TinderElla:

by Eddie Cleveland

  I practically leap from my chair and head over to the door, my cheeks actually hurt a little from how wide I’m grinning. I fling open the door and he shuffles inside with two duffel bags, a grease-stained paper bag of McDonald’s food, and his dog.

  I try to ignore the tempting aroma wafting from the bag, instead focussing on my new furry friend. “Come on in,” I tell Gabe then look down at the beautiful pup in front of me, sizing me up. “Well hello there, you sweet thing,” I use my baby talk voice and the dog tilts his head at me. “You must be Axle,” I pet his head and give him a scratch behind one of his large, pointed ears.

  “You can just talk to him normally,” Gabe shakes his head, “that’s what I do,” he shrugs.

  “What do you mean?” I look back at Axle, “I am talking to you normally, aren’t I you sweet guy?” I mean, yeah, my voice is a bit high-pitched, but still.

  “Would you talk to me like that?”

  “Uh, no.”

  “That’s what I mean,” he laughs at me and un-wrinkles the top of the McDonald’s bag, plucking a few delicious smelling fries from inside.

  The camera puts on ten pounds.

  More like twenty.

  Nothing tastes as good as being skinny.

  I grit my teeth together and try not to look jealous as he munches on them. “Want some?” Gabe holds out the box and I shake my head but don’t open my mouth.

  “You sure?” He raises an eyebrow.

  “I can’t eat them. The studio wants me to lose weight for the movie,” I cross my arms over my tummy self-consciously and look down at the dog.

  “That’s bullshit!” I jump at how loud Gabe says it. “You’re body is perfect, there’s no way they want you to change it, that’s crazy!” He looks genuinely upset.

  “You know how it is in Hollywood,” I roll my eyes, “there’s no such thing as too skinny.”

  “Well, they should pull their heads outta their asses because there’s nothing wrong with you.” It’s strange the way Gabe is looking at me right now, with total disbelief, that anyone would want to change me. It makes me feel sexier, than I have ever felt before.

  I shrug it off, I don’t want to talk about weight and dieting. It won’t change Hollywood and it won’t make it any easier. “Do you think you brought enough stuff?” I tease him. “You know it’s only three months right?”

  “This one is all Axle’s stuff,” Gabe pats the huge duffle bag that looks like it’s seams could burst at any time. “This one is mine,” he jerks his thumb to the smaller one on his other shoulder.

  “Really,” I giggle. “all of that is for him?”

  “Yep, what can I say, Axle’s a bit of a diva,” he smirks and folds his McDonald’s bag shut again, putting it down on the kitchen counter.

  I can’t help but laugh. “Oh, you are not a diva!” My voice goes back to that high-pitch baby voice and Gabe cringes. “You’re a good boy,” I pet his head and both the dog and his owner look relieved that I use my normal tone.

  “Go on Axle, go look around,” Gabe nods at the dog and he gets up and explores. I notice for the first time that he’s missing a back leg and his tail too.

  “What happened to him?” I whisper, like I’m afraid I might hurt Axle’s feelings if he hears me talking about him.

  “Same thing that happened to me, improvised explosive device.” he answers flatly.

  “Oh,” I look down at my feet not sure what to say next. My eyes dart over to my keys on the counter and I look back up at Gabe, “Oh, so I have a key for you for the house,” I cross the floor and go grab it from the dining room table. “The other guys returned them earlier,” I explain.

  “So, how did that work exactly?” Gabe leans back against my counter and smiles.

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, you had two bodyguards and one room for them. Did they have to share a bed, or did one of them get a sweeter deal than I’m getting,” he runs his hand over his jaw and holds me in his gaze.

  “No!” The word comes out louder than I intended. “Nothing like that,” I huff. “They were supposed to work shifts, one was here for the day and the other at night. But, they were both supposed to come out with me, if I went anywhere I might need protection,” I explain. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, they sucked, you don’t, here’s your key,” I thrust it out at him and he laughs. I swear he enjoys getting me flustered more than anyone I’ve ever met.

