Far From Home

by Anne Bennett

  ‘Yes, and that could be a bloody disaster,’ David said. Kate saw the shock on his face.

  Kate and David left soon after that, snuggling together for the cold had intensified as the dusk deepened and the rain fell like sleet. They were glad to get in. Sally was sitting in front of a very welcoming fire, reading a book, and had no idea about any of the new developments. They soon told her what had happened. ‘And this place Singapore is very important then?’ Sally said. ‘To me it sounds sort of exotic and far too far away for us to worry much about it.’

  ‘Oh, it’s important all right,’ David said. ‘Far too important to fall into Japanese hands. But they have a large army there, and according to the papers a squadron of warships are stationed there too, so they should be able to repulse the Japanese.’

  Everyone at the factory was talking about the attack on Pearl Harbor, but most viewed it in a different light to Kate. ‘America won’t be able to wriggle out of this one,’ one of the women declared.

  ‘Yeah,’ said another. ‘They’ll be in now, and about bloody time.’

  ‘Mind you, I haven’t much time for Germans,’ the first woman said. ‘But I’d rather have one any day than a bloody Nip.’

  There was a murmur of agreement. ‘No,’ said the same woman, ‘I don’t trust those slit-eyed buggers.’

  ‘No, nor me.’

  The supervisor came in then, clapping her hands. ‘Come along, girls,’ she said. ‘I know that you’re discussing the events of yesterday, but nothing you say will change the outcome one iota. I am quite sure if Churchill says Singapore is too well defended to fall, then we must believe him. Meanwhile, time is money.’

  The girls, grumbling a little, followed her on to the factory floor and Kate hoped the supervisor was right. What Sally had said to David the previous day had been true; if anyone had mentioned Singapore to her before yesterday she would have thought it was some tropical island that couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the war they were fighting with Germany.

  However, the Battle for Singapore went on and a letter came from David just before that dismal, anxiety-ridden Christmas. It was short and to the point.

  Darling Kate,

  It is as I feared. It is hell here but I am safe so far. With all my love as always – David.

  Susie got a similar brief missive and Kate said, ‘You know what David means when he wrote that it was as he feared – those two are in the thick of all this.’

  ‘I know,’ Susie cried. ‘And we can do nothing.’

  ‘No,’ Kate said, ‘nothing but wait, and that is the hardest thing in the world to do.’

  It was really difficult to engender any Christmas cheer that year and everyone was tuned in to the news as the Allies fought for their lives. In a way, Kate was glad when the festivities were over and she could get back to work. It didn’t help that tales were seeping out about the shocking brutality of the Japanese, who were reported to be taking no prisoners, but killing all before them as they pushed forward with a speed that was breathtaking.

  The Allies fought long and hard all through January and into February, but in the end they were forced to surrender unconditionally on 15 February. The papers estimated that one hundred thousand Allied soldiers were captured there in Singapore.

  The news was as bad as it could be and there was still no word from the men. It wasn’t just David and Nick who were silent: Gillian hadn’t heard from Derek for three weeks, and it had been longer than that since Mary and Frank had heard from Martin. It was hard for all of them without letters to sustain them and, during this time, Kate found Sally a tower of strength. It wasn’t anything she did specially, it was just that she was there; Kate was so glad during that time that she wasn’t returning to an empty house.

  Eventually, in early March, Susie received a letter from Nick. She was so glad that she ripped it open and scanned it before she left the house because he wrote that he was in a military hospital in a place called Poona, in Ceylon. He had been injured but he was on the mend and awaiting a military hospital ship to take him home. But then he went on to say that David had not been so lucky.

  The fighting was fierce and these Japanese Zeros were all around us – above us, below us, to the sides of us – and we were dodging and diving and turning and using our machine-guns at the same time and suddenly I saw David hit and hit again and again. His Spit went into a spin and flames were coming from the cockpit and he bailed out and then this Jap fighter shot him to bits as he dropped through the air.

