“Huh, I didn’t notice.” I’m exhausted. I got home late from the club last night. My mother was insistent that I meet her for brunch today.
She lifts her tea cup and takes a sip, placing it back on the plate. “Your father and I are going to Europe for three weeks. We’d like for you to join us.”
“Mom, you know I can’t. I have the club to run.”
She laughs. “The club. You spend entirely too much time there, Morgan.”
“It’s my club, Mom. I have to spend a lot of time there.”
Her comeback is quick. “It’s not your club. It’s your boyfriend’s club.”
Why does she have to go there? I know it’s Lincoln’s but she knows I run it. I’ve managed the club from the day the doors opened. She hates that the club isn’t mine. She thinks that I am wasting my talent on someone else’s business, rather than using it on my own. My parents have offered countless times to front me the money to open my own club. Every time they offer, I turn them down. I’m perfectly content with running Redemption.
“Yes, Mom. Lincoln owns it; however, I run and manage it. We’ve had this discussion time and time again,” I say annoyed.
She looks over her shoulder to the room filled with ladies and gifts with big bows and ribbons on top of the packages.
“The two of you have been together for years. Does he ever have any intentions of making an honest woman out of you?”
There we go, I knew this topic would come up. She can’t let it go, she’s the inner voice of reason that sneaks into my subconscious more often than not.
“An honest woman, Mom, really?”
“Your father and I worry about you, sweetie. Why hasn’t he proposed yet?” she asks.
She grabs her napkin placing it on her lap. “He hasn’t even asked your father for his permission to marry you.”
“Mom, I don’t want to have this conversation with you. Not here, not today.”
“Camryn is getting married. I knew the two of them would end up together. Her and Jamie were always so close growing up.”
“Mom, I know how close they were. They are my best friends.”
“I’m just saying, you’re not getting any younger, sweetie. You’re twenty-four. You’ve been with Lincoln since you were sixteen. If he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you after being together eight years...”
She lets that verbal calculation just hang in the air, almost as if she’s saying to me ‘nuf said without actually vocalizing those words.
“Mom, I can do the math. I know how long we’ve been together. I grasp my coffee cup in my hands to keep from balling them under the table.
“I just don’t want to see you waste your life waiting for a proposal that may never come, sweetie.
“I can’t force him to propose to me. I won’t beg him to marry me.” We’ve had this discussion countless times. My mother can never let sleeping bears just sleep. She insists on poking the bear.
“I know that. Maybe you getting away for a few weeks will do you good. Give you time to think.”
“I don’t know, let me think about it. I’ll let you and Dad know.”
My mother senses my attitude and changes the subject. We talk about Camryn’s upcoming wedding. Oh joy, if we can’t talk about my wedding—you know, the wedding that will never take place—what better thing to discuss than my best friend’s wedding.
MORGAN
“The only difference between falling in love and being in love is that your heart already knows how you feel, but your mind is too stubborn to admit it.”
– Colleen Hoover, Maybe Not
The past few months have been crazy. I’ve been pulled in a million different directions. Redemption has been packed since Boyce Avenue performed on New Year’s Eve. Having them perform was great for the club and I have thanked Jamie countless times for bringing the club back to life. Business was slow for over a month after Camryn’s attack, but I couldn’t be happier with how things are now. Business is thriving. Only if my relationship with Lincoln was thriving, rather than struggling, life would be amazing. At least my best friend’s relationship is going perfectly.
Camryn’s wedding planning is moving right along. She invited me to check out venues with Jamie and her mom. I love that she involved me, but at the same time, I wish it was me looking at venues for my wedding. The wedding is a month away. Today we’re finalizing the flower arrangements.
After having a romantic dinner at the club the other night, I thought things were moving in the right direction with us. Last night was the biggest fight Lincoln and I have had in a while.
“What do you want from me, Morgan?” Lincoln yelled at me from across the bar.
“Nothing, Lincoln, I want absolutely nothing from you!” I screamed back as I made my way to my office at Redemption. After having brunch with my mother, I’ve had an attitude for days now. When I was putting Lincoln’s laundry away I rummaged through his dresser looking for a ring. I came up empty. When Lincoln came into the bedroom, he startled me and asked what I was looking for. That question alone set me off. He knows what I was snooping for. He isn’t a complete idiot. Instead, I apparently hold that title in this scenario.
“Don’t walk away from me. You can’t say shit like that and walk away.”
I’ve had it with him. I say the same thing over and over. I want more than promises. He promised me things will get better. I told him that I want to get married. I want to buy a house together. I want to be more than just his girlfriend.
I was putting the money in the safe when Lincoln appeared at the doorway.
“What do you mean you won’t give up your apartment. You practically live at my place. Why are you wasting money on your apartment? The lease is up in three months. You have to give them ninety days’ notice if you plan to move out. You told me you were moving in with me,” he growled.
I turned with my hands on my hips. “I changed my mind. I’m not moving in with you.”
“Yes, I heard what you said, but I want to know why.”
