TinderElla:

by Eddie Cleveland

  Free.

  “What's wrong?” Gabe looks down at me as I start to breakdown. I can’t explain this. I notice people around us start to look over and I begin to choke on my tears. I can’t control the explosion of feelings inside me. I don’t answer him. I need to get out of here. I need to go.

  I grab my bra from the floor and yank my panties back up my legs, stumbling toward the door. Gabe pulls his underwear back up and follows me, concern etched over his face. I can’t stop the sobbing, now my shoulders are shaking as it takes over me.

  I need to leave.

  Now.

  21|Gabe

  I pace the floor like I’m trying to form a groove in it as Axle watches me. I still don’t know why Vanessa started crying last night. That wasn’t exactly the reaction I was going for. I mean, I got that too. I know she came, but then the explosion of waterworks stole my moment of pride and replaced it with worry.

  Did I hurt her?

  Does she regret it?

  Why was she crying?

  She, wouldn’t look at me on the drive home, instead sniffling as she watched the buildings transform into a streak of light outside the car window. When I asked her if she was okay, she just clammed up saying she was tired. As soon as we got home she disappeared into her bedroom for the night and I paced the floor.

  Axle tilts his head as if he’s asking me what I’m doing.

  “I dunno, bud. I’m not sure what the hell is going on. I may have screwed the pooch on this one,” I look up at his furry face. “sorry, it’s just an expression,” I laugh at the perplexed look on his face.

  All morning Vanessa’s house has been filled with all kinds of Hollywood goons who need her for one reason or another. It hasn’t exactly left any time for her and I to talk about what happened. I can hear her in the other room saying goodbye to the latest crowd as they shuffle out the door.

  “Gabe?” she yells down the hall.

  “Yeah?” I call out my bedroom door.

  “I’ve got to get to the studio, are you ready to go?”

  I look at Axle, his mournful eyes seem to tell me what my gut already knows. Vanessa never just bellows to me from the other room, she’s always tracked me down and talked to me when she needs anything. She’s avoiding me.

  “Yep, we’re good to go,” I push the thought from my mind and nod toward the door. “Come on boy,” I talk to Axle, “let’s get this show on the road.”

  He, hops up spryly, happy to do something besides watch me try to pace the finish off the hardwood floor. He quickly prances down the hallway in front of me, wagging his little nub at Vanessa and rushing over to her. For the first time since last night, she smiles. It’s at my dog, but at least I know she’s not somehow shattered by what we shared.

  “The driver is waiting for us. I’m all set if you are?” Vanessa doesn’t look at me as she talks. For all I know she could be talking to my dog.

  “We’re ready,” I nod curtly.

  We silently leave the house and all three of us pile into the back of the town car. Axle immediately lies on the floor at our feet being as unobtrusive as possible. As soon as we slam the car doors shut, the driver heads off toward the studio. I know he can hear us, we don’t have any kind of privacy screen between us and him, but I still need to find out what’s going on with Vanessa.

  “Hey, so, are you okay?” I rub my hand over my scruffy chin. I forgot to shave this morning, that’s how distracted this whole thing has me.

  “Yeah, totally,” she answers breezily as she rummages through her purse.

  “Are you sure, cause last night…”

  “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to check in with Fiona before we get to the studio,” she plucks her phone from her purse and hits her agent’s number before I have a chance to say another word.

  Okay then. So much for that.

  I stare out into the Los Angeles landscape, sun-bleached and worn down. It’s suiting that this place looks like this. I think a lot of people come here full of hope and big dreams about making it in this city, but just like the sun streaked buildings with crumbling foundations, they get worn down and burned out. I half listen as Vanessa mostly mutters a series of “uh-huhs” and “okays.” It certainly doesn’t sound like an urgent call she needed to make. But I guess she thought it was better than talking to me.

  What the fuck did I do? Did I fuck up this thing before we even got a real chance with it? I haven’t felt anything for a woman since, well, not since the last one I loved broke my heart. I swore off losing control. I swore off letting my feelings cloud my judgement. Now I finally meet someone who makes me second guess all of that, and I’ve ruined it. The worst part is, I have no idea how.