  I got the bastard, but in doing so I left myself open and that’s how I was injured, but I managed to reach Jakarta where I was picked up later. There has been such mayhem that it has taken the authorities some time to ascertain who has survived, who is missing and who has been killed, but whatever the official lines they use for David’s telegram, he doesn’t stand a chance of still being alive, for even if he was alive when he landed, they would have hunted him down and picked him off. He was the best mate a man could have and there will never be another like him and I’m not ashamed to say I have cried like a baby. But I know I must go on and live my life without him and so must Kate. Be strong for her, my darling, Susie.

  All my love – Nick

  There were tears in Susie’s eyes when she finished the letter: tears for Nick who had lost a dear friend and tears for Kate who had lost her husband. But she had to brush her tears away, glad that the mornings were still dark at that hour because Kate could be eagle-eyed at times. And though she longed to share the good news that Nick was alive she decided she would not mention a word of it to Kate.

  It was the following morning when the supervisor indicated that Kate was wanted in the office. Susie bit her lip in consternation as she watched her friend walk across the factory and then she hesitated for just a moment before turning off her own machine and following her. She was aware of all the girls’ eyes on her, because no one left their machine unless asked to do so, but she took no notice of their stares. Outside the office door, again she hesitated for just a moment before opening it and sliding inside. The boss glanced across at her and he frowned a little but his attention was on Kate, who stood in front of the desk as he lifted something from it and held it out to her, saying, ‘I’m so very sorry, my dear, but this telegram was delivered here by a neighbour of yours this morning.’

  Kate took it from the boss with fingers that trembled and ripped it open. Then Susie heard her dear friend give such an anguished cry that she felt a pain pierce her own heart and leapt forward as she saw Kate sway, catching her body before it reached the floor.

  Kate had no recollection of getting home, or sending for Sally, but somehow she had reached her own sitting room; her sister and friend looking at her with concerned eyes. She was aware that they were speaking to her, but their voices were muted and muffled, as if they came from a long way off, and they made no impact on Kate, who just had one thought hammering in her head: the one that said David was dead. Never again would she see the smile that used to spread all over his face and light up his eyes, or hear the timbre of his voice, or his infectious hearty chuckle. She would never again feel his arms around her either, or his lips on hers, his hands caressing her body as they made love together, and she felt the pang of loss pierce her heart so that she cried out against it. Susie put her arms around her. ‘Let it out, Kate,’ she advised. ‘You’ll feel better.’

  Kate shook her head, for nothing would make her feel better. How could it, because everything was over for her? Such a brief marriage she had had with a wonderful man. She groaned aloud. Sally, the other side of her on the settee, caught hold of her hands and there were tears in her own eyes at the sight of the anguish on her sister’s. Sally remembered the deep sorrow she had felt when she’d learned that Phil had died; it was a sorrow that was so intense she had wanted to follow him to the grave, and she said, ‘I do know what you are going through. I fully understand.’

  Kate’s empty eyes sought her sister’s. What was she talking a
bout? No one could possibly understand this intense pain that was spreading all through her body, and the stabbing ache in her heart that was shattered into a million pieces. She cried out against it, a primeval howl of deep distress. Eventually, the sobs came, the first tears that Kate had shed.

  At first, Sally and Susie were pleased, for the lack of tears had worried them, and they put their arms around Kate on each side of her and tried to hold her close. But Kate’s threshing arms fought them off and they sat helpless beside her as sobs racked her whole body and tears cascaded down her face.

  The heart-rending sobs went on and on and eventually Susie could stand it no longer. She tried again to put her arms around Kate, and this time it was as if Kate had lost the strength to resist and she sagged against Susie with a sigh. She continued to sob, however, and the sobs were from deep within her. ‘Doctor,’ Susie mouthed at Sally, who nodded and slipped out of the door.

