Love Me Before Dawn

by Lindsay McKenna

  “A flat tire? Why didn’t you call me, Tess? I would have driven out and helped you.”

  She shook her head. “I know you would have, Shep. I—I was afraid to.”

  He watched her closely and understood what she wasn’t able to say—any time spent with him was a special, unfulfilled agony. He squeezed her arm. “It’s all right,” he soothed. “Go on.”

  Tess gave him a helpless look. “When I finally got home, Cy was sitting here.” Her voice wobbled and she held her hand across her mouth. “He—he said someone had seen us on the balcony. And then”—she sobbed harder, fighting back the deluge of fresh tears— “he wondered why I was late coming back from Palmdale. He knew I was with you. …”

  Shep clenched his teeth, drawing in a deep breath while she cried. He gripped her arm. “Tess, who told him all this?” he demanded tightly. “Who?”

  “Derek Barton! He’s a horrible little man! A subcontractor to Rockwell on the B-1 project.” She drew in a shaky breath, trying to get a hold on her rampant emotions.

  Anger, more chilling than a glacier in the Arctic, flowed through him. “He lied,” he breathed softly. “The bastard lied.”

  “And—and Cy’s dead because of that rotten, horrible lie! Oh, Shep—” she whispered painfully, “I can’t stand living with the pain of knowing I killed him.”

  He gripped her by the arms, giving her a small shake. “Stop it,” he growled. “That’s not true. Cy was a dedicated man. You said yourself he was a workaholic. He’d been putting in too many long hours. A man of his age who’s working like that is prone to a heart attack, Tess. What have the doctors said?”

  Shakily she wiped the tears away, looking up at him morosely. “They’re supposed to call this afternoon.”

  His face softened. “And the funeral?”

  Tess winced. “Two days from now.”

  His grip tightened momentarily until he realized he was hurting her. Relaxing it he said, “Do you have anyone to help you with the details?”

  She made a weak gesture with her hand. “Rockwell people. They’ve been very supportive.”

  “I mean a friend? Someone close who can help pull you through all of this.”

  Her mind fled over a list of the women she knew. The Rockwell secretaries hated her because of her position in the company. She had few outside friends. There was no other woman at her level, or even above her, whom she could confide in. She shook her head. “I—no, I don’t. It’s hard to explain. I spent my time either at the office with Cy or here at home with him.”

  He pursed his lips, watching her closely. “Tess, let me be here for you. It’s the least I can do under the circumstances.”

  Her eyes widened, broadcasting her anguish. “I can’t, Shep—Barton will be spreading rumors. I—” She halted, her voice growing hoarse. “No, you can’t. By now he’s probably spread it all over the aeronautics industry. If you’re around, there will be more ugly talk. I can’t bear it. I couldn’t take it,” she whispered, burying her face in her hands.

  Frustration curled in his stomach, tightening it. His gray eyes flashed with checked anger. “I’ll get him if it’s the last thing I do,” he snarled softly.

  She jerked her chin up, staring at him. The sudden change in his face frightened her. “Shep!”

  He smiled coldly, gripping her cool hand. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kill him. He deserves that, but I won’t do it. Someday we’ll meet and then….” He stopped, realizing he was upsetting Tess. “Sorry,” he murmured. “Forget it. I won’t do anything, Tess. Look,” he coaxed gently, “call me if you need me. I’ll come, no matter what time of day or night it is. Promise me that, Tess.”

  She was aware of the strength of his hand around her own. Just his touch soothed the ragged edges of her composure and gave her stability. “But—your wife. What will she think? God, I don’t want to be responsible for any more problems, Shep. You’re going up for major. I don’t want to cause you any trouble. This gossip will spread to the Air Force community. It could jeopardize your chances for the rank.”

  He gave her a self-deprecating smile, one corner of his mouth barely curving upward. “This can’t hurt my chances for major, Tess.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “It must have been one hell of a party we attended last weekend. Yesterday Allyson told me she wanted a divorce. Seems she’s found herself a full colonel who’s going up for general in another year.” He looked away, suddenly bitter. “I should have expected it. Aly was always a social climber.”