  “Okay, just wanted to make sure,” he teases and plucks the key from my fingers. A buzz of excitement tingles through me, like a low-level current of electricity over my skin as our fingers briefly touch.

  I breathe sharply and it feels like time stops, like all the noise out on the busy streets of LA. has been muted and I can only hear my heartbeat in my ears.

  Bang-bang!

  Both of us jump at the interruption and stare at the front door like it’s foreign to us. “I have no idea who that could be,” I grumble and walk over to it, annoyed at the distraction. My annoyance quickly erupts into full-on anger as I look out the window at Erik.

  Seriously?

  Don’t let him get the better of you.

  Don’t let him win.

  I yank the door open and paste a fake smile to my face, “Erik! What are you doing here?” I try not to sound like I’m accusing him, but I think I’m failing.

  “Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by to celebrate the good news,” he doesn’t wait to be invited in, instead just swooping past me into my house.

  “Oh, hello,” Erik quickly sizes up, and dismisses, Gabe and Axle. “I didn’t know you had guests or whatever,” Erik waves his hand at them.

  How could you? You, didn’t fucking call. I don’t speak the words, instead I smile broader. “That’s right, Gabe this is Erik. He is the leading man in the movie now, he just got the part today,” I spit out the foul tasting words.

  “Oh yeah, congrats man,” Gabe extends his hand and Erik shakes it like he handed him a dirty tissue.

  “Yeah, well with our history, it shouldn’t be that hard to play your lover,” Erik narrows his eyes, making him look even more like a human version of a fox than he already does. His bushy but perfectly waxed eyebrows push together as he purses, his lips like I’ve seen him do a hundred times for a selfie.

  Gabe looks from Erik to me and I can see a flash of anger in his eyes. Is he jealous? Or does he just realize how much of a douche-canoe Erik is?

  “Wow, they always say that people look like their pets, but you two really fit the bill, huh?” Erik jerks his head at Axle’s missing leg and then shamelessly stares at Gabe’s intricate pattern of scars.

  “Erik!” I can’t believe he’d be such an asshole, I mean, even for him.

  “Oh, what? Like the guy doesn’t know they both have this thing going on? Come on, Nessa, relax,” he rolls his green eyes.

  “Don’t call me that,” I snap. So much for not letting him get to me.

  “Yeah, it’s no big deal,” Gabe answers coolly. “I agree with him, Axle and I do look alike. I guess it’s because when you were getting seaweed wraps and Botox injections in your face, my dog and I were overseas fighting for your freedom. You’re welcome you fucking clown,” Gabe’s face twists with rage and I can see him restraining himself as his hands quake with anger. For a second I think he’s gonna haul off and punch Erik and, I’ve got to admit, that would be pretty, awesome. Instead he slings the duffel bags back over his shoulders and grabs his McDonald’s bag from the counter. “Let’s go Axle, we’ve got to get unpacked, I want to make sure we get nice and comfortable in our new home,” he calls out to the dog and the Shepherd obediently follows him out of the room.

  “Wait, what? Is he living with you?” Erik’s eyebrows shoot skyward and he watches Gabe storm away.

  “I think you should go, Erik,” I sigh suddenly feeling exhausted.

  “Fine, I don’t have much time anyway. I just wanted to congratulate you on working with me and all that,” he can’t e
ven hear how obnoxious he is. It truly seems to come completely natural to him.

  “Yep, should be lots of fun,” I answer with no feeling at all in my voice. “I’ll see you on the set,” I usher him over to the door and practically push him through it.

  “Okay, see ya,” he walks, not bothering to turn around or wave, instead he just hops back into his Ferrari and squeals his tires as he spins off.

  This is going to be a long three months.

  I’m not sure I’m gonna make it.

  14|Vanessa

  I trudge my heavy feet down the hall and into the kitchen, blearily pulling open the fridge and grabbing my unblended kale smoothie from inside. All the ingredients are already in the Nutri-bullet I just have to shove it on the base and mix it up.

  Somehow, I manage to get the thing going and I close my eyes as it whirls noisily. Who gets up this early? I’ve never understood people who willingly wake up at the ass crack of dawn to start their day. It seems masochistic.

