I look out the window, lost to my own thoughts of betrayal not focusing on the journey back to my place. It’s as if everything is happening in slow motion. The screech of the tires is deafening. I look to my right and I’m blinded by headlights. A car horn echoes around me. A huge truck rams into the passenger’s side. My head slams against the window, shattering the glass upon impact. I hear the airbags deploy. I blink a few times, my eyes trying to focus.
The burnt-chemical smell fills the inside of the cab. I struggle to catch my breath. The moment I get out of the car, I nearly fall over, dizzy. I hear sirens in the distance. The smell of fuel leaking from the car doesn’t help the situation much. With trembling hands, I cover my nose in order to breathe properly. That’s when I feel it. I pull my hand away and my fingers are covered with blood. A lot of blood. I reach out and touch my forehead and feel a gash where the blood must be coming from. Sharp excruciating pains shoot in my stomach. I bend over, placing my hands on my knees. I take a few deep breaths and say a silent prayer to God. The pain is too much for me to bear. Everything around me fades and goes black.
LINCOLN
“My nightmares are usually about losing you.”
– Peeta Mellark
The fluorescent lights burn my eyes. I blink them rapidly, hoping the stinging goes away, but it only makes it worse. The pain in indescribable, like someone carved my heart out with a dull knife and then ripped it from my chest with their bare hands.
I pace the floor back and forth. The sound of the clock ticking on the wall is grating at my nerves.
“This is like déjà vu when we waited to hear from the doctors with Camryn,” Christian says.
“Every time the door opens, we hope that it’s someone who will tell us what’s going on with Morgan,” Jamie says.
I don’t respond to either of them. I walk over to the corner of the room. I turn back to the window, staring blindly at the sky as the sun appears on the horizon. I feel like I can’t breathe, my sole reason for breathing is in some cold room being worked on by doctors and we don’t know a damn thing about what’s going on. Morgan has my heart…why the hell did I have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t I get past my shit and give her what she wanted? Why did I let her walk away?
The door opens and Karsen comes in. The look on her face is grim.
“How is she doing?” I ask, my voice almost unrecognizable.
“Nothing is broken, but she sustained a gash on her head that they were able to glue shut and apply sutures. Camryn is back there with her now. Once the doctor leaves, they’ll allow two back at a time.”
Karsen avoids eye contact with me. Her hands twist together in front of her.
“Karsen, is there something you’re not telling us,” I ask nervously.
“I told you everything I can. Everything Morgan is allowing me to tell you. The doctor should be out shortly. Has anyone contacted her parents to let them know what happened?”
“Her parents are in Europe vacationing. Morgan can call them when she gets released. No need to have them worry about her over there when they can’t do anything.”
“Okay,” Karsen says before she turns to leave the room.
I move quickly to get by her side. I reach out my hand and wrap my fingers around her wrist. “Karsen, please tell me what the hell is going on. I’m losing my shit in here waiting to see her.”
“You’re not her family, or her husband. I can’t disclose anything to you that I have not been given permission to release. I could lose my job, Lincoln.” Her eyes are pleading with me to drop it.
I let go of her wrist. She tucks her hand into her pocket on her scrubs. Her husband echoes in my head. Somehow it always comes back to marriage. The piece of paper that I always deemed unnecessary sure seems necessary as fuck right now. If we were married, I would be back there with her, rather than pacing the room like a caged lion.
“If Morgan allows it, the doctor will be in to discuss things with you.” Karsen turns to go back to work, back to taking care of Morgan when I should be the one back there.
The three of us sit quietly in the waiting room. I’m not quite sure how much time has passed before the door opens again and a tall, dark-haired older woman walks in. “Are any of you here for Morgan Kennedy?” she asks.
I jump to my feet.
Karsen slips in behind the doctor, shutting the door behind her. She leans against the door and doesn’t join the rest of us.
“I am. She’s my fiancé,” I say. The lie quickly rolling off my tongue. Karsen’s eyes widen at my exclamation.