  Tess rubbed her forehead, trying to banish his words from her mind. That had all happened over seven months ago. She had barely reacted to the news of Shep’s pending divorce from Allyson. She had been in shock at the time, unable to feel anything as she murmured the proper words of sympathy. Her azure eyes grew dark now with remembrance of the gossip surrounding Cy’s death. It had started at the funeral and gathered tidal wave force during the months afterward. Even now, seven months after his death, the guilt and grief continued to shadow her waking hours and haunt her restless sleep.

  Fortunately, Dan Williams made brooding almost impossible. To escape the guilt and pain that haunted her, Tess lived her entire life at the office, much as Cy had done. Was she really like him? she wondered dully. Tess watched the fleecy white cumulus clouds drifting over the valley toward the San Gabriel Mountains.

  Because of the guilt she carried, Tess had decided to cut all communications with Shep Ramsey. She recalled the pain and disillusionment in his voice when he’d told her that Allyson was leaving him. She wondered how Shep was faring. Had the gossip cost him his promotion to major?

  From time to time a memo would cross her desk with his name in it. He was currently undergoing further training in the flying simulator with the rest of the men who would eventually pilot the B-1. And every time she saw his name, her heart would wrench with newfound pain and longing.

  Miserably, Tess turned away from the window, walking back to her desk. She had to quit thinking about Shep. About what might have been….

  Chapter 5

  “WE’VE GOT TROUBLE. I CAN SMELL IT,” DAN MUTTERED, reading the follow-up memo covering Tess’s conversation with Senator Stockwell. He put the copy down on his desk, looking across the room at Tess. “Stockwell will call a little impromptu chalk-talk with those antidefense lobbying groups,” he said tiredly. “The news will spread like wildfire. I can see it now—all the newspaper and television reporters jumping on the figures without ever giving the reason for the rise in cost. Damn.” He got to his feet, thrusting his fingers through his thinning gray hair.

  Tess shrugged wearily. It was Thursday morning and clouds covered L.A. like a suffocating white blanket. She didn’t know which was worse—the fog or the smog. “I’m alerting our public relations people to start scanning some of the nationally known newspapers for stories on it,” she said.

  Dan came around the desk and halted. He looked dapper in his brown corduroy suit, white shirt, and burnt sienna tie. “So typical of the media. I’ve never grown used to the fact they’re looking for a sensational story, not the truth.” He glanced at his watch. “Well, you about ready?”

  Tess looked up at him, surprise registering on her features. “Ready? For what?”

  “Don’t you remember? Our meeting with the Air Force up at Edwards. We’re to attend a luncheon and then we’re off to an engineering update with the test pilots and simulator people. What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Tess’s heart beat wildly in her chest. Shep Ramsey would be there! Oh, God! No. She had avoided him thus far. She couldn’t face him. Not after all the horrible gossip. The innuendos…Swallowing convulsively she murmured in desperation, “I have a schedule conflict, Dan. I can’t make it.”

  One gray eyebrow rose. “Oh? Come on, it’ll do you good to get out of the main office. Besides, I do need your help on this thing today. And remember, two weeks from now I’ll be out of the country. You’re going to h
ave to fill in on my behalf. Now cancel that other appointment and let’s get going.”

  It was a two-hour drive from the bowels of L.A. up through the San Gabriel Mountains and into the high desert. Edwards Air Force Base was surrounded by two dry lake beds, Rosamond and Rogers. Both could be utilized as landing sites for test aircraft during an emergency. Edwards also sported one of the longest runways in the world. The yellow ochre of the flat desert melded with the bone-whiteness of the lake beds, making the landscape seem endless to Tess. The hard-packed sand surface was dotted with sagebrush, mesquite, Joshua trees, and aimlessly wandering tumbleweeds.

  She kept her hands tightly clasped together in her lap during the trip. Her mind dwelt on Shep Ramsey. What would he do when he saw her? She broke out in a light perspiration, unsure of her own reaction. Everyone on base must know the sordid details of their supposed affair. Every set of eyes would focus on her and Shep. She chewed on her lower lip, wishing to save him the embarrassment that was sure to result from her going there today.