  The car pulls into the security gate and he flashes his card at the guard. In seconds, we’re on the lot. I open the car door and Axle and I step outside into the blinding sunlight. For a second, less than that, the high sun blots out the building and it feels like I’m in the desert again. The moment is fleeting, but it’s enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. I take a deep, shaky breath and push the vision of Afghanistan as far from my mind as I can.

  Vanessa walks up beside me and leads the way through the maze of chaos inside the studio doors. There are tons of people, all of them buzzing like bees in a hive, some setting up lights, some holding makeup bags that look like suitcases, some setting up a long table of snacks and drinks, all of them looking like they think they are very important.

  I scope out the exits, soak in the scene from right to left, looking for menacing faces or things out of place. I know my job as Vanessa’s security detail isn’t really necessary, but it’s more a force of habit than anything. Axle seems to be on the same page as me, his nose is to the ground like he’s sniffing out a bomb. Maybe we both need to learn to relax a little. Suddenly Axle’s ears shoot forward and he gives a deep, faint growl. I look up at what he’s spotted and don’t disagree with his assessment as I see Erik heading over to us.

  “Vanessa! Got the first day jitters? Don’t, you’re going to do fine,” Erik rambles without letting her respond. It gives me satisfaction when I see her roll her eyes at him. I stand back and try to stay out of the banter.

  “Hey Erik,” her voice is lifeless.

  “So, I know it’s not even nine yet and I’m talking about drinks, but after we wrap today a few of us are going to grab some cocktails at Hemingway’s Lounge, you interested?” He doesn’t look at her when he asks, instead frowning at some dust on his shoe.

  “No, I don’t think …”

  “Here, can you hold this?” He thrusts his fancy latte in my hand and cuts Vanessa off as he leans over and rubs his hand over the scuff on his toe. I want to toss the stupid foamy drink at his head, but force myself to breathe and let it go. Vanessa is already acting weird around me, I don’t think fucking things up for her on set will win me any favors.

  Axle gives a low growl and Erik pops up straight looking down at him. “He’s friendly isn’t he?” His voice gives away his fear and I smirk a little at what a baby he is.

  “Yeah, he’s trained,” I answer.

  Erik puffs out his chest and looks at me from the corner of his eye, “You know, I don’t know if you’re trying for some kind of specific look with those scars or what, but if you ever want to look more Don Quixote than Quasimodo, I’ve got a plastics guy that can work wonders,” he smiles as I grit my teeth together. Satisfied that he poked the bear, he turns on his heel, walking away.

  I crush my hand into a fist and his latte explodes like a geyser out from my palm and drips over my skin down to the floor. Axle whines, but I don’t flinch at the hot liquid spilling over my skin. In my mind, I can easily see me squeezing his pencil neck in my hand until his blood pops out of his head the same way his fancy coffee just did.

  “Don’t let him get to you,” Vanessa leans into me and whispers. “Look, there’s nothing for you to do on the set anyway, why don’t you and Axle chill in my trailer. You can just relax for a bit and I will jo
in you between runs,” she rubs her hand down the length of my arm reassuringly. It’s the first time she’s touched me since last night and it soothes the fire burning in my soul.

  I look deep into her eyes and want to grab her. I want to kiss her. I want to throw her over my shoulder and find other ways to “spend time” in her trailer and talk afterward until the day slips away into night and then back into day.

  Instead, I hold out my hand and let her drop the key down into my palm. “Okay,” I answer, watching her silently as she walks away.

  22|Vanessa

  I walk back to my trailer, twisting my head from side to side to stretch out my neck. After being on set with Erik all day, my muscles are tied up in knots and I feel like I need to take a hot shower to scrub his grimy aura off me. My phone buzzes with a text and I groan out loud when I see it’s from him.

  Erik: Change ur mind?

  Me: ???

  Erik: COCKtails

  Me: Um no.