  I mean, it’s six o’clock in the morning, so not exactly the ass crack since the sun is fully up and I can hear people outside, but close enough. I slam my palm on the buttons until it stops making noise and pull the cup off, flipping it over I take off the part with the blades attached to it and sniff the green, foamy drink suspiciously.

  You know what else is masochistic? Kale.

  Ugh.

  I hate how it feels like every single calorie I consume is being counted...against me. As if everything I eat will be judged and that my self-worth is supposed to be attached to my meals, or lack of them. I know that Hollywood can be toxic for women like me, ones who have broad hips and big breasts. Girls who have a big booty that jiggles when we walk. If I felt like there was anything I wanted more than this I’d say screw this diet and forget the whole thing. But I’ve wanted to be an actress, since my mother and I watched the old Elvis Presley movies together on TV. My mother used to get lost in pretending she was the leading ladies in his films because she loved young Elvis. She would sigh and stare at the television like a schoolgirl with her first crush. I used to sit on the sofa beside her with the same look fixed on my face, but not because I had a thing for the King. I pictured myself as the same leading ladies because I imagined myself in their shoes, on set, performing for the audience and temporarily losing myself in a role. It all seemed so magical.

  I manage to take a sip and convince my throat to swallow it down with some coaxing. I stare out the window blankly and do a double take as I spot Gabe and Axle out in the yard playing Frisbee. He’s certainly not struggling to wake up as he, shirtlessly, tosses a Frisbee to his dog across the lawn and Axle catches it mid-air. Holy crap.

  I mean, it’s impressive that a three-legged dog can so gracefully pluck the Frisbee out of the air like that, but that’s not what has my attention. The glistening sweat trickling down over Gabe’s tattoos and tantalizingly traveling down his eight-pack abs has suddenly given me a jolt that no kale smoothie or coffee in the world could.

  Holy crap.

  Suddenly awake, I take a long sip of my disgusting drink and don’t even flinch this time as it wreaks havoc on my taste buds, not when I have a distraction like him in my backyard. I’m pretty sure I’ve stopped blinking, just soaking him in as he drops to the ground and quickly does an impressive amount, of push-ups in about thirty seconds. He stands back up just as Axle approaches him and pulls the red disc from his dog’s mouth, tossing it back in the air. As the dog races across the grass to catch it, Gabe drops to the ground and does a bunch of burpees.

  Wow, now that’s a workout. Trying to beat his lightning quick German Shepherd before he returns with the Frisbee with his own exercises, looks exhausting. I have to fan my face with my hand just from watching.

  You know, a girl could get used to this whole early bird gets the worm thing if this was her motivation. I smile as I spy on their exercise, lingering by the window in my nightie as I chug back the rest of my green morning blend like a frat boy doing a keg stand. I know I’ve got to get ready for my own cardio session. My personal trainer is probably on the way to my house right now, but convincing my feet to move from this spot, or my eyes to move from that hard body isn’t an easy sell. I peer over at the clock on my wall and groan. It’s already quarter after six and my trainer is going to be here at six-thirty. I need to get myself together. At least today it’s a fun workout and not the brutal kettlebell circuit I did last week. I’d never even heard of kettlebells before, and if I never swung those strange cannonballs with handles attached to them again, I’d die happy.

  Taking one last lazy minute to enjoy my unexpected morning view, I sigh and tear myself away from the window. Time to do this. At least now I’ve got the energy to face the day and the gruelling schedule ahead of me. It’s amazing how Gabe can send a little jolt through me and get me going. It makes my mind wander to other naughty ways he could give me a jolt and get me going. Damn, I’m going to need a cold shower and I haven’t even worked out yet!

  15|Gabe

  I walk around the big pool and up to the patio door, sliding it open for Axle. He waits for me to walk through it first, giving me a sign of his respect, and follows me inside. The beads of sweat covering my body are blasted by the air conditioning, making me shiver. I slide the patio door shut and head over to the kitchen, parched after my morning workout in the blazing hot California sun. In the hottest days of the summer, the weather here reminds me of my time in the desert. I swear one of the reasons I still can’t stand going to the beach is because it is just too much like walking around the endless sand in Afghanistan.

