Accidentally Catty

by Dakota Cassidy

  Teeny poked her do-ragged head in. She’d liked Darnell’s so much, he’d given it to her. “What’s a matter with you, girl? Breakfast’s waitin’ on you. I made some mush. Hurry up before it gets cold.”

  Her stomach roiled. “I’ll be right there. Just finishing up,” she managed.

  Her aunt gave her a toothless grin. “Get to crack-a-lackin’, young lady. We’re all goin’ pumpkin pickin’.You don’t wanna miss that Nina stompin’ though Guthrie’s pumpkin patch like he owes her money, do ya? She’s a card, that one. Then we’re gonna do a hayride. So hurry it up.”

  She groaned as Shaw’s head replaced Teeny’s.

  “Ahem. Katie Minerva, what seems to be the trouble? You’re missing mush. Mush,” Shaw emphasized with a grin, rubbing his hard belly in a circle on his latest flannel shirt.

  Teeny gave him a lascivious grin and a wink before patting him on the shoulder and saying, “You see what you can do with her. She’s been a persnickety little flower past few days.”

  He pushed his way into the tiny upstairs bathroom with its pedestal sink and avocado-and-yellow wallpaper. He pulled her head to his hip, stroking her hair. The comforting scent of his maleness made her sigh. Even feeling the way she was. “What’s the matter?”

  She closed her eyes and allowed him to comfort her. But it would only last a moment because she was on the verge of losing her mind. “I don’t feel well.”

  “I can understand why. This bathroom’s wallpaper is just this much away from vomit inducing. We’ll have to see if we can’t replace it.”

  Before he ditched her for this Nissa? Or did he plan to tell his maybe-wife he had to go help the old lady with her wallpaper as one last gesture of kindness for taking in his amnesia-riddled ass?

  Since Darnell had dropped the “Nissa” bomb, and the whole extinction thing, and no one could locate the animals that had been moved, add to that the fact that Nina said there was always a woman involved made Katie an edgy, conflicted, upset, hormonal wreck. She’d wracked her brain and used the last two of the connections in the city she had who’d believed her innocence to find those animals to no avail. No one knew anything about exotics having been transferred anywhere. It kept her up at night, worrying for their well-being and their care. The possibility that they were trapped in bodies they couldn’t escape.

  And now she had this.

  This. This. Thiiiis.

  Shaw nudged her over on the small ledge and knocked her shoulder with his. “Want to talk about it?”

  Yeah. “No.”

  “You do, too. Who wouldn’t want to talk to me? I’m charming and witty and almost always in a good mood.”

  “And I’m what? A troll?”

  He popped his lip-smacking-good lips. “You do have trollish properties, especially these past couple of days.”

  Five to be exact. “I’m tired.”

  “And mean.”

  And . . . Oh, she couldn’t think it. “I’m not mean.” Weak, but mostly true if you didn’t count the ridiculous hissy fit she’d pitched because Shaw had moved the rib eye steaks from one freezer to another.

  “Have you forgotten Steak-Gate? I thought you were going to produce chickens right there on the kitchen floor.”

  Katie winced. “I was hungry, and I like order. You changed the order of things.” Which was also true. She just didn’t like it so much she’d cry in gulping, sobbing tears over the loss of it.

  “You’re touchy and crabby. Do you think it’s because we frolic like teenagers until all hours of the morning? I mean, I’m all for letting you get your beauty sleep, but you’re an animal. There’s just no keeping you away. I’m like your crack,” he joked, slinging an arm around her.

  She was in absolutely no mood to joke. “If I were you, know what I’d do?”

  “What’s that, beautiful?”

  She gave him a hard nudge. “Back. Off!”

  Shaw fell on the floor, leaving him awkwardly pressed up against the pedestal of the sink. He tilted his head backward to gaze up at her. “Is it your womanly time? Do you want me to make you some tea and rub your back? Maybe a hot water bottle to soothe those pesky cramps.”

  Oh-oh-oh! She was going to kill him. Anger, hot and spiky, hit her gut hard. Latching onto his luxurious hair, she pulled his head to her lap. “No. I do not want you to bring me tea or a hot-water bottle, and I definitely don’t ever want you to touch me again! Ever, ever, eeeever.” She dragged the word out, low and harsh. “Know why that is, Shaw?” She sneered his name, putting every ounce of pent-up frustration she had in saying it.

