The Theory of Unrequited (The Science of Unrequited Book 1)

by Len Webster

  Evan sighed. “Is that supposed to make me sympathize with you? No one asked AJ to homecoming because you told all those coaches to tell their players she was off-limits.”

  “I’m sorry. I thought homecoming was next week. I thought …”

  “What? You thought what, Kyle?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” his brother mumbled.

  “No, it does matter. What did you think? She’d go with you if no one asked her. Newsflash, Kyle, she didn’t. Because when no one asked her, she stayed home. She didn’t go to you.”

  Kyle had muttered something that Evan couldn’t make out before he asked, “Why didn’t you take her?”

  “Because she didn’t tell me. Knowing her, she didn’t want me to feel bad and dump my date. Had I known, I’d have taken her,” he informed as he reached out for the door handle and pulled on it. “You gotta stop. She’s never going to be with you, Kyle. And if you really cared for her, you’d let her live her life. Some guy in one of her classes should have taken her to homecoming. Not some twenty-four-year-old who can’t see the truth. She loves you like a brother. You say I do stupid shit, but at least, I make her happy. You hurt her today. Stay away, Kyle.”

  “Does she know what I did?”

  Getting out of his car, Evan gripped his phone tighter as he closed the car door. “No. And I’m not going to tell her.”

  “Thank you,” Kyle said in a small voice, no doubt hating the fact he was thanking Evan for keeping his perfect image intact.

  “I’m not doing it for you,” he informed as he walked toward AJ’s house. “I’m doing it for her. It would kill her if she knew what you did. I’m sure you had good intentions, but you were selfish. We’ve both been selfish when it comes to AJ. She wants you in her life, and I’m not gonna stop that. I will stop you from doing something that will negatively affect her. Good luck with your arm, Kyle. I hope tonight you realize what a fucking dick you are. Good night.” Evan hung up the moment he reached AJ’s front door.

  He took a deep breath and slid his phone and keys back into his pants pocket. Curling his fingers, he formed a fist and knocked on her door. His tense posture relaxed the moment the outdoor light above him illuminated and he heard the deadbolt unlatch. Seconds later, the front door opened, and a shocked expression consumed AJ’s face.

  “Evan,” she breathed. “What are you doing here? Is homecoming over?”

  He stood there and took her in. She still wore the atom sweater and had her brunette curls fastened in a high ponytail. There was not a hint of makeup on her face, and that smile of hers was refreshing to see.

  AJ didn’t have to try.

  That wow moment he had thought he’d have as he watched Addison walk down those stairs had been taken away by his best friend.

  She was so perfect, and she had no idea.

  He cleared his throat. “No, I left.”

  She blankly blinked at him. “Why?”

  “Because it wasn’t right.”

  “It was boring, huh?” she asked with hope-filled green eyes.

  Evan laughed. “I can honestly say, without lying to you, that it was boring. But that wasn’t why it didn’t feel right.”

  “What happened?”

  “Not asking you to homecoming is what happened. I should have asked you, Alexandra. I’m sorry that I didn’t. No matter how not-us homecoming is, I should have asked you. And I shouldn’t have asked for your approval on how I asked Addison. Because, deep down, I know that if I had asked you, that’s probably how I should have done it. The right ask but the wrong girl. I should have taken my best friend.”

  Her green eyes glimmered up at him as that sweet AJ smile graced her lips. “I would have said yes.”

  “Because I’m your best friend?”

  She shook her head. “Because it would have been the right thing to do. It doesn’t matter if the guys at school think I’m a loser and not worthy enough to be asked to homecoming. I still have you, and I would never trade a date to a stupid dance for you, Evan.”

  A pinching sensation consumed his chest.

  AJ left him breathless.

  AJ made him feel right.

  AJ made him feel as if he was needed and worth something.

  “AJ,” he said in a small voice, terrified of what could escape him in this vulnerable moment she unknowingly had him in.

  His best friend held out her hand. “Since homecoming is over for you tonight, would you like to help me make pizza and watch whatever new series is the latest must watch on Netflix?”

  “Make pizza? AJ, we can just order pizza.”

  She raised her brow at him. “It’s more fun this way. Plus, that is my backup plan in case I burn it. So come on.”

  Smiling, he grasped AJ’s hand, and she pulled him into her house. Evan kicked the door closed before she dragged him down the hall and into the large kitchen.

  Pizza and AJ …

  This should have been my homecoming night from the very start.

  15 P

  phosphorus

  AJ

  Now

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (1 day) Your number has been disconnected.

  AJ,

  I tried calling you back, and you didn’t answer. This morning, I tried calling, but your number has been disconnected. AJ, please. Can we talk about this? I get it, okay? I get it. I fucked up with prom. I made you promises that I didn’t keep.

