by Len Webster
Pride shone in his coach’s dark brown eyes. “The love of baseball must run in that Gilmore blood of yours. Your brother must be proud.”
I doubt it.
But Evan couldn’t say that.
“I just want to be my best for when the season starts,” Evan said, not completely lying to his coach. The truth was, he just needed to let out his frustrations. Concentrate on baseball rather than on how his best friend was breaking his heart.
Because that was what AJ had done.
She had broken his heart.
Taken away his life from him.
Left him without her and the oxygen that she was.
“Well, go back to your dorm and rest. We don’t want you injuring yourself before the season even starts.” His coach pressed his lips into a tight smile as he grasped Evan’s shoulder. “Son, you ain’t got nothing to prove. You’re not your brother. You’re your own person. Kyle Gilmore is one of the best pitchers in recent Major League history. But you, Evan, I’ve not seen someone bat the way you do in a long time. You’re talented. Don’t think you gotta show off and try to outshine or imitate your brother. He had to start somewhere. Now, off you go. Get out of here.”
Evan nodded. He understood where his coach was coming from. But unlike Kyle, Evan had no desire to go pro. Baseball was his way into Stanford. He had been offered a scholarship after he had sent his admission application and essays.
“Yes, Coach,” Evan said, then handed Coach Matthews his helmet and bat.
Once Evan made it to his locker, he opened his gym bag to grab his toiletries bag. He rummaged around until he came across a gray sweatshirt he hadn’t realized he had packed this morning. Evan hadn’t wanted to wake up his roommate, Milos, so he kept the light off and grabbed the first article of clothing he touched from the hanger.
Alexandra.
No matter how long he worked on his batting and technique …
No matter how hard he hit the ball that sped toward him at fifty miles per hour …
Nothing could make him forget her or the pain of losing her.
Evan lowered himself down onto the steel bench and took in the gray Stanford sweatshirt AJ had given him for Christmas.
He remembered the smile on her face as he tore away the paper and pulled it out. Evan’s thumbs brushed against the cardinal red letters as he brought it up to his nose and inhaled.
It still smelled like her.
She had worn it for half a day, but her perfume remained.
His chest tightened at the thought of her.
Of how simple and perfect Christmas was.
The memory of her wide eyes when he had given her the oxygen atoms necklace.
“Eight protons. Eight neutrons, Alexandra,” he whispered as he had on New Year’s Eve. Then he stood, turned, and stared at his Stanford sweatshirt one more time. “Eight protons. Eight neutrons,” he repeated and dropped the sweatshirt onto his gym bag.
It took him losing Alexandra for him to finally understand why he truly whispered those four words to her.
It had been a few days since he found the sweatshirt AJ had given him in his gym bag. Evan hadn’t worn it, deciding to keep the smell of AJ’s floral perfume on the one piece of clothing that meant the most to him. The moment he finished his shower, he wore a spare T-shirt from his locker and carefully folded the sweatshirt as if it were the most precious thing in the world.
To Evan, it was.
After he had sent AJ that horrible email, Evan woke up the next day feeling like shit. He was worse than shit for what he had written to her. From that moment on, he promised to be better. He matured, not partying as often as he had with his teammates. He concentrated on pre-season training and getting fit. He preoccupied his mind and time on being better for AJ so that he didn’t have to think of her.
He sent her an email every day.
And he called her parents daily.
He never got a reply from AJ, and Mr. and Mrs. Parker had not answered any of his calls.
He couldn’t fault them.
They had their daughter’s best interest in mind. They had to protect her, and Evan was happy that they continued to protect her from him.
“I’ll see you later, Evan,” Milos, his roommate, said at the door.
Evan glanced up from his textbook to wave goodbye to Milos, who was leaving for his computer engineering class. As for Evan, he had a day free of classes and was spending it catching up on his lectures and rewriting his notes for finals.
“Later, Milos,” Evan said as his roommate and close friend left their dorm room. When the door closed, he glanced over at the picture of him and AJ he kept on his desk. He was hugging her, and she had a smile on her face. He missed the way she smiled the most. No girl at Stanford was AJ. No girl even came close, so he didn’t bother with them.
No one could ever replace who she was to him.
Who she always would be to him.
As Evan removed his gaze from AJ’s green eyes, his phone rang next to him. He had been typing his daily—and desperate—email to his recluse best friend. Evan peeked down at his phone to see his brother calling. He spoke to Kyle every day to find out how AJ was. At first, it killed him to have to swallow his pride and speak to his brother. But now, it was a daily occurrence. He still thought his brother was a selfish bastard for helping AJ leave him, but he couldn’t be upset or angry with Kyle. He updated Evan on AJ’s welfare, safety, and life.
Sighing, Evan picked up his phone and answered it. “Hey, Kyle.”
“Evan,” Kyle said in a small voice. Normally, Evan could hear a smirk in his voice, but not this time. Kyle sounded … off.
“Is she okay?” were the first three words he blurted out.
His brother was silent.
