by Nina Manning
‘What’s that noise? Can you hear a noise?’ Caitlin was swinging around, trying to get her bearings on where the sound was coming from. ‘And I can smell something too, what’s that smell?’
She was right. There was noise, which I could just make out to be the sound of a guitar being played softly. The smell reminded me of food cooking on a barbeque.
‘We must investigate immediately.’ Caitlin began to march further into the woods. We walked for a few minutes, all the while the sounds and the smells were getting closer. I was very aware that although we had ventured in this far a few times, we had never been much further than an old battered-down gate, which had served a purpose years ago but was now just rotting wood. To the right, the woods opened up onto a field that belonged to a neighbouring farmer. Half the year he put his cows out there, but during the other half it was empty. Except for today. For, on a small section close to the trees, which continued to weave round where the woods went on further, were several caravans. Outside were rows of washing hanging between them, and in very centre of the cluster was a campfire with several men and women and children sat around it. There were also two scraggy-looking brown long-haired dogs and a grey Staffordshire bull terrier.
Caitlin stopped, rooted to the spot, then ducked behind a tree. I followed her and fell to my knees, glad I was wearing my dungarees, which protected my legs.
‘Who are they?’ I asked, although I had a feeling I knew. I had seen groups of caravans like this parked in areas on the outskirts of Hackney when I was growing up.
‘Bloody travellers. They think they can just rock up anywhere and sit on people’s land. I will have to speak to my father about this immediately, he—’ but before Caitlin could finish her sentence, we both heard the crunch of a branch breaking, and then, suddenly, a figure was looming above us.
He was as tall as my dad, with brown dreaded hair and a beard. He had on a grubby grey T-shirt and jeans, which he was holding by the waist as they were slightly undone.
‘Oh! Shit!’ he began scrambling with his flies.
My first thought was that we were being flashed. It had happened to me and a friend in Hackney once. We were coming home from school across the field and an old man in a long mac pulled open his coat to reveal nothing but his naked body underneath. We screamed and laughed all the way home and were told never to walk home across the field again. But I wasn’t so sure this felt exactly like that.
I didn’t have time to discuss my thoughts with Caitlin, who began screaming, loud and trill, like an army officer’s whistle, as though she had been trained to do it that way.
‘Run, Sasha!’ Caitlin began to run in the direction we had just come from. I stood and looked at the man and shrugged an apology at him and then jogged behind Caitlin.
I reached the clearing where our den was but Caitlin was already out of the woods and running back across the wildflower meadow.
17
London, July 2009
Two months until the wedding
* * *
I wake. I can hear someone in the house. The room is pitch black and I am on the sofa – I made it to the lounge at least. I had watched TV for some time, hoping Caitlin would wake up, but she carried on sleeping. I must have eventually nodded off. Now I can hear noises, rustling near the hallway. The television is some sort of clever, smart contraption which knew when it was being watched and had managed to turn itself off. The sky was greying to black, a slight tinge hinted it was almost total nightfall, and so it must be getting on for ten.
I wondered if I had heard a door closing and that was what woke me. But now there is definitely a presence in the house. I am sure I can hear breathing. Rosalie had left just after I put Caitlin to sleep, so that leaves only one possible explanation.
Suddenly, the entire room is illuminated and I leap off the sofa. Chuck is standing in the doorway. He looks tired and a bit fuzzy around the edges, the epitome of someone who stopped off after the office for a few beverages.
We take each other in for a few moments. Suddenly I feel embarrassed being here at Caitlin’s, soon to be Chuck’s home.
‘Sasha, I didn’t know you were here. Is Cait here?’
‘In the small kitchen. She’s had a skinful. We found “the dress”.’ I put my fingers into quotation marks.
‘Oh.’ Chuck nods. ‘And as tradition goes, is that usually followed by a piss-up?’
I sniff out a laugh. ‘Not traditionally, but I think Caitlin is rewriting the wedding rule book.’
‘Right, well, then I’d better check on her.’
