by Len Webster
Will set his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “I won’t. You’re my cousin, Alexandra. You’re the last person I want to see hurt. Just be safe in North Carolina. I know I was supposed to look out for you in California, and that can’t happen with you on the other side of the country. But if you ever need me, I’m on the next plane out, all right?”
“Thank you,” she whispered; her voice, although small, was full of appreciation. AJ rested her head on her cousin’s shoulder, knowing that he wouldn’t tell Evan where she went.
“I hate him, you know,” Will stated.
“I know.”
“No, I really hate him.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” she reminded.
“He broke your heart.”
AJ clenched her jaw, hoping it would cause her forming tears to retreat. It didn’t. They slowly dragged themselves down her cheeks. “And someday, someone else will repair it,” she reassured.
Will hummed. “I thought he was good enough for you, Alexandra. It’s the only reason I backed off all these years. Now I know no one is good enough. Just like no guy is good enough for my sisters. Don’t settle for the first guy who gives you attention at Duke, okay?”
AJ remained silent as she let her eyes fall closed.
Right now, her life was at peace.
Soon, she was sure, it would spiral out of control.
“Okay?” Will asked once again.
“Okay, Will,” she promised as she let her mind wander back to the good ole days, when she had no idea what love meant or what it would do to her soul.
Evan: I woke up so hungover yesterday. How are you feeling today? Still feel sick?
AJ: I feel worse. How’s Vegas?
Evan: We stayed by the pool yesterday. Probably do the same today. What time do you fly out tomorrow?
AJ: I forgot. Don’t worry about picking me up at the airport.
Evan: Just meet up?
AJ: Yeah.
Nausea roiled through her stomach.
It wasn’t quite a lie.
Yesterday, after she let every single one of his texts and calls go unanswered, she felt a pain in her chest that left her breathless. But she had put on a brave face and enjoyed a Sunday barbecue with her family. They had left New York just after two p.m. and continued to drive through state after state before calling it a night and staying at a bed and breakfast in a small town in Northern Virginia. They had checked out early this morning and were just over an hour away from the North Carolina state line.
Unable to continue her silent treatment, AJ had replied to a few of his messages.
But then she got another.
And another.
And then they were conversing.
Evan: All right. Let me know where you wanna meet or if you change your mind about me picking you up.
Evan: Ignore that last text. AJ, I’m picking you up from the airport tomorrow. Give me your flight details. Can’t wait to finally see you!
“Alexandra,” her mother said, gaining her attention.
AJ glanced up to find that her mother had twisted in her seat to look at her. “Yeah?”
“Look out the window. We’re about to enter North Carolina.”
Setting her phone next to her, AJ glanced out the window to see the large sign coming up. “Dad, can you stop?”
“Want a picture?” he asked, eyes still on the road.
“Something like that,” she mumbled as her father signaled right and pulled over on the side of the road.
AJ unbuckled her belt, opened the car door, and hopped out. When she closed the door behind her, she took in the large green sign with the North Carolina state flag on it. AJ took five steps closer and read the white letters that welcomed her.
WELCOME TO NORTH CAROLINA
AJ closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
This was her chance to start new.
Her chance to find out who she really was.
She would be AJ no more.
And when she opened her eyes, determination filled her.
Alexandra Louise Parker had finally found life today.
6 C
carbon
AJ
First day of senior year
I’m a senior.
I’m finally a senior.
AJ smiled as she stabbed her pancake with her fork and held it up.
She was now eating pancakes as a senior.
Senior pancakes for a senior.
Senior, senior, senior.
She would mourn the loss of summer later as she ate the breakfast her mother had made her and her father. AJ’s mother had been the one to wake her, cooing about what an important day it was. AJ hadn’t minded—except when Uncle Julian had insisted on video chatting while she brushed her teeth. He even had a say on what outfit she should wear—and by outfit, he wanted her to wear layers and layers of clothing until she was completely covered. He had also told her to ditch her textbooks, so she could have a great first day. Her uncle was an idiot but harmless.
AJ had received messages from Aunt Ally, Uncle Rob, Uncle Max, and Aunt Josie. And she had even talked with her grandfather for a few minutes as she brushed her hair. Last night, she had FaceTimed with Granddad Marcus, Grandma Louise, Uncle George, and Aunt Penelope, who had wished her luck on her first day of senior year.
Milestones were big with her large family. Even though they were in Australia, they all made sure she was never lonely.
Footsteps came down the stairs, and she instantly knew who it was.
It wasn’t her father since he was sitting adjacent to her.
And it wasn’t her mother who was frying her father’s bacon.
It was Evan.
“We have a front door,” AJ said as she reached over and picked up the jug of orange juice.
Her mother had already set a plate for him. She did it without fail every morning before she went off to either the bakery or the restaurant. Her mother was a famous culinary chef who divided her time between cooking Michelin star dishes in the South End of Boston and baking sweets at her bakery.