  Erik: Sure? Ur missing out

  Me: Thx I’ll live

  The picture of his dick that pops up on my phone makes me yell like I just got spooked in a haunted house at Halloween. I almost drop my phone, but somehow manage to catch it as it spins in the air like a fish jumping out of a lake.

  “Fuck!”

  I only briefly glance at the picture, instantly remembering in precise detail how little I’m actually missing out on. Literally. Somehow his tattoo of the scrawling words Blood Sugar Sex Magik makes his dwarfed dick look even smaller. What the hell is he thinking sending me shit like this? I open my emojis and send him back a little green face that’s puking and shove my phone back in my purse.

  The confidence of some people is absolutely amazing. And by “people” I mean men. How is it, that women who look like models go around thinking they’re ugly or fat, and then men like Erik with cocks the size of a Keebler Elf’s, strut around like they’ve got a two-foot dong swinging in their shorts?

  It makes no sense.

  The world is stupid.

  I’m tired.

  I reach my trailer and open the door, stepping inside to see Axle lift his head only long enough to check out who is standing in the doorway before he slumps it back down on the floor. In a big, overstuffed recliner, Gabe is snoring lightly with his feet propped out on the leg support. Looks like I’m not the only one who’s worn out.

  I shut the door behind me and cross the floor of the luxurious recreational vehicle. The slides on each side really make it feel quite spacious inside. I know the first apartment I had on my own in this city wasn’t nearly this big.

  I flop down on Gabe’s leg, snuggling back into him and grab the remote he left on the arm of the chair, flicking on the flat screen television absentmindedly. At this hour, it’s mostly entertainment shows on, which is fine, because I’m not really in the mood to watch anything heavy after such an exhausting day.

  Gabe startles and jolts upright, making the remote clatter to the floor, as I jump from his sudden movement.

  “You scared me!” I accuse him. His blue eyes blink a couple times, like he’s bringing them into focus on my face and his muscles relax as he realizes what’s going on.

  “You sneak in here when I’m sleeping, sit on my lap and I scared you?” He shakes his head.

  I shrug, “I didn’t really think about it,” I admit.

  “Seriously, you shouldn’t do that. It’s hard for me to wake up somewhere strange and not be in fight mode. You, sneaking up into my lap is dangerous,” he warns me.

  “Well, lucky for me danger is my middle name,” I tease him and turn over, straddling his legs between mine and lightly grind against him. “Do you forgive me?” I rock my hips back and forth, lowering my pussy down onto him. Through our pants I can feel his cock twitch with life.

  “What’s going on with you?” His voice is rough but his hands slide down my back and over my ass smoothly.

  “What do you mean?” I swirl my hips and sit down flat against him. I can feel the heat of his cock between my legs and it makes me flash back to last night.

  “I mean, last night we fucked, you came and then you cried. You have been avoiding me since then and now you’re doing this,” he circles his hands around my hips and pulls me back sharply so his thighs are between my legs. “What kind of game are you playing?” he growls.

  I can see the emotions battle it out on his face. The skin around his scars turns deep red as he flips between lust and anger.

  “I’m not trying to play games,” I stop teasing him and just sit still on his lap. I tuck the shorter hair, that I’m still not entirely used to, behind my ears and sigh.

  “Then what was the crying about?” he presses me.

  “I was just overwhelmed,” I admit, looking up at him from under my lashes. “Last night was the first orgasm I’ve ever had in my entire life,” I whisper, “and it was amazing!” I put my hands on his chest and notice how small they look against his broad frame.

  “But?” He watches me closely, not letting me off the hook so easily.

  “But, as soon as it was over, I just felt so exposed. Not just because I was in the club, but it was like, all my vulnerabilities and fears and insecurities just seemed to come on at once. It sounds so stupid to try to explain it, but it was like they all bubbled to the surface and then just washed away. Only for a moment, trust me, but it was so beautiful and confusing and I just couldn’t stop crying.”

