“Men….” I mutter hastily.
My phone starts to ring across the room. The song Fall Into Me plays and I silence the ringer then toss it into the chair with a huff.
Camryn walks over to me and asks, “Is everything okay?”
I bite down on my lower lip. “Everything’s fine. Today is your day. You don’t need to be worrying about me.” I avert my eyes and look away. She can read me like a book. I push my feelings aside and force myself to focus on Camryn willing the tears not to fall and ruin my beautiful makeup.
“You’re lying. I know you better than this. I’ll let it go for now, but this isn’t over,” she says.
“Camryn, don’t worry about me. Today is your wedding day. It’s your special day.”
“You are my best friend. When something bothers you, it bothers me. Promise we’ll talk tomorrow before I leave for the airport.”
“Okay, if you insist,” I say and walk over to the couch to gather my belongings.
Camryn knows that I’m lying, but she’s not gonna push the issue. Not today. She shouldn’t either, today is her day.
Camryn pulls me into a hug and whispers, “Lincoln loves you more than life itself. It’ll happen. Just be patient. You’ll have your wedding day, I promise.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. A wedding isn’t in my future…at least not with Lincoln.” I paste on a smile of nonchalance.
There is a soft knock at the door. I pull away from Camryn and smile.
“It’s party time! Let’s get this show on the road,” I say with feigned excitement.
Today my best friend will marry her best friend. I need to put my big girl panties on, plaster a smile on my face and count the hours until I can crawl into my bed. Hopefully fully intoxicated and feeling no pain.
LINCOLN
“Many times, the decisions we make affect and hurt the ones we love the most.”
– Unknown
“Yo, what’s up with Morgan? She’s not her usual sarcastic self, she’s miserable. She practically ripped my head off when I went to the bridal suite to drop off Jamie’s gift to Camryn,” Christian says when he enters the groom’s suite that we’ve been hanging out in for the past two hours.
“She’s been distant again. Ever since she met her mother for brunch. Whenever I ask her what’s bothering her, she tells me she’s fine, but I know differently.” I grab my glass of rum and Coke and take a mouthful.
“She seems off. I’m not one to ever notice much with the girls’ mood swings, but I’ve noticed Morgan hasn’t been herself for a while.” Christian takes a sip of his rum and Coke.
“I didn’t want to mention it before, but today I saw it in her eyes… she looks sad. She forces a smile, but I can tell it’s fake,” Christian adds.
I let out a deep breath. This is not a conversation that I want to have today.
“Morgan was distant after Camryn’s attack. I was the same way. We were both struggling with guilt, that it was our fault. We worked past it. Things have been good since New Year’s. Now things seem to be spiraling again.”
“You know as well as I do what happened to Camryn was neither of your faults. Look around, dude, Camryn is doing great. For Christ’s sake, it’s her wedding day.”
I look around to make sure no one else can hear what I’m about to tell Christian. “Between you and me, and you better not repeat this or I swear I’ll kick your ass, especially not to your sister or Jamie, but I think she’s a little jealous that it’s not her getting married today.”
Christian nods. “That’s understandable. The two of you have been together since high school. That’s a long time.” He lifts the tumbler to his mouth and takes a sip.
“It’s not like you’re not gonna get married. What’s the rush? I’m sure she knows that the two of you’ll get married,” Christian says.
My body stiffens. I drag my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. My throat begins to tighten, I’m suffocating. I tug at my collar to loosen it up a little.
“She’s it for me. She’s always been everything I ever wanted or needed.” I’m not about to tell Christian that I don’t have any plans on marrying her.
Christian leans against the desk, crossing one ankle over the other. “What are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna sit back and see if it works itself out? From what I see, time isn’t going to fix this. You need to,” he says firmly.
I raise my drink to my lips and take a sip. “She pissed me off when she renewed her lease on her apartment and refused to move in with me. When she did that, it made me stop and think. Are we meant to be together?”
“Lincoln, you and Morgan have never had any problems in all the years you’ve been together. There hasn’t been anything the two of you haven’t been able to work through. Maybe she needs a little reassurance that there is a ring in her future.”
Here we go again with the ring. I hear this shit from Morgan, I don’t need to listen to it from Christian, too. She thinks I don’t hear the comments she makes. She thinks I don’t see her reaction when she sees Camryn’s excitement. I see it, I’d have to be blind not to.
But we talked about this. She knows my feelings on marriage. She knows that I love her, that I want to spend my life with her. I don’t need a flimsy piece of paper to prove it. I saw what marriage did to my mom. I saw how her marriage broke her when my dad left. I was there to pick up the pieces of what was left of her. To love someone so much that you also wield the power to shatter their heart isn’t something I’m willing to hand over to someone. I promised Morgan I would never hurt her. I won’t ever put myself in that position that I could cause her that much pain. Is my reasoning stupid? Possibly... But it’s how I feel about the subject.
I think back to the conversation we had on New Year’s Eve.
“Lincoln, things have to change. I can’t keep going on like this.”
“It’s easier said than done, baby. Trust me. We both need to fix this.”
