Convincing Landon

by Serena Yates

  * * * *

  Kendall woke up when the first rays of the sun hit a room that wasn’t immediately familiar. The warm body against his back was strange as well. He looked around, memories of last night and the nap they’d intended to take slowly surfacing in his sleep-fogged brain.

  Relief flooded him when he realised this was Landon’s bedroom. He smiled and closed his eyes again, cuddling back into Landon’s embrace. It was all good. In fact, last night’s explosive sex had been better than good. Falling asleep and staying the night hadn’t been what he’d planned, but it wasn’t as if he minded. He’d been dreaming about being with Landon for a long time and all he could feel was happiness about it finally happening.

  He should probably get up, but six a.m. was no time to leave a warm bed. His first class wasn’t until nine anyway, so there was plenty of time to cuddle. He was about to drift back into sleep when Landon suddenly tensed.

  Kendall turned around to look at his lover. Landon’s eyes were still half-closed, there was a frown on his face and he still hadn’t moved.

  “Good morning.” Kendall didn’t like the continuing silence.

  “Hmm.” Landon lifted a hand to rub his face. “Too early.”

  “Yeah, I’m not a morning person, either.” Kendall was afraid it was more than that. Had he outstayed his welcome?

  “Didn’t expect you to still be here. I put the laundry in the dryer for you to take out after the nap.” Landon blinked, his lids looking too heavy for the sleepy man to hold open.

  Yep, he should have left before Landon woke up. God, he didn’t want to leave…didn’t want his dream to end like this. The pain in his chest was intense, but he’d known there was a risk of Landon not wanting to go beyond the physical. The odd encounter in a club or a quick fuck in the hallway was apparently okay. Not that they’d done much in the week since they’d reconnected, but there had been a few meetings. None of them had been a real date…well, maybe the coffee bar meeting last night had been. Staying the night was a definite sign of something more, though, and it looked as if Landon wasn’t ready—or willing—to go there. Shit, he hoped he hadn’t ruined everything.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll go.” Kendall turned around to get up.

  Landon mumbled something before he fell asleep again. Kendall couldn’t understand a single word, so he shrugged and went to the bathroom to do his business then he retrieved his clothes from the dryer and got dressed. He gave the softly snoring Landon a last longing glance. The man was more than gorgeous, even cuddled into the pillows like this with his short, brown hair all mussed, sticking up every which way.

  Kendall tore himself away and made his way outside, calling a taxi since it was too early to take the bus. He had no idea how he made it back to the dorm, but when he did, he couldn’t even sleep. The turmoil he was in kept him awake, staring at the ceiling, until it was time to go to his first class.

  That day seemed longer than most, and by late afternoon he’d worked himself into a total panic. He’d planned to meet Landon at Promises Kept, to see how he could help. Volunteering together would have been great, giving them something in common, but Kendall wasn’t so sure it was a good idea under the circumstances. He was too afraid of rejection. At least if he didn’t go, Landon wouldn’t be able to tell him no. And wasn’t that the coward’s way of looking at things. Not Kendall’s usual approach at all, but everything had always been different where Landon was concerned. Apparently, that hadn’t changed.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Fox, his roommate, looked up from his book. He was a second year lit student and did more reading than was healthy.

  “Huh?” Kendall dropped his bag and flopped onto the bed.

  “You look like—I don’t know—something really bad happened?” Fox pushed his much too-long bangs off his face, something he only did when he was interested in what the other person was saying.

  “Sort of.” Kendall needed to shower and change so he’d make a decent first impression with the centre manager, but he was lacking the energy right now.

  “You want to talk about it?” Fox tilted his head.

  “Not really.” Kendall didn’t even know where to start. He hadn’t told Fox he was gay, so dumping his issues on the other man wasn’t fair.

  “Okay.” Fox nodded and turned back to his book. “Let me know when you’re ready. I’ve always found sharing boyfriend issues makes them seem less serious.”