  Her stomach was so knotted by the time they arrived at the officers’ club at Edwards, Tess felt stabs of pain. I’m going to get an ulcer, she thought. She had worn a plum-colored dress of Qiana. The easy folds of the cloth were gathered at the waist to emphasize the cleanness of the design. Nervously she tugged at the sash and followed Dan into the club. The darkness temporarily blinded her after being out in the bright sunlight. Tess heard several male voices and blinked, stopping at Dan’s shoulder.

  “Major Cunningham,” Dan said, holding out his hand. “How are you?”

  “Just fine, sir. We boys from Arkansas are always fine.”

  Tess looked up into Cunningham’s handsome face. He nodded toward her, offering his hand. “Mrs. Hamilton, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Shep will be along shortly. He’s finishing up a session in the flight simulator.”

  She smiled weakly, gripping his hand. It was warm and hers was ice cold. “Thank you, Major.” Her eyes adjusted to the semi-gloom. Dan proudly introduced her as his assistant, and Tess shook the hands of the five Air Force test pilots, acutely conscious of their collective stare. She wanted to melt into the ground. They knew. They all knew. Luckily, Tom Cunningham seemed to sense her discomfort and directed his conversation toward her while Williams conversed with the other pilots.

  “I wanted to extend my condolences on your husband’s death, Mrs. Hamilton. I meant to write you a note.” He managed a shrug. “You know how men are about writing. So maybe you’ll accept my apologies now.”

  “Thank you, Major.”

  “Call me Tom. Better yet, since you’re going to be getting more involved with all of us as time goes on, call me Cowboy. Shep always teases me about riding those razorbacks down in my neck of the woods.”

  She couldn’t help but relax beneath his soft Southern drawl. He was truly an officer and a gentleman. “How about if I call you Tom when we’re in groups like this, and when we don’t have to be so professional or aware of social decorum, I’ll call you Cowboy?”

  He grinned broadly. “Good enough, Mrs. Hamilton.”

  “Call me Tess, please. I’m afraid I don’t have any nicknames like you do.”

  Tom smiled genially down at her. “I know one guy that has some pretty sweet names for you,” he said, confidentially lowering his voice. He became serious. “Look, Shep Ramsey is my best friend, Tess. He’s like a brother to me. I know the hell both of you have gone through these last few months, and I’d sure like to see you two get together.”

  Tess glanced up at his open, readable face. His tone was concerned, his expression genuine. She swallowed painfully. “I didn’t want to come up here, Tom,” she said in a rush of words. “I couldn’t get out of it. I didn’t mean to make it embarrassing for Shep. God, I feel like crawling into a hole!”

  “What for? You didn’t do anything wrong!” Tom lowered his voice, glancing around before he spoke. “I don’t know which one of you is more upset over this situation. Yet when I mention Shep’s name to you, I see a light in your eyes. Why don’t you two quit reacting to the gossip and begin seeing each other?”

  Tess stiffened. “Because he’s not officially divorced yet, Tom. That’s why.”

  “Yes, he is. Aly took off in February. The divorce was quick and clean.”

  She stared up at him. “I—I didn’t know,” she began lamely.

  Tom grimaced. “How could you? You two have been avoiding each other like the damn plague.”

  A trace of anger came through in her voice. “I’m sure you’ve heard all the juicy gossip about our affair that never happened?”

  He waved his hand. “You gonna let other people tell you how to live your life, or are you gonna make the decisions?”

  Tess reacted sharply. “No one runs my life!”

  “No? Then how come you never answered Shep’s phone calls and returned his letters unopened?” He moved a step closer, his eyes hardening. “Listen, you’re playing around with my best friend. He was just as torn up over this as you were. Shep’s taken it on the jaw here at Edwards from everybody. But he’s taken it in stride and hasn’t run away from it like you did.”

  Her nostrils flared in fury. “This is none of your business!” she whispered tautly. Tess turned to leave, but there was nowhere to go. The lobby was filling up with uniformed officers. She turned back toward the major, trembling. “Why are you doing this?”