Morgan has been preoccupied with helping Camryn plan her wedding. I know Morgan is upset with me that I haven’t proposed. I thought we were on the same page. Is she pushing me because she thinks I changed my mind?
“You need to figure this shit out and fast.” Two deep lines of worry appear between his eyes.
I nod. “I can’t lose her. It breaks my heart to see her unhappy.”
Christian tips his tumbler toward me. “Then fix it before it’s too late.”
“For someone who has never been in a serious relationship, you always manage to give advice all the time.”
“I am wise beyond my years, my friend.” Christian’s brow raises. “Just because I haven’t been in a serious relationship, doesn’t mean I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I don’t want to see one of my best friends go through something he can avoid. Whatever you and Morgan have going on needs to end.”
I look at the ceiling to try and gain my composure. Everything Christian said is true. Did I want to hear it? No. Did I need to hear it? Absolutely.
MORGAN
“Behind her smile is a hurting heart, behind her laugh she’s falling apart.”
– Unknown
I’m sitting here staring at the champagne bubbles in the flute that is wrapped tightly in my hand. This is my third drink since the reception started. My nerves are getting the best of me tonight. I usually don’t mind being the center of attention, but tonight is different. I need to give the infamous maid of honor speech.
Camryn and Jamie are seated at a table by themselves at the front of the banquet room, facing the dance floor. The rest of the bridal party is seated at a table off to their right. Lincoln hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since he took his seat.
He leans in whispering in my ear, “Are you okay?”
My pulse begins to beat erratically at the sound of his voice. I hate that he has this sort of power over me. Even as pissed as I am at him, he has this effect on me.
I force a smile and place my hand over h
is hand that is on my left knee.
The DJ announces my name. I stand nervously and wipe my hands on the napkin laying on the table.
Awkwardly I clear my throat. “First of all, congratulations to the bride and groom, Jamie and Camryn! You look radiant today. I can see the happiness written all over your faces. And Camryn, I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Morgan. Camryn is my sister, well… not biologically, that is. The two of us have been best friends since my parents moved on the same block as the Townsends when I was five years old. So I think this qualifies me for being the ‘Maid of Honor’ tonight.”
A few guests laugh.
Nervously, I moisten my dry lips. “As you can imagine, knowing these two for almost twenty years has allowed me the unique opportunity to actually watch them both grow, mature, and evolve into adults. After all these years, one thing that has never changed is Camryn’s giving spirit and Jamie’s devotion to Camryn.”
My eyes find Lincoln who doesn’t take his cobalt blue eyes off me. A muscle quivers at his jaw. His handsome face is kindled with a sort of passionate beauty. Lincoln is beautiful.
My throat feels dry. I take a sip of my water, then place it back on the table.
His brows and eyes are startling against his tan skin and light hair. His thick, tawny-gold hair begs to have my fingers in it. He bows his head and murmurs something in Christian’s ear.
I bring my attention back to Camryn and Jamie. A small part of me is envious of her, the love that Jamie and her share.
“When I look back on our childhood adventures, there are so many fond memories. My memories not only include Camryn, but they include Jamie, as well.
Camryn puts effort and dedication into everything she does. Jamie, I know Camryn will embrace her new role as your wife in the same way, and infuse the marriage with love, respect, and trust. The two of you have been inseparable since birth. You’ve learned to crawl, walk, and talk together. There hasn’t been a milestone that the two of you haven’t completed while being by each other’s side. Since the two of you finally decided to face your fears, and risk your friendship for a love that only the two of you have, Camryn’s life has been truly transformed from good to great.”
Lincoln clears his throat. When I look at him, his dark blue eyes are staring back at me. They usually tell me all the things I need to know. But today, they don’t. His eyes are swimming with doubt. I gently pick up my champagne flute from the table, clenching it between both hands.
I tilt my chin up and turn away focusing on Jamie and Camryn.
“Jamie, I can’t thank you enough for making Camryn feel so complete. I can rest assured now, knowing that my best friend is with a loving, and compassionate man. Please promise to love her always, and keep every promise you make.”
My eyes drift to Lincoln again. His eyes glow with a savage inner fire. They never leave mine for an instant. In this moment, I find myself completely lost in the blue of his eyes. I had to break the stare and look away.
“I wish that your happiness continues to grow by wanting each other more and more with each passing day. Everyone, would you please raise your glass to toast the bride and groom. To Jamie and Camryn, One Love, One Lifetime.”
All of the guests stand, raising their glass in the air. Camryn wipes her face with her napkin. She raises her glass to her lips, and takes a sip. Camryn sets her flute down, walks over to me, and pulls me in for a hug.
“I love you. Thank you for that beautiful speech.”
She pulls back, tears run down her face. “Stop crying, bitch. You need to look fabulous for your photos.” I quickly wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“Where Are U Now” by Skrillex & Diplo with Justin Bieber filters through the speakers. Thank God for the DJ. I need an escape from this conversation. “Let’s dance.” I grab Camryn’s hand to pull her on the dance floor.
LINCOLN
“It’s sad how most people become who they promised they’d never be.”
