Love & Hate Series Box Set (Love & Hate #1-2)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “But, India! I want to see him. Don’t be a bitch, come on,” she calls after me. But I ignore her. She can’t keep her mouth shut. A few people glance at me as I pass by carrying my tray.

  Before I turn toward the bins, I trip on something and fall on my face. My tray flies through the air in slow motion, slopping the food everywhere. I crash on the ground making a hell of a noise. For a split second or two no one reacts, as I try to pick myself up off the ground.

  “Sorry there. I didn’t see you,” says someone. I hear the laughs all around me, and I turn to see a tall dark-haired bloke who is smirking. Then he gives the thumbs up to someone on the other side of the canteen. I follow his gaze, pissed, but my jaw drops when I spot Oliver, who is laughing with Mackenzie and nodding towards the bloke.

  A cold sweat covers my body from head to toe; our eyes meet only for a brief moment. He looks satisfied and indulged by my humiliation. Everyone in the canteen is staring and laughing at me. I pick myself up, trying to cover my scarlet face. I run towards the entrance, forgetting about food, still hearing Oliver’s laugh behind me.

  He should be satisfied. He got what he wanted. I fell over and made myself look like a right idiot. God, I hate Oliver so much that it hurts. I have been squishing the truth deep inside me when he was around, not able to let it go.

  A year after he vanished from Gargle I bought a ticket to Edinburgh. I was ready to see him. I had a year to think about what I’d done and the way I’d treated him. A year to gain the courage to tell him the truth. The day I was scheduled to leave I went to see his mother to tell her what I planned. When I got there, she was lying unconscious on the sofa with a bottle of pills in her hand. That day I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed until the ambulance came and then later her husband. I wrote more letters, but yet again I never had the guts to send them.

  Chapter seven

  Bully

  Present

  Sadly, I don’t see Alexander on campus that day. I think that Dora was right: Oliver will do anything to crush me, hurt me, and show that he won’t leave me alone until I disappear. The bet is only there to prove his point. I try to get on with my lectures while everyone keeps staring and whispering behind my back. I know it’s because of Oliver. He is everywhere.

  By the time I get home, I feel like I should curl in bed and hide, but I don’t want to miss my date with Alexander. To take my mind off today’s events I have a shower and take my time with makeup. My hands are shaking when I put my clothes back on. It’s been a year since I went out on a proper date with anyone. Men make me nervous and the past still haunts me. Slowly and steadily, I’m going to get there.

  A few hours later, Alexander picks me up at my apartment. He looks handsome and he complements me. My nerves are slowly eating me away. My pulse is racing and my chest is tight, so I excuse myself to the rest room once we reach the cinema. For a long moment I stand in front of the mirror, hoping that this panic attack will pass. Nothing seems to be going according to plan. I keep telling myself that I’ll be fine and I can go through with this.

  Finally, my breathing comes back to normal. When I leave the bathroom Alexander seems concerned, but I lie and say that I’m fine. Once we’re inside the screening I try to relax. Our last date was perfect, so I don’t want to ruin anything for him.

  Soon the film starts, and I lose myself in the undiscovered fictional world. Alexander seems to be absorbed with what is happening on the screen. We talked while we were walking here, and he seemed to be really interested in this film. Halfway through the screening, I begin to wonder if Alexander is really that into me. A few times I cover my face with my hands pretending that I’m scared, but he doesn’t try to touch me once or comfort me in any way.

  During one particular scary scene, I grab his hand and hold it for several minutes, expecting him to pull me towards him. What I get is a smile and pat in the back.

  I don’t try it again, wondering if I missed something. After the film is finished, we have a quiet drink in one of the bars in town. Alexander asks about my interest in criminal law and my obsession with films. I give him the address to my blog.

  The date is pleasant, but he doesn’t seem to be as relaxed as on the first date. The chemistry between us is suddenly gone. Maybe I’m paranoid and he is just a gentleman. He walks me to my apartment. All of a sudden I feel like that perfect date in the coffee shop wasn’t so perfect anymore, because the connection that we had is gone. Alexander looks tense when we stop in front of the entrance to my apartment.

