by Len Webster
AJ’s mom smiled. “That’s why we trust you to take her out of state on your road trips. If it were any other boy, my husband would not be a happy man. We trust you, Evan. Oh, and Noel’s already excited for you to start baseball season.”
“You and Mr. P are still coming?”
Mrs. P’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “How could we not? It’s your senior year of baseball. We haven’t missed a game, and we don’t plan to.”
“Baby, I’m home,” Mr. Parker said as he stepped into the kitchen in his usual suit and briefcase in hand. He walked over to his wife and kissed her on the lips. Evan knew he was being respectful. He’d seen the way Mr. Parker kissed Mrs. Parker when he thought no one was looking. He kissed her as if he would lose her. Evan’s parents barely spoke, remaining married for the sake of Kyle and their own images. But AJ’s parents, their love was evident in the way they looked at each other. Then Mr. Parker turned to face him. “Hey, Ev.”
“Hey, Mr. P. How was work?”
AJ’s father loosened his tie with a sigh. “Long. Where’s Alexandra?”
“On the phone with William,” Mrs. P answered.
“I’m going to change for dinner, and I’ll go check on her. I’ll be back.” Then Mr. P left the kitchen.
“Mrs. P, do you need a hand?” Evan asked as he watched her head over to the stainless steel fridge and open it.
She glanced over her shoulder and smiled at him. “I’d love some help. Do you mind removing the vegetables from the pan and putting them on a plate? I’m about to finish the sauce for the chicken. Want me to teach you the secret to Alexandra’s favorite gravy?”
“Really?”
“Really,” she answered with a grin as she pulled some herbs from the fridge.
“Why?”
Mrs. P set the herbs on the counter and sadness consumed her face. “You’re both going to college soon. I can’t be there to cook for her all the time. So you’re going to have to know how to make some of her favorite dishes, or she’s going to be a grumpy version of my daughter while in college.”
“And does anyone know the secret to her favorite gravy?”
“Just me … and now you.”
And that gave him a sense of power. Because not even his brother knew how to make AJ’s favorite foods and sauces.
5 B
boron
AJ
Now
Today’s the day.
The day Alexandra Louise Parker betrayed her best friend. In three days, she was supposed to get on a plane and meet him in Los Angeles, California. They were supposed to spend a week exploring as much as they could of California before they drove to Stanford. It had been years in the making. It had also been months of pretending she was going. It was the biggest betrayal she could ever commit, but she was no longer happy or satisfied with being Evan’s best friend. What she was doing was childish, but there was no other way around it. If he knew she was going to Duke, he’d have found a way to get accepted, too.
Today also marked the start of her life.
The start of Alexandra and the end of AJ.
AJ would be left behind in Brookline, and the moment she arrived at Duke, Alexandra would rise above the ashes to reclaim herself.
First, she had to survive a ten-and-a-half-hour road trip with her parents. They were leaving for Duke three days before she had to move into her dorm room on East campus. The first day, they planned to stop in New York to visit her aunt and uncle. The second day she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her parents in Durham. And the third day was officially move-in day.
There was no going back.
She couldn’t go back.
The night she chose Duke was the night her life became the complete opposite of what she had thought it would be.
Her life had imploded.
She was miserable.
A broken mess that mirrored the fragments of her heart.
For years, she had imagined going to college with Evan.
Now, she had to imagine the rest of her life without him.
I deserve a life of happiness.
Staying by his side is not going to make me happy.
AJ shook her head to clear her mind from her relentless thoughts.
She had barely slept last night, tossing and turning, waiting for Evan to call and tell her that he knew everything. He did call before she went to bed, but he had been out clubbing with his friends and was drunk. He slurred his words as he told her of his excitement to start college together. AJ remained quiet, letting him talk until she heard him start to lightly snore. He had fallen asleep, so AJ hung up.
It took a long time for her to fall asleep. Only long enough for her to dream about Evan’s horrified expression when he realized she wouldn’t be in California with him. Instead of going back to sleep, she watched the morning sunlight brighten her room and listened as the garage door opened and a car reversed out of the drive. When her alarm went off at six thirty, AJ threw the blanket back and headed downstairs. She went into the kitchen to find it empty.
AJ made her way to the doors by the dining table and glanced out the glass panel to find her father sitting on the wicker chair, staring at the Gilmore house. Sighing, she twisted the doorknob and opened the door. She stepped out of the house and onto the patio. She refused to acknowledge the house next to theirs and took a seat next to her father.
“Morning, Dad,” she said as she turned her head to find him still staring at the house and, in particular, Evan’s bedroom window.
“I’m not disappointed, Alexandra,” her father said, and tears instantly washed over his eyes. Since that night, her father hadn’t spoken to her like he used to. She had broken his heart when she turned her back on Stanford. It was her mother who had fought for his understanding.
“You’ve barely said anything to me about college and him this summer.”