  “Why would you ever want to give up all this?” he joked, running his hand along the length of his body.

  “Because all that gave me this!” she shouted, pulling the pink stick from the pocket of her sweatshirt and let it dangle before his blue-blue eyes.

  Which were now large with surprise.

  His mouth fell open—so wide she wanted to ram the damn pink stick down his throat with the final destination being an exit from his ass.

  Shaw forced her to let go of his hair and scooted back upward to the edge of the tub. “There’s a song about this, right? Paul Anka, I think. Yep. That’s the one.”

  “One more joke and I’ll take you out,” she seethed under her breath, gripping her fists to keep from right-hooking him. “You know what I’d like to know, don’t you? How in the everloving fuck did I end up with child if us crazy cougar shifters are unable to procreate and I’m on the pill? What are you, super-sperm-Shaw?”

  And then he did something strange, yet totally Shaw-esque.

  He smiled. That smile turned into a wide grin. That wide grin turned into a bark of laughter.

  Now Katie’s mouth fell open as she pointed to her stomach. “This is funny?”

  He threw his arm over his mouth to muffle the squeals coming from his throat.

  “I’m pregnant, you sex maniac! All those nights you conned me into doing the wild thing in every available corner of our rooms and the shower, and you have the nerve to laugh at me being knocked up? How dare you laugh! I swear by all that’s holy, if you don’t stop right now, I’m going to make Nina look like a novice street fighter by the time I’m done with you!”

  He gasped, wiping tears from his eyes with his thumbs, then trying to pull her into his arms. “I’m so—” He snorted, gasping again. Clearing his throat, he bit his top lip with his bottom teeth to fight for composure. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh-laugh. This is brilliant, Katie. I couldn’t be happier.”

  Her eyes had surely found their way out of their sockets. “What? Are you crazy? Happy?” Happy?

  He nodded his dark head. “Yep. That’s what I said.”

  “Hey, coo-koo-ca-choo, have you forgotten everything that’s happened?”

  Shaw’s stare was purposefully blank as he forced his face to go blank, too. “In fact, yes.”

  She made a face at him, full of disapproval. “I don’t mean that, amnesiac! I mean have you forgotten that I’m almost forty-one years old and pregnant? High risk where I come from, buddy. I can’t even go see an ob-gyn. How will I ever explain I’m going to have a cat? Oh, Jesus,” she rambled with hysterical breathlessness. “What if I have a litter? How does this work? Oh, forget it,” she said, looking down at him. “You don’t know. Perfect. This is so much awesome. Not only am I going to have a—a—whatever—we don’t even know if it’ll be human! Not to mention the fact that we have no idea if you should have impregnated me to begin with because this Nissa Dr. Green spoke of could be someone important to you—like—like—maybe your wife? Tack on your age, and I could well be impregnated by a man who’s young enough to be my son. And let’s not forget the thing about the cougar population becoming extinct and no babies for whateverthehell time frame that was!”

  “Sixty years,” he offered in a matter-of-fact tone, so calm, so together.

  “Argh! Can you just please be serious for one minute, Shaw? This isn’t something you can humor your way out of. I
’m. Pregnant. Got that? With child. A. Baby.”

  His jaw tightened. “I heard you, Katie.”

  “Then could you do an old lady a favor and at least share in even half of my hysteria?”

  “I’m neither hysterical nor upset.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Because a child is a natural extension of my love for you. Be it a kitten or a squalling infant, I’m in.”

  Katie cocked her ear, tilting her head. Her surprise rang in her words, crystal clear. “What did you just say?”

  His eyebrow rose in that arrogant way he had when he was making a point. “You heard me. I love you. Now, while you adjust to that statement and your newly out-of-control hormonal state, I’m going to go have some mush with the others. If you don’t want to arouse suspicion, I’d beat feet to the kitchen. We have pumpkins to pick and carve. Teeny said she’d make pie with our booty. I don’t want to miss pie if it’s anything like her mush.” With that, Shaw rose, pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and left the bathroom.

  Well, then.

  Everything was better now that Shaw had told her he loved her, wasn’t it?