  Dr Butler was very distressed to hear of Kate’s collapse and the reason for it and he was glad that he was able to go straight and see her. Meanwhile, Susie, knowing nothing she said would have made any difference, didn’t even try to speak to her, but just rocked her gently as if she was a small child.

  By the time the doctor came, Kate was calm, but she had cried for so long that now and again a sob escaped from her. She didn’t seem the least bit pleased to see him either. ‘Hallo, Kate,’ he said gently. ‘I am so sorry about your husband.’

  Kate’s dull, pain-filled eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at the doctor. ‘Are you?’ she said, her voice rasping in her sore and swollen throat. ‘Why have you come?’

  ‘Your sister asked me to,’ the doctor said. ‘She was concerned about you.’

  Her eyes slid across to Sally but it was the doctor she spoke to. ‘Can you bring David back to stand before me this minute because that is the only medicine I want.’

  The doctor shook his head sadly. ‘You know I cannot do that, my dear.’

  ‘Then you may as well go.’

  ‘No, I don’t think so,’ Dr Butler said. He had dealt with more grieving widows than he cared to think about since the war had begun, and the world for them was often a cold and worrying place. But they had to go on with it as best they could, and he had found a no-nonsense approach was best. ‘You have had the worst news that anyone can receive,’ he said. ‘And you must deal with it. While everyone else may be sad that David is dead and desperately sorry for you, no one can share the pain in your heart. Isn’t that the case?’

  Kate nodded dumbly.

  ‘So sometimes it is all too much to bear and a sedative might—’

  ‘I need no sedative.’

  ‘It really would help you, Kate,’ the doctor said.

  Sally knelt on the floor in front of her sister and, holding her hands tight, she looked deeply into her eyes and said, ‘I know the pain and sense of loss is almost unbearable, so let the doctor try and help you, Kate; if only for my sake, because I am heartbroken to see you like this.’

  Kate saw the tears brimming behind Sally’s eyes and the huskiness in her voice as she tried to prevent them falling and she nodded briefly. Even that movement hurt her. Everything hurt her as if all her nerve endings were exposed. Sally was right: the intense heartache was unbearable and she needed to get away from it even for a short time. Sally hid her sigh of relief as she watched Kate take the tablets.

  And then, when the doctor had left, Sally and Susie helped Kate into bed. She didn’t protest because she was feeling pleasantly muzzy and more tired than she’d realized and the two girls watched as Kate sank into blessed oblivion. ‘Thank God,’ Sally said as they tiptoed from the room. ‘For a little time, anyway, she will have some rest.’

  ‘I just don’t know how I would be if I lost Nick,’ Susie said with a shiver. ‘I don’t think I could bear it.’

  ‘You could, you know, in time,’ Sally said. ‘Because there is nothing else to do.’

  ‘I suppose but—’

  ‘It feels like the end of the world,’ Sally said candidly. ‘And at first you can’t see any way of going on, even any reason you want to. But then you realize that you can do nothing to change the situation and make things better and you just have to come to terms with it.’

  ‘You are incredibly mature for your age,’ Susie said in admiration.

  ‘Well, I have suffered loss, haven’t I?’ Sally said. ‘I have been in that loathsome black place that Kate’s in now. But I’ll tell you something: before David left this last time, he told her that if anything happened to him then he didn’t want her to go into decline. I’m not saying he had a premonition or anything, but I’d say, with the news about Singapore, he would be fairly certain that he would soon be on active service and so he sort of prepared her.’

  ‘Can you ever be prepared for news like that?’

  ‘No,’ Sally said. ‘Course you can’t, not really. It’s the news that no one wants to hear. And yet maybe when she is getting over the shock of this a bit, it might help if I remind her what David said. But I will have to see how she is coping with everything first. I just think it’s so terribly sad. I suppose I didn’t know David all that long, but I really liked him and he and Kate were so happy. Phil thought him a great man, too, and they got on well together. David was upset to hear Phil had died and upset for me too.’ She sighed and went on: ‘Makes you wonder if there will be any young men left when this war finally grinds to a halt.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Susie said. ‘I know Mom and Dad are constantly worried about Derek and Martin, and Nick now as well, and they will be devastated to hear about David, because they thought a lot of him.’