A tear rolled down his face. “You’re my little girl. The love of my life.” He faced her, his eyes shone brightly. “No father should ever see his daughter like that. I’ve never seen you that heartbroken. You’ve never begged for anything. You’ve never cried that hard. But that night, you broke me. Not because you’re not going to Stanford. I couldn’t care less what college you wanted to attend. What I cared about was that I was helpless. I can’t take away that pain you’re feeling. I’m your father. I’m supposed to protect you.”
AJ reached out and grasped her father’s hand. “You did. None of this is your fault. I was stupid enough to let Evan have so much of my life. I just need to know who I am without him, and if I can be happy without him. I couldn’t go to Stanford and spend all of college being the stupid girl in love with her best friend. Not after prom. Not after everything. I didn’t want it to come to this. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m tired of being the one who gets hurt, Dad.”
“I know. I understand.”
Letting go of her father’s hand, she brushed her tears from her face. “I want it all, Dad. I want to be the love of someone’s life. I want someone to look at me the way you look at Mum every day without fail. I want someone to hurt for me the way I hurt for Evan. I want someone to love me the way I love him. And I’m never going to get over Evan if I’m constantly around him.”
“You know what you’re doing, right?”
“No,” she confessed in a small whisper. “He’s never going to forgive me. But I will never forgive myself if I don’t go to Duke. I can’t continue to feel like this, Dad. I gave up MIT for him. It’s always been about him. I need it to be about me for once.”
Her father nodded and then cupped the back of her head. “I trust you, Alexandra. I want you to be happy.” He pulled her forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. Then he pulled away and gazed down at her. “I won’t tell him. I don’t want him anywhere near you ever again. Do you know how hard it was to pretend this summe
r? How hard it was to control my rage and not want to kill him? He hurt the most precious thing in my life. He hurt you.”
She smiled, knowing just how much her father loved her. AJ pulled away and stood. “Can we stop glaring at his house now? I’m hungry. Where’s Mum?”
He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands and got off the chair. “At the restaurant. Some sort of system mess. She’s coming home soon, so she can cook breakfast.”
“Okay. I’ll shower and get dressed before we start packing the car while we wait for her.”
Her father nodded and went back into the house. When AJ reached the door, she spun around and glanced up at Evan’s closed bedroom window.
Regret and longing consumed her chest.
She loved him.
But loving him wasn’t enough to make them both happy.
Because Evan Gilmore could never love her and see her as anything more than just his best friend.
The girl who knew his secrets.
The girl who was his first kiss.
The girl who watched him fall for everyone but her.
“Alexi.” Her name being called out had AJ spinning around.
She smiled the moment she noticed him standing by his black Porsche with a sad expression on his face. “Hey, Kyle.”
He quickly approached her and took the box she carried from her. “I can’t believe you’re off to college,” he said as he put the box in the trunk of her father’s SUV.
“Better believe it.”
“Is this everything?” he asked, taking in the boxes packed in the trunk.
She hummed as she surveyed all the cardboard boxes. “There are still a few more things, but Mum and Dad are going to the store to get some stuff I forgot. So when they bring back some containers and extra hangers, that’ll be everything.”
His smile faded as he set his hands on AJ’s shoulders. “Have you spoken to my brother today?”
She shook her head. “I’m pretty sure he’s still asleep.”
“Are you going to talk to him?”
“If he calls or texts, I will. It’s his last few days in Vegas, so I’m sure he’s gonna be too busy for me anyway.”
Kyle’s palms slid up her neck and settled on her cheeks. The longing in his eyes caused her chest to tighten. She knew how he felt about her. She wished she could feel that way about him, too, but she didn’t. She would never do that to Evan. Kyle was older and taller, his shoulders broader. He was every inch a man, but every inch the opposite of what her heart wanted.
“Transfer to MIT. Stay here and be with me.”
AJ flinched.
It was the first time he had made his feelings known since she was seventeen.
She shook her head.
“You can,” he insisted. “You can be with me. You’re eighteen now. No one is going to say anything.”
“Kyle,” she breathed.
“I can take care of you, Alexi. I can love you the way my stupid, oblivious brother can’t. You don’t have to give up MIT. You can apply for the next semester. You don’t want to go to Duke.”
AJ reached up and wrapped her hands around his wrists. “Kyle, stop. I care about you, you know that, but I love Evan. I know you don’t like hearing that, but I do. It would never work between us. I was still underage when you told me how you felt. I don’t want anyone to think you groomed me or that you abused your position. I don’t want to ruin your image.”
Realization consumed his brown eyes. “But …”
“I love Evan too much to do that to him, Kyle. There are things about us that no one would ever understand, not even you. What Evan and I had before that night was special. I was the person he looked up to the most. I was the best friend he needed before I stupidly blurred that line. I understand Evan like no one else. And although he has never come out and said it, he wants a relationship with you. So I can’t. Not with you. I’m sorry, Kyle. He might forgive me someday for going to Duke, but he would never forgive me if I dated you. I love you, Kyle, I do, but I am in love with your brother. And it hurts to be in love with him. I just need to be away from him, and you, and Massachusetts for a while.”