  I push the thoughts from my mind, they don’t do me any good now. Besides, I know all too well the slippery slope that thinking about the war leads me down. The depths of hell have nothing on the gut-lurching flashes that leave my body frozen as they fester in my mind.

  I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and pop the top, taking a long, refreshing swig. It feels good to sweat out all my anger after last night. It took me a long time to calm down enough to even shut my eyes and get some sleep after I met Vanessa’s ex.

  I mean, what the hell did she ever see in that guy? I know I’ve seen his face on some posters and he’s an A-lister, but still, he’s also an asshole with a capital A. The way his smarmy lips twisted to the side when he made that crack about Axle and me, made me want to punch him until his face stayed that way, permanently.

  Fuck him.

  If I’m going to be stuck dealing with him, I need to learn to keep my temper under control, but there are just some people you meet who instantly know how to push your buttons and send you flying off the handle. Why is it that those people are always the ones who take so much joy in doing it too?

  Guys like that are always overcompensating for something. I saw it all the time in the military, especially in the Navy SEALs basic underwater demolition. The cockiest guys with the smartest mouths and the most to prove were always the first to ring the bell. When it came down to it, they just never had what it took to join the brothers. Sure, they talked a great game, but talk doesn’t mean shit when you’re looking down the barrel of the enemy’s gun. I finish my bottle of water and shake the thoughts from my head.

  It doesn’t matter.

  He doesn't matter.

  Move on.

  I wheel around and start to head down to hit the shower when I stop dead in my tracks and stare. In the living room, Vanessa is wearing a tiny bra top and shorts that can barely keep her thick hips and full ass covered. I watch as her trainer leads her in, some kind of booty popping striptease type workout, that’s got her twerking her ass up in the air like a drunk girl in a club.

  Fuck.

  What I wouldn’t give to make that trainer disappear right now. I’d love to grind up behind her and let her plump ass feel how hard it makes my thick cock. Blood rushes through my shaft and my shorts tighten as I watch her hypnotic ass sway back and forth.

  Axle walks over to her, drawing Vanessa’s attention and rui
ning my moment. She smiles at him and stands up to pet him, catching me in the act of spying on her like a pervy neighbor.

  She flips her long ponytail over her shoulder and smiles, is it just me, or is she pushing out her tits? Maybe it’s just that bra top with all it’s crisscross straps accentuating her already ample rack, but her body is banging hot. As in, I want to bang it.

  “Why don’t you take a picture, it lasts longer,” she puts one hand on her hip and raises an eyebrow at me.

  “You know, if you could do that move again and turn it into some kind of gif that I could watch on my computer, that would be a lot more useful,” I wink at her and her cheeks blaze bright pink. What is it about her that makes me want to tease her so much? I love watching her get all shy and flustered. “Anyway, I should really hit the shower, have a good workout,” I smirk and finish making my way to the bathroom.

  I run the shower, adjusting the temperature before stripping off my clothes and stepping in. As the warm water pelts my skin, I close my eyes and replay Vanessa’s ass up in the air, bouncing around wildly. I imagine walking up behind her and yanking her shorts and her soaking wet panties down over her plump behind, leaving the fabric clinging to her legs, just above her knees. I pull out my hard cock, in my mind, as I squeeze my hand around it in the shower, jerking it as I envision sliding it inside her. I bet she’s fucking tight too. I imagine her pussy squeezing around my girth like a warm hug. I support myself with one hand on the cold tile as the water splashes down my body. I stroke myself faster as I picture grabbing her hips in my hands and thrusting my cock inside her as she flattens her hands down on the floor. I fuck her faster, harder, my cock pulsing inside her as my orgasm crests. Cum spurts out, arcing across the shower door and sliding down the wall as my fantasy dissolves back into reality. I look at the evidence slipping down to the tile floor and wash my hand off under the spray of the shower.

  Fuck.

  If this is what it’s going to be like being her bodyguard, I’m in for a long summer with a lot of cold showers.