  ‘What about his parents?’

  ‘I know, I’ve been thinking about them,’ Sally said. ‘Kate didn’t like them and they certainly had little time for David when he was alive.’

  ‘Might be different now he’s dead,’ Susie said. ‘Because people are like that. But still, whatever kind of parents they are, or were, they have a right to know.’

  ‘I know,’ Sally said, ‘and I don’t relish telling them.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ Susie said. ‘I don’t think that we have to do that.’

  ‘Well, someone has to.’

  ‘What if I ask Father Trelawney from St Margaret Mary’s to go?’ Susie said. I know David’s family are not Catholics, but Kate was, though she is a bit of a wooden one at the moment – and anyway, priests are trained in that sort of thing.’

  Sally nodded. She knew that. ‘It would be great if he would,’ she said. ‘And for all Kate hasn’t been going to Mass and that, I bet she’ll want a Memorial Mass said for David.’

  ‘Yes, I think she will as well,’ Susie said. ‘It’s all that she will have to mark his passing because, like with your Phil, there will be no grave.’

  ‘I know,’ Sally said. ‘A funeral sort of closes everything and you can visit and tend a grave – and to some anyway it does bring comfort.’ She paused and then went on: ‘I visit Ruby’s sometimes. I always feel closer to Phil there.’

  ‘I never knew that.’

  ‘No reason why you should,’ Sally said, shortly. ‘But don’t you start feeling sorry for me ’cos it’s Kate we have got to be concerned with now. And there is another needs to be told too, and that’s Mammy.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘And I don’t think that Kate will be up to writing for some time,’ Sally said. ‘So I will write and tell her, but you will have to address the envelope, because if I do she will recognize the handwriting and might throw the letter away unread.’

  ‘Do you think she would after all this time?’

  Sally shrugged. ‘How do I know?’ she said. ‘But I imagine that she has done that with the others. She has never answered them, anyway, and I can’t risk her not reading the letter telling her of David’s death.’

  ‘Yeah, I do see what you mean,’ Susie said. ‘And I should get that done as soon as you can, certainly before the sedative wears off. I’ll go round and see if I
can catch Father Trelawney now, if you like?’

  ‘Good idea,’ Sally said. ‘And David’s mother might be able to go round straight away; I don’t think she has a job. And I suppose that it is important they are told before the news filters through to them in some other way. And,’ she added, ‘I must go in and have a word with Phoebe Jenkins next door. She would be the one that took the telegram to the factory. She’ll know what news a telegram brings these days, so she’ll like to know it all. The thing is, though, the telegram just said “missing presumed dead”, so is there a chance that David might have survived?’

  Susie shook her head. ‘Not a snowball’s chance in Hell,’ she said. ‘I had a letter from Nick the other day that I never told Kate about. Here,’ she said, withdrawing it from her bag. ‘Read it for yourself.’

  Sally took it and, as she returned it to Susie, she said, ‘I hope David’s wounds were too severe and he died of them.’

  ‘So do I,’ Susie said. ‘When you are dealing with such a barbaric nation, in a situation like this I think being dead is the best outcome all round.’

  TWENTY-THREE

  Kate awoke from her drugged sleep some hours later. Her head still felt as if it was filled with cotton wool, but the memories began pushing through the muzziness into her brain and she groaned and closed her eyes again. But then she became aware of voices downstairs. She was still feeling decidedly odd, but thought she should at least get up and see who it was; but when she got out of bed, she had to hold on to the bedpost until the room stopped spinning. Then she cautiously crossed the room and opened the door as Dora Burton’s strident voice floated up the stairs. ‘I’d never have known where they were living if that girl hadn’t told the priest. Fine kettle of fish I call that. Your own son just lives a couple of miles away and you have no idea where.’