn’t the only one. My mother left when I was ten, taking my baby sister with her because she was afraid for her with my father. What if I’m like him, Kira. What if you have to leave me with our baby so I won’t rape her?”

  It was out. He choked on the lump in his throat and waited while he watched her take it all in. Watched so many emotions flit across her face he couldn’t keep up, and just when he thought for sure he’d lost, a tear slipped from her eye, two more quickly followed. She pressed her hand over his heart as tears began flowing in earnest.

  “You are not like that.”

  She brushed her palm over his cheek and blinked to clear her vision.

  “You are the most incredible…” Her fingers touched his cheek. “…fascinating…” They traced his lips. “…handsome…” Dev saw the honesty and the love in her eyes and lost the tight control he always reigned on his emotions as a tear slipped down his own cheek. “…seductive…” He laughed, knowing exactly what she was doing and loving her for it more than he could have ever imagined. “…good man I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Your heart holds so much capacity for love, Dev. There’s nothing evil in it.” She pressed her body closer, shaking his as she wrapped her arms around him. “Nothing.” Her hold gentled, her eyes softened, and she whispered, “Nothing.”

  No one had ever believed in him. No one had ever taken the time to look past the façade he’d erected around himself the second his father had been arrested. No one but Kira.

  The sound of Barbara subtly clearing her throat behind him instantly sent Dev from heaven to hell in less then three point two seconds. His spine stiffened, his eyes cleared, and he was ready for the fight he knew was upon him, because there was no way in hell he was giving Barbara his Kira.

  The thing was he knew she knew that, which meant as much as Kira thought it was all black and white, there was so much more going on, and he imagined Barbara would be happy with any ending where Dev wasn’t. He, however, had different plans.

  “Barbara, darling, you might as well pack it up and take your bony sorry ass home. You know damn well I’m not going to let Kira be touched by your malevolence. She’s mine, and I protect what’s mine.”

  Barbara stood and Dev saw the surge of lust and delight in her eyes. He knew she was more interested in the game than in the end results. She moved gracefully over to where they stood and reached for Kira, but Dev yanked her away. Grabbing her raised arm and tossed her to the side.

  “Kira and I have a deal.” She look
ed around Dev to Kira. “You’re not planning to renege, are you, darling?”

  Dev felt Kira shudder, but before he could do anything, she stepped out from behind him, her hand on his chest, her eyes filled with emotion.

  “It’ll be all right, Dev. It’s only once and I couldn’t find you any other way.”

  Dev knew then he should have been shot, but for Kira, he would become the man she needed him to be. His hand caressed the curve in her neck.

  “My fault. If I’d just trusted you enough with my past…” She pressed her fingers over his lips. “Doesn’t matter now. If I’d listened to my heart instead of my bruised ego, when you tried to walk away, I never would have let you. We would have had it all out that night. Lets just do this so we can move on.”

  Barbara’s hands moved Kira’s hair and her lips came down on her neck right above Dev’s fingers. His hand jerked in response, shoving Barbara’s head so fast he wouldn’t have been surprised if her neck had snapped.

  “The hell we will.” He looked dead in Barbara’s eyes as he stalked towards her. “She’s not laying a hand on you and she damn well knows it.” When Barbara had allowed herself to be backed against the wall, he knew the game was on.

  “This isn’t about you, anyway, Kira. It’s just a game. One she intends to win, but the problem is the rules changed the second she brought you to that island and she doesn’t know what they are now.

  “The earth is shifting beneath her feet and she doesn’t like it.” In a low threatening tone, he directed the rest of his comments directly to Barbara. “You and I were one of a kind, only Kira saved me before I lost my soul completely. No one ever tried to save you.”

  “That was your job, you damned prick. You were the only one in my life for the past twelve years. If someone was going to save me, it should have been you.”

  Dev laughed. A sharp bark of laughter that dropped his head back.

  “That’s what I thought. You don’t want to be saved, you just want to take as many souls possible with you on your descent into hell.”