  It was like the icing on her baby-daddy cake.

  Shaw stopped just short of the kitchen to catch his breath before facing the crowd that had gathered at the table for breakfast.

  He grinned again. A warmth of emotions rushed to settle in his chest, leaving it tight with unexpected pleasure.

  He was going to be a father.

  And Katie was going to be a mother.

  The mother of his child.

  He hoped their baby would have her platinum blond hair. Hair he loved to watch her brush before she left his room. Hair he loved to see fall to the middle of her back when she’d taken it down from her braid before they made love.

  Even though the circumstances were far less than equitable, he was simply gobsmacked. Period.

  Yes, there were a million concerns. He had no idea who he was. He had no idea if he had a full life somewhere else. Though again, like the names Spanky and Beck, an involvement with another woman didn’t feel comfortable. He had no clue how old he was or anything other than he was full of cartoon quotes.

  He just knew he loved Katie. Much the way he knew he hated Teeny’s chicken-fried chicken and gravy, and in the same way he knew he’d rather be outdoors doing something DIY than stuffed away in some office. Not to be forgotten, he knew he wasn’t a twentysomething.

  He just knew. Why or how was still left to be explored, but he knew.

  Just like he knew he loved Katie. It had happened quickly, without warning, and while she was giving him hell last week for making so much noise during their boisterous round three of lovemaking.

  He. Knew.

  And Miss Had Her Panties Bunched Up Her Cute Ass Cheeks was just going to have to adjust.

  And if she didn’t already, learn to love him right back.

  So sayeth Shaw.

  He smiled again, whistling as he greeted the women he was now coming to enjoy as a group and in single doses. If he had a family somewhere—he hoped they were even half as interesting, loyal, and ballsy as these women and Kaih were.

  "EVERYONE’S staring,” Ingrid commented, on edge and shiftyeyed when they passed a group of Piney Creek’s biggest gossips at Guthrie’s Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch.

  “Yeah,” Nina grunted, stomping over the mucked earth. “And if they don’t knock that shit off, I’m going to pop their eyeballs out and eat ’em like fucking malted milk balls.”

  Wanda was right behind her, tucking her chin into her tailored gray overcoat and looping her arm through Nina’s. “Shut up, Nina,” she said on a wide smile she shared with anyone who was huddled in a corner, gawking and talking about them. “We are going to do as we all agreed. Kill them with kindness. Not kill them, period. Walk. Walk swiftly, my friend. Smile. Smile a lot at the bigoted pigs, or I’ll knock you into Tuesday. Today being Thursday. Now, no way are we letting these small-minded, arrogant know-it-alls get the best of us. Put on your happy face, sunshine. We’re goin’ in. I have a pumpkin to pick.”

  “Pumpkins are goddamned stupid, Wanda. Just like these people.”

  Wanda rolled her tongue over her teeth. “You care to share that with Aunt Teeny? I’ll wait until she’s done beating you with the shovel.”

  Nina’s face instantly brightened, her fondness for Teeny trumping her agitation. “Fine. For her I’ll shut up, but one wrong flippin’ comment, and I’m kickin’ some farm-boy ass. The hell I’ll let some vagina in a pair of overalls insult Teeny.”

  Wanda pointed in the direction of the rickety stand that had been around since Katie was a child where you paid to pick pumpkins. “March,” she ordered.

  As Wanda navigated her way through the mud and small mounds of strewn hay, Katie hung back. There’d once been a time when she might have confronted these people who so hated her. Nowadays, she just wanted to crawl back to her cave and stay hidden while she made fires from the sparks of two rocks rubbed vigorously together, and drew pretty stick pictures on the wall of her cave.

  Shaw caught up with her, grabbing her hand as they walked toward Magda and crew. He sucked in a deep breath. “It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The leaves are turning. Definitely crisp, clean, and—”

  “Pregnant,” Katie finished for him darkly, still reeling.

  “I’ll sing the song, if you don’t stop being such a Krabby Patty,” he teased, referencing SpongeBob.

  Rather than fight his reach for her hand, she let hers slide into his like it had always belonged there. “If you sing ‘Havin’ My Baby,’ I’ll cut your tongue out and fry it for dinner.”