I have already started moving towards the hallway and I stop as Chuck and I block one another’s way. An awkward moment ensues, and I realise I haven’t quite woken up yet. I touch my hair, a quick bedhead check. Chuck puts his hand out to let me go first. He follows me through to the kitchen where Caitlin is still in the same position as she was when I left her.
‘What does one do in this sort of situation?’ Chuck looks at Caitlin and rubs his head.
‘Have you never had to deal with her drunk?’ I say, bewildered.
Chuck shakes his head. ‘Not this kind of drunk – she usually makes it to her bed.’
‘Well, I don’t think she’s going anywhere, not unless you fancy giving her a fireman’s lift?’
Chuck snorts.
‘Look, I guess she’ll be okay,’ I say. ‘I’ll fetch her a blanket and then maybe you should sleep on the sofa so you can hear her if she wakes in the night. I’d leave the hall light on as well – she might wake up disoriented.’
‘You’re not leaving me, are you?’ Chuck moves away from Caitlin and steps closer to me. His voice drops to a whisper. ‘Surely I can tempt you with a cold glass of something?’
I feel my stomach churn, having not eaten anything substantial for dinner.
‘I can’t stay. Oscar must be going out of his mind,’ I say, although I haven’t checked my phone for over an hour, but he hadn’t texted before then either. He is still playing it a little cool.
‘Oh right, okay.’ Chuck looks forlorn and shoves his hands in his trouser pockets whilst scuffing his shoes on the floor. ‘Shall I order you a car?’
‘No, my car is just out there. I used the allocated space outside the house.’ I don’t know why I am speaking so formally, tiredness truly has got the better of me.
‘Marvellous. Okay, go careful then, old girl. Maybe text me when you’re home.’ Chuck walks me to the front door.
‘I’ll give you three rings.’ I smirk.
‘Eh?’ Chuck says, and I laugh.
‘It’s a thing we did when I was kid, ring the landline when we got in so the other person knew we got home safe.’ Chuck looked at me blankly. ‘Doesn’t matter – we’re from different worlds, Chuck.’
‘Okay, Sasha.’ He leans in and kisses me lightly on the cheek. I feel the light bristles from his day-old stubble and inhale that scent from his skin and hair: clean and soapy mixed with a hint of alcohol. As I get into my car and wave once more from behind the wheel, I can still smell him on my skin, and I am once again reminded of the time we spent together at Saxby.
18
Saxby House, Dorset, April 1989
We had summoned quite the crowd within a matter of minutes as we sat in the kitchen whilst Judith hurried about making us sweet tea. Maxwell had been summoned from his office, and Chuck came running from the pool where he had been sat on a lounger, reading. Dad was already with us, as we had passed him on the way and he followed us inside.
‘Tell us exactly what happened.’ Maxwell paced the kitchen and spoke with a serious tone.
‘There are travellers, Papa, hundreds of them, and they’re in Brian’s field, and we heard them because they were so loud, playing their silly guitars and cremating some food on an open fire. I crouched down to see and then before we knew what was happening, there before us was a, a… a vagabond, with his trousers down, trying to show us his manhood!’ Caitlin finished the sentence by throwing her arm int
o the air dramatically.
Judith brought the sweet tea over and I could detect a smirk behind her carefully crafted expression. ‘This will put you right, Caitlin.’ She placed two cups of tea on the table between us.
‘Absolutely shocking. Phil, we must rally the troops immediately,’ Maxwell said to Dad. ‘We must give those travellers a stern talking-to. I know Brian is rather lackadaisical when it comes to letting folk onto his land, and I’m not here to tell him what he can and cannot do, but this is outrageous, scaring two innocent little girls. And exposing themselves to them! I’m afraid I can’t and shan’t let this pass.’
I looked at Caitlin and saw she was beaming red, a huge smile plastered across her face.
I cleared my throat, and I found that the words just came flowing out.
