Brendan gave her a hug and tweaked her nose once they’d gone. “You take care of yourself. No harassing the nurses,” he said.
Attie rolled her eyes. “I’ll do my best. You’re okay?”
Brendan grinned. “Gonna have a sexy scar across my chest the women are going to love. Or would have, if I hadn’t sworn off them.”
Attie raised an eyebrow. Her brother was a magnet when it came to women, almost as bad as St. Klare. Women were his life. He loved them. She never gave it much thought; it fit his lifestyle. A different woman every night was his style. He wasn’t the settle down, get married type. That would kill him. He was too much of an adventurer to settle down with one woman. And his women didn’t seem to mind. So what was this about?
“You? Sworn off women? I don’t believe it.”
His face grew serious and she began to worry. “Oh, my God, you’re serious,” she breathed.
“I am. But now’s not the time to discuss it. Know what, there’s nothing to discuss. I’m turning over a new leaf.”
“Now is the time.”
“You need your rest.”
“Dammit, Brendan, fess up. What made you swear off women?”
He sighed. “You really should get some rest.” He paused before plunging ahead. “The reason Santiago snatched me in the first place was because he knew I had a weakness for women. He set me up and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.”
She was struggling to keep up. Must be the drugs they were giving her. “He knew…it was a woman? How?”
“Long story short. I was in the airport waiting for my flight, a blonde bombshell approached me. I bought her a drink and did what I always do.”
“Took her to a hotel,” Attie guessed.
“Yep. I didn’t even make it to her car before she stuck a needle in my arm. It was lights out for me and I woke up tied to a chair. Inside a damn mountain. Still haven’t figured that one out. I’m sorry, sis, I never should have let my guard down.”
“So you have no idea who this woman was?”
“Nope. Never seen her again.”
“You couldn’t have known, big brother. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She didn’t want Santiago to ruin anyone else’s life. There had been enough of that already.
He smiled, but it lacked its usual luster. “I screwed up and it made me realize a couple of things.”
“No, don’t do this,” she pleaded. “Don’t let him do this to you.”
Brendan leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with Santiago.”
It had everything to do with Santiago, but she was too tired and sore to argue.
Serious now, he said, “It’s over, sis. Santiago will never come after you again.”
Attie squeezed his hand. “I know. One thing, though, who was the sniper? Was Lynx on the mission?” Tyler Lynx, ATCOM’s sniper, was a quiet, nondescript man who did his job very well.
Brendan shook his head. “That’s the weird part. Lynx was out of the country. None of us were carrying a sniper rifle, but that was definitely a sniper bullet in Santiago’s forehead. We don’t know whose it was.”
Attie closed her eyes. Only one person on that mountain had a sniper rifle. Antonio. She couldn’t explain why he’d saved her life and doubted she ever would know, but she was grateful anyway. He was an enigma she would never understand, but he had helped her. For that she would never forget him.
She patted his hand. “Doesn’t matter. It’s over.”
Brendan smiled. “Yeah. I better go, I told Jed I’d help him repair Demon’s stall today. That horse is a menace, Attie.”
“He’s my menace. Go, and don’t overdo it.”
“Promise. Get some rest, you look terrible.”
Attie punched him in the arm and waved him out the door. When the room emptied she turned her attention to the man leaning against the wall near the door. He looked tall and strong, except for the white bandage on his temple.
Attie’s heart tripped in her chest at the sight of him.
“Hi,” she said, not knowing what else to say. She needed to say so much, but the words lodged in her throat.
She swallowed when he pushed off the wall and approached her bed. She had never been so nervous in her life. It wasn’t every day a person had to say they were sorry for so, so many things.
“Noah, I—”
He cut her off with two fingers pressed gently against her lips and a shake of his head. “I know,” he said softly. “I came to make sure you were going to pull through.” He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Get some rest. You’ve earned it.”
Attie felt the warmth of his lips against her skin and closed her eyes. She had so much she wanted to tell him, but so much she couldn’t. She looked up with tears in her eyes, but she didn’t stop them.
“I’m sorry,” was all she could say.
Noah smiled and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. He was the only one who had ever seen her cry. “It’s over. You made it and now it’s time to move on.” He leaned in close so that his lips brushed her ear when he spoke. “You are the strongest woman I know, Attie, never doubt that. I never did.”
With that he rose and let her go just like she had asked him to.
Chapter 25
Noah propped his feet on the railing of the beachfront house that had a spectacular view of the clear blue ocean. He loved the ocean, missed it sometimes from his SEAL days. It was a long way from Montana but he was glad to be visiting his brother, shredded heart and all. Letting Attie go had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
Seeing her in the hospital with a bullet wound in her chest had brought back too many painful memories and made him break out in a cold sweat every time he thought about it. The first time had been hard enough. The second was almost his undoing. When Santiago had pulled that gun, his heart had stopped beating. He hadn’t reacted fast enough. Hadn’t stopped the bastard from putting a bullet in Attie’s chest so close to her heart that an inch more would have killed her.