Christian and Jamie exchange a look, but neither say a word.
“I’m Dr. Maynard, I’m Morgan’s doctor. She is doing as well as I could expect considering the circumstances. She sustained a laceration on her forehead from her head striking the window of the door. The seatbelt restrained her, and she did sustain injury to her abdomen from the severe impact. She’s pretty banged up. We’re doing our best to ensure the health of the baby. She’ll be admitted, so we can monitor her overnight to keep a close eye on her.”
Did I hear her correctly? We’re doing our best to ensure the health of the baby. The solid ground is falling out from underneath my feet.
My eyes flash to Karsen and I see her wipe tears from her face. She mouths ‘I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry with me.’
I grab the closest chair and sit. “I… I’m going to be sick.”
Jamie jumps up to grab the trash can in the corner. He no sooner thrusts it between my feet on the floor, when I lose the contents of my stomach.
“She’s pregnant,” I whisper.
“I wish I had better news to deliver. I will keep you posted on her condition.” Dr. Maynard turns and walks out of the waiting room, with Karsen slipping out of the door right behind her.
I stand, the chair screeching along the floor. “How could she keep this from me?” Rage fills me. Then it dawns on me, maybe she didn’t tell me because the baby isn’t mine. I’m not the baby’s father. “She’s dead to me,” I mutter under my breath. I’m clouded and blinded by fury.
“Could you just stop? For once?” Christian says.
“What? Stop what?” I snap at him.
My eyes cling to his, analyzing his reaction.
“Will you stop and look at yourself!” he says getting in my face.
Without thinking, I push at his chest, hard enough to make him lose his footing.
“She’s dead to you? That’s what she is?” Christian moves quickly clutching the front of my shirt, gripping it tightly. He jerks me toward him.
I shove Christian again, loosening his grip on my shirt. The two of us stand off, each glaring at each other.
“Morgan was in an accident tonight and you’re making this about you. Are you kidding me?” Christian snarls.
“Don’t go there, man, I’m warning you.” My jaw clenches.
“I’m sure she has a damn good reason why she didn’t tell you. Before you go losing your shit, give her a chance to explain.”
“Will the both of you stop? Sit the hell down. The last thing we need is to be thrown out,” Jamie says with venom in his voice.
Neither one of us moves from our standoff.
“Lincoln!” Jamie calls out to me but I ignore him.
He jumps to his feet and stands between the two of us. “Look, dude. I’m not going to claim that I understand what you are going through right now. I don’t know the circumstances behind why Morgan didn’t tell you. But now is not the time. Do I need to remind you of that?”
“Did you know? Did the two of you know Morgan was pregnant?” I ask with bitterness in my voice.
In unison, they both say “No.”
MORGAN
“You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.”
– Christina Rasmussen
The cramping is excruciating. It won’t stop. I move my hand beneath the sheet, feeling wetness between my thighs. When I pull my fingers from beneath the
sheet, blood covers them.
“The trauma suffered by the unborn child can put it in distress and result in the termination of the pregnancy. I know this must be terribly difficult for you, Morgan,” Dr. Maynard says calmly.
“What?” I whisper in horror. “No… this can’t be happening!”
I’m utterly numb with shock. I shake my head in an effort to dispel the fog and confusion. Was this some fucked-up dream, a horrible nightmare? Was God playing some sort of sick joke on me?
“Please, make it stop. Please do something. I can’t lose my baby,” I plea.
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do,” the doctor says apologetically.
I stare blankly at her. Not wanting to process what she is telling me.
With my arms tightly wrapped around my stomach, I rock back and forth. A blood curdling scream leaves my body when I comprehend what Dr. Maynard just said.
“Please tell me your wrong! Please tell me my baby is okay!”
Camryn quickly moves from the chair making a loud screeching sound as she grabs my hand. “Morgan, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”
“No!”
My heart pounds in my chest, my pulse races. Tears streak down my face as my body shakes with violent, silent sobs.
