Tulisa - The Biography

by Newkey-Burden, Chas

  The Scotsman’s un-bylined review began by describing the band as an ‘uncompromisingly stupid pop trio’. The reviewer was particularly harsh on Dappy, asking ‘Seriously, what’s wrong with him? Why doesn’t he calm down? Half an hour of his incessant yammering, posturing and childish horseplay was enough to force me to abandon my liberal values and demand the return of national service.’

  Tulisa soon took-part in a more sober and well received television project. In the summer of 2010, Tulisa laid bare the truth of her mother’s mental health issues in a BBC documentary called Tulisa – My Mum And Me. In it, she openly and movingly discussed her own experiences as the child of a mentally ill woman. She then takes to the road, interviewing other youngsters who have gone through similar experiences. ‘I’m Tulisa, I’m probably best known to you for being the girl in N-Dubz, but there’s a big part of my private life that I’ve always kept quiet about,’ she said in the introduction. It was about to be thrust into the public eye, during the moving scenes that followed. She reread old diaries of hers, including one from when she was 12 years old, in which she had declared that, for all her problems, she loved her mother ‘with all my heart’. In another diary she had smeared her own blood onto the page to demonstrate that she had self-harmed. She then looked over old photographs, including some taken at Disneyland. Then Tulisa does a ‘piece to camera’ alone, recalling the full horrors she went through as a child, including the police arriving to section her mother, who was ‘literally restrained and dragged away’. She explains how she was haunted by a ‘vivid image’ of her mother ‘screaming in an ambulance’. She revisits the hospital her mother had been taken to, and recalled how her mother seemed so ‘defeated’. Tulisa had wanted to ask her mother what was going on, but she realised that her mother – not her – was almost the child in this situation.

  Tulisa then visits other children who have faced comparable horrors. This starts with a girl called Mia from Windsor, whose mother Tanya suffered from bipolar disorder. The rapport between Tulisa and 16-year-old Mia was palpable. Despite coming from a different background, Tulisa related to the challenges. She also visited 15-year-old Hannah from Dover, who had suffered as a result of the clinical depression of her mother Julie. The anger that Hannah admitted she had felt was something Tulisa very much understood. Like the younger Tulisa, Hannah said she had turned to cannabis to deal with the pain. She left Dover concerned for Hannah and Julie, who had seemed far less tranquil than the Windsorian family she visited. She then spoke with people closer to home. First, her best friend from school Mercedes, and then the N-Dubz DJ Mazer, who told her how he remembered her behaviour when she was 13. ‘You were a bit crazy, T, to tell the truth,’ he said. He also speculated that without the direction music gave her, he thought she would be ‘Probably in a council flat with twins, signing on’. He added: ‘It would not have been a good look, man.’

  Later in the programme, introducing young carers to a network of support groups, Tulisa took Hannah to a specialist youth group. In doing so, she followed the narrative of many N-Dubz songs: be unflinchingly honest about a dark situation and then search out the positive light you can bring to it. ‘Small improvements can make a huge difference when you’re struggling as a young carer,’ said Tulisa. She also revisited Mia in Windsor, who had just sat her GCSE exams. As Tulisa reminded the viewers, she personally had never sat her GCSEs, leaving school at 15.

  An issue that increasingly troubled Tulisa during the making of the programme was one that had haunted her for some time. She was scared that her mother’s health issues had begun in her late teens but had only really started to show themselves in her early twenties. ‘I’ve always suspected that mental illness runs in families and that my chances of getting ill are greater than other people’s because of what Mum has.’ So she visited Cardiff University, where a huge study into such theories was being undertaken. To what extent, she wanted to know as she donned her lab coat, did genes play in an individual’s susceptibility to mental illness?Having heard an explanation from Professor Nick Craddock, she cut straight to the point. ‘So… is mental illness hereditary?’ she asked.

  ‘Well, yes,’ he replied, adding that there is a tendency for it to run in families.

  She then went further, wondering whether she was susceptible to getting mentally ill. So she underwent a psychiatric interview by Professor Craddock. She explained to him about her panic attacks, self-harming and suicide attempts.

  ‘It’s clear that you … have had depression, and that means you’re susceptible in the future to have more depressions,’ he told her. So far, so obvious. He added: ‘What I would say is that in anyone who’s had panics or been low it’s really important to look after your health – both your physical health and obviously your mental health.’ He advised her to avoid triggers that might risk further mental issues. He told her to avoid drugs, excessive drinking or irregular sleep patterns.

  None of this seemed to be rocket science, yet Tulisa admitted that what he had told her had ‘really freaked me out’. In fairness, she reflected that she now realised she had a susceptibility to mental illness and a lifestyle that put her at risk. She added that it was a ‘dramatic jump’ to move from considering herself as having a one in a hundred chance to a one in ten chance of becoming mentally ill. It had been a harsh realisation for Tulisa. She said: ‘The risk of me ever suffering from mental illness, that is quite a lot for me to take on board. I’m not sure if I’m pushing myself to the limit at times.’