‘He was using the toilet,’ I began. ‘We had disturbed him. He was going about his business quietly behind a tree. It was a shock, I’ll admit, but he wasn’t flashing us. He was trying to do his trousers back up,’ I said.
Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at me. Maxwell froze in his pacing, Chuck fell down into the seat next to me, and Caitlin turned and looked at me, her jaw had dropped open.
‘Right, well if you think that’s what happened,’ Maxwell said, ‘I guess we can call off the cavalry.’
I looked around the room at the three males that were to make up this group Maxwell was referring to. Chuck in his bright blue bathing shorts against his pale torso, clutching a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, and Maxwell himself, who was wearing a green-and-burgundy bow tie with a grey suit and shiny shoes – Josephine was more likely a candidate to send the fear of God into the travellers, but she was upstairs having a lie-down. Dad was the only one who looked vaguely ready to take on potential thugs with his Caterpillar boots, jeans and tool belt.
‘Right, right then.’ Maxwell had brought his pacing to a complete halt and I could already see he was looking back out into the hallway, desperate to get back to his study, clearly perturbed at having been disturbed.
‘Phil, can I leave things in your good hands? Just keep an eye on the borders and get Hackett to pop up there and make his presence known so they know that they can’t edge their way onto our land. They can do what they like on Brian’s. And girls, may I suggest you stay this side of the wood and not venture back out that way until they have moved on. What a jolly old inconvenience.’ And then he was gone. We listened to his shiny shoes clomping along the hallway and then the door to his study slammed.
I was reeling from my little speech. Usually I was slow to get out what I needed to say, so today I was thrilled that I didn’t stutter or hesitate. But I could feel some sort of energy coming from Caitlin, and I looked to see that the expression on her face was getting darker. She was not at all happy. And then it occurred to me that for that moment before I spoke, she had Maxwell in the palm of her hand; her father was ready and willing to step up to the post. And I guess I ruined it. From what I knew of the travellers that would come to the outskirts of Hackney, they were never any bother, and if you were polite and smiled, then they were polite back.
Caitlin stood up so her chair scraped loudly against the tiles on the floor. We all watched her leave. I knew my role was to go after her, to check up on her, but I was tired after all the excitement.
‘I think I’ll give the hens some mealworms,’ I said to Judith.
‘Oh yes, dear, I think that’s just what’s needed after that hullaballoo. They will be wondering what on earth has been going on.’ Judith smiled at me.
I smiled back, although I knew that the hens were completely oblivious to the excitement of the last twenty minutes; it was I who needed bringing back down to earth and a quick cuddle, and a chat, with Ivy would sort me right out.
I went out into the courtyard with the tub of mealworms. I could sense Caitlin was in the vicinity, but I couldn’t see her, I could only feel her and occasionally hear her clear her throat, which sounded forced. I imagined she was hiding in one of the outbuildings that Hackett frequented so regularly. I thought about how I hadn’t seen him for some time; Dad told me he often disappeared from January for a few months because there was less to do in the gardens, but Maxwell wouldn’t have known that when he mentioned him guarding the boundaries earlier.
I sat on the floor in the courtyard and began making kissy noises with my lips. Something I had been doing with Ivy since I came here, and then there she was, hopping over to me, followed by some of the other hens. They all knew the sound of the tub being opened.
Ivy came rushing to my hand, where I already had a stack of mealworms ready for her to dive in. I sat and let Ivy feed, enjoying the sensation of her little beak pecking on the tough skin of my palm.
I wanted to stay there all day, amongst the hens. At times like this, when Caitlin was acting this way, it felt like the safest option. I couldn’t believe just a few hours ago I had been so excited to see her. Everything now felt flat and hopeless. Eventually, the hens had their fill, and so I closed the lid on the tub and put the mealworms back in the boot room. I walked past the outbuilding where I had heard Caitlin earlier and popped my head in. I could just about make out her silhouette in the corner, near to some pretty heavy-duty gardening equipment.