I have never felt this kind of pain before. I’m not sure which is worse, the physical or the emotional. A nurse pushes a needle into my IV line. Once the drugs make their way through my body, I struggle to keep my eyes open. I drift to sleep, my hand still clutched tightly in Camryn’s.
When I wake, the room is quiet. I hear the murmurs of the nurses in the hallway. My mind is fuzzy. How long have I been asleep? The last thing I recall was the doctor telling me…
I lost my baby.
I’m numb.
I’m paralyzed by my grief.
I want to scream, rather I lie in my bed and cry silently. I cry for what could have been.
I thought leaving Lincoln ripped a whole in my heart, then seeing Lincoln with Lauren shattered it into a million pieces. The pain from this miscarriage solidifies that my heart will never heal. I’m irrevocably broken. Broken in so many pieces that I fear I won’t be able to be put back together again.
I don’t even acknowledge Lincoln when he enters my room. I close my eyes, hoping he’ll think I’m sleeping and go away. He stands there quietly. I can feel his penetrating eyes on me, even though mine are closed.
“Morgan.”
The way he says my name with such rawness makes me involuntarily flinch. From his tone, I can only assume he knows about the baby.
“What?”
“Look at me.”
Slowly my eyes open and disobediently shift downward at his command. With trembling hands, I pick at a piece of string on the blanket. I avoid meeting his stern gaze. Lincoln continues to stare at me. I can feel it burning through my skull. I say nothing. I don’t have the strength to argue.
I peek under my dark lashes and see Camryn standing off to the side of the hospital bed. My eyes cling to hers, silently pleading for her not to leave.
After a moment, he motions with his head, silently telling Camryn to leave the room. Rather, she stays, ignoring his request.
He raises a single blond eyebrow in assessment. “Can you give us a minute, Camryn? I need to speak to Morgan, alone.”
Camryn doesn’t move. Her eyes bounce between me and Lincoln. She watches with rounded hazel eyes.
“You don’t have to leave. You can stay. Honestly, I’d prefer if you didn’t.” My voice drops in volume.
My eyes find Lincoln’s and they are a blazing blue fire. He is pissed. He’s furious.
Without even turning to look at Camryn, with his eyes still locked on me, he says, “Camryn,” his tone is chilling.
Camryn’s eyes dart nervously back and forth between us. “Lincoln, do you think now is the right time to do this?” she asks.
His gaze holds mine alone.
“You can’t throw my friend out of my room. You have no right. You have no right to be here!” I say through clenched teeth. I don’t need this right now.
Throughout the entire exchange with Camryn, Lincoln never takes his eyes off of me. We are in a staring competition at this point. Neither one of us will give the other the satisfaction of backing down.
“Camryn. I’m asking you to leave, please,” he practically growls at her.
Her tone hardens. “I don’t want to be in the middle of this.”
She flings her hands out in despair. “I love the both of you. I don’t want to see this happen between the two of you. Lincoln, please. She’s my best friend. If she needs me, I can’t leave her.”
I watch this exchange between them. Camryn loves me. She senses that I don’t want to deal with this right now. Now is not the time. Why can’t Lincoln just leave? Why is he even here? After what I walked in on, he is the last person I want to see.
“This isn’t up for debate, Camryn. I need to speak to Morgan in private. What I have to say to her doesn’t concern you.”
Camryn walks over and takes Lincoln’s face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. The moment his penetrating eyes are off of me, I immediately stare at the ceiling. I squeeze my eyes shut, and say a silent prayer that my tears don’t fall.
“You’re one of my best friends. As is she. I know you are hurting. As is she. Please don’t make a scene here in the hospital. Neither of you need that right now. Promise me you’ll just talk. Calmly.”
Two deep lines appear between his brows. “I’m in no position to make any promises,” he says in a harsh, raw voice.
“Lincoln,” she says his name sternly. “If you don’t get your shit together now, I’ll call Jamie or my brother and have them haul your ass out of here. Do you hear me?”