  “I was just wondering if you are doing anything this weekend?” he asks.

  Right, now I’m totally confused. At first he does everything to show me that he isn’t that into me and now he is asking me what I’m doing this weekend.

  I shift my weight to the side and look at him, raising my eyebrow. “Nothing, no plans as usual,” I reply, smiling.

  “There is a secret party that I have been invited to. Do you want to come along?” he asks, smirking.

  “A secret party?” I ask “You know that I don’t party that much.”

  “I’ll get the text an hour before with the details. Come on, let me take you out,” he says leaning closer. For a long moment we stare at each other. My heart begins to race. Alexander’s lips turn up in a smile, and I know that this is the moment that I have been waiting for. He is going to kiss me.

  “Give me a call on Saturday. I don’t mind going,” I say quietly.

  “Great. See you on Saturday, India,” he says, and then he turns and hurries away. For a moment I stand there completely startled, watching as he walks away. He had a perfect opportunity to kiss me, but he just left me here, hanging. Sighing, I walk back to the apartment. It takes me a while to find the keys.

  “Hey, come here and start talking,” Dora says, pulling me back on the sofa. I forgot that I told her to wait up for me.

  “Is that ice cream you’ve got there?” I ask as she hides something behind the sofa.

  “You will get some if you tell me everything that happened. Did he kiss you?” she asks as soon as I flop on the sofa next to her.

  “It was a total disaster.”

  “What? Why?”

  “He didn’t kiss me and he didn’t even try anything in the cinema. Then he just invited me to some random party on Saturday and left,” I explain, indulging myself with the delicious ice cream that Dora finally decides to share. I would’ve had so much more fun if I’d stayed at home and eaten the whole tub. “What is wrong with me, Dora? Why do men hate me?”

  “They don’t hate you. It’s Oliver. I told you that he made a bet with others. Alexander isn’t from here. Someone probably saw you with him and decided to tell him to ditch you.”

  I might have to agree with Dora’s version. “All right, maybe, but he invited me for a party on Saturday night. This doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Well, I don’t know, then. I would come with you, but Jacob is taking me to London this weekend. He has something planned for us,” she tells me with the wide smile.

  “London? But you’ve only known each other a few weeks. And you’re already going away together?”

  “He suggested it, and I said yes. He is nice, India. I kind of like him, more than the others.”

  “He is also Oliver’s best buddy. Maybe it’s just part of the plan to get you on his side,” I suggest, feeling sick in my stomach that Oliver would be capable of doing something like that. After all, he learned it from me, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d use Dora to get to me.

  “I think you’re being paranoid. Oliver is hot, girls are queuing to get his attention, and I don’t believe that he would use his own friend just because you bullied him in high school.”

  “It wasn’t just bullying, Dora. I kind of ruined his life.”

  “We both did, but it’s you he is determined to pay back.” She sighed. “Just keep your eyes open. He ruined your food the other day. I don’t think he knows what to do. He hasn’t got a plan, so I wouldn’t worry a
bout it.”

  I don’t offer my own comment and let her believe that she is right. She obviously didn’t see him in the canteen. The way he was pouring that hatred out like he didn’t give a flying fuck if I was alive or dead.

  We chat a bit more until Dora tells me that I shouldn’t have taken him to the zombie film as that probably clicked him off. I like Alexander and the way he is, but today’s date sure didn’t go according to plan.

  I change into my pajamas and put Beth Orton music on. I love her soft tunes. Her music always calms me down. Just before I go to bed I check my mobile, but Alexander didn’t send me any text messages. Maybe this is just the way Swedish men are with women. They like to leave them hanging. I need to let him know that I’m not one of those women.

  ***

  The rest of the week passes in a blur. Mackenzie gives me a hard time during training. She keeps describing her intense nights with Oliver loud enough for me to hear when we’re in the changing room. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I can’t help imagining her face when I win the competition in front of the whole crowd, waiting for Oliver to congratulate me. It’s lame. He would never do that.

