Autumn Blue

by Karen Harter

  Alex. His name wafted through her like warm ocean air. He had grown excited when he saw Millard’s collection of Washington State county maps on a bookshelf and had pushed platters of food and pumpkin pies aside in order to spread a map of the Cascade Mountains across the far end of the dining room table. Ty wandered over, gnawing on a carrot stick as he peered over Alex’s shoulder. The room buzzed with conversation. She watched Alex trace a meandering line on the map with his finger. Ty responded with interest, pointing at something and asking a question.

  Millard’s daughter and her husband, Dan, sat stiffly on the sofa, observing the festivities as if they were visitors in a foreign culture. Rita had been disgusted by the whole idea of throwing a wake on behalf of a dead rodent. Ty assured her, however, that moles are not rodents; they are insectivores. It didn’t help matters when Sissy blatantly called Millard “Grandpa Bradbury,” which caused Rita and Dan to exchange alarmed glances, shaking their heads in failed subtlety as if this whole situation had spun way out of control. Sidney’s attempt to befriend Rita over tea at the hospital had apparently done nothing to dispel her suspicions.

  Sidney was pleased to see Amilia playing a game of Crazy Eights with Rebecca and Sissy at a card table in the corner. The older woman seemed to be having more good days now. Since Enrique’s death, the family had tried to keep their matriarch busy, but Sidney found that sometimes all Amilia really needed was someone to sit and go through photo albums with her while she told stories of good times as well as bad. Amilia was a realist. Enrique had been far from perfect, but he had been her dearest friend. Sidney walked across the room. “Amilia, I’m headed to the kitchen. What can I get for you?”

  “Have you got a deck of cards back there? I need you to sneak me a couple of eights.”

  Millard appeared, leaning over Rebecca’s shoulder. “Got a good hand there?”

  “Come play with us, Grandpa B,” she said.

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. I haven’t played that game in years.”

  “It’s like falling off a bike,” Amilia said. “It’ll come right back to you. Pull up a chair.”

  He complied almost shyly, rubbing his gangly hands together as Rebecca shuffled the deck. “Well, those were some fine enchiladas you made, Amilia,” he finally said. He held his fist to his stomach. “I’m afraid I’m going to regret them tonight, though.”

  Her brows drew together. “Were they too spicy for you?”

  He nodded. “Yes, but I put them down anyway. Couldn’t help myself.”

  She gathered up her cards as they were dealt. “I’ll make you a batch without so many jalapeños next time.”

  Millard’s interest was definitely piqued. “Well, that would be fine.” He nodded. “Just fine.” Millard loved to eat as much as Amilia loved to cook. “Maybe I can do something for you in return sometime.”

  She glanced at his bookcase. “I see you like poetry. You have some books there I’d like to read.”

  Millard’s eyes ignited. “You like poetry?”

  “Hello!” Sissy interjected. “Are we playing Crazy Eights or not?”

  Sidney laughed as she walked away. Alex glanced up when she passed, his lips curving into his familiar closed-mouth smile before going back to his conversation with Ty and now Dennis, who also seemed intrigued by the map.

  In the kitchen she began to reach for the refrigerator door but stopped, her arm dropping to her side. Among other artwork that Sissy and Rebecca had bestowed on their new “grandpa,” a picture that Sissy had colored in Sunday school was stuck with magnets to the front of the door. Peter walking on the water, his boat at his back, and Jesus with outstretched arms beckoning him to come. Her eyes watered.

  The kitchen door opened behind her. She dabbed at the tears in the corner of her eyes as Alex came and stood by her side.

  “Enjoying the art gallery?”

  She shook her head. “The whole time I was praying for a mentor to love my kids, Millard Bradbury was living right across the street.” She sighed. “He was right here all the time. I thought I had to figure it all out—to orchestrate it somehow. My plan was just to get Ty through this house-arrest situation and move on.”

  He chuckled. “Old Millard’s a good guy. Ty respects him. It’s a shame that so many kids don’t have adults in their lives that they can respect.”

  She twisted her neck and looked up at him. “He respects you.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “I hope so.”

  She turned to face him. “What were you guys talking about out there?”

  He raised his dark brows. “Would you trust me with your son for two weeks this summer? We’re thinking about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail through the Goat Rocks Wilderness area. Sounds like Dennis and Andy want to go, too.”