She hadn’t realized she was crying until he wiped the tears away. “I understand you, Alexi.”
And that made her sob. “I don’t understand me,” she confessed. “Not anymore. I need to find out who I am without Evan.”
AJ’s hands fell away from his wrists, and Kyle wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him as if it were enough to protect her and her crumbling heart. But he couldn’t. No one could protect her anymore. Not from what she was about to do today.
Because she would now be the villain to the boy she loved.
And to the man who currently held her, she would be the foolish girl who had better presented before her on a silver platter and stupidly sent it back.
AJ loved to visit the pretty suburbia of Scarsdale, New York. Her uncle Alex and aunt Keira had lived in the same house since before their eldest son, Will, was born. Her father and uncle were best friends before her father fell in love with her mother. They’d known each other all their lives and had hated each other. Their love story was truly turbulent. Her mother was engaged to another man before she married AJ’s father, and that other man was her aunt Ally’s brother—though, AJ had never called him her uncle. He was never around much to really get to know. In fact, she had only met him once while her family was vacationing in Melbourne.
Once her father parked the car, she noticed her cousins, Will, Lori, and Reese, standing at the front door with smiles on their faces. Although she loved Lori and Reese with every beat of her heart, AJ and Will had a bond that was a lot stronger. For a long time, it had just been them until Lori came along and then Reese. Lori had just turned thirteen, and Reese was almost eleven.
“Alexi!” the girls screamed once AJ got out of the car and slammed the door shut. They ran to her and wrapped their arms around her.
“Hey, girls,” she said with a laugh. Then she smiled at her older cousin. “Hey, Will.”
“Hey, Alexandra.” His eyes shifted to the left, and she knew her parents were behind her. “Hey, Uncle Noel and Aunty Clara.”
“Look at you, Will. You are getting taller every time I see you,” her mother said. “Is my brother inside?”
“Out the back with Mom,” he replied. Her cousins had an American mother, so they didn’t call their mother ‘Mum’ like AJ did.
“Uncle Noel, did you bring us cupcakes?” Reese asked once she pulled away from AJ, giving AJ’s father her big brown puppy dog eyes. As always, AJ’s father was putty in Reese’s small hands.
“Maybe.”
“Uncle Noel!”
He laughed. “How about you tell Lori to let go of my daughter?”
Lori’s arms tightened around AJ. “No! I haven’t seen Alexi in forever. She has to tell me about how amazing high school is.”
“Lori,” Will warned in his deep big brother voice. “She can answer your questions later. Alexandra and I have some plans, if that’s okay with you guys?”
Her father’s large hand rested on AJ’s shoulder. “It’s all right with me, but Alexandra should at least say hi to her aunt and uncle first.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m right here, Dad.”
“No need,” Uncle Alex said from behind Will as he stepped out of the house. “Will, you and Alexandra spend some time together. The barbecue hasn’t begun. I’ll tell Keira you said hi. Lori, sweetie, arms off my favorite niece.”
Lori sighed. “Alexi is your favorite niece because she’s your only niece.”
Uncle Alex smirked. “Nah. It’s because she has my name. Her being my only niece has nothing to do with it. Just like you’re my favorite Lori.”
“I’m the only Lori you know.”
“Oh, you’re right. It must be
an only thing. All right, let Alexandra go with Will.”
“That’s not fair! Will always gets to hang out with Alexi the most!” Reese argued.
Will poked his tongue out and stepped toward AJ. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah.” AJ smiled at Lori and then Reese. “I promise when we get back, you both will have my undivided attention.” AJ spun around and shot her parents a reassuring smile. “Will and I will be back for lunch,” she promised as Will stood next to her.
AJ was sure that whenever she and Will slipped away, their families assumed they were doing something outrageous and fun. Instead, AJ and Will walked to the ice cream shop opposite the park, ordered soft serve cones, and sat on the bench underneath the oak trees. They people watched as they licked their ice creams, then they’d talk. And today was no different. AJ sat on that old wooden bench and let the warm summer air caress her face as she listened to her cousin talk about how much he loved California and college.
His stories were wonderfully entertaining.
And he made California sound like a magical dream.
“Sorry,” Will said as he lowered his ice cream from his mouth. “California’s probably a tough topic for you.”
Her stomach flipped. It was. Besides Evan, William Lawrence was one of her closest friends and confidant. When she couldn’t talk to Evan, she turned to Will. He wasn’t just one of her best friends; he was a brother to her.
AJ swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine, Alexandra.”
Her chin dipped as she glanced down at her phone in her lap. It had rung and beeped several times since she left Brookline this morning.
“He has no idea,” Will muttered.
AJ felt horrible because Will was right. Evan had no idea. After all, she thought he was one of the greatest guys on Earth. He just had no idea that he continuously hurt her.
“You can’t tell him if you ever run into him. Make me sound like a horrible person, Will. Tell him that I turned my back on my family and wanted to disappear. Just don’t tell him I’m at Duke.”