  I see Alexander during lunch. He sits with a bunch of French students. He can see me, but he doesn’t approach me or try to talk to me, which is odd. We had a great time, but now he treats me like he doesn’t even know me. Dora thinks that he is gorgeous but gay. He confuses me so much.

  I don’t hear back from Alexander until Saturday night. Dora left for London with Jacob yesterday, packing a suitcase of clothes. She told me to go out and have a good time if Alexander calls, but now I’m not so sure. On Saturday morning I wake up feeling refreshed and ready for a long TV show marathon with my favorite CSI Miami.

  I buy a lot of junk food and stay in bed with my laptop until early evening. My phone starts ringing later on and I don’t pick up, seeing that it’s Alexander. After around five phone calls, I give up and answer.

  “What?”

  “India, it’s me, Alex.”

  “I know. What the hell do you want?”

  “Chill, India,” he says like everything is fine. “Are you all right?”

  “Why are you even calling me? I haven’t heard from you for the whole week. You didn’t even text or talk to me in the canteen,” I tell him, knowing that I have to put my cards on the table. “Just spare me the tears later on. Does Oliver have something to do with this?”

  “India, I don’t know what are you talking about,” he says, sounding tense. “And I have no idea who Oliver is. Is he your boyfriend or something?”

  I don’t respond straightaway, wondering if I’ve gone too far. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Alexander is Swedish; he has no idea about Oliver. He doesn’t even play rugby.

  “No, he isn’t. I told you, I don’t have a boyfriend,” I reply, feeling mortified. “I’m—”

  “No, don’t apologize. Just listen, I’m sorry that I didn’t call you earlier. I felt like an idiot, because I really wanted to kiss you that night, but I panicked. Then I thought that you wouldn’t want to talk to me, so I avoided you,” he says, sounding uneasy.

  “You really wanted to kiss me?” I ask quietly. There is a silence on the other line.

  “Yeah, and I won’t stop bugging you until you give me another chance,” he assures me. “Let me take you to that party. I just got the text.”

  “What text?”

  “You know, about the secret party, the one I told you about,” he says. “It’s a pajama party dress code.”

  “Pajama party? You’re kidding me, right?”

  “No, of course not. A few girls that I know have been invited. They are wearing sexy nighties. Those instructions are pretty clear.”

  I roll my eyes, already imagining what kind of party he is talking about. The house probably belongs to a single student who wants to see half naked girls in their sexy nighties.

  “I don’t know. I don’t want to show up in my lingerie. It’s embarrassing. I don’t know anyone there.”

  “No one knows anyone there, and that’s the whole point. It’s totally sexy, plus I want to see you,” he insists. “It’s Saturday night, India, so come on, we’ll have fun.”

  “All right, but I’m not wearing anything too revealing,” I tell him, laughing.

  “I’m sure that you’ll look amazing. I’ll pick you up in half an hour. Can you be ready by then?”

  “Yes, I’ll be ready.”

  Then he hangs up, and I wonder where Dora is when I need her the most. She would know what I should wear. It’s freezing outside so I would wear something to cover myself up. I jump out of bed and search for the one and only nighty that I’ve got. My butt is covered, but I look sexy, and that’s what matters. Other girls will probably wear much more revealing stuff, and I can turn up looking like some kind of prude.

  I put a full face of makeup on, one with smoky eyes, and style my hair. My nighty cover is black with lace mesh and pattern in front.

  When my doorbell rings, I let Alexander upstairs. He is wearing grey pajama pants and a vest revealing his large arms. I can tell he works out. His eyes pop open as he stares at my body. I’m not bad looking, and after a few weeks of rowing I’m much more fit than before.

  “Wow, India, you look hot. That’s the look that I was talking about.”

  I add high heels and put my coat on. “Are you sure that it’s not too much?”

  “It’s perfect. Everyone will love it, trust me,” he adds, smiling.

