Screwed

by Kelly Jamieson

  The Realtor babbled off some stuff about square feet and electricity and air conditioning, then showed her through to the back area. She didn’t need that much retail space, but she needed a bigger kitchen area, so it would have to be reconfigured. It couldn’t be that hard, though. She’d have to find a contractor, maybe a designer…no, she wanted to design it herself. And she had some design training, so that shouldn’t be a problem. She just needed someone to make her vision a reality.

  As quickly as possible.

  She had to push back the surge of energy that made her want to jump into things now.

  She discussed rent with the agent, tried not to let her excitement show, and sounded noncommittal as they finished their viewing of the space. “I wouldn’t wait too long to decide,” the agent said. “This is a popular area.”

  “Yes, I realize that.” She loved the area, and it was perfect for what she had in mind. But she still wasn’t totally sure she wasn’t crazy. “Let me think about it tonight, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  They parted ways and Callie climbed into her BMW. She sat there for a few minutes, tapping the steering wheel.

  She was aware of how fortunate she was. She had choices in life that others didn’t because she’d grown up in a privileged environment, which she acknowledged despite her feelings of never being able to live up to her parents’ hopes for her. She didn’t want to fall into a “poor little rich girl” pity party. She had enough money to make her own hopes and dreams come true, if she was smart about it. And…if she had the guts to go for it.

  …

  She signed the lease on the shop the next day. Her insides trembled as she did so. Hopefully she wasn’t making a huge mistake. Since it was vacant, they negotiated a deal where she could move in immediately. Then she took the keys, drove to the Village, and walked into her new shop.

  “Mine.” She turned in a circle in the empty building and grinned hugely. “Mine to make a success or to royally fuck up. Totally up to me.”

  She sucked in a big breath, for a moment overwhelmed. She didn’t even know where to start with this crazy project.

  Cash would know. He was a big hotshot electrical engineer, project manager consultant, or whatever. He knew lots about stuff like this. Okay, maybe not convection ovens and mixers. But still.

  She pulled out her cell phone and called him. “Okay, I just did something crazy.”

  “Oh Christ. Tell me you didn’t get another tattoo.”

  Laughter bubbled out of her. “No.”

  “A piercing?”

  “Not that, either.” She paused. “I just signed a lease on a little shop in the Village.”

  Silence. “What? Seriously?”

  “Yeah. Seriously.”

  “Like, where in the Village?”

  She told him the address. “That empty place we saw the day we were here getting sushi. I’m standing in it right now.”

  Cash still said nothing.

  “Um. You think I’ve lost my mind, don’t you?”

  “Possibly.”

  She laughed softly. “I think it’s going to be perfect. You know this area. It’s exactly where I want to be. I can spend my days baking and selling my stuff.”

  “Stay there. I’m on my way.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I want to see this place.”

  She shrugged. “Okay.”

  She wandered around while she waited for him. She’d brought a notepad, and she started sketching out her ideas. She’d also visited a bakery supply store to cost out some of the things she’d need. The biggest expenses would be the ovens, refrigerator, and the glass display case she wanted. It would go right here…and she’d have built-in shelves on that wall…it would be all white…

  Cash knocked on the door, which she’d locked behind her. She hurried over to let him in.

  “So? What do you think?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked in and looked around. “I don’t know what the hell to think.”

  She clasped her hands together tightly. He’d been so supportive all along. “I know it’s a big step. But I really think I can do this.”

  He turned and met her eyes. “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”

  “I know there are probably a lot of things I haven’t even thought of. But…I was wondering if maybe you could recommend a contractor for the renovations…someone who’d be like a project manager.”

  He sighed. “Yeah, I can probably get a few names for you.”

  “Thank you. I want to do some of the work myself. Because I do want to keep my start-up costs low. Daddy’s worried I’m going to blow through my trust fund.”

  “Somehow I doubt that’s possible.”

  She grinned. “Probably not. But I could make a sizeable dent in it if I went crazy.” Her smile faded. “I’m not going to go crazy, Cash.”

  His face softened. “I know you aren’t. Show me around.”

  She took him on a tour of the small shop, explaining what she wanted. Then she glanced at her watch. “Oh crap! I have to get going. I have a tasting at the house at six o’clock.”

  “Tasting?”

  “Cake tasting. For a wedding cake. The bride and her mom are coming to taste different cakes to see what they want.”

  “So you baked a bunch of cakes for them to try?”

  “Yeah. Small cakes. I charge them forty dollars. And then if they order a cake over five hundred bucks, I refund it. So people don’t come just to eat free cake.”

  “Ah. Makes sense.”

  “So, get back to me about a contractor.” She picked up the key and her purse from the floor. “ASAP. I want to get going.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  He followed her out onto the sidewalk, and she carefully locked the door. She smiled up at him. “I’m so excited about this.”

  “I see that, darlin’.”

  She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Thank you.”

  His arms came around her, too, and it felt so damn good to be held against him. She pressed a fast, hard kiss to his mouth. “Sorry I have to go.”