  This summer. Alex was planning to be a part of their lives for a while. She made a face. “I suppose as long as Ty is with you, you’ll all survive. You’ll be in his realm, you know.”

  Alex scoffed. “The wilderness was my realm before it was his. Besides, I’m the fishing expert. We’re going to bring pack rods so we can fly-fish the alpine lakes. It’s beautiful up there on the ridge. The views will take Ty’s breath away.”

  “So you’ve been on this hike before?”

  He nodded. “Pop took Ernesto and me when I was Ty’s age. Ernesto must have been seventeen.” His lips straightened. “We liked each other back then.”

  Her smile was sympathetic. Alex was apparently no closer to liking his brother, but he seemed determined to forgive Ernesto for the atrocity he committed against him. “One day at a time,” she had heard him remind Ty. She too was struggling with wishing the worst for Dodge, who was being held temporarily in a jail cell in Seattle awaiting trial.

  “I think it changed my life somehow,” he said. “Standing on top of the world gave me a new perspective. I was so small and the world was so big. I guess I realized I was a part of it, but not the center.”

  She thought about that. “Is that why you want to take Ty up there? So he can get a new perspective?”

  He nodded slightly, turning to gaze at her with intense eyes. He started to speak, but sighed instead.

  “What?”

  His hand brushed her cheek. “You’ve given me a new perspective.”

  Her face automatically rolled into his strong hand, and he caressed her temple with his thumb. Without thinking, she let her body melt against his, and his arms slid around her back. He smelled of spicy soap. She felt at home, though in his arms for the first time. She had imagined this moment often, wondered if it would ever come.

  “Sidney,” he whispered into her hair. “You know when I started falling in love with you? That day at Amilia’s when

  I smashed my thumb.” He chuckled softly. “I heard you laugh. I love your giddy, spontaneous laugh, the way you cry at sad songs. The honesty on your face. Anybody can read you like front-page news. I admire that.”

  She wanted to tell him that she admired him, too. That her heart melted like butter every time he opened up to her, sharing his private thoughts and feelings. She remembered Carmen’s comment after the funeral as she gazed tenderly at her wounded brother: He feels things deeply. He always has. Jack was a good man, but he didn’t know how to recognize, let alone discuss, the soft, fleshy part of his soul. He had been content to live as if he were only a shell. And he had expected Sidney to do the same. In her head she had believed that Jack was perfect for her—for her family. But her heart had known differently. That was why his kiss had stirred nothing.

  But as she looked up into Alex’s dark, passionate eyes and their lips finally touched, flurries of confetti and fireworks burst through her soul.

  EPILOGUE

  MOM, THEY’RE HOME!” Rebecca called from the front yard.

  Sidney tossed her dish towel to the counter and dashed to the front door as Alex’s silver pickup pulled into the drive. Ty jumped out and soon Alex’s head popped out on the other side of the truck. The girls, sopping wet from a
water fight, converged on them, chattering excitedly.

  Alex grinned over Rebecca’s head. He apparently had not shaved at all during the two weeks he and Ty had been hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, and of course the girls had to run their fingers through his beard. He bent down to accommodate them. Sidney patiently waited her turn.

  She hugged Tyson. “I missed you. Mmmm, you smell good. Like campfire smoke and pine needles.”

  “And trout. Mom, you wouldn’t believe how many fish we caught! And fighters, too. They’re all native fish.” He held out his hands. “I got this one lunker; I swear it was this big. We had to cut it up to get it in the frying pan!”

  Alex nodded. “This kid can fly-fish like a pro. I’ve never seen anyone learn so fast. He’s a natural.”

  “Did you bring some fish home?” Sissy asked.

  Ty shook his head. “Nah. We were hiking, Sis. We couldn’t exactly haul an ice chest up the mountain.”

  “I wish I got to go.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t. You would have wussed out the first day. It was all uphill in the hot sun.” Sidney had never seen her son so vibrantly healthy, so tan. He must have grown an inch or two. Best of all was the glint of happiness in his eyes, more brilliant than the late July sunshine.

  Alex came around the car, slid his arms around her, and rubbed his beard against her cheek. “What do you think?” he asked softly.