  He orders a taxi for us, and we reach our secret destination fifteen minutes later. The cold breeze ruffles my hair as we get out of the taxi. We are most definitely on a street filled with student parties. The terrace house in front of us looks busy. I can hear the loud music and my stomach tightens.

  Alexander doesn’t let me change my mind. He suddenly takes my hand and brings me toward his body. “I’ve got to do this before we go in,” he says, and then his lips crush mine.

  I’m not prepared for this, but I part my lips, enjoying his sensual kiss. His lips are sweet, but he only lets me taste him for a brief second or so, before he pulls away. It’s pleasant and once we are done he smiles, standing in front of the door.

  I blush, smiling. “That was unexpected,” I say, looking at him. He looks slightly tense and I wonder if he is nervous. “What are we waiting for?”

  “We need to take off our coats, otherwise they won’t let us in,” he says. It’s cold and it’s already dark so I doubt that anyone would notice us here. We both take our coats off, and then Alexander knocks. Someone opens the door and Alexander tells me to go in.

  There are a lot of people, but none are dressed like I am. The alarm bells go off in my head. We both walk into the living room, and I feel like someone drops a bucket of stones down into my stomach. Suddenly I can’t breathe, seeing that other people aren’t wearing any pajamas. I look at Alexander who is standing by the door watching me carefully. Some people start laughing at my silly nighty, pointing at me like I’m some kind of freak.

  Heat creeps over my entire face. “Alex, what is going on? I thought you said that this is a pajama party?”

  “Sorry, Indi, I was only doing what I was asked to do,” he says in a different voice narrowing his eyes. “I’m sorry to say, but you don’t even know how to kiss.”

  “We didn’t order a stripper, Indi. Plus your legs are too fat for what you’re wearing,” says deep familiar voice. The air freezes in my lungs when I notice Oliver coming out from the corner. So, this is a trap. Obviously, Oliver asked Alex to bring me here, to pretend that he was interested. I was so naive to have fallen into that old school joke.

  People laugh out loud, and I stand there rooted to the spot, looking like a complete moron. Oliver’s eyes harden on me; then he lifts his phone and takes my picture. His eyes then move downwards to my breasts, my legs.

  Then I do the only thing that’s right. I turn and walk away.

  “Come on, where are you going, Indi? Show us what you go
t; everyone is waiting,” Oliver shouts and people laugh harder.

  When I get to the door, I see Mackenzie. She is standing with her arms folded together, staring at me. She looks good wearing a tight black dress. “You’ve got to work out more, sweetie.” She smirks. “I told you he’d get you one way or another.”

  I brush past her and storm out of the house. My hands are shaking and tears are steaming down my eyes. I don’t care that I’m standing half naked in the middle of a busy street on Saturday night. Oliver got what he wanted. I was mortified. A few years ago I played exactly the same prank on him. I should have remembered.

  I run as fast as I can. People stare, but I don’t stop until I reach my apartment.

  My phone keeps vibrating, but when I finally lock my door I cry out, punching the wall and bruising my hand. How could I be so stupid and believe that anyone could be interested in me?

  The pain is fresh and the memories of that party from a few years ago flood back to me. I fall onto my couch, sobbing until I’m finally numb and empty. Oliver hates me and he proved to me tonight that his bet is real.

  I check my phone, as it keeps vibrating, and I see tons of Facebook notifications. People took my picture as soon as I stepped into the living room, and they’ve posted it and tagged me. There are comments, some laughing at me, other blokes congratulating Oliver. The girls are telling me how ugly I look and how fat I am.

  I toss my phone on the floor, pissed off. Oliver just showed me that I never meant anything to him.

  Then my phone starts vibrating again, but I just leave it there. He is digging deeper than I thought; he is letting me taste what he was going through when I bullied him. I did many more horrible things to him when he was in high school. He suffered constant abuse from guys and he was the subject of nasty gossip. I lie on my couch, unable to move, feeling like there is a large hole in my chest. I finally got what I deserved.

  My life in Braxton will only get worse, so maybe I should give up and leave. Now Oliver is empowered by my pain and humiliation. He enjoys seeing me hurt.