  However, she explained, that at the end of a live show she felt that the crash of adrenaline after she came off stage was akin to a ‘comedown’. She added: ‘I do get this feeling of emptiness….Sometimes I end up feeling quite lonely.’ The show left Tulisa setting up her first house. She said that she had realised that she had ‘shut off’ feelings about the troubles of her past. ‘I guess it’s just been a journey for me to move on and accept the situation and deal with it,’ she said. As Ann arrived to see her daughter’s first house, Tulisa was proud to show her – and the viewers – the spare room she had set up especially for her mum to sleep in. ‘Oh, Tula,’ said Ann, with moving pride. She concluded the programme predicting that she would always be a carer for her mum. ‘Being a young carer never stops,’ she said.

  The press reaction to Tulisa’s documentary was very positive. Scribes who might not normally have much positive to say about her often expressed admiration at this other side of her. ‘As with many BBC3 documentaries about “issues”, it’s been made with a young audience in mind, but Tulisa is an honest and compassionate host,’ wrote the Guardian’s Julia Raeside. The Independent’s Simmy Richman said Tulisa’s ‘warmth, honesty and approachability meant [she] came across as a sort of urban Princess Di, reaching out to people society might otherwise sweep under its carpet.’ However, as she had suspected would happen, there was indeed scepticism over her decision to go public about her mother’s issues. Some claimed that it was an exploitative publicity stunt. One online viewer quipped that she had made the programme purely as ‘a bid to generate some good karma for when she meets the man upstairs’. James Steiner’s review on the On The Box television website went further, saying: ‘It is a shame that Tulisa could not tame the media-hungry-whore that dwells inside every celebrity as she resorts to several shameless plugs of her band.’ This is a nonsensical sentiment, as her fame was a key part of the appeal of the programme to the channel and its viewers. Back in the mainstream, the Radio Times called her programme: ‘A brave, eye-opening, and…potentially life-changing film’. The Times felt that Tulisa’s programme had single-handedly given the channel a fresh lease of life. ‘What a service the once derided BBC Three does for its target audience (and me) by using celebrity to open eyes to the awful variety of teenage experience.’

  As the media began to discuss her mother’s experiences and the issue in general, Tulisa was at pains to leave the matter on a positive and loving note. ‘Mental healthcare in this country is much better now, alt
hough we still have a long way to go,’ she said. ‘Too often people like me are just left to get on with it. But there are support groups for young carers now, which is a huge step forward because one of the worst things about dealing with my mum was how helpless and alone I felt at such a vulnerable age.’ Mindful that her documentary and the motivations behind it might be misinterpreted, she wanted people to know that she and her mother have a relationship that is normal and loving in the important ways. ‘No matter what has happened, I love my mum,’ she said. ‘She is happy for my success and I feel that for the first time in years I can have a more relaxed relationship with her.’

  She added that her mother has improved since the darker days of old. ‘I’m not sure if it was a combination of better understanding of mental illness, better community care or that my mum just struck lucky with the doctors, but finally they realised that her medication wasn’t working,’ said Tulisa, explaining how things began to turn around. As a result, her issues were examined in a new light. ‘They completely re-evaluated her case and she was diagnosed as having both bipolar and schizophrenia,’ she said. ‘Now she takes drugs to combat both. She’s good at taking them and for the most part she has been stable. There are times when she’ll say mad things. I’m in the middle of decorating the house and I had a bottle of white spirit in one of the rooms. When she saw I’d left a lighter nearby she started freaking out because she was convinced something dreadful would happen. But I can tell her to calm down and we can laugh about it now, whereas before it would have led to an argument. There are times when I get frustrated by her behaviour but at least now I have the space and freedom to escape from it. I believe a lot of it comes down to how strong you are mentally. I have been through a lot for someone my age but it has made me strong and determined and I have to pray that is enough for me not to suffer the way my mum has.’ The final word from Tulisa on the matter: ‘They say blood is thicker than water and it’s true.’ Amen.

  At the end of November 2010, N-Dubz released their third studio album. Titled Love.Live.Life, it was to be their most successful release to date. The lead single for the album had been released in May – it was not just arguably the band’s finest hour but also surely Tulisa’s finest vocal performance. ‘We Dance On’ begins with the emotional strings of Pachelbel’s ‘Canon in D Major’, a beginning reminiscent of ‘Dry Your Eyes’ by The Streets. It is only when Dappy’s chant heralds the house backing track that the N-Dubz stamp is put upon it. Tulisa then launches straight into the vocals. The vocals warn that tough and challenging times are ahead, but Tulisa promises that she will be OK and promises to break any obstacles placed in front of her.

  With the underdog card played, the second N-Dubz favourite theme is introduced in the chorus, when the band declare that everything will be all right. Positive unity in the face of adversity – this was brilliant, vintage N-Dubz stuff. The house music duo Bodyrox collaborated on the fine backing track, making this a magnificent three minutes and seven seconds of music. With dancing placed as a metaphor for facing the challenges life throws at us, this was almost an urban, 21st-century twist on the 1930s big-band song ‘Let’s Face The Music And Dance’. It was also compared in theme by two critics to the sort of message reggae star Bob Marley would impart. ‘Like a big bowl of chicken soup, this leaves you feeling warm, fuzzy and generally a bit better inside,’ said Digital Spy. Too right it does. From Tulisa’s personal perspective, the most pleasing critical response to the song came in the Mirror, where Gavin Martin wrote: ‘Often forced to take a back seat while her male counterparts lead, N-Dubz’ front lady Tulisa comes out front for this crowd-pleasing and unifying floor filler with a hint of classical spice.’