‘Be careful, you might hurt yourself,’ I called out to her. We had both been told many times not to hang out in there, but it was strange how she always felt so compelled to go against the grain and also how she felt the safest where there was an element of danger.
She didn’t reply to my comment, I waited for a moment, I heard her body shift in the shadows, and then I turned and went to walk away. It was then that I heard her say, ‘It’s you who needs to be careful.’
I stayed around the cottage for the rest of the afternoon. We had a small garden where Mum was getting a vegetable patch ready for planting: radishes, beetroots, lettuce and carrots. She kept offering me small tasks like turning the soil, or poking a seed into a seedling pot, but I was too distracted by the words I had heard Caitlin mutter from the darkness of the outbuilding.
I had never heard her speak to me in that way before. She was sometimes odd with her body language or the way she spoke to me, but I put it down to the fact we were still in a relatively new friendship and friendships needed to be cemented. I was certain once we had hit our one-year friendship anniversary by the summer, things would be great. She was everything I needed. We had to be together, and I wasn’t about to let a silly little falling-out ruin any of that.
Eventually, Mum had had enough of my sighing and lolling around and told me to go and sort out whatever problems I was having with Caitlin.
‘What?’ I did the face that annoyed Mum.
‘I know you, Sasha. You haven’t seen each other since January, you’ve been raving about seeing her, and now she’s here and you’re back home within the hour, moping and sighing.’
I looked at her and wondered how it was that she knew everything about me without me ever having to say anything.
‘Go. Shoo!’ she said and pushed me out of the garden. I found myself standing on the front driveway looking at the iron gates to Saxby House, wondering if I should go back after what Caitlin had said. I decided I would go and politely knock on the back door to see if Chuck fancied a game of Frisbee out on the driveway. Perhaps, if Caitlin had got herself out of her mood, then she would join us.
I arrived in the courtyard to a small crowd gathered around the hen house. I could just about make out Caitlin in the centre, surrounded by Josephine, Chuck and Judith. I felt my joy levels rising, Caitlin was out of the outhouse, Chuck was with her, and so if my request alone didn’t work, then he would be able to chivvy her along. If anyone could pull someone out of a mood, it was Chuck.
I skipped over to the crowd, calling my hellos until I was by Chuck’s side.
But I noted the solemn look on everyone’s faces and the fact that no one was looking at each other. Instead they were all looking at a small pile of black feathers
in the centre of them, next to Caitlin’s toes. Instantly I knew; I didn’t need anyone to explain it to me or to engage in the pointless conversation that I could already hear playing out around the circle. Questions coming from every mouth. How? Where? What happened? Then sounds of sympathy until finally I was acknowledged, first by Chuck, who took me into his arms and pressed me into his chest.
‘Darling, Sasha, you may not want to see this.’
But I had seen it, and I could also feel something, a strange shift in the atmosphere, and then a physical pain, as though I had been stabbed straight through the heart.
Caitlin fell to her knees, and she scooped the heap off the floor, which I now knew for certain was my beloved Ivy.
‘Sasha, there you are. Poor henny pen – I know she was your favourite. She must have followed you into the outhouse when you popped in there before you went home. I saw her in there – they don’t usually go into those buildings those hens, but you seemed to have made such a connection with her, she must have forgotten all her instincts. I heard the crash as the lawnmower tipped over – she got trapped, Sasha. She must have crushed a major artery. But it was quick, dear Sasha, I can tell you that – she wouldn’t have suffered.’ In that moment, Caitlin looked the very epitome of bereft: her open mouth, wide eyes, the way her breath came hard and fast. But she held Ivy out towards me like some sort of sacrificial offering.
I forced myself to look down at the hen, to see her small beady eyes, which were half closed, her limp body. I knew from looking at her, there was no sign of being crushed, but no one seemed to be questioning that. I looked hard at Caitlin, willing her to say it, to admit what she had done. But she wouldn’t look me in the eye. A dead hen to the Clemonte family meant nothing, but to me, it felt as though my world were imploding.