“Honestly,” I asked. “Do you even have to ask?” I said through gritted teeth. I’m so angry I could spit fire. If he even has to ask me that, I want to punch him in his smug face.
“Morgan, I’m in no mood to play your games. Tell me why you changed your mind.”
“I never told you I was one hundred percent positive I was giving my place up. I told you I would think about it. Well... I thought about it, and I’m keeping my apartment. End of discussion.”
He stepped into the office. The anger radiated off of him. I backed up until my back hit the wall. He caged me in with his hands on both sides of my head. “This conversation is no way near done. Tell me why you changed your mind.” A muscle flicked angrily in his jaw.
I stared at him, trying to think of what to tell him. Do I tell him the truth? Do I make something up so he drops it? This will definitely throw him off.
“My parents told me I couldn’t move in with you before we were married.”
He laughed. “Don’t you dare lie to me. I deserve more than that,” he scoffed.
He pissed me off with that comment. He deserved more than that. What about what I deserve? I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t budge.
“Fine, you want the truth,” I yelled and shoved my fists into his chest. “I don’t want someone who promised me the stars and the moon. I want someone who actually follows through with their promises. You know what I want.” Tears streamed down my face. I batted them away so he couldn’t see them.
“I’m not moving in with you and giving up my apartment. I practically live at your place, but if things don’t change, I won’t be staying there. I need to make sure I have a roof over my head. I’m sick and tired of living a life that I don’t want. A life that I hate, Lincoln.”
He stepped back from me with that comment, as if I slapped him in the face.
“I didn’t think your life was so bad. Most would kill to have what you have. You wanna play the martyr. Go rig
ht ahead. I’m not gonna stand here and listen to your bullshit. You wanna walk… walk. You think you can have it better with someone else. Be my guest.”
He got to the doorway and turned to look at me. His eyes were icy and filled with dislike.
“You keep speaking of promises. What if we were married? We would have promised to love each other no matter what. In good times and in bad. The first sign of tough times, you’re ready to bolt. You think I want to get married if we’re like this? A ring won’t fix our problems. Only we can,” he growled through gritted teeth. His eyes smoldered with fury. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
“Do me a favor, sign your lease for another year, hell, even longer. That way you know you have a roof over your head.” With that, he turned and slammed the door behind him.
“Hey, you alright?” Camryn asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I nod.
“So which flower do you like? I’m thinking of having vases of flowers as centerpieces and someone from each table can take them home with them at the end of the night. What do you think?” Camryn asks.
“That’s a great idea.” I say and pick up a pink rose to smell it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks, her voice laced with concern.
“I’m fine. I was just thinking about the fight Lincoln and I had last night.”
Camryn leans over and smells the lavender that’s on the table. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head, “Nah, I’m good, today is about you and your wedding.” I don’t want to talk about it. It will only make me more pissed off.
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s going on between the two of you?”
Even though I don’t want to put a pall over the wedding planning today, I need my friend, a voice of concern who is on my side.
“It’s the same fight over and over. He’s upset with me that I won’t move in with him. I’m not willing to give up my apartment.”
Camryn’s eyes widen at my statement. The last time this subject came up, I told her I was moving in with Lincoln.
“What did Lincoln have to say about that? I can only assume he’s upset. Why did you change your mind? You told me you weren’t renewing your lease. What changed?”
“A lot has changed. I need more than unspoken promises from Lincoln.”
“Morgan, you’re my best friend. I’ve never bitten my tongue with you before and I’m not about to start now. But have you ever stopped and thought that all the blame doesn’t fall on Lincoln. You’re to blame, too. You were distant with everyone after my attack. You were afraid of how I would react to finding out about the door. You told me the two of you were able to move past your guilt. Why can’t you fix this with Lincoln?”
My eyes close, head drops, shoulders sag. I feel so defeated and unworthy right now and I can’t answer this question she’s expecting an answer to. A whispered, “I don’t know” escapes in response.
“Look, I don’t want to fight with you. But why are you pushing Lincoln to propose?”
Wait, what? I can’t believe she said that to me. Did I hear her, right? Wow, nothing like cutting me deep when I already feel like I’m bleeding out.
“I know I’m to blame here. I take responsibility, but I won’t take all the blame. You wouldn’t understand, Camryn. You have the perfect relationship, with the perfect man,” there’s an edge to my voice.
“Do you think my life is perfect, Morgan? If you do, you’re sadly mistaken. I’ve been to hell and back over the past year. But you know what. I made it through it. I didn’t allow one night to define who I am. Shit happens, Morgan. You deal with it. I dealt with what I needed to. Now you need to deal with what you need to. If you aren’t going to attempt to fix things with Lincoln, then you need to walk away. It’s not fair to you or to him. I love you both, and I don’t want to see either of you hurt. But you need to decide what you want. Either you work things out with him or you need to go your separate ways.”
What’s the saying, ‘the truth always hurts’? Well, whoever made that shit up hit the nail on the head.
“Am I a shitty friend to say that I want what you have. That I want to be the one getting married. That I wish it was me sitting here finalizing my floral arrangements. Lincoln and I have been together since we were sixteen, Camryn,” my voice breaks.