  Perhaps the final word on this remarkable moment in Tulisa’s band’s career should go to BBC website critic Fraser McAlpine, who accurately placed the song’s message in the context of the lives of Tulisa, Dappy and Fazer, as well as admitting it brought him to tears listening to it. ‘They know they have the strength to get through the bad times, because they have already had to find this out, the hard way. And so long as they’ve got each other to rely on, the way they always have, well there’s nothing they can’t do…’ It reached No 6 in the UK singles chart. With such a great lead single, optimism and expectation were high for their forthcoming third album. Before that hit the shops a second single from it was released, called ‘Best Behaviour’, which we will discuss below.

  The album was released in collaboration between Island Records and All Around The World. It had been reported that Island Def Jam boss LA Reid – a hugely successful and influential music industry figure – had become a big fan of the band and was keen to sign them. It was reported that he rolled out the red carpet for the band in America, arranging helicopter trips and plush meals. The Island Def Jam A&R man Max Gousse announced that a deal had been struck with the band. He said: ‘I signed N-Dubz because they’re great entertainers and speak to London’s youth unlike any other band. We want to bring their message to the rest of the world.’ No wonder Gousse was proud of the deal – it had been he who had first brought the act to attention of Reid and the other label bosses. Fazer spoke for himself, Tulisa and Dappy when he said: ‘Getting a US deal is something we’ve been working towards for a while and we can’t wait to get out to the States and have our music heard globally.’

  The band found they had a clash of cultures with their new producers when it came to their liberal use of certain British slang terms. ‘We worked with some massive names: Jean Baptiste, who works with Black Eyed Peas, Salaam Remi, who does a lot of Amy Winehouse’s stuff, and Jim Jonsin, who worked on Beyoncé’s last album,’ said Dappy in an interview with the Daily Star. ‘And to be honest it was tough at times trying to get our lingo across to them. We were saying stuff like: “I swear down, man”, but they didn’t know what we were talking about. They didn’t like the slang and tried to get us to talk proper English. We got our vocab up to scratch a bit but we also said to them: “We come from the country that made the English language, just trust us.” We put our creative foot down and in the end lost none of our Englishness.’ He was in ebullient mood – even making the boastful claim that the prestigious American producers had eventually deferred to him and his male band mate. ‘Me and Fazer do all the post-production on our records – the arrangement, the beats, the mixing. We take it from a demo to the finished product,’ he said. ‘We couldn’t stand aside even when working with those big American guys. In the end they said to us: “You know what, you guys might as well sit at the desk and do it yourselves.” That was great to hear.’

  The album begins with a short track called ‘Intro’. After Dappy has made some rather half-baked remarks about life in Baghdad, Basra and other hard-hit areas, the song rather fades away. It is not an opener in the class of Against All Odds’ intro. ‘Best Behaviour’ begins by dealing with the highs and lows of touring and the feeling when the act returns home to normality at the end of it. Here, the band cries out for the stability of a real love. Tulisa is again on strong vocal form, singing about how she cried on the floor of an empty room following a tour. The song develops into a decent indictment of a feeling that plagues many live performers: what is the use of being cheered by thousands of audience members if there is not that special one person to love you when the curtain goes down. It is a gentle enough song, but it takes a more intense angle when the lyrics warn of ‘danger’ if a partner is not found soon. Tulisa sings emotionally as the song comes towards its end.

  For the next track, ‘Took It All Away’, it is as if the band have worried that all that yearning for love in ‘Best Behaviour’ had shown a bit too much sensitivity. So in ‘Took It All Away’, Dappy is soon admitting to a number of infidelities with girls. Tulisa is fuming in her lyrics, calling Dappy a ‘traitor’, and leaving him complaining that she responded with such anger. She taunts him that it is now her who is flirting with others. In ‘Living For The Moment’, Tulisa sings about her own life, in a cramped council flat w
ith her mother, and how she was the one that had to save them. It might not seem the most positive of songs, and one that sees Dappy drop numerous F-bombs. However, the ultimate message is that listeners should let go of anything that has bothered them in their past and instead live for the moment. For Tulisa this was a particularly pertinent message. Anyone who knew of her past would consider her well placed to deliver this message.

  A similar message is delivered in ‘Love Live Life’, the next track. However, this time it is delivered in a more positive – and certainly more commercial – fashion. The song is in part a throwback to the house sounds of the late 1980s, when the band members were scarcely alive. In ‘Scream My Name’, the band speak about the experiences of fame. With its references to Twitter and YouTube, as well as its sense of a star who wants to be loved, it is in a way – and N-Dubz fans may like to avert their eyes for a moment – almost like a Justin Bieber song. It is certainly narcissism at its finest.