Changing for Good

by James O Prochaska

  CHAPTER 6

  Preparation—Getting Ready

  THE VALUE OF being prepared—as any Scout can tell you—is that it readies you both to take action and to handle unexpected challenges. It is unquestionably worthwhile to gain the skills and have the resources you need to manage the problems of life effectively. The success of most long-term projects is in large measure due to patient preparation; most successful self-change projects similarly rely on a sometimes brief but always thoughtful period of preparation.

  People do not always heed calls for preparation. For those who live along the Gulf Coast, June marks the beginning of the hurricane season. The nightly news reports the early stages of the storms as they form as far away as the coast of Africa. When hurricanes become a real threat, newscasters exhort people to stock up on bottled water, canned food, batteries, flashlights, and radios.

  Most people are rather casual about preparation until the warnings begin in earnest. Even then—when the storm’s course is uncertain and its arrival is more than twenty-four hours away—many people ignore the warnings and do nothing. But as the storm gets closer and the probability of a direct hit increases, supermarkets and hardware stores become jammed with last-minute shoppers, many of whom find that necessary supplies are exhausted, leaving them quite unprepared for a deadly storm.

  If, like those last-minute shoppers, you are betting that you won’t need to prepare for action, you are setting your self-change efforts up for failure. The preparation stage is the cornerstone of effective action, and affords us an opportunity to make a solid commitment to behavior change. In fact, commitment is the most important change process available to you during the preparation stage. Any lingering ambivalence that undermines your determination must be resolved during this stage.

  What is preparation like?

  Preparation takes you from the decisions you make in the contemplation stage to the specific steps you take to solve the problem during the action stage. At the outset of our research, we did not separate the preparation stage from the contemplation stage; their differences are subtle. Our experience has since determined that proper preparation is vital to successful self-change. In the preparation stage, you will continue to reevaluate both yourself and your problem, but feel increasingly confident of your decision to change. Your personal reevaluation will look more toward your future self, and less to your problematic past. And instead of gathering information about the problem, as you did in contemplation, you will focus on finding the most suitable type of action to overcome it.

  Rick’s wife, Lana, did not appreciate his business dinners. He drank too much, she said, and came home soused, or tipsy, as he would have it. Rick always admitted that he had a few drinks—you had to socialize with clients or you couldn’t do business—but at least he had them with a meal. He felt that Lana, who was raised as a Baptist, was too conservative and had a knee-jerk reaction against his drinking.

  One night, driving home from a dinner meeting, Rick was stopped by the police. Confident that he was sober enough to drive, he agreed to a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a blood alcohol level of .18, almost twice the legal limit; Rick was arrested at once for driving while intoxicated. It was hard for him to rationalize this incident—maybe he had more of a problem than he had been willing to admit.

  After his arrest, Rick’s cockiness turned to concern, and he began to realize all that drinking had cost him. He also recognized, for the first time, that his father had had a drinking problem also. His twelve-year-old son and Lana were quite upset about the arrest. Rick saw it was time to break this cycle. He decided to use the mandatory DWI course and the court recommendations to help him take action.

  Rick has entered the preparation stage of change. Over time, he has overcome the barriers he had to admitting his problem, and after evaluating his options, has decided to take action. His first prudent steps in implementing his decision involve careful planning, positive self-reevaluations, and commitment.

  Preparation may also incorporate certain tasks that make up the first steps on the road to action. Rick’s decision to go to the DWI classes is a good example of a preliminary task, as would be decisions to cut down on smoking, curtail spending, obtain the telephone number of a support service, or begin to substitute healthy activities for unhealthy ones. From the outside, much of the work of preparation looks like a rehearsal for action.

  This stage can be tedious, at times, which often leads to problems. The end of contemplation, when we decide that a given problem is significant and needs to be changed, brings us to the edge of action. The work we have done up until preparation is hard, even courageous. But many of us wish that admitting a problem would be enough to make it change. We begin waiting for a magic moment, or we engage in wishful thinking and become stuck.

  The desire to shortcut preparation and leap into action prematurely—is another common problem. Being so close to action makes people antsy, but premature action usually leads to ineffectual change.

  George’s premature action

  Day after day, George thought about controlling his drinking. And week after week he kept putting it off. Weeks turned to months as George waited for that magic moment. Finally becoming fed up with himself, he abruptly decided to act. He didn’t want to go on merely contemplating a drink-free existence, like those haunting characters in O’Neill’s play.

  George announced to his kids that he was going to control but not cease his drinking. They were delighted. He imagined that controlled drinking would allow him to keep his friends, his principal social activity, his stress reducer, his tough image, his Irish heritage, and his style of life, while minimizing the consequences of alcohol abuse.

  When George first began to use his personal computer to monitor his drinking, he was appalled to realize that he was consuming between fifty-five and seventy-five drinks a week. He was spending between $50 and $150 a week on booze. He had been living off a small inheritance, but that was dwindling. George had to get the new business he had started on a solid basis soon or he would be out on the street.

