Forget Us Not

by Melissa Shirley

  “He’ll understand.”

  I know he would. “But it isn’t fair to ask him to be okay with this. Not this.”

  She sobers quickly with a furrowed brow and the look—one squinted eye, mouth in a hard line look of disapproval. “So, what’s your plan then? Leave him again?” I stare at her. I didn’t know she knew. “Oh, stop. Leila told me. She didn’t tell me why, of course, but she told me you were leaving.”

  “I’ve been lying to him for two years, Mom.” At least I know why I’d been acting so crazy.

  “And it won’t matter. It might at first, that you lied, but once he cools down, he’ll get it. He loves you. I saw that boy cry over you, beg God to bring you back to him.” She’s sticking up for Sam? “You owe him the truth, Makenzie.”

  My ears must be broken. “This coming from you is kind of hypocritical, don’t you think?”

  “Yes, it is, but I’m trying to make it better. You’re being a coward.” She shakes her head. “Where’s the girl who gave up her trust fund for this boy? The one who looked me in the eye and told me to stick my money up my own ass?”

  “I don’t remember that girl, Mother.”

  She clucks her tongue against her perfect white teeth. “That’s a shame because she was something. That Makenzie fought for what she wanted.”

  Everything in my immediate sight line is tinged with red. “I’ll deal with my own marriage, Mom.”

  “You’ll lose him and regret it for the rest of your life.” She sits next to me and softens everything from her voice to her expression. “You need to let him decide.”

  “And if he leaves me? What then?”

  “Then you tried. And you’ll pick yourself up and you move on. But it isn’t fair to take the choice away from him.”

  When did my mother become a voice of reason? “I need to think on it.”

  She marches to the closet and flings the door open. “Well, you’ll have to do it at therapy.”

  CHAPTER 24

  SAM

  My mind is a movie set on repeat, and my wife is the main character—all the moments that matter, good and bad in our marriage—the smiles, the fights, everything that defined our relationship.

  I end up driving around for a few hours until it’s time to face the truth I’ve been avoiding all day.

  Before I’m even out of the car, the front door opens, and Veronica steps out onto the porch. As I approach, she joins me on the steps. “She’s sleeping.”

  I latch onto a few more minutes of reprieve like a life preserver. “How was therapy?”

  “She said they hurt her leg, but she’s always been fragile about physical pain.”

  There’s a lump in my throat I can’t speak around, so I nod and follow her inside.

  “How about a drink?” She leans around me toward her husband. “Will?” When she looks at me again, she smiles. “Did you eat?”

  “I’m fine.”

  Will has fetched the drink at the same time Veronica comes back with a plate of steak and potatoes. I didn’t realize I was hungry until that first bite. I eat and chew, quietly praying for a few more minutes.

  “How are things at the bar?”

  This is the first time in five years that either of Kenzie’s parents has taken an interest in my work—in me. “It’s been busy.”

  Will smiles and nods as if he’s pleased. Pride puffs up in my chest.

  “I’ve heard about the improvements you’ve made.” As if he needs to explain that he wasn’t checking up on me, he continues. “My clerk is a big fan of one of your waitresses.”

  “It’s just a little remodeling. We still have a lot to do.” Do I feel ridiculous making small talk while my relationship with their daughter is teetering on the edge of peril? Yeah. But what else am I going to do?

  “Ronnie says you want to start working on the house, too.” He grins. “Making room for my grandchildren, I hope?”

  Veronica’s head jerks toward Will, and her eyes go wide. “Will.”

  “What? A man can’t want grandchildren?”

  I answer as Veronica throws back her drink with a loud swallow. “Yeah. We talked about it.” Veronica chokes on her drink, and Will is on his feet slapping her back before I finish.

  “Jesus, Ronnie. There’s plenty of Scotch. No need to gulp it all in one drink.”

  As soon as her breath is her own again, she sets her glass down—without a coaster on a table that likely cost more than the bar made in the last ten years. “I’ll just check on Kenzie.”

  Will takes his seat and leans forward. “I think three is a good number.”

  I couldn’t be more lost. Aside from being locked in on my own problems, he’s changed the subject with no segue. “Three?”

  “Grandchildren. Three seems reasonable for Christmas dinner, doesn’t it?”

  Oh God. I have nothing, no suitable answer. Two weeks ago, these people wouldn’t give me the time of day. Now, they’re planning my reproduction schedule? And I can’t even say whether or not I’ll be married to their daughter in a week, much less three kids worth.

  Thankfully, Makenzie appears. Her eyes are rimmed in red, and her face is puffy. Neither of these things bodes well for me. “You okay, Kenz?”

  “Yeah. I just want to go home.”

  She’s a horrible liar, but I love her all the more for trying. “Okay.”

  CHAPTER 25

  MAKENZIE

  I have to tell him, and I know it, but I want more time. I spent all afternoon trying to find the right words and came up empty. There’s no good way to make this confession, nothing to soften the blow or communicate the pain I’m feeling in a way that doesn’t make this all about me.