  “Boy…boyfriend issues?” Kendall was glad he was already sitting.

  “Yeah, that is what’s troubling you, right?” Fox looked back up from his book. “I have no idea what else could have you so depressed all of a sudden, seeing as your GPA is already in the stratosphere.”

  “But…but…” Kendall didn’t normally stutter, but this was too much. How the hell did Fox know he was gay?

  “But what?” Fox grinned and leant back in his chair.

  “How did you know?” Kendall was too flabbergasted to even care that he’d just admitted Fox was right. The guy didn’t seem to have any issues, so he was probably safe.

  Fox just raised his eyebrows.

  “That obvious?” Kendall shook his head. “I’ll have to be more careful. I guess being away from home has made me let go just a little too much.”

  “Nah, you’re not very obvious at all.” Fox shrugged. “Takes one to know one, you know?”

  “Oh.” Kendall swallowed. A gay roommate, how cool was that? “I had no idea.”

  “Some people have no gaydar.” Fox grinned. “Mine works really well, though.”

  “Okay.” He’d have to remember that, in case he needed a new boyfriend if Landon rejected him after all.

  “So, you want to talk about it?” Fox leant forwards. “I’m a really good listener.”

  “And really curious.” Kendall laughed. “I’m okay for now…not sure what there is to talk about at this point. But I might get back to you, depending on how tonight goes.”

  “Sure.” Fox nodded and turned back to his book. “I’ll be here.”

  * * * *

  Kendall made his way to the shelter for homeless youths with a heavy heart. It was less than five miles from campus, so it didn’t take long. He knew full well that he wasn’t going to pull out of his obligation to volunteer—Landon or no Landon. While it wasn’t a real obligation in the sense that he’d signed anything, he felt morally liable. He’d settled into a routine at college, so he had the time, and he’d been so fortunate in terms of his life’s circumstances, he felt the strong need to give something back to those who struggled. But knowing he’d run into Landon—and fearing the worst—had taken a lot of the joy out of the activity.

  “Welcome to the centre.” An older woman dressed in a pants suit and carrying a clipboard greeted the new arrivals with a big smile. “We’re happy you all made it to today’s introductory session and look forward to exploring the different options with you. As you know, we have a number of programmes, and we want to make sure you find one that suits your talents and availability.”

  Kendall nodded. That made sense. These people were definitely a lot more organised than many shelters he’d seen. He was familiar with tasks in the areas of intake, the crisis shelter, and he’d even done some outreach work. But Promises Kept also had a mentoring programme for youths wanting to get into work, a wide range of activities for young people so they could have some fun, and also tutoring. Kendall was too young for the mentoring programme—they wanted experienced professionals over twenty-five for that—but tutoring was right up his alley. Clerical services were always in demand so he put his name down for those as well.

  Landon was nowhere to be seen until the necessary last few minutes of the introduction. Granted, he already worked here and probably didn’t want to listen to everything again, but Kendall had missed him. He didn’t even know if they’d get to work together.

  “Hey.” Landon walked up to him after the centre manager had taken down their names, details and agreed activities. He looked ha
ndsome even in faded jeans and an old navy T-shirt. The serious expression on his face didn’t bode well, though.

  “Hi.” Kendall’s heartbeat sped up at the sight of his gorgeous lover…friend…whatever he was now.

  “We need to talk.” Landon gestured towards the parking lot.

  “Do we?” Kendall didn’t feel like following the man into a car again. He wanted to keep the memory of what they’d done there last week unspoiled.

  “At least let me buy you a coffee?” Landon unlocked his car without waiting.

  “Okay.” Why the hell not? If he was going to get dumped, he might as well do it in style.

  They drove to the coffee bar in silence, ordered their coffee and wordlessly took seats at their favourite table. Kendall sipped his coffee and waited for Landon to take the initiative. He wasn’t going to make it easier on the man if it killed him. And, judging from the way his heart was trying to jump out of his ribcage, that was a distinct possibility.