“The two of you got together when you were young. You’ve both been focused on your careers, getting the bar and club up and running. You always seemed happy with how things were. What’s changed?
“Everything has changed,” I say in a hushed voice.
I push away from the table, the chair making a loud screeching noise against the floor.
“I’m gonna head out. I’ll talk to you later.” I say over my shoulder and head toward the door.
“Morgan, please don’t go. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please stay,” Camryn pleads. Her voice soft and apologetic.
When I reach the door, I turn to look at her. “I know you didn’t. This is my life nowadays. I walk around pissed off at the world. My relationship is crumbling before me and I don’t have a clue what to do to salvage it.”
I push open the door to the floral shop and the sun shines above me. I pull my sunglasses out of my handbag. Once my sunglasses are on, they are the perfect shield to hide the tears falling down my face. I make it to my car before I completely break down.
I decided on New Year’s Eve when I was at Jamie’s apartment I would give Lincoln six months to put a ring on my finger. I know I’m being stubborn, probably even setting myself up to have my heart broken. I know Lincoln’s position on marriage. I thought maybe I could change that. Time will tell if I was wrong.
My life is like an hourglass. Slowly the sand is slipping through. Time is running out. The kicker is, Lincoln doesn’t know I gave him a deadline of six months. My communication skills with my boyfriend suck but I know if I vocalized that drop dead deadline, it would just cause another blowup between the two of us and I can’t deal with another fight because I’m barely holding my business life together as my personal life falls to pieces around me.
All I can focus on right now is that so many unspoken promises have been made over the years. But were they really promises, or was it wishful thinking on my part. My mind and my heart are at war again and I’m not entirely sure who will come out the victor.
MORGAN
“Only my pillow knows the amount of emotions I hide from the world.”
– Thexy Odette
May – Camryn and Jamie’s Wedding
I look at my reflection in the full-length mirror, as my hand moves smoothly over my dress making sure I don’t have any wrinkles. My empire waist silk dress hugs my hips perfectly. Too bad it’s black, and not the white dress I imagine it to be.
“That dress fits you perfectly,” Lindsey says, standing behind me.
The dress sits an inch or two above my knees. Camryn opted for a less formal look for the bridal party dresses. I love the dress, don’t get me wrong. It’s a dress that I can wear again rather than the typical bridesmaid dress that gets shoved to the back of the closet, never to be seen again. Or better yet, worn as a costume for a Halloween party.
“Thanks. You look amazing too.”
The final touch to my attire are my favorite four-inch Louboutin pumps. They make my legs look tall and skinny since I tip the charts at five-feet-four inches.
My hair is styled with soft curls that cascade down my back. The sides of my hair are pinned back to keep it from falling in my face.
“I can’t believe Camryn is getting married today,” Karsen says when she appears by my side.
“She looks breathtakingly beautiful,” Lindsey says and breaks into a wide smile.
I nod my head in agreement.
As a gift to the bridal party, Camryn arranged for us to have our make-up done. It was perfect. One less thing to worry about. I have to say, the girl knows her shit. My face looks flawless. I am in love with the
nude lip gloss and the way my dark brown eyes are sparkling.
Karsen and Lindsey chat with Camryn’s mom. I notice Camryn watching me in the reflection of the mirror. My smile broadens, “You look beautiful, I love that dress on you,” I say. Camryn is blissfully happy, fully alive in this moment. Like she should be.
She lovingly looks down at her bodice. “I hope Jamie loves it.”
“He’s going to be speechless when he sees you. You picked the perfect dress.”
Gwen walks over to Camryn to help straighten out the train. Thankful for the distraction, I gather my belongings scattered throughout the room.
I always pictured myself being the first bride out of my friends who walked down the aisle as my Prince Charming waited patiently for me. Lincoln would be standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me to take his hand. We would be surrounded by friends and family in an intimate setting. I would tell him he has my whole heart, that he completed me. It would be nothing short of the most magical day of my life.
There’s a soft knock at the door, jarring me from my selfish thoughts. Today isn’t the day for me to be wrapped up in the craziness going on inside my head. Today isn’t the day for me to be jealous of my best friend. Today isn’t the day to be a green-eyed friend filled with envy. Not today. Today is all about Camryn and Jamie and nothing else.
Lindsey opens the door, and Christian stands there in his black tuxedo, looking as handsome as ever.
“Hot damn, you look fine,” Lindsey says with a whistle.
Christian lets out a hearty laugh. “Thanks, you look beautiful, as well.”
I quickly walk to the door, trying to block his view of Camryn in the room.
“You know the rules, no seeing the bride until she walks down the aisle with your dad,” I say, firmly giving him my evil eyes.
“Relax, Maidzilla. That rule only applies to the groom, not the brother of the bride. I came bearing a gift from the groom.” Lindsey hurriedly takes the box from Christian, and I slam the door in his face.
Unspoken Promises (The Unspoken Love Series Book 2) Page 9