– Unknown
The girls are on the dance floor swinging their hips to the beat and singing their hearts out. Camryn and Jamie pulled off an amazing wedding in the short amount of time they had to plan it. Jealousy pings in my chest. I wish I wanted this. I wish I could give Morgan the wedding of her dreams.
My eyes follow Morgan as she walks off the dance floor and heads toward the bar. The bartender hands her a drink which she takes a long sip from. It looks like she downed half the drink.
With the way she is drinking, I can only imagine that tonight will not end well. Either she will pass out, or I will be holding her hair while she sings to the porcelain gods.
I make my way over to where she stands. I place my drink on the bar, and wrap my arms around her. Her body stiffens. Anger singes through me, feeling her stiffen against me. I take a long deep breath before I speak, hoping my tone doesn’t reveal the rage boiling inside me.
“That was a beautiful speech you gave to Jamie and Camryn. You spoke from the heart.” I whisper in her ear, my lips softly kiss her neck.
“I spoke the truth. It’s easy when you mean it,” she bites out harshly.
She tries to pull away from me, but I tighten my hold on her, pulling her close to my body.
“Talk to me. Don’t throw that shit at me and try and make a run for it. You know that doesn’t fly. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
“This isn’t the time or place. I just want to enjoy my drink.”
“Oh, trust me, the way you are knocking them back tonight, I’m sure you’re enjoying them,” I say playfully.
“Are you just going to give me shit, or did you come over here to have a drink with me?” Her voice is laced with irritation.
“How many is that? If I had to guess, I’d say your fifth, not counting the champagne.” I say dryly. “Could you not deal with tonight without being shitfaced?”
I drop my arms from around her waist and pick up my drink. Morgan turns around to face me. She shakes her head and laughs to cover her annoyance.
“I wasn’t aware you were monitoring my intake of alcohol tonight. Last I checked, I was a grown woman and could decide how many drinks I think are appropriate for a wedding.”
I shake my head. She is so full of shit. She is trying to bait me into a fight. I’m not foolish enough to fall for it. Not tonight.
She lifts her glass in the air “Cheers,” she says in a frosty voice.
Inwardly, I cringe at her tone. “I know this isn’t the time or place, but we need to talk. And I mean soon.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to have a good time. We can deal with the rest of the bullshit tomorrow. Do you think we can do that?” She exclaims in irritation before taking a sip of her drink.
I nod in agreement. “Let’s have a good time tonight. It’s not every day our best friends get married.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page for once.” Her lower lip trembles as she returns my glare.
Her last statement doesn’t go unnoticed. I shoot her a pissed-off look, a look she is acquainted with. She knows exactly what buttons to push with me.
After Jamie and Camryn cut the cake, Morgan and I say our goodbyes. With her hand clasped in mine, we step outside the venue to the town car I arranged to pick us up and take us back to the city.
The driver holds the door open for Morgan. She slides in, scooting all the way over toward the door. I slide in behind her, noticing the distance she placed between us immediately.
“Please don’t sit all the way over there, Morgan. Can you move closer, please?” I ask softly.
I take her hand in mine and give it a little pull. “Please.”
She moves closer to me and I place my left arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. She lays her head against my chest.
“Talk to me, baby.”
The silence in the car is killing me. Morgan doesn’t say a word as she nuzzles he
r face into me and places her arm across my chest.
“I don’t want to talk. Not tonight. Please. Let’s just enjoy tonight,” she lets out a long audible breath.
Movement in the front seat catches my eye. The driver’s eyes meet mine in the rear-view mirror. My finger moves over the button to slide the partition up, giving us the privacy needed for this conversation. I smooth her hair, placing a loose tendril behind her ear. I lean down and place a soft kiss on top of her head. “We need to talk about this. You can’t keep telling me you’re fine. You know you’re not fine. Come out and tell me, Morgan, you’ve never been one to mince words.”
She pulls away from me and sits on the other side of the seats. Putting distance between us yet again. This pattern of behavior doesn’t go unnoticed every time she does it.
“What do you want me to say, Lincoln!” her voice rises.
“Do you want me to say that I hate you for not wanting to marry me? That I hate how we are, that I hate what we’ve become!” Her temper flares.
“I want you to tell me something!” my curt voice lashes at her.
“I’ve been trying to tell you!” Sudden anger lights in her eyes.
“You’re a liar. Not once have you come right out and told me that you were unhappy because I haven’t proposed. Instead you turned into the ice queen and closed yourself off from me,” I reply sharply.
“The ice queen, fuck you!” she throws the words at me like stones. “Stop the car, I want to get out!” She yells and bangs her hands on the partition. The driver doesn’t respond and continues to drive.
“You can’t even tell me what you want. Every time I try to talk to you, you turn it into an argument.” I run my hand through my hair roughly.
“I give you everything. I know you want a ring on your finger. But I can’t give you that. I don’t want to get married, Morgan. You know this. You’ve always known this so why the sudden change?”
Unspoken Promises (The Unspoken Love Series Book 2) Page 10