  “It’s not going to work.” Landon bit his lip, but didn’t look away. “I’m really sorry it won’t, but being a social worker or counsellor means I can’t be openly gay. It’s too risky. A lot of employers here in Texas wouldn’t even look at me if I came out. Either that, or they’d kick me out of the programme before I’d be able to open my mouth to defend myself.”

  “And those are the type of people you want to work with?” Kendall’s heart hurt, but he wasn’t going to let it show.

  “I have no choice.” Landon looked down and wrung his hands. “I wish it was different.”

  Yeah, well, that made two of them.

  Without another word, Kendall got up and walked out of the coffee bar. Not looking back was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he wasn’t going to give Landon the satisfaction of seeing the tears that were silently running down his cheeks.

  Fuck it all to hell!

  He still had no idea what had gone wrong. One minute he and Landon were exchanging Valentine’s gifts, followed by a very hot sexual encounter—the next, Landon had completely withdrawn. The pain was worse than it had ever been, even when he was still in high school. At least then he hadn’t known how wonderful they could be together.

  Now the loss of what he’d had and would never have again weighed him down. It would take a long time to get over, and he wasn’t at all sure he’d even manage to ever do so. Only time would tell.

  Chapter Three

  Riverside, Texas

  Saturday, November 22, 2008

  Landon got out of his ancient car and stretched. Every muscle ached despite the fact that the drive from Houston had only been just under two hours. It was from the combination of his father’s death yesterday and the knowledge that he’d have to face Ray at Monday’s funeral, maybe even before. While he hadn’t been close to his father in many years—hell, they hadn’t even spoken since Mom’s funeral—his death still hurt. As for Ray? He hadn’t even thought it necessary to call Landon to let him know their father had wrapped the car around a tree when coming home drunk on Friday night. Greg had found out from the police and passed on the message.

  Landon sighed as he got his overnight bag out of his trunk and made his way to Greg’s front door. The little blue house with its white shutters and neat front yard was as well maintained as it had always been. The wraparound porch might not be much use in November, but sitting outside and watching people while sipping lemonade had entertained him and Greg on many occasions when the weather was warmer. His visits hadn’t been frequent, but he remembered each one fondly. Coming back now wouldn’t make for happy memories, but maybe he could find some closure.

  “Welcome!” Greg had opened the door before Landon’s knock. “I’m so glad you could make it this quickly.”

  “Hey, little brother. Missed you.” Landon dropped his bag so he could hug Greg. “And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.”

  “Well, you’re welcome here anytime, you know that.” Greg stepped aside to let him pass inside after he’d moved his bag into the hallway. “I hate the reason you’re here, and this visit isn’t going to be much fun, but I’m hoping to talk you into moving back to Riverside eventually.”

  “You always try.” Landon smiled, settling on the sofa.

  “Yeah, and I think it’s about time you make it happen. But I’ll get back to that later.” Greg sighed as he got a beer from the kitchen, offering it to Landon before sitting in one of the easy chairs. “First, we have to deal with the funeral on Monday morning then the reading of the will in the afternoon. Not to mention seeing Ray again.”

  “You haven’t seen him, either?” Landon downed half his beer, the cool liquid refreshing him as it slid down his throat.

  “Fuck, no. I haven’t even run into him since our last fight at Mom’s funeral.” Greg swallowed. “I hate to admit this, but in a way it’s a relief we can close that chapter of our lives permanently once all this is over.”

  “You don’t want to try to reconcile?” Landon didn’t really expect Ray to apologise, and that was the only way he’d consider getting back in touch. But if Greg wanted to try to patch things up, he wouldn’t stand in his way.

  “No way!” Greg looked furious. “He’d need to show some remorse first, and based on the fact he didn’t even call me himself to let me know about our father’s death, I’m not holding my breath.”

  “I know what you mean.” Landon shook his head.