  So he set a goal of having no more than three drinks a day, and developed a simple computer program to help him. He called the program DADD, Defenses Against Dangerous Drinking. He programmed his shopping list to print out alcohol-free beer as a substitute for his old brand. When he logged in his daily consumption at three drinks or less, his computer rewarded him with messages like “Good going, George,” or “Atta boy, you can control it.” When he drank more than three drinks, his computer told him, “George, you slipped yesterday, you need to get back on track,” or “Hey, George, you can’t afford to mess up. Your kids are counting on you.”

  George also told bartenders to serve him low-alcohol beer, and to give him no-alcohol beers after he had had three. Because George had not told his friends about his change, he asked the bartenders to pour the substitute beers behind the bar. They looked the same, they smelled the same, and—after a couple, anyway—they tasted the same. Only the feel was different, and it felt good to be in control.

  George sailed along smoothly for a few months. The biggest challenges he faced were from his friends and extended family. They soon knew what only his kids and his bartenders were supposed to know and began pushing real drinks on George, not those “sissy beers,” as they called them. They weren’t satisfied just to have George drink with them; they wanted him drunk with them.

  Unfortunately, his friends and his extended family didn’t care or were threatened by his decision to control his drinking. After all, if Big George could control his drinking, what excuse did they have to go on getting drunk every night? Eventually they won; George began drinking again. He had not prepared well enough for action.

  CONTINUING

  SELF-REEVALUATION

  In the contemplation stage you learned how to reevaluate your self and your problem, and to see that resolving the problem, and re-creating yourself, agree with your current values. Self-reevaluation helps you make a
firm decision to change. In the preparation stage, you can increase your chances of success by focusing on the future and your new self. The great motivator is a hopeful vision of what your life will be like once you have changed your behavior. Make a list of the benefits of the change, and keep it always in front of you.

  Carlo saw how important this vision of a future self can be in a therapy group he ran for people addicted to cocaine. In the group there were individuals at different stages of recovery. Those who were in the contemplation stage delighted in recounting war stories of their drug-using days, complete with descriptions of the terrible things they did to get coke, as well as the terrible things coke did to them. Although there was a clear emphasis on the negative aspects of their addiction, these stories kept them in touch with the excitement and danger of drug use. Since they were still in a decision-making stage, this was appropriate for them.

  However, those who were in the preparation and action stages found that the war stories were distracting them from the task at hand and even tempting them to return to drug use. These people fared much better when they were separated, and led to focus on the positive aspects of life without cocaine—how they would become closer to their spouses, spend more time with their children, function better at work, and feel pride and a sense of accomplishment at quitting. Focusing on their new selves energized them and reinforced their commitment to change.

  Here are two frequently used techniques that are especially useful to self-reevaluators in the preparation stage:

  Turn away from old behavior Let go of the past and look toward the future, even though letting go may be difficult and the future uncertain. Imitate the trapeze artist, who lets go of one swing while trusting the partner on another. It can be scary to let go of old patterns of behavior, but your new self will be there to greet you.

  Leaving the past behind may create disorientation. Our problem behaviors are established habits and integral parts of our lives. Just as positive habits would be hard to break—imagine trying to learn to stop brushing your teeth—so are problem behaviors. Remember, all problem behaviors offer benefits. Some women worry that if they shed weight, they will become sexual objects. Their unwanted weight has for years served to shield them from unwanted attention.

  Creating new, functional images of your future self will help you let go of the past. Ask yourself: What is my potential if I change? What will it free me up to become? How will my life be enhanced?

  Make change a priority Since most of us lead busy lives, intentional self-change cannot happen unless it is given a prominent place on our list of goals. We have seen many individuals who make personal behavior change a goal, but a vague one. On their list of things to do, it is relegated to a place somewhere between getting a haircut and going shopping. Such shortsighted plans can hardly be adequate to making a major change in your life.

  If you tend to try to accomplish too much, you undoubtedly put off the more difficult tasks, like personal change, in order to attend to the relatively simple, less challenging ones. If you let others set your agenda and goals for you, personal change will always take a backseat. If you hate making goals for yourself, you will have to wait until someone forces you to change.

  At the end of the contemplation stage you decided to change your problem behavior. In the preparation stage you must concentrate on moving this change task to the top of your list of things to do. Change requires energy, effort, and attention. You will not be ready to move into the action stage until changing your behavior becomes your highest priority.

  THE SIXTH PROCESS:

  COMMITMENT

  Commitment includes not only a willingness to act, but also a belief in your ability to change, which in turn reinforces your will. People begin to use commitment during the preparation stage, and continue to apply its techniques well into the action and maintenance stages. Part of the commitment process is better known as willpower; believing in your will and acting upon that belief is a powerful experience.