“Morning, Mr. P,” Evan greeted once he sat at the table.
AJ poured him a cup of juice and then set the jug down.
“Morning, Ev. Excited to start your senior year?”
Evan shot AJ a wink as he picked up his glass. “Pretty excited, Mr. P.”
“Evan, pancakes or bacon?” her mother asked from the stove.
“Whatever is easiest for you, Mrs. P.” He sipped his orange juice and then set it down on the table. “Do you wanna drive to school since it’s the first day or …?”
AJ crinkled her nose. “You can drive.”
“I drove all last year,” he countered.
“You have breakfast at my house every day. The least you can do is drive.”
“Your mother makes me breakfast every morning,” he corrected as a plate of pancakes and bacon was set in front of him. “Thank you, Mrs. P.”
Her mother smiled at him once she sat next to AJ’s father. “You’re welcome. Did your mother wish you a good first day of senior year?”
Evan’s smile faded. “She went to Chicago last night.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right, Mrs. P. It’s no big deal.”
Horror consumed her mother’s face. “It is a big deal, Evan. Don’t worry, we’ll take a picture of you with Alexandra before you leave for school.”
“Mum,” AJ complained.
“Alexandra, we’re taking pictures,” her mother said sternly.
AJ squinted at her mother, then turned her focus to her father, who was cutting his bacon. “Dad?”
He grinned. “Uh-uh, Alexandra. I’m with your mother. We’re taking pictures. Evan is, too, aren’t you, son
?”
“Yes, sir,” Evan said with a smile in his voice.
“Some best friend you are,” she hissed as she grasped her fork, wanting to poke him in the arm with it.
“Oh, come on, AJ! Don’t be mad,” Evan said, the humor heavy in his voice and bright in his brown eyes.
AJ glared at him as she slammed his car door with all her strength. But unfortunately, his car had to be one of those high-tech European cars that had doors that closed ever so gently.
She could just make out him shaking his head through his tinted windows. Evan got out and headed toward the back of the car with AJ following. He lifted the trunk, exposing their schoolbags. But before she could even reach for hers, Evan grasped her arm.
“Hey,” he said in a soft voice. “Please don’t be mad at me for too long, Alexandra.”
She flinched.
Alexandra.
He was serious.
Her first name leaving his lips was a rarity.
Something in her chest twitched at the sound of it.
Her body reacted differently from how she expected.
She stared at him, consumed by heat.
“W-what?”
A small smile graced his face. She never realized what a sweet grin he had until that moment. “I would kill to have my parents love me as much as your parents love you. Plus, I wanted pictures together. We’re one day closer to college, and I want your parents there to take pictures of us on our first day as freshmen at Stanford.”
Oh.
That heat now settled in her chest at his sincerity.
It was strange what his words did to her.
It bewildered her how quickly he could get her to stop being so mad at him.
AJ smiled, deciding to let it go.
Because Evan was right; she was lucky to have such great parents.
“Ev,” called Hunter, the baseball team’s right fielder, interrupting them.
Evan dropped his hand from AJ’s arm. He turned and did one of those weird secret handshakes the baseball team had. “What up, Hunt. How was your summer?”
AJ leaned against the trunk as she took in Hunter Jamison. He was the third in his family line or something. His father was African-American and originally from Brooklyn, but his mother was born and raised in Boston. Hunter was one of the most attractive guys in school with his brown skin and light green eyes. He knew he was hot and used it to his advantage. Then Hunter turned that dazzling grin of his at her.
“Alex?”
She blinked at him, confused at the unsureness in his voice. They’d spent all of middle school and high school in the same classes. She found it almost insulting that he forgot her. “Yeah, Hunter. The same Alex who has been in your classes for years.”
His chuckle was deep and smooth. “You look different.”
“I do?” AJ’s hair was a fraction longer, but she no longer wore it in a ponytail—tired of having to tie it up every morning for her summer job. Besides that, she was still her regular self.
“Yeah, your cheeks are sporting a blush. It’s nice. You look good,” he said with a wink.
A smile twitched on her lips, wanting to spread at his compliment. But she bit the inside of her cheek to hold it back. She would not be on Hunter’s list. The infamous list of girls who Hunter had apparently dated.
Evan cleared his throat next to her and then handed AJ her bag. “All right, Hunt. Off you go. Claire is giving you that come get me look that you love. And this year, it’s directed at you. I heard she dumped her college-bound boyfriend.”
Hunter spun around and glanced over at the gate to find Claire smirking at him. He peeked over his shoulder at AJ with a conflicted expression on his face. Then he let out a bothered sigh and turned his body back to face her and Evan. He gave Evan a long and hard look before he nodded. “I’ll see you both later.” And just like that, Hunter left them and approached Claire. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, making her giggle.