  His face lost some of its hardness. “Because in a few moments Shep is gonna come through those doors. He deserves your courage, Tess. He doesn’t need a woman who will hide and run on him. Stay here and stick it out with him.” He gave her a quick pat on the arm. “Come on, I know you’re made out of strong stuff. You just don’t know it yet,” he coaxed gently.

  Shep was the last to arrive. Dressed in olive green flight suit and black boots, he stood out from the rest. Her heart skyrocketed, and suddenly she felt an incredible surge of joy lifting her depression. He stood taller than most of the officers as he looked around. Looking for her? She was opening her mouth to call his name when their eyes met and locked. His gray eyes darkened, and he stared across the room. He looked older. Tired. Tess feverishly scanned his face. There was darkness beneath his eyes and a grimmer set to his mouth. The corners were pulled in as if he were in pain. He had lost the golden tan, his skin now appearing to be sallow. Had he been sick? It was summer. Shep should have been out in the sun. Her mind spun with bits and pieces of things she wanted to say.

  Tom gripped her arm and leaned over. “Speak to him, Tess. He’s been through hell. I’ll sit with you two when it comes time to eat lunch.”

  Suddenly it was as if nothing else mattered. As Shep slowly walked toward her, she wondered why she hadn’t returned his phone calls or letters. He offered her a slight smile, taking off his flight cap, letting it dangle from the long fingers of his left hand. After shaking Dan’s hand and trading small talk, Shep made his way to her side.

  “So, Dan finally got you up here,” he said, halting inches from where she stood.

  “Drag would probably be a better word,” she offered, her voice barely above a whisper. The heat of a blush swept across her face as she saw him smile.

  Shep relaxed a little. “You look pretty good for being dragged, lady.”

  Tess wanned to his teasing and took a steadying breath. “I—”

  Shep shook his head. “Not here, not now, Tess,” he warned huskily. His gray eyes narrowed intently, hungrily appraising her upturned face. “I want to see you. Alone.”

  She trembled inwardly at the fervor in his hushed voice. “Yes,” she agreed. “We need to talk. I need to apologize to you for so much.”

  Relief washed over Shep’s face. “Tell Dan I’m driving you back to L. A. after the meeting. We can talk in the car. Anywhere. Just as long as I can see you, Tess. We’ll meet in the bar after the meeting and then go to my car, okay?”

  Sitting next to Shep at the luncheon was sweet agony. Tom sat to her left, keeping them both entertaine
d with the latest stories and jokes. Tess maintained a professional air despite the feeling of excitement bubbling up within her. Tom had wisely chosen a table at the back of the room, out of the way of prying eyes. Occasionally, Tess would look up and catch Shep staring at her. His gray eyes were warm, searching and—she couldn’t put a name on the emotion she saw in his look. Whatever it was, it sent her pulse pounding unevenly. He affected her so strongly that she never tasted the food she forced herself to eat.

  The meeting took place around an oval mahogany table. Dan Williams went over technical changes and reiterated the current project schedule. The test pilots scribbled notes and asked pertinent questions concerning the modifications. They then discussed the changes with the two Rockwell engineers who had come up expressly for the meeting.

  After the last questions were covered, the test pilots were dismissed. Tess immediately felt a new air of tension when General Roman and his top aides, a full colonel and a lieutenant-colonel, remained. The general stared at them from beneath his bushy brows, his thin mouth set in a grim line. A major closed the door quietly, and the four Air Force personnel stared across the table at the four Rockwell officials. Roman shot a glance at the major. The major promptly drew out a copy of The New York Times, placing it in front of Williams.

  “What the hell is this?” Roman grated, stabbing a finger at the newspaper.

  Dan picked up the paper, reading the headlines: B-I MISMANAGEMENT TO COST BILLIONS MORE.

  “Everything’s breaking loose on the Hill because of this,” Roman continued stormily. “The Department of Defense is up in arms. The B-1 office at the Pentagon is deluged by calls from every minor and major newspaper around the country wanting to know more details on these allegations.” His green eyes hardened. “And to top it off, Stockwell held a chalk-talk Conference with the antidefense lobbyists yesterday afternoon. Now just what is the story on this, Williams?”