  “No worries. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  He kept his word, and Callie proceeded to call the names of the contractors he’d given her. Now on top of baking, she had a million other things to do.

  It felt good to be busy. She was learning a lot. She was in charge of her life, making it what she wanted it to be.

  …

  Cash was at home on his laptop, working on specs for a switchgear with solid-state SEL relays and communications back to a central monitoring system via a fiber optic network, when he idly checked his personal email account.

  And froze when he saw his father’s name.

  Jesus Christ.

  He sucked in air and clicked on the email to open it.

  Hello, Cash.

  Your mother gave me your email address and said she’s talked to you about us getting together. I’d love for you to meet Brandon. I haven’t told him I’m contacting you in case you and Ginnie don’t want to do this. I’ll understand if you don’t, but I hope you will. I’m sure you have a lot of questions, so I’m going to suggest that you and I meet first, and talk. I look forward to hearing from you and hope to see you.

  Dad

  Cash stared at the email for a long time, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. It had been a while since Mama had mentioned it, and he’d actually put it out of his mind. He’d never really decided what he was going to do if he heard from his dad.

  He found himself reaching for his cell phone and calling Callie.

  “What’s up?” she answered.

  “Hey. Guess what? I just got an email from my dad.”

  “No! Really?”

  “Really.” He let out a short puff of air. “He wants to get together. Not with Brandon. He hasn’t told him he’s contacting us. Guess he doesn’t want to get his hopes up.”

  “I’d say that’s thoughtful.”

  �
��Yeah. Surprisingly.”

  “Want me to come over?”

  “Are you busy?”

  “Just baking a cake,” she said lightly, and he grinned. “Kidding. Sketching out some design ideas. I can be there shortly.”

  “Thanks, darlin’.”

  She didn’t come empty-handed. She gave him a box of cupcakes.

  “Chocolate?”

  “And peanut butter.”

  “Hell yeah.”

  He crooked his elbow around her neck and pulled her in to kiss her forehead. He was so damn glad she was there.

  He let her read the email.

  She looked up at him. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” He rubbed his face. “What do you think I should do?”

  After a short pause, she said, “You really want my opinion?”

  “Yeah.” He really did.

  “Well. I think you should do it. And I think you should do it with an open mind.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I mean…people make mistakes. We hurt people we love. I have no idea what’s changed with him, that he wants to see you, but maybe…going into the meeting being curious about him and what’s happened in his life and what his story is would be better than going in all judgy.”

  “Judgy. He cheated on his wife and abandoned his family.”

  She said nothing, and he replayed her words. “Okay, I get your point. I’ll be curious.”

  “And if he gives you some kind of crap story and you hate his guts…well, at least you gave it a shot. Or maybe you could get to know your dad a little and even have a brother.”

  “I didn’t ask for a brother,” he muttered.

  Her laugh was a gentle brush of air over his cheek. “I asked for a little sister. I never got that.” She sighed. “I didn’t get a lot of love from my parents, even though they were there. I know your dad wasn’t there…but maybe he still has some love to give. Even now.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll do it. Now I want one of those cupcakes.”

  …

  Cash and his dad set up the meeting for the weekend, agreeing to meet in Fairfield. He kept telling himself on the drive there that he didn’t give a shit what happened. He’d lived most of his life without his father, and he could easily continue to do that. The hurt and longing he’d felt after his dad had left had been watered down over the years. There was no way to recapture something he’d never had, and there was no point in trying. So this was about moving forward from today on.

  But inside him there was a void, an emptiness caused by his father’s rejection, by not having the relationship that was so important in any young man’s life. And he hated to admit he wanted that. His stomach coiled with tension, and his shoulders had tightened into rocks by the time he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant where they were meeting for lunch.

  He was almost regretting letting Callie convince him to do this. Damn, he should have brought her with him. That would have helped. Her usual cheeriness and everything-will-be-all-right attitude would totally help right now.

  He tried to control his jumping nerves as he walked into the restaurant and looked around. Christ, would he even recognize his old man? His gaze passed over people, pausing, moving on.

  There he was. He was already seated and had seen Cash. He lifted a hand and stood.

  Cash made his feet move toward him. He sensed the other man’s nerves in the faint tremor in his grip as they shook hands and smiled tightly at each other. He wasn’t the only one worried about this.

  Cash pretended this man was a new client, someone to be polite and cordial to. But yeah…a hundred questions churned in his brain. Why had he left? Why hadn’t he ever contacted them before? Why now? How the hell were they supposed to make up for the last twelve years over an hour and a half lunch?

  They took their seats, and the familiar routine of having lunch in a restaurant occupied some time—letting the server fill water glasses, ordering coffee, perusing the menu, mulling over choices. Once that was done, they talked about mundane things like their drive there, the weather, the Astros and the Rangers. As they talked, Cash found himself examining his father as if he were going to be asked to describe him to a police sketch artist. He studied his hands—large, strong, with prominent veins and neat fingernails. He took in the graying hair, the shape of his eyes and nose and mouth, similar to his own.