“Kyle?” He paused. “Please. Is she okay?”
“She’s okay,” his brother confirmed. “I’ve been thinking about her …”
Evan winced, still hating that his brother was so in love with her. “Okay.”
“Evan?”
“Yes, Kyle.”
“We have to be brothers again. We have to work on our relationship for her. It’s what she wants. She knows that she’s gotten between us. But I mean, we let that happen. Not her. She wants us to be brothers again.”
“AJ wants that?” Evan asked, confused and shocked.
“She does. So I’m going to do something to prove to you that I want us to be brothers again.”
“Okay,” he replied, unsure.
“Promise me that you’ll forgive me. I just wanted her to be happy. And it means putting aside our differences because it’s not me she wants. She never wanted me. So I want her to be happy, and she wants us to be brothers.” Kyle paused then inhaled a sharp breath. “Evan, I’ll tell you where she is.”
His heart stalled in his chest.
His lungs burned as they struggled to filter out the bad air.
“You … You’ll tell me what college she went to?”
“I will. To prove to you that I want to be the big brother I should have always been to you.”
“Where is she, Kyle?”
His brother inhaled a deep breath and was silent for a long moment.
Evan waited, knowing that this was hard for Kyle to do.
To let go of AJ.
To stop letting her get between them.
To let Evan and AJ be together.
“She’s at Duke, Evan.”
His jaw dropped as he glanced over at the picture of him and AJ. “Duke?”
“Yes,” his brother confirmed.
Evan hung up on Kyle, got out of his chair, and ran to his closet. He pulled out his Stanford baseball duffle, set it on his bed, and threw clothes inside before he zipped up the bag. Then he ran back to his desk and picked up the picture of them, his thumb brushing against A
J’s face.
“Duke,” he said unbelievably. His heart clenching in his chest. “You’re at Duke.”
24 Cr
chromium
EVAN
Senior year of high school
“George, how’s the dentistry going?” AJ’s father asked as they sat around a table at her mother’s restaurant. Tonight, his and AJ’s favorite employee was working. Danny was her mother’s executive chef and dear friend.
When AJ’s mother didn’t work, the executive chef did. Danny had worked with her mother in Melbourne at the Little Bakery on Little Collins Street before he had moved to America to take over the famous Leopold restaurant in San Francisco. When AJ’s mother told him she was opening her own bakery and restaurant, she had asked her former boss if he could look over her designs and give his input. Danny had been her mentor, and when he had visited Boston, she asked if he could be her executive chef since Clara Parker was pregnant at the time. From then on, Danny had worked at the Little Restaurant in Boston, having moved to Massachusetts to help establish the Michelin star restaurant.
“I was worried about setting up my own practice after being with my partner for so long, but the location was good and business is steady. A lot of braces were put on kids last week,” AJ’s Uncle George said.
Evan nodded along and glanced over to find AJ’s grandmother smiling at him. He had been surprised when Mrs. Parker entered the living room and asked if he would like to accompany the Parkers to dinner. Evan was about to decline, feeling as if he were imposing on AJ’s family, but Granddad Marcus insisted that he come. AJ’s mother had just laughed when he agreed so that he didn’t upset AJ’s grandfather. Then he went home to change while AJ did. He had been wearing jeans and a T-shirt under his hoodie, but Mrs. Parker’s restaurant was fancy. Still had that homey feel to it, but it was an award-winning restaurant, and he didn’t want to disrespect her. So he changed into a pair of black dress pants and a long-sleeve white dress shirt. He wore a winter coat to shield him from the winter conditions and leather shoes instead of his preferred Converse.
It was all about making sure AJ and her family were happy.
They had always been nice to him.
Took care of him.
Welcomed him into their lives when they had no reason to.
They made him a part of their family, and for that, he would always be thankful to the Parkers for showing him what a real family was like. And the Parkers trusted Evan enough to drive their only daughter to dinner.
AJ had been off since he came over after he had changed. She was still polite and held a conversation with no issues, but she was quiet when the conversation didn’t need her input. Evan knew something was troubling her. She isolated herself and retreated into her mind when she was upset. It was her way of defending herself. When she was twelve, she had been called a freak by some of the popular girls in their middle school. She had walked away and never said another word that day.
When they had walked home, Evan stopped her at the corner of their street and demanded that she tell him what was wrong. That was the day she told him that it hurt to be called a freak for being smart. That she didn’t want to be smart anymore. It was also the day Evan threatened to stop talking to her if she ever gave up on loving science again. What AJ didn’t know was the next day he had confronted those girls and told them off—stating that Miles, the guy all the girls in their year level loved, wouldn’t like them and that AJ had helped him with his science project, making science cool.
So Evan was well aware of when AJ was upset.
He glanced over at Mrs. Parker and saw her concerned expression as she stared at her daughter.
Then AJ set her napkin down and said, “I have to use the bathroom,” excusing herself.
“Sure thing,” her grandfather said as AJ smiled down at him and then left their table.