  “Which would probably be, in comparison to Teeny’s fish sticks, a delicacy.” He paused as they came within two feet of Magda and her cronies. “Afternoon, ladies. Brilliant day for pumpkin picking, yes?” He dared them with his eyes and British charm to say otherwise.

  Magda blustered, her narrow face flushing, the tip of her nose red. “Indeed.”

  He tore his hand from a clinging Katie’s. “Shaw,” he said, giving them a wide smile and holding it in a surprised Magda’s direction. “And you are?”

  Magda’s nose instantly tilted upward while the rest of the quilting circle twittered with sputters. “Magda. Magda-May Jules. What brings you to Piney Creek, son?” She sneered the implication that Shaw was young.

  His grin grew secretive and more charming beneath the midday sun. “Money. As Dr. Woods’s boy toy, I’m well paid. Brilliant to have met you all. Cheers, ladies.” He winked before latching back onto her hand and pulling her in the direction of Teeny and the others.

  “You do know you just made everything a million times worse, don’t you?” Katie whispered as the women gasped.

  “You do know I don’t care, don’t you?”

  Suddenly, neither did she. The look lingering on those women’s faces had been worth his boy-toy comment. Letting her head fall back on her shoulders, she laughed. Out loud. Hoping the gaggle of women would hear her. “Me, neither.”

  “Then shall we pumpkin pick before Teeny eats Mr. Guthrie alive?”

  Teeny was in full Teeny mode, preparing to give Angus Guthrie lip if he even hinted at discord. Her gloved fists were clenched at her sides, and her mouth was pursed.

  Shaw sidled up to her, capturing her elbow. “Problem, Teeny?”

  Teeny tightened her rose-colored down jacket around her neck and spat, “Damn right, there’s a problem. Old Angus says he don’t do business with felons.”

  Angus Guthrie, so thin his Adam’s apple bobbed when he simply stood still, narrowed his eyes from beneath the wide brim of his straw hat. He shot a knobby finger in Katie’s face. “You heard right. ’Cuz a you and your fancy thug friends, I cain’t take my grandkids to the animal park no more. Your friends here beat an old man till he was talkin’ sideways. You ain’t nuthin’ but trouble, Dr. Woods, and I ain’t havin’ it in my pumpkin patch!”

  Nina leaned around a co
wed Ingrid. “You wanna be the next in line for a senior smackdown? I could always use another body to add to my growing pile of old people.”

  Wanda’s leather-gloved hand snaked out, wrapping around Nina’s neck and clamping over her mouth. She shot Angus a smile like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. “She’s joking, of course. We don’t beat old men. That’s work. We simply gut them like deer and eat them for dinner. That’s just how us fancy people from the city roll.”

  Katie bit her lip to hide her laughter and at the way Angus took two leery steps backward from them, as though the lot of them would take him out in broad daylight.

  Shaw placed an arm around Teeny. “You know what, Aunt Teeny? Angus’s pumpkins look a little bleak, don’t you agree? Sort of deflated and sad. I know of the perfect place just a few miles out of Piney Creek. Now those pumpkins? Big, round, plump, and they have apple picking, too. Oh, and doughnuts. Cider doughnuts. I say we leave Angus to his scrawny pumpkins, and we take our business elsewhere.”

  Teeny nodded but didn’t move before she had her say. Aunt Teeny always had the last word. “You’re an old fool, Angus Guthrie. I can’t believe I ever let you talk me into bumping uglies with you. I was just curious to see if that enlarge-your-penis patch you say you been wearin’ really works. But I got some news for ya, Angus, wasn’t no bigger than my thumb any old ways. Better get a bigger patch. And while you’re at it, you just remember who you treated like the crack of your wrinkly, old keister. I won’t let you forget this, Angus. Mark my words.” Teeny stomped off toward her old truck while everyone followed in stunned silence.

  Well, almost everyone.

  Nina was engaged in a full-on cackle, bent at the waist and squealing like a pig.

  Wanda turned around and headed straight for her, taking her by the arm. “Let’s go, Nina. Clearly, our fancy city money isn’t good enough for the likes of these narrow-minded, cave-dwelling dicks!” she shouted, then cast a guilty glance at Katie, her face pinched and red with anger. “Oh, Katie,” she muttered. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t stand it!”