  I HURT YOU.

  I know that.

  Kyle uses that every chance he gets to punish me for not taking care of you.

  What college did you go to?

  Was it Yale?

  God, please tell me it was an Ivy League school.

  AJ, I’m so sorry.

  This is all my fault.

  Please email me back.

  Evan.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (4 days) Your new number …

  AJ,

  I know you listened to my voice messages or at least the first three words before you disconnected your number, which is always, “I’m sorry, AJ.”

  I feel like I’m gonna have to type them out in each email I send you because I feel like this is the only way I can reach you. I know you have a new number, AJ. Please, send it to me. I want to fix this.

  I want to fix us.

  I want my best friend back.

  I don’t care that you’re not here in Stanford anymore.

  I just need you in my life.

  You’re everything that was right in my life.

  Without you, who am I, AJ?

  Who am I if not your best friend?

  I lie in bed, hoping and praying you went to a good school, and you can show off that brilliant mind of yours.

  I lie in bed and think about the past year over and over.

  MIT.

  It was there.

  I made you think MIT was never an option.

  I never listened to you enough.

  I never thought of your needs enough.

  There is no me without you, AJ.

  Please, just give me your new number, and we’ll talk.

  I need you back.

  I need you, Alexandra.

  I know you didn’t choose Kyle.

  I know that now.

  Please, email me back.

  Evan.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (8 days) Just tell me you went to a college that deserves you.

  I’m sorry, AJ.

  Please tell me which college you went to.

  I desperately need to know that I didn’t fuck up your chances at your Ph.D. Your parents won’t call me back. My brother tells me that you’ve adjusted well to your classes. I have to be civil with him b
ecause it means I get to hear about you. Do you know how hard it is to swallow my pride and talk to him? I know he gets a thrill out of knowing that I need him to hear that you’re okay.

  I need you, AJ.

  I almost drove to Berkley to ask Will—to beg Will—to tell me where you are.

  I’m in constant pain.

  Is that what you want to hear?

  That you ABANDONING me hurts?

  Because it does.

  It fucking hurts not to hear from you.

  It fucking hurts that I can’t see you.

  You should have told me how much I hurt you.

  You should have told me you went to another college.

  You took away everything, AJ.

  You were the biggest part of me, and now you’re gone.

  You took you away, and I don’t know who I am anymore.

  Forgive me, AJ.

  I can forgive you.

  Give me a chance.

  Evan.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (15 days) I don’t know who I am anymore.

  I’m sorry, AJ.

  I wish there was more I could do. I desperately want to hear your voice. I’ve never missed anyone in my life more than I have missed you, AJ.

  I hate it here at Stanford.

  I hate walking around and thinking that I might see you.

  You’re not here.

  I’ve searched and searched, but you’re not here.

  You’re not in California.

  I’ve asked around, and no one knows where you are.

  You’ve managed to pick the one college no one from back home went to.

  Fuck.

  God, please don’t tell me you’re in Australia.

  That you went to Melbourne for college?

  No. You couldn’t do that to your mom and dad.

  The only hope I have is Thanksgiving break, but that’s SEVENTY-TWO days from now. I can’t keep doing this for seventy-two more days, AJ.

  There’s fall break, but I have no idea what college you went to.

  If our colleges even have the same fall break.

  So I’m hoping for Thanksgiving.

  Don’t deny me Thanksgiving, AJ.

  I deserve Thanksgiving with you for waiting seventy-two days from now.

  You and me and Brookline in seventy-two days.

  Evan.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (21 days … I think. Cam says 21 days!) I think about you.

  I’m sorry, Alexandra.

  I thought of you tonight.

  Before this party with some of my baseball teammates.

  I thought of you during the party.

  I thought of you right now.

  No.

  I’m THINKING about you right now.

  Fuck, I miss you.

  I miss your green eyes.

  I miss your smile.

  I fucking miss you.

  I might have drunk a bit, but that doesn’t change anything!

  My teammate thinks you’re pretty.

  Told him to get fucked because you’re fucking beautiful.

  I don’t have to be your ex-best friend to know that.

  Pretty sure all my teammates … all the Cardinals—I’m a Cardinal now, AJ!—are in love with you.

  I told them they’re not allowed.

  I’m still protecting you.

  Are you still protecting me?

  Are you missing me?

  Do you get fucking drunk each weekend to forget me the way I try to forget you?

  Evan.

  To: AJ

  From: Evan

  Subject: (22 days) I’m sorry you had to read all that.

  I’m so sorry, AJ.

  I like to believe you still read my emails.

  I’m sorry you had to read my drunk sorry ass ramblings.