Evan watched her walk toward the back of the restaurant until he couldn’t see her anymore.
“Is she okay?” Mr. Parker asked.
“I’m not sure. I’ll go check on her.” AJ’s mother got out of her chair and went after her daughter.
Evan sat there unsure of whether to stay. He didn’t want to be rude or offend AJ’s family if he got up and followed. Evan scanned the table and let out a sigh, deciding that his best friend mattered more than her family’s opinion of him.
“I’m sorry,” Evan said to the entire table. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d like to go check on my best friend.”
AJ’s grandmother and aunt smiled at him.
“Go,” her father insisted, and Evan didn’t need further encouragement as he left the table and rushed to the back of the restaurant.
When Evan rounded the corner, he found Mrs. Parker brushing away AJ’s tears. “It’s okay,” she whispered.
AJ sniffled. “Mum, I missed it. I can’t believe I missed it.”
“Is there a waiting list?”
“No.”
“Alexandra, it’ll be okay.”
“I didn’t realize how much I wanted it until I saw that I couldn’t have it. You were right. You were so right.”
Unable to continue to watch his best friend cry, Evan walked toward them. “AJ,” he said as her mother stepped away. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yeah, sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. You’re upset.” He wrapped his arms around her and brought her to his chest.
“It’s not your fault,” she whispered. Then she pulled back to look at him. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head in confusion. “What isn’t my fault, AJ?”
Her eyes widened as if she had realized something. She looked at her mother and then back at him. “Can we go?”
“You want to leave your family?”
She nodded. “Is that okay, Mum?”
Mrs. Parker hugged her daughter and whispered, “It happens, Alexandra. These things happen. Some things are just not meant to be.” Then she turned and faced Evan with a sad smile on her lips. “Evan, I trust you with my daughter, okay? So wherever you drive, please be careful out there in the snow.”
“Yes, Mrs. Parker. I’ll be careful.”
“Good. I would much rather you drove her home, but I think that might be the last place Alexandra wants to be. Now, go. I’ll take care of everything. Okay, Alexandra?”
“Thanks, Mum.” Then Mrs. Parker left them alone, and AJ grasped his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you or anyone in my family.”
He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”
AJ shook her head. “Honestly, Evan, no. If that’s okay? I think if I talk about it, I might just feel horrible. And I don’t want to feel horrible. Some things happen for a reason, right?”
“Right.”
“And sometimes dreams change, right?”
She had no idea she was crying.
Had no idea why pain flashed in her green eyes.
Evan reached up and brushed her tears away. “Change but not end. Remember that, AJ. Because I don’t want to upset you further, I’ll drop it. I won’t ask. But I will ask north or south?”
A smile slowly spread across her face. “South,” she whispered.
“How far south?”
AJ took a deep breath and pressed her palm to his chest. “Watch Hill.”
“Okay,” Evan said, wanting nothing more than to make her happy and rid her of the hurt in her eyes and the frown that quickly consumed her face.
Because he never wanted to make anyone happier in this world than Alexandra Parker. And if a drive on a cold winter’s night to Rhode Island was what she wanted, it was what he’d give her.
AJ said nothing during their drive to Watch Hill.
And she remained quiet as they sat on the beach while the snow fell. Evan was glad that he’d
grabbed their coats on the way out. He had helped AJ put hers on as they waited for his car at the valet. Every time he glanced over at her as he drove, she’d either be staring out the window or at her hands. When they arrived at the beach, AJ texted her mother that they had arrived safely, and he helped her out of the car. He hated knowing that the black stockings she wore offered her little protection from the cold. AJ had dressed nice for tonight’s dinner with her visiting family, but dressing nice would give her hypothermia, so Evan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and brought her close.
Her head rested on his shoulder as they took in the dark ocean in front of them.
“Evan,” AJ finally said.
He was thankful that the moon was bright tonight. It made looking in her eyes easier. “Yes, AJ?”
She sat up properly, breaking the contact of their bodies. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” he asked with a smile on his face, assuring her that she had nothing to apologize for.
“I’m just sorry,” she said in a tiny voice. Then she took a deep breath, and a small smile replaced that frown of hers. “Thank you for driving me to Rhode Island to get away.”
Evan dusted his hands of sand and grinned. “Whatever you need from me, AJ, I’ll gladly make it happen.”
“Do you mean that?”
Nodding, he reached over and unbuttoned the top of her coat so that her oxygen necklace glittered under the moonlight. He wasn’t lying when he said that she was his oxygen on Christmas Day. She was. AJ Parker made his sorry, lonely life full of purpose. She had been his oxygen all his life, and when he wrote the answer to the one question she didn’t want to read, he had written about her and just how much she mattered to him.
How much more she mattered to him than Stanford.
If only she had let him show her his essay, she just might understand. Evan felt strong feelings toward her. Feelings he wasn’t about to define. And feelings he didn’t want to define because she was his best friend and he feared what would happen if she was no longer his best friend.
His oxygen.