Sweat trickled between his shoulder blades and had nothing to do with the warm temperature outside. He wished he had never heard of Carlos Santiago. He wished he hadn’t promised to walk away from Attie. Every day he thought about her and what they had gone through inside that mountain and every day the pain remained the same. The ache inside his heart refused to go away. He didn’t know what to do about it, and cursed it whenever it started to ache.
Attie Devayne was trouble.
He’d known it from the first day she walked into his classroom and he knew it now. But damn if he didn’t feel lucky to have been the one she’d trusted with her past.
Feeling this way was irritating as hell and made him surly toward everyone. He knew she needed time to heal, but it didn’t make this any easier.
He wanted her now more than he had before. Longed to feel her legs wrapped around him and hear her moans as he drove into her. Wanted her, dammit.
He kept in contact with Brendan, checking up on Attie through him, though it only made it harder to stay away. She was recovering well and getting stronger and more boisterous by the day. The thought made him smile. If he knew Attie, he suspected she was refusing to stay put and raising Cain if anyone dared tell her she couldn’t do something.
With any luck she was staying out of the barn and on the road to good health. He kept his conversations about Attie short, not wanting to make matters worse. She needed to move on with her life, but he didn’t want her to do it without him.
Jesus, he sounded like a sap. Sulking over a woman. Not something he was proud of, and would never admit to. He was a fool. Attie had made the rules very clear and he’d accepted her terms. End of story. End of their story.
The door behind him opened and a full beer was thrust in front of his nose. Noah tossed his empty bottle in the bucket beside his chair and accepted the new one. He rarely had more than one, but the way he was feeling he just might break his own rule and have two. Maybe six. Or a whole twe
lve-pack. He wouldn’t feel any pain then.
His brother dropped down in the chair beside him. He was wearing his usual navy slacks and button down shirt minus the tie. Not exactly beach attire, but that was Camron. Always had gone his own way. He stretched out his long legs on the railing the same as Noah and crossed his ankles.
Noah had to grin at his brother’s bare feet. They didn’t fit his clean-cut image. Unlike Noah, Camron liked to shave. He never had stubble and he always wore his hair neatly trimmed. His clothes were pressed and clean where Noah’s were often wrinkled and threadbare from too many washes.
Camron took a long drag off his bottle and studied his brother thoughtfully.
Noah scowled and mimicked the action.
“You could call her.” Camron turned to stare out across the ocean rolling onto the sandy beach that was his back yard. Noah had spilled his guts when he came here with his brother for a change of scene and a little R and R. Being in Montana so close to Attie was more temptation than he could handle.
Camron was on a mini vacation, courtesy of his boss, who said five years was too long to go without one. Camron was like Noah in that regard, a workaholic. Work was always more important than time off.
A glance at the beach in front of him told exactly what kinds of temptation were out there. Women of every shape and size walked along the beach in bikinis that should be declared illegal. They did nothing for Noah. He found fault in every one of them. They weren’t Attie, that was the problem. He had the perfect opportunity to indulge in a few nights of no-strings-attached hot sex with a beach bunny of choice, and he couldn’t find the energy. He wanted a redhead with an attitude.
“You don’t know Attie,” Noah said. “She wouldn’t answer my calls.”
“Maybe she’ll surprise you.”
Noah tipped his bottle and let the ice-cold liquid slide down his throat, a voluptuous blonde catching his attention. Beautiful and bountiful, and she was smiling at him. Noah tipped his bottle to her in mock salute and she waved.
Beside him Camron chuckled. “I can think of a couple ways to work off some of that tension,” he said, eyeing a curvy brunette.
So could Noah. Hop a plane back to Montana and have the woman he wanted.
“What do you say we charter a boat and do some deep sea fishing?” Camron looked away from the flirtatious brunette at Noah.
Noah glanced down at the beeper on his hip, then to the one on Camron’s hip. Their careers made it hard to plan a vacation, but Noah was on a short LOA and wouldn’t be called unless an emergency required his attention. It had been a long time since he’d been in California, only a few times since he’d retired from the Navy, and he missed the salty air and sound of waves crashing against the beach.
The cottage belonged to an old SEAL buddy who was out of the country and didn’t mind loaning it out. He like seeing it used since he was never around to use it.
Noah used to go deep-sea fishing when he was a SEAL. It was one of his favorite pastimes. He wouldn’t mind going now. Maybe it would take his mind off Attie. Get out on the open water and cast a line.
“Yeah, that’s sounds good.” He finished his beer in one long swig.
They sat in silence for a minute, watching people stroll by and enjoying the lull of the ocean. The breeze was warm and salty, the day bright and sunny, but Noah wasn’t in the mood to admire it. He wanted to be back in Montana, at home in his cabin. He didn’t miss the hustle and bustle of the big city.
At one time he’d thought he would, but after moving to Montana he’d realized he didn’t need what the city offered. He liked being able to walk out his back door and hear nothing but nature. It was a comforting silence, one he would never trade.
His brother, on the other hand, enjoyed the city and its creature comforts. He liked things like the opera and art and Starbucks on every corner. For now. Noah expected he would tire of it soon, as he had. Camron didn’t belong in the city any more than he did. The glamour would wear off eventually and he would see it for what it was. Dirty and dangerous.