  “I don’t know yet. Let me try it out.” She kissed him. Oh, those two weeks had been long. The skin of his neck radiated warmth, smelled salty, manly. She pulled back momentarily with a contemplative expression. “I’m not sure. I’d better try that again.” The next kiss was longer.

  “Hey, give us a break,” Ty said. Sidney noticed he was smirking. “Isn’t there something you want to say, Alex?”

  Alex punched his arm playfully. “Get out of here.”

  Ty snickered.

  Sidney narrowed her eyes. “What? Don’t you two even try to keep secrets from me. What happened up there?”

  Man and boy exchanged glances, Alex’s with a warning sign attached, Ty’s mischievous.

  Ty glanced over his shoulder. Millard had come out his front door. “Millard!” he called. “We saw bears!” He scrambled through things on the front seat of the truck, emerging with Alex’s digital camera and ran across the street. Sissy and Rebecca went back to squirting each other with the hose.

  Sidney turned back to Alex, running her hands over his solid brown forearms and up to the rounded biceps protruding from his T-shirt. “So what’s this secret?”

  He ran one hand through his hair. “It’s not really a secret. Just something I ran by Ty one night around the campfire.” He raised one dark brow. “He seemed to think it was a good idea.”

  She waited.

  “Could you live in a house where you can hear the train clank past your backyard in the middle of the night?”

  Her heart fluttered. “You mean your pop’s place?”

  He nodded. “It has three bedrooms. Rebecca and Sissy would have to share a room, but they do that now. Ty could have the attic bedroom. It’s pretty big. There’s an alcove where he could put a computer desk. I figure with your decorating skills you could make the place look nice. Especially that big dining room. I’ll paint the walls any color you want. You could use the garage to paint your furniture until we can get your own shop set up in town and—”

  “Alex, you’re rambling.” She knew what he was getting at but she needed to hear it out loud. She had to be sure that there was a good reason for the blood gushing through her veins like water surging through a hole in a dam. “Are you putting your dad’s place up for rent?”

  “My place now, you know.” He blew out a stream of air. “Have I mentioned lately that I’m in love with you? I can’t believe I was so afraid of letting it happen, but now I’m more afraid of letting you slip away.”

  She grinned, stepping closer. “Does that mean you’re going to cut me a sweet deal on the rent?” Her hand went to his face. She loved the shallow grooves that had begun to appear on his forehead, the slight laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. She rose on tiptoes and kissed him.

  His arms closed around her. His kiss was so tender that it brought tears to her eyes. Eventually her heels sunk back to the brittle summer grass but her heart hovered somewhere above her.

  “I’m talking about a long-term lease,” Alex said, touching a tear from the corner of her eye. “A lifetime.”

  She smiled. “Where do I sign?”

  READING GROUP GUIDE

  1. At the Harvest Fair, Sidney prays for a man to help her with her lost son. What lesson does she learn from the course of events that follows?

  2. What initially causes Millard Bradbury to take on the responsibility for a shaggy-haired, delinquent teenage boy?

  3. Compare Millard at the beginning of the story to the man he is at the end. Discuss his journey.

  4. Sidney believes that the one thing Tyson learned from school is that he is bad. Do you think this is a common problem for children with ADD or other learning challenges? Is medication the answer?

  5. Like Sidney, many women are raising children without a husband who is physically and/or emotionally there for them. How important is the father’s role in a child’s life? What should that role look like?

  6. Can you think of people in a community or entities that might help compensate for the needs of a fatherless child?

  7. Compare Millard’s relationship with his daughter to his relationship with Sidney.

  8. Was Jack a good father figure for Tyson and the girls? Why or why not? What about Alex?

  9. If Sidney had married Jack for the sake of her children, do you think they could ultimately have been a happy family? Why or why not?

  10. What are some of the factors contributing to Ty’s frustration and anger?

  11. What traits do Deputy Sheriff Estrada and Tyson Walker have in common?

  12. How does Millard’s relationship with his own son influence his relationship with Tyson throughout the course of the novel?

  13. How and why do Tyson’s attitudes toward Alex Estrada change? Is there a single turning point, or does it seem to be a gradual change?

  14. Is it possible to forgive such devastating betrayals as those experienced by Alex and Ty? How might lack of forgiveness affect their lives?

  15. Would this story make a good movie? What was your favorite scene?