  And now that they were face-to-face, he found himself unable to ask any of those questions. His father was as polite and cordial as he was, with a wry sense of humor and a subtle charm that made him all too human. Not the asshole douchebag Cash had always thought him to be.

  To everyone else in the restaurant, they probably looked like they were having a casual, informal lunch. But beneath the surface, Cash felt like a brick had lodged in his stomach, and he was almost nauseous by the time their food arrived. He had a sudden vision of himself standing up and shouting, “Why did you ignore us for the last twelve years?” The unasked questions hung heavily in the air around them.

  “Tell me about your business,” Dad said.

  Cash nodded and took a breath. “We’re a consulting company. We specialize in electric transmission and distribution, oil and gas processing plants, and design-build construction. We’ve worked on wind-power infrastructure. We’ve modernized oil and gas plants and worked on some renewable energy initiatives.” Okay, yeah, he wanted to impress his father. To show him that he may have abandoned him, but he was doing just fine. Better than fine.

  Dad asked some probing questions, reminding Cash that his dad was also an engineer.

  “You still work for Performance Group?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “I didn’t make it high up the ladder, but I do okay.”

  Cash remembered that as a kid his dad had traveled to Dallas on business a lot. And that was where he’d met his new wife.

  They talked more about Cash’s business, his dad seemingly interested in the details that would put some people to sleep.

  “Tell me about Ginnie,” Dad eventually asked.

  Cash had messaged her the day after he’d gotten the email from their dad, asking if she’d heard anything. She’d gotten a similar email, but it was harder for her to get away to meet him. After she was done with exams, she planned to make a weekend trip to Dallas to see him.

  So he told him about Ginnie.

  Cash seemed to be doing most of the talking, which wasn’t what he’d planned and wasn’t what he’d been expecting. “She says you two are going to get together after she’s done with exams.”

  “Yeah.” Dad’s eyes lit up.

  “Now you tell me about Brandon.”

  Dad smiled. “He’s a fun kid. Bright and creative. Also stubborn. Very stubborn. That kind of determination may serve him well one day, but right now he makes us crazy sometimes.”

  “Do you have a picture?”

  “Yeah.” Dad pulled out his phone and swiped the screen a few times, then held it out. Cash nodded at the picture of the smiling boy. “I think he looks like you.”

  “I think so, too,” Cash reluctantly agreed.

  He met his father’s eyes and let the question shine in his own. Dad sighed and looked away. “I want you to know it was never because of you,” he said quietly. “Or Ginnie. I loved you both.”

  Bullshit. He stopped himself from saying the word out loud, but that was how he’d always felt. His dad had cared more about her than he had about them. It was hard to not take that personally. To not feel that you weren’t enough.

  “But…I didn’t love your mom anymore. I met someone else…it was different. I never knew until I met her… You want to hear all this?”

  “I’m not sure.” Cash’s guts twisted. He assaulted his steak sandwich with his knife and fork, his gaze fixed on it.

  “I had to be with her,” Dad said simply. “I don’t know how else to say it. She’s my life.”

  Cash’s throat ached as he said gruffly, “That re
ally pisses me off.”

  His father nodded. “I get that.” He paused. “She became the most important thing to me. Have you ever been in love, Cash?”

  After a beat, Cash said, “I’m not sure. I mean… Hell.” He lowered his knife and fork. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Dad chuckled. “Who is it?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  The conversation went back to light and impersonal. Later, outside the restaurant, they stood facing each other. “Will you meet Brandon?” Dad asked.

  He had a brother. He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Thank you.”

  They didn’t even shake hands, just parted with nods, and Cash climbed into his truck. He drove back to Houston on autopilot, replaying their conversation. Should he have asked more questions? Demanded more answers?

  Back in Houston, he drove straight to Callie’s place. It wasn’t even dinnertime yet, and he wasn’t sure if she’d be at home or working at her shop. He just knew she was the one he had to see. She was the one he could talk to about this. The one he needed to talk to.

  He parked in the driveway, then rang her doorbell. She answered wearing an anxious expression, and her relieved smile when she saw him grabbed him by the heart.

  “You’re back,” she said. “Come in. How was it?”

  “Fucking weird.”

  She laughed. “Want a drink?”

  “Hell yeah. I would’ve tossed back a bunch of shots at lunch if I hadn’t been driving.”

  He followed her into the kitchen, which was surprisingly clean. She must be between projects. She pulled two beers from the fridge and handed him one.

  “Thanks.”

  “Come on. Let’s sit. And you can tell me about it. If you want.”

  They sat, and at first he didn’t say anything. She curled against him, and he slid an arm around her and rested his face against her silky hair. Her quiet patience as she waited for him to speak soothed the turmoil inside him.

  “He seems like a nice guy.”

  He felt her smile against his chest.

  “I didn’t want to like him,” he admitted, stroking Callie’s arm. “I wanted him to be an asshole so I could keep hating him.”