“She’s recovering okay?” Camron asked moments later.
“Yeah, Brendan said she was completely healed. In Attie’s case that means she can perform above-normal tasks while her wound is healing.”
Camron chuckled. “I can’t wait to meet this woman. She sounds more bull-headed than you.”
“She is. She could drive a sane man to the nut house.”
“How was the trip?”
Noah scowled at his brother, who grinned at him. Camron had always had the ability to read him like a book and right now it annoyed him. He didn’t want his brother to read him. Damn it, he wanted to hit something. He wasn’t in the mood for one of Camron’s big brother talks.
Despite his foul mood, he found the corner of his mouth tilting upward. “Long and hard,” he said.
“You never did like things the easy way, did you, little brother?”
Noah chuckled. There was nothing easy about Attie. Life with her would be difficult at best. She was stubborn and strong-willed and didn’t back down for anything. He admired the trait as much as it drove him crazy. He could only imagine what it would be like being married to a woman who never compromised. They would butt heads at every turn, because he wasn’t known to back down either. It would never work.
But damn if he didn’t miss her attitude. She might be hard to live with but what a ride it would be. The relationship would never lack for excitement and would never get boring. Attie was dynamic, she would never be the typical wife.
Wife? Jesus, what was he thinking? He didn’t want a wife. He had a career that didn’t allow for a wife or children. An image of Attie carrying his child flashed through his head and startled him. He had never had these kinds of thoughts before.
The image was beautiful. Attie’s belly swollen with his child, her eyes shining with hope and joy over the life she carried. It hit him like a punch to the gut.
Camron stood and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You always have been a little stubborn. Need a ride to the airport?”
Noah swiped a hand over his face. “Yeah, I guess I do. Sorry about the fishing trip.”
“There’ll be plenty more. Come on, let’s get you out of here. You have a woman to see.”
* * * *
Attie sighed and stared at the red and orange sunset stretching across the sky in front of her. It was a beautiful sight and normally would have soothed her troubled thoughts but this evening she wasn’t able to see its beauty or feel its healing powers. Sunsets on the ranch had always been beautiful, but tonight she was restless and edgy.
She had been released from the hospital a month ago and was almost completely healed. This was supposed to be the start of her new life, especially after that dream she’d had in the hospital.
She wasn’t willing to write it off as medication-induced, but she had dreamed that Seth was whispering to her. In her dream she finally understood what he’d been trying to tell her. With clarity she heard him tell her that it was time to move on and start living her life. He was where he was supposed to be, but she wasn’t. He told her she had things to do and it was time to stop pushing away the people that cared about her. For her daughter’s sake. Then he had told her he would always be there watching over her. And to live.
Until that moment she hadn’t realized that the whispers were her link to the past and that she still heard them in her nightmares because she hadn’t laid the past to rest. Now, she was ready to do that, and in doing so she released the hold her past had on her. She was free to start living and healing.
Free of Santiago.
Attie sighed again and rubbed a hand over her flat stomach. She’d requested a pregnancy test before she left the hospital and it had come back positive. Her gut instinct said she was having a girl. Problem was, the father had honored her request and walked out of her life. She hadn’t seen Noah since that day in the hospital.
How could she expect him to return her love after what sh
e’d done? She’d blamed him for Seth’s death and ruining her career, when all along it had been her inability to deal with the past that ruined her. She’d locked herself away from the world and turned away everyone who cared for her. Then, she hadn’t been able to see what she was doing, but she did now.
Twice a week she went to see Laura. In therapy she was working through her PTSD and walking down the road to good mental health. The nightmares still lingered, but they weren’t debilitating like they had been before.
And she hadn’t been in the barn since her release from the hospital. She was proud of that. The punching bag was still there, but not for reasons it had been. It was progress and it felt good.
She owed Noah her life in more ways than one. He had never let her down. Never gave up on her. And she missed him.
The baby growing in her belly made it worse. She found herself dreaming about things she’d never wanted. Like nurseries and a husband. Noah would make a good father, she knew that. He would be patient and attentive, caring and protective. Their child would want for nothing.
The more she thought about him and their child, the more she missed him. Why did he have to be so damn noble? Didn’t he know she had been under duress when she forced that promise from him? At the time, she’d believed him to be the reason her life was ruined. Instead of blaming Santiago and herself like she should have.
Therein lay her problem. Noah was innocent and she knew it, but she had no way of telling him. He wasn’t far away but it seemed like a world apart.
In truth, she didn’t know if he’d take her back after what she’d done.
Boots thumped on the porch behind her. Attie glanced up to see Jed carrying a cup of tea. He handed it to her and eased down beside her on the top step. She didn’t really like tea, but it was decaffeinated and Jed insisted on taking care of her so she drank it anyway. She didn’t admit it, but she enjoyed being taken care of when she was feeling down.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, indicating the sunset.
Attie sipped her tea and hid a grimace. “Yes, it is.”
“You okay?”
The Maze (ATCOM) Page 26