  “Do you want me to help you upstairs?”

  “I can manage.” The words are bitten off, and he brushes a hand over his face.

  “Okay. I’ll be up later on.”

  No, he won’t. He’ll wait until I’m asleep, if he comes up at all. I sit on the bottom step. “Sam, we need to talk.”

  “I know.”

  It hasn’t even started yet, and tears are dripping down my cheeks. He’s at my side, cradling me against his chest before the first one reaches my chin.

  “Let’s wait, baby. One more night.” I can’t answer, so he hugs me tighter. “Okay, Kenz?”

  God, I want to. “I can’t, Sam. I can’t know this without you knowing, too. I can’t pretend it’s all okay.”

  He buries his face in my hair. “All right.”

  I need to be looking at him, but I can’t bear the thought of him letting me go. “Will you take me upstairs?”

  I don’t have to ask twice. He lifts me and presses his lips to mine. He’s kissed me a hundred different ways, and each one has been full of passion and emotion, but this one is a goodbye kiss. Part of me breaks, but the other part hangs on tighter, deepens the contact until all thought has evaporated but Sam and me.

  Just on the edge of my consciousness, desire and morality are battling for the rights to this moment. I give up and concentrate on Sam’s lips, his touch, his heart speaking to mine through every move of his body. I’m going to savor each caress, every breath, and every kiss. I’m going to pray that my secrets don’t matter and the lies won’t count.

  He lowers his body next to me on the bed. But instead of kissing me, he simply stares into my eyes and runs the back of his finger from my chin to the hollow of my throat. “I love you, Makenzie. No matter what. I know you have something to tell me, but I’m going to go on loving you even if you decide to leave again.”

  “Sam—”

  He shakes his head. “I need to say this, Kenz.” A tear slides down his cheek. “When I got that phone call saying you were hurt, I couldn’t breathe. All I knew was that I had to get to you…but I don’t want you to stay with me if you don’t need me, if you aren’t happy with me. I can’t…”

  I have to stop this. “I’ve been lying to you, Sam.”

  He presses his mouth to mine. “Not yet, baby. Please, just a l
ittle while longer.”

  As he cradles me closer, snapshots of our life together play through my mind—a picnic in the park; grocery shopping at two in the morning in our pajamas; Sunday drives to his favorite hiking spot; Sam cheering me on as we run a 5k together; skinny dipping in Mr. and Mrs. Martin’s pool when they vacationed Hawaii. It’s our life, and I remember it all.

  My heart chips at the thought of losing him. The old me, the new me—we’re both devastated. But it’s all back, every minute of our time together is mine to recall. At least I’ll have that.

  CHAPTER 26

  SAM

  I’ve given her every part of myself. I’ve tried to show her that we can get through this, though I feel her pulling away. And the bastard in me silently hopes I’ve bound her to me with a baby.

  Makenzie is in my arms, the sheet tangled around our bodies, and she’s staring through me. I’m not even sure it’s me she’s seeing.

  “It’s okay, Kenzie. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.” But even as we’d made love, I braced myself—prepared my mind by etching each moment into my memory.

  The sun peeks through the curtains, and I focus on the tiny beams of light on her face. Any other morning, this would be sheer perfection, but our downfall is pending, and for all my big words, the truth aches in my bones.

  She takes a deep breath. “I’ve been lying to you, Sam.”

  It’s a strain to hide the fear behind a blankness I don’t feel. “How so?”

  She runs the side of her finger over her lips, back and forth. It’s a nervous habit I haven’t seen since before the accident, but it never means good news.

  “I didn’t buy all those shoes. I mean, I did, but it was before…before we got married.” She shakes her head. “I had them stored at Mom’s. I just pretended to be spending money on them.” She’d withdrawn thousands of dollars from the bank. If not for the shoes and clothes, then where the hell did she spend that kind of money?

  “I don’t think I understand.”

  “I didn’t buy the shoes, Sam.” Her face is pinched.

  “I heard that part. What did you do with the money, Kenz?” This is the part I’m sure is going to crush my soul.

  “I’ve been seeing a doctor.”

  A new fear stops my blood from pumping. “Are you—are you sick?”

  “Not like you’re thinking. It was, um, a fertility doctor. I was trying to get pregnant.” She swallows hard. “Behind your back. But it just wouldn’t happen.” Her voice cracks and she sniffs. “Every month, I was so depressed, so I went to this doctor and got hormones and shots. That’s probably why—well, it explains the pot-throwing, crazy chick you’ve been living with.”

  “But you stopped sleeping with me. That’s counterproductive to making babies.”

  “After a year of not being on the pill and another six months of doctor visits and treatments, there still wasn’t a baby. I was shattered, and I blamed you. Eventually, I just couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to sleep with you because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.” She blinks as tears slide down her cheeks.