“What was that all about?” AJ asked, confused at how strange Hunter had acted. She pushed off the back of Evan’s car and faced him. He had concern written all over his face.
“Don’t worry about him,” Evan dismissed as he pulled his bag out of the trunk and then closed it. His lips curved, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Ready for our last first day of high school?”
AJ nodded. “One day closer to Stanford.”
That had done it.
The mention of Stanford brought a true smile to his lips. “One day closer to Stanford,” he agreed as he locked his car and led her out of the student parking lot to the main building.
7 N
nitrogen
EVAN
Now
“Fuck off!”
“I mean it, Hunt, get your ass out of that bed.”
Hunter, his high school baseball teammate and best friend, groaned loudly. “Why?”
“AJ’s flying into LA today, remember?” Evan ran the white cotton towel through his soaked brown hair.
“She’s not the love of my life!”
Evan’s entire body stilled. His eyes wide in the bathroom mirror reflection. “W-what did you just say?”
“I said, she’s not my best friend. You hearing shit?”
His entire body hunched over in relief.
AJ, the love of my life?
He might feel strongly about her, but she was not the love of Evan’s life.
She was his best friend.
Always would be his best friend, and Evan couldn’t wait to finally be starting their college life together at Stanford. After years of waiting, years of wanting time to pass by, they would finally both be away from Kyle and Boston.
“Are you meeting her at the airport?” Hunter asked; the sound of sheets rustling followed, indicating that his best friend was up. Along with Hunter, Cameron, Jake, and Ryan had come to Vegas for the week-long trip. However, only Hunter was attending college in California and had road tripped it with Evan back to LA. The others would be flying back to Boston to pack for college.
Evan glanced down at his light gray button-down shirt. It seemed appropriate to prove to AJ that he was taking steps toward maturity, ready for Stanford. The thought of his best friend caused a tightening in his chest.
All summer, she had acted strangely.
She wasn’t herself.
She hadn’t been the same since the night of senior prom when he found her in tears, demanding who he was to her. He’d never seen her so broken. Never seen her in so much pain. The next morning, he had crawled through her window to see the shame on her face. She apologized and said that she had no idea what had gotten into her. After that, he felt off around AJ. Every time he looked at her, something in her eyes always made his chest feel heavy. Guilt consumed him. Something was wrong between them, and he had no idea what to do or say to fix it.
At graduation, she was valedictorian, and her speech was mesmerizing. She spoke of everyone going their separate ways to find themselves in the big, bad world. She had worked hard on her speech, and at the end, she had tears. Then they took photos and had dinner at her house with her parents and Kyle. Evan realized it was probably the only day when AJ seemed comfortable around him since prom. Evan’s own parents hadn’t bothered to show up, but he was relieved to see his older brother there—even if he was only there to watch AJ graduate.
Dropping the towel on the bathroom counter, he looked over his attire and decided it was enough. He spun around and made his way out of the bathroom only to stop in his tracks when he noticed Hunter’s horrified expression.
“What the fuck are you wearing?”
“What?”
Hunter burst out laughing. “Jesus Christ.”
Annoyance coursed through Evan’s veins. “What?”
“Please tell me you have a bouquet for Alex.”
/>
“I don’t have a bouquet for my best friend.”
Hunter ran his hands down his face and then cleared his throat. “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. It’s ninety degrees out there, and you’re wearing that. I know you, button shirt. Do you have anything for Alex for when she lands? Come on, be honest.”
“I got her an LA Dodgers jersey yesterday.”
“Are you planning on proposing because you getting her a non-Red Sox jersey sounds weirdly romantic for you?”
“Will you stop? AJ is my best friend.”
Hunter got up from his hotel bed, went to Evan’s bed, and picked up his phone. “When are you gonna realize, Ev?”
“Realize what?” he asked as Hunter gave him his phone with a tight smile on his face.
“Trust me, she doesn’t deserve that. Me just giving you the answer. You’ll both figure it out at Stanford.”
“You’re not making—”
“I’m gonna take a shower. Text Alex. Go pick her up, take her to brunch, and just talk. You were no fun in Vegas, Gilmore. All you did was talk about how much you missed the real Alex when you weren’t drunk.” And before Evan could ask if Hunter was still intoxicated from last night, his teammate pushed past him and headed for the bathroom.
When the bathroom door closed, Evan sighed and sat down on the bed. He glanced down at his phone to find no new messages or calls from AJ. He found that weird—especially since she was flying from Boston to LA today. Evan unlocked his phone and decided to text her to get her flight number so he could meet her at the airport.
Evan: Morning, AJ. You leaving for Logan soon? You forgot to text me your flight details. Still feeling sick?
He waited.
Long, grueling seconds turned into minutes until she replied, easing the anxiety that took over his body.