  Please, AJ, talk to me.

  Even when I’m drunk, I can’t let you go.

  I just need one email back.

  I just need you to come back to me.

  Evan.

  College was hard.

  It was exhilarating and terrifying to learn so much more than she had in high school. Her science classes back in Massachusetts had only brushed the surface. Quantum Physics was AJ’s favorite class. Her professors lit up when she answered questions right. One professor had told her they doubted her scholarship potential when she’d walked into class on the first day. But she was too vulnerable and hurt to participate in the first week of classes. Her self-inflicted emotional wounds from her last ever call from Evan hadn’t healed over. But with time, she learned to live with her pain. She had no one to blame for her agony but herself.

  So all she did was throw herself into her papers and course load. She had no job to take her mind off things. AJ had been so desperate that she had almost applied for a waitressing job. She didn’t need the money, but she did need something to take her mind off Evan. But she couldn’t let her parents down. So AJ settled for walking to the library each day and spending hours upon hours studying and working on her assignments when she wasn’t in the science or computer labs. Soon, it would be fall break, and AJ considered going home. Her parents missed her, and she missed them. But she still hadn’t made up her mind. She would have to find out if Stanford’s fall break coincided with Duke’s. If it did, she wouldn’t be returning home.

  It was too early to see Evan.

  It was too early because her heart wasn’t fully healed from him.

  AJ felt her table vibrate, and she glanced away from her textbook to find Kyle had texted her. In the six weeks since she left Brookline, he messaged her every day without fail. He kept her updated about Evan—even though she never asked him to. She hadn’t told him that she had read all of Evan’s emails. She lied and said she received them but never had the time or desire to read them.

  A terrible lie.

  She didn’t want to tell him that she was a junkie, waiting for another fix when Evan emailed her. In the past few weeks, she had restrained herself. Found composure and didn’t wait around for him to send his daily emails.

  Kyle: Alexi, will you be home for playoffs? Game one is on the 6th. Doesn’t your fall break start on the 7th? You could be home in time for game two.

  She pressed her lips together at the dates. She knew how important the playoffs were. Win against the Cleveland Indians and the Red Sox would go to the World Series. Lose and they still had the chance for the wildcard. Kyle’s pitching had been off for a few games, and she knew that her being there could mean the world to his confidence.

  AJ: Home advantage is good. I know they’re important. Three years in a row is a lot of pressure. I will try my best to make it, okay? I still have assignments due.

  Kyle: I know, kid. I’m just hoping to see you in your regular seat. It’s been hard to adjust from you being at every home game to you not being there. As long as you watch the game, I’ll be happy.

  AJ: I’m still your number one fan even from all the way in North Carolina. I’ll be home to visit soon. Good luck. You’re going to do your very best against the Indians. You’ve done this before, Kyle. You know I believe in you.

  Locking her phone, she set it next to her laptop and returned to her textbook. She was reading about wave propagation. She had known the basics during her physics classes in high school, but with Mr. Miller’s extended tutoring during her free periods, she understood it in more depth than she had before. She found what she was reading like a second language to her. But AJ knew the tricky part was solving problems associated with wave propagation. The way waves traveled and how to interpret them was not easy.

  “Let’s go Blue Devils!” someone shouted behind her.

  Then a few students
joined in as someone shushed them. AJ shook her head and concentrated on the text and diagrams in front of her.

  “Dude, shut up. You’re going to get us kicked out of the library!”

  People ran past her table laughing.

  Then she heard someone say, “Massachusetts?”

  She blinked at her notebook, thinking she was hearing things.

  “Massachusetts, it is you.”

  AJ lifted her chin to find the basketball player she had spoken to at the Sigma Nu party from weeks ago. She hadn’t thought of him since classes had started, but she was surprised they hadn’t bumped into each earlier. AJ was concerned with classes and spent any free time with her roommate. Unlike AJ, Savannah had started a job at one of the coffee shops on campus. It meant less time spent together, but Savannah needed a job to pay for her expenses since her father was working two jobs to keep her enrolled at Duke.

  “It’s good to see you, Massachusetts.”

  That was all he had to go with.

  It was all she had given him.

  The great state where AJ was born and raised in.

  She might be Australian, but she was a Massachusettsan at heart.

  “Connecticut, I wish I could say the same,” she said.

  He smirked. “Ah. I’ve approached you at a bad time. You’re studying, I see.”

  AJ bit back her need to smile at his sass. “At the library, I know, I can’t believe it.”

  He took the seat in front of her and grasped her textbook, pulling it closer to him to read it upside down. “Shit,” he muttered. “What are you studying, Massachusetts?”

  “Physics.”

  “Physics?”