  “I have no idea what I did that made him so angry.” Greg looked sad, even a little bitter. “I mean, really. He was the one who beat me up, not the other way around. You stood up to him, so I can see why he’s angry at you. But all I did was become a coach rather than a rancher.”

  Landon still hated Ray for treating his little brother the way he had. Sure, he may have wanted to make sure the ranch was all his, but surely they should have been able to talk about it? Lots of families dealt with children having to share an inheritance. God, being here and dealing with this shit was going to be harder than he’d expected. He discarded his half-empty beer bottle. No way was he going to turn into his father. Getting drunk wasn’t a solution. He needed to stay sober and support Greg.

  “I don’t know what to say.” Landon swallowed the lump in his throat.

  “No need to say anything. You’ve always been here for me, and I really appreciate that. We’ve made it without the bastard so far, and that isn’t going to change.” Greg smiled. “So, we’ll get through this together and then I want to talk to you about moving back here.”

  Landon groaned.

  “I’m serious this time.” Greg frowned. “You’re the only family I have and I’m fed up with never seeing you. Just so you know, I’ve decided that I can always move to Houston and get a job there if you don’t want to come back.”

  “You’d do that?” Landon sat up. “Really?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Greg grinned. “I’ve got a good job here, but there are high schools in Houston that need coaches, too. I happen to think that Riverside could do with another good social worker. There’s a big need for youth counselling. Not everyone even makes it to high school, where we can reach some of the endangered teens. Too many just live on the streets. There are some rumours about the inner city developments including better support for the homeless, but I’m not sure how realistic those are. I’d love to talk to you about that, see what you think can be done. Who knows—seeing that your abilities are needed may change your mind about staying. Failing that…sure, I’ll move. There’s nothing to stop me.”

  “No girlfriend to keep you here?” Landon tilted his head.

  “No.” Greg looked serious all of a sudden. “What about you? Have you finally found Mr. Right?”

  “No.” Landon wasn’t going to talk about the fact that he’d found him but had been too stupid to hold on. And anyway, Kendall had moved back to Riverside once he’d graduated four years ago, so if anything, that was another reason to stay away from Riverside. Running into him now would just be too painful, since he’d
never be able to make it up to him after all this time.

  “What a fine pair we make.” Greg chuckled.

  “At least we have each other.” Landon couldn’t have wished for a better brother than Greg. He’d gone from needing protection when he was younger to being a loving friend in recent years. Greg was the only person Landon had felt comfortable enough with to come out to, and Greg’s actual reaction hadn’t disappointed. Greg’s acceptance and support had been unwavering.

  Having each other definitely helped them get through Sunday, when they went to the ranch to see if there was anything they could do to make amends. Instead of talking, Ray closed the door in their faces after threatening to call the police if they didn’t stay off his land. The funeral on Monday was quiet with very few people attending. Ray behaved himself, even if him totally ignoring them raised a few eyebrows.

  Landon was glad when it was over. Seeing his father’s casket lowered into the ground made a lot of memories come back. Good ones, from when he was younger, and bad ones from more recent years. It made him think about the relationship they’d had, and he again felt the rejection by a person who should have loved him unconditionally. He wondered, not for the first time, what he’d done to deserve his father’s wrath. Now he’d never know.

  Saying goodbye like this also made him realise that a large part of the reason he’d left Riverside was his father’s lack of acceptance, and that had been without the man knowing Landon was gay. He hadn’t been willing to face the rejection on a daily basis, and he certainly hadn’t wanted to see what his father would do if he knew Landon was gay. But now that he was gone? Maybe Greg was right and it was time to stop running and reconsider.

  A few hours later, he knew it was time. The reading of the will hadn’t been a real surprise. Landon hadn’t expected to inherit anything, and neither he nor Greg did. The ranch and everything associated with it, which was all their father owned, went to Ray. What had made him mad was Ray’s sneer throughout the proceedings. It was almost as if his brother felt he had won a personal victory of some kind.