  My cheeks blaze as I spill my confession. I don’t expect Gabe to understand what I mean. I don’t think he will really get it, I probably just sound crazy to him. He looks over my face and the anger I saw behind his eyes disappears. His hand laces up through my hair and he pulls me into him, kissing me deeply. Our tongues dance against each other as I sigh into his mouth.

  “Well then, I guess if that’s what it takes to make you realize how gorgeous you really are, I’m gonna need to start making you cum a whole lot more,” his hands circle my ass and he drags me across his lap until I’m back on his cock.

  “Is Erik Fisher back together with his ex? Only we’ve got the exclusive story coming up for you next!” The television blares behind me and I whirl my head around like an owl to see the screen.

  Um, what?

  “What’s wrong?” Gabe asks, but I just wave my hand at him, unable to speak as I lean over the chair and fumble on the floor for the remote. Once I clutch it in my hand, I crank the volume just as my face appears on the screen in a split shot next to Erik’s.

  “No,” I whisper the word.

  “Well it looks like Erik Fisher and his ex-girlfriend Vanessa Parker might be a lot more than just hot lovers in their upcoming movie together. We have it on good authority that the two are spending a lot of time heating things up on and off the set,” the aging plastic Barbie entertainment anchor reports.

  “That’s just great, Mary,” the dark haired man standing next to her flashes his ultra-white teeth. “There’s nothing we enjoy more than a good love story,” he chuckles.

  “No!” I yell at the screen and stand up from Gabe’s lap. “What the fuck kind of authority do they have that on? Are they just pulling stories out of their ass now?” Suddenly I remember the invitation for drinks and the dick pic that Erik sent me and it dawns on me. He probably called in that hot little tidbit himself. “That fucking douche,” I mumble.

  “I don’t understand, so what’s the big deal? Just call Fiona and tell her to set them straight,” Gabe stands up behind me and runs his hands down over my arms.

  “I can’t,” I sigh.

  “Why not?” He steps back and I turn and face him, feeling older and more tired than ever.

  “Because with stupid crap like this, it’s best not to say anything. If you go out with guns blazing, it just feeds the story. If you leave it alone, it goes away quicker,” I shake my head.

  “Oh, well, just ignore it then. Who cares what they think?”

  I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I hate anyone thinking that Erik and I
are back together. I hate anyone, but especially Erik thinking there’s any hope in hell of that happening. “You ready to go home?” I’m feeling deflated, like a balloon that all the air leaked out of.

  “If that’s what you want to do,” Gabe sets his jaw and looks down at me.

  “It is.”

  23|Gabe

  “I’m starving!” Vanessa announces as she plops her keys into a decorative dish on a small table by the door. She kicks off her shoes and beelines for the fridge.

  “I think we all are.” I look over at Axle, “Are you, hungry boy? You wanna eat?”

  He tilts his head and opens his mouth slightly as he listens for the magic word. “Axle do you want some food?”

  That does it, he’s prancing around at my feet, his nub twitching with excitement and he starts to pant happily. “Alright, give me a sec and I’ll get your supper,” I lean over and pet him, patting my hand on his back a couple times before following Vanessa into the kitchen. I grab a small can of wet food from under the counter and a can opener, while she holds the door open and frowns into the fridge stuffed full of pre-made meals in clear plastic containers. Opening his can of beefy food, I look over at Vanessa.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Ugh,” she groans and slumps against the open fridge door, defeated. “I don’t want to eat any of that crap, it all tastes like cardboard. I mean, it’s bad enough that on set, I have to watch everyone else stuff their faces with donuts and snacks, while I drink smoothies. At the end of the day you just want a real meal, you know? Something satisfying,” she looks over at me. Am I imagining things, or did her eyes just drift down? Maybe she’s looking for other ways to find satisfaction too.

  “I don’t know what to tell ya. You know what I think of your diet,” I dump out Axle’s food into his dish and grab a scoop of dry dog food from the bag under the sink, mixing it in. I know he’s spoiled, but he’s a great dog, so he deserves it. Even now, he just sits patiently waiting for me to put his meal together. If I plopped the food right under his nose, he wouldn’t move a muscle until I told him to.