  My throat is tight, and I can’t manage more than a whisper. I can forgive her lies. What I can’t do is overlook the truth. “So you left me because I can’t give you a baby?”

  She’s sobbing now, and I hold her because I can’t blame her for leaving me. She’s never kept a secret of how important a baby is to her.

  After an agonizing minute, she looks up at me. “I left you because I can’t give you a baby. It’s me. Not you.”

  CHAPTER 27

  MAKENZIE

  There. I’ve said it and the heartbreak and anguish take over. I don’t want to see whatever expression he has on his face now. I thought I did, but I can’t face it. I’m not worthy of love after all this lying, but to watch it fade would destroy any good part of me that’s left.

  I’m not prepared for his anger though. He sits up straight. “You left me because you thought a baby was more important to me than you are? You decided for both of us that our relationship isn’t worthy if there’s not a kid involved? What the hell, Makenzie?”

  Uh-oh. He’s using my full name, and it’s not in one of those passionate I love you minutes when he usually purrs it as he kisses my neck or slides his body along mine. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He’s quiet for so long, the silence rattles me, and I start trembling. “Please talk to me.”

  “I need to think this all through, Kenz.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and runs his tongue along his lips. “I can deal with you trying to get pregnant behind my back and lying to me about the money, but what’s killing me is that you don’t trust me.”

  “I trust you.”

  He shakes his head, and his eyes flash. “No, you don’t. You would rather leave me than to trust me about something this important.”

  “Sam…” I can’t deny it. He’s right. My mother was right. Everyone was right but me. “I didn’t have faith in us. But I think that’s mostly because of me. I think I feel like I don’t deserve a guy like you and without being able to give you a baby, what do I have to offer?”

  “Your heart. Your mind. The way you giggle at silly jokes.” His face softens, and he trails a finger down my jaw. “Your smile. God, Kenzie, your everything. How do you not see that?”

  “Because I know what I know, Sam.”

  “What do you know?”

  “I know you would make beautiful babies. And you would be the kind of father any kid would be lucky to have. By keeping you, I’m cheating the world of your offspring.”

  He laughs. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “It’s not stupid, Sam.” This is the last thing I expected from him. He’s laughing. “I’m serious. There are women out there…you have to know how people see you. You’re so beautiful and so perfect. You have this…thing.”

  “So we’re talking about my thing now?”

  And he smiles. Laughing. Smiling. I’ve just told him I went behind his back to conceive a child I can’t actually have. I took his money and spent it on nothing. And he’s smiling. “I’m being serious here.”

  He wipes the grin from his face. “What do you want then, Kenzie? Do you want to scream at each other? Fight it out? You did some shady shit, but I get it. I know what drove you. I’m not blameless. And nothing…none of this is bad enough to change one thing for me. I don’t care about having a baby if you’re not the person I have it with. My biological clock doesn’t give a shit about procreation or cloning little—what did you call them—offspring? All I need to live the rest of my days as the happiest man on Earth…is you.”

  “I lied to you.” I’m not the person he thinks I am. He deserves better. Although trying to convince him makes my stomach hurt.

  He nods. “Yeah.”

  “I spent a ton of money, so you had to work longer hours. If that wasn’t enough, I blamed you for being gone so much, so I had more money to spend on…a fantasy.”

  “I can make more money.”

  “And what about when your biological clock starts ticking away the hours?”

  He wraps an arm around my back and drops a kiss on the top of my head. “There’s more than one way to become parents. We can adopt or…there are other ways. I’ll Google it.”

  “Sam…” Again, he’s making light of this very serious thing.

  “I’m just saying, this is not the thing.”

  I puff out a frustrated breath. “Can we just talk about your thing later and figure out us?”

  He grins. “Well, for your information, my thing is a very big part of us.” I roll my eyes and turn to face the wall. He gently turns me back around. “Kenz, this is not going to take you away from me. Do I wish you would have talked to me? Yes. Do I want kids? Not if I can’t have you. But I know you want them, so I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure we have a couple—three does sound like a good number.”

  How the hell did we go from one to three? “What?”

  “Your dad mentioned he w
ould like three grandkids. Something about Christmas dinner.” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. What counts is we can do this. We can have babies or not. We can get a bigger house or not. We can do anything we want as long as we do it together.”

  He’s right. “You know what makes me happiest?” He shakes his head. “I’m not a cheater.”

  “I’m pretty happy about that, too.”

  I don’t even want to imagine how he would have handled that. I doubt he would be kissing my neck right now if that were the big secret I couldn’t remember. But since it isn’t, I melt into my husband knowing that nothing will ever come between us again.

  THE END

  About the Author

  Always on the lookout for her next book boyfriend, Melissa Shirley is an avid writer and reader who has taken to creating the men of her dreams in the contemporary romances she writes. A mother of eight, Melissa is a published author of the Storybook Lake series and lives in a tiny rural town in Illinois.

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  After Glows Publishing

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