He nods his head. Lincoln’s face darkens dangerously. His anger hardens his features as his jaw visibly tenses.
Camryn walks over to the side of my bed taking my hand in hers. “Will you be okay?”
I nod my head.
She leans down, placing a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be in the waiting room. When he leaves, I’ll come back.”
Lincoln moves to the side of my bed. He reaches for my hand, but I quickly pull it away, tucking it under the blanket. Shaking my head, I turn away and look out the window.
The sound of the chair sliding along the floor makes me flinch.
“How are you?” he asks.
I take a deep breath before I look at him to answer. “Not good. I’m pretty banged up. I’m in a lot of pain.” I lift my arm to show the IV, “they gave me something for it.”
He’s silent. His eyes take in the bruise on my head, then they rake down the rest of my body.
His pleading blue eyes are wet with unshed tears. “Can I ask you something?”
I don’t answer him. When I don’t reply, he asks.
“Is the baby mine?”
Instant rage fills my body. “Get the fuck out!” I scream.
When he doesn’t move, I lose my shit. “Get the fuck out now! I don’t want you here. I hate you, Lincoln Gates. I fucking hate you!” I scream loudly.
My head pounds from the tension. He doesn’t move. It’s as if his feet grew roots and they buried themselves into the floor of the hospital. I close my eyes. I can’t bear to look at him. The anger radiating off of him fuels my emotion.
His strong hands grab my forearms. “Look at me, Morgan,” he yells at me.
I can’t do this anymore. I don’t have the strength. Swallowing hard, I open my eyes and the words leave my mouth. “Get out. You have no business being here. I can’t be around you a minute longer.”
I repeat those same hurtful words he said to me the morning I told him that I was leaving him. Instantly his grip on my arms release. As if touching me was burning his palms. Lincoln is sucking the life out of me, out of everything. My hand instinctively goes to my belly. I had to admit, I never thought Lincoln would break me, but he manages to do it over and over again.
Clen
ching his jaw tightly, Lincoln stares at me for a moment before speaking. “I have a right to know if I’m the father.”
“If you even have to ask me that, then you don’t deserve the right to know,” my voice rises, but I don’t care.
“How could you keep this from me? How could you not tell me you were pregnant? Do you hate me that much?”
I don’t answer him.
“Morgan, are you serious right now?” Lincoln sneers.
A security guard rushes through my door along with Camryn, Jamie, and Christian.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises,” the stocky officer advises Lincoln.”
Lincoln glares at me. “I’m not leaving without answers to why she didn’t tell me.” The intensity in his stare feels as if it’s burning a hole through me.
I speak with quiet yet desperate firmness, “Get out and don’t come back.” My body shakes from anger.
“Come on, dude, let’s go. Give her space,” Jamie says.
“I don’t need space. I need him gone,” I struggle to maintain an even, conciliatory tone.
I break our staring contest and reach for my phone. Camryn stands next to Jamie, her eyes bouncing between Lincoln and me.
“Sir, I need you to leave,” the officer tells him and reaches for his elbow. Lincoln ignores him and steps out of his reach. “Don’t touch me,” he warns him.
For a long moment he looks at me. “Why didn’t you tell me I’m going to be a father?” he asks in a choked voice.
I hate myself right now. As much as I’m angry with Lincoln, I want him to hold me. I want him to pull me into his arms and take away all of the pain. I want the comfort his arms have always given me.
My slender hands unconsciously twist together. “Was,” my voice barely above a whisper. “I lost the baby. You were going to be a father,” my voice weak. I brush away the tears.
All the color drains from his face. His face is as white as the sheet my fist clinches. He just found out he was going to be a father, and in the blink of an eye, I’d taken that away from him with just a few words. The fire in his eyes dissipates and is now replaced with sorrow, heartache, and sadness.
Unspoken Promises (The Unspoken Love Series Book 2) Page 17