  Concerned about the effects of nicotine on her growing fetus, Rosemary did not smoke at all during her pregnancy. But the day after she stopped breast-feeding, she smoked a cigarette. Predictably, she was back to a pack a day within a week. She did not smoke around the baby, but found time to grab a cigarette or two periodically during the course of the day.

  When Rosemary’s daughter Monica was eighteen months old, she was quite a handful—quick but clumsy. Rosemary had to watch her every minute. One day, while Rosemary was smoking, Monica came running over and brushed her hand against the burning cigarette. Rosemary became upset and angry. Cigarettes were not good for her or her child. She had thought she would quit when Monica got older. Now she wanted to quit immediately.

  Rosemary threw out her remaining cigarettes and removed all smoking paraphernalia from the house. She found the toll-free hotline number of a cancer center that offered materials and advice on smoking cessation, and decided to keep it handy in case she experienced any difficulty. Since her husband, Jeff, did not smoke, she could count on his support. Although she needed his help, she was also convinced that she could quit; after all, she had been smoke-free during pregnancy.

  Accidentally burning her baby led Rosemary to make a powerful commitment to change. When you make such a commitment, it is an act of faith in yourself. Begin by having faith in all you accomplished during contemplation. You are now aware and informed about your problems, not groping in the dark. Have confidence in your evaluations of the pros and cons of changing, so that you honestly believe your life will be enhanced rather than diminished by the action you are about to take.

  There are a number of stumbling blocks associated with commitment. You will need to work at strengthening and encouraging your will. People often weaken their wills by putting action off for too long; by relying exclusively on willpower, which puts too much pressure on this single process; by drinking alcohol, which reduces anxiety but also strength of mind; or by taking premature action, which can damage a personal belief in the ability to change. Let’s look at how to deal with some of these concerns.

  Make the tough choices

  Sometimes there is enough information on a given problem that action becomes almost inevitable for anyone who makes it to the preparation stage. Research has left little doubt, for example, that the negative consequences of smoking always outweigh the benefits. Quitting is unquestionably the right course to take.

  Regardless of the good work you have done in the contemplation stage, you may still feel ambivalent about the pros and cons of your particular problem. You may not have sufficient information for you to be absolutely certain of the choices you must make. If you are involved in a troubled marriage involving children, should you divorce or remain married? Just how troubled must a marriage be before divorce becomes the better alternative? With an issue like this, there is rarely “adequate” information. Making a choice is far more difficult, since you know that successful action is far from guaranteed, and it involves difficult commitments.

  A student named Ann began having anxiety attacks after telling her parents she was pregnant. Despite the fact that she and her husband were joyful at the prospect of having a baby, her parents insisted that she get an abortion. They felt that her life would be ruined if she had a child at her age. The young couple were students, and entirely dependent on Ann’s wealthy parents for financial support; the parents threatened to disinherit her if she went ahead with the pregnancy. In twenty years, Ann had never openly disagreed with her parents. Although she was controlled by them, she had always felt protected by them. After a few therapy sessions, Ann became aware that her anxiety attacks reflected a need to make a choice between herself and feeling secure. She made the commitment to herself.

  Fortunately, the very act of committing yourself to a given alternative increases the likelihood of success. The more entirely you throw yourself into a new way of behaving, the more likely you are to experience that way as being the best path to follow. In any case,
commitment requires you to have faith in your ability to succeed at the action you have chosen to take.

  Commitment and anxiety

  Your work during the contemplation stage will have determined whether change is possible. Your commitment during the preparation stage makes success more likely. But there are limits to the power of any commitment. The “serenity prayer,” well known to all members of Alcoholics Anonymous, acknowledges these limits. It asks for the “serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

  There are never any guarantees that change will be successful. You must accept the inevitable anxiety that accompanies the recognition that action may fail regardless of the strength of your commitment. Almost everyone experiences anxiety when the time for action draws near. Change can be threatening. Anxiety brings with it avoidance and delay, a temptation to make excuses to wait until tomorrow or some other “better time.” Anxiety can make people hide their actions, so that no one will know if they fail. Anxiety also leads people to encourage themselves by doing things that weaken their will, such as drinking.

  Anxiety cannot be conquered, but it can be understood and countered, and that is part of the work of the commitment process. Here are five commitment techniques that can help you to counter anxiety:

  Take small steps Just as it is wise to stock up early on necessities in preparing for a hurricane, so is gathering emotional and physical supplies an important part of the preparation for action. Preparation is filled with small but essential steps that lead to the leap into action. Don’t underestimate their importance.

  If you are going to follow a strict diet which measures portions, be sure you buy a scale. If you wish to avoid drinking at the company party, rehearse ordering sparkling water or ginger ale, and plan how to handle the heckling from your colleagues. To cut down on compulsive spending, it may be time to cut up your credit cards. These are all the first tentative steps on the road to action.