The Only Rule: The Casual Rule 3

by AC Netzel

  “And you said?”

  “Good.”

  She blows out a heavy sigh. “Of course you did.”

  I place my face in my hands and cry. “I thought he wanted to get married, have a future,” I tell her through my sobs. “And he found his out and jumped at it. How could he do this to me? How could he break my heart like that?”

  She wraps an arm around me, squeezing me tight into her side and kisses my hair. “Aww, Jules,” she says sympathetically. I lean into her, my rock, my lifeline.

  “Oh, Allie. All this time, he’s been lying. He was never going to marry me, was he?”

  “Eh, Ben’s an idiot anyway. You could do much better.”

  “I don’t want to do better. I want him. And he’s not an id…”

  “He’s probably setting up his Tinder account right now,” she interrupts. “Jumping right back in the fucking saddle.” She laughs. “See what I did there? Fucking saddle?”

  “That’s not funny.” I straighten up, narrowing my eyes in her direction.

  “It’s a little funny.” She cracks a sly smile. “Then again, Ben’s a good looking guy. Smart. Healthy bank account. And judging from the sound of your bed banging against your bedroom wall, a great fuck. Nah, he probably doesn’t need a dating app. Don’t worry about him. His mouth will be sucking some random chick’s tits by morning. That works out. You can always find a committed, ugly, poor, stupid, bad lay to marry without your mother being there.” She cocks her head to the side. “And if that doesn’t pan out, there’s always cats.”

  “Where is all this coming from? I thought you, of all people, would have my back.”

  She smacks my arm. Hard. “You are so dense. I do have your back.”

  “He called off the wedding.”

  “Did he? Or did he postpone it because he knows how much it would mean to you to have your mother there?”

  “He told me we’re done.”

  “You said it first. You practically dared him to say it back. God, you’re a moron.”

  “But he broke my heart.”

  “He didn’t break your heart, Jules. You did. What you have here is a decent man, who did a decent thing. And you punished him for it.”

  “I bet Camille will be thrilled.”

  “Oh my God. Seriously? Your life is falling apart and you’re fixating on a desperate girl he barely tolerates? I don’t know why this girl gets under your skin. You know he doesn’t want her.”

  “I know. I do.”

  “For some strange reason, which at the moment I can’t fathom, he’s got a soft spot for your special brand of crazy.”

  “You weren’t there. He wouldn’t listen to reason. I told him I was fine with my mother not being there.”

  “So you lied to him.”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  She lifts a brow and stares me down.

  “Okay, I lied, but I would have gotten over it.”

  “Should I get a bucket for the shit you’re shoveling? A Conti wedding without Rose Conti there? Even I thought the wedding should be postponed.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “It wasn’t my call to make. Julia, go to him and apologize. Beg if you have to.”

  “Why didn’t he chase me?”

  “Once he realized how unstable you are, he probably ran in the other direction. I bet he’s in Canada by now.”

  Her words sting like an arrow through my heart and my chin trembles. Tears roll down my cheeks.

  “Hey, don’t cry. I was only kidding around. I’m going to get some wine out of the fridge and we’re going to figure this all out.” She stands, turning toward me and wags her index finger. “Don’t go anywhere. I’m not done talking to you.”

  “I have nowhere to go,” I say sadly.

  She sighs and I could swear she rolled her eyes as she left.

  I tilt my head back and stare at the ceiling, purposely avoiding my hanging dress. I’m flooded with memories, so many memories of good times we’ve shared. Our first kiss at my front door. How he made me feel beautiful, even if I was wearing a stretched out T-shirt and old gym shorts. The lustful way he’d look at me that turned my cheeks red. I glance at the sex gash on my wall and smile to myself remembering how proud he was of that hole.

  I think back to the look of love and adoration I saw in his eyes when he asked me to marry him.

  He loves me. Every part of me knows it.

  My mother pops up in my thoughts. She liked Ben immediately. She saw that something special between us before we did. She tried to make me see it too but I wasn’t ready. Neither was he.

  Even when I was a pain-in-the-ass kid, my mother’s love and devotion never faltered, though my stubbornness gave her plenty of reason.

  She was there when my heart broke. Never asking questions and loading me up with so much comfort food, I had to wear elastic waistbands for a week until the belly bloat went down.

  I think back to my college graduation. Thousands of people seated in the bleachers at Rutgers University’s football stadium. Somehow my mother managed to make an appearance on the giant Jumbotron, wildly waving a “Congratulations JuJu” sign, with an exceptionally unflattering photo of me in the eighth grade. My mother had a proud smile on her face. I thought it was mortifying. Allie was practically rolling on the grass in hysterics.

  Going further back in time, I recall the morning of my First Holy Communion. I was in a particularly ornery mood.

  I close my eyes, take in a deep breath and swear I can smell the pink and white carnation corsage I wore on my wrist that day.

  “This is special. I wore it when I received my first communion. And I wore it again on my wedding day,” she says as she fastened the clasp to the delicate diamond and sapphire cross necklace around my neck.

  I stare at the mirror in front of us, tilting my chest side to side until the light made the jewels sparkle.

  “Do you like it?” she asks.

  “It’s okay,” I lie. Real diamonds! Real sapphires! I love it, but I won’t give her the satisfaction of agreeing with her.

  She smiles knowingly.

  She wasn’t even mad when I broke the chain by the end of the day.

  “Julia, you have to stand still. I can’t get your veil on straight.”

  “I don’t want to wear a stupid veil.”

  “Of course you do.” She sticks the hundredth bobby pin in my hair. “There,” she says, placing her hands on my shoulders, staring at our reflections in the mirror in front of us with a glowing smile. “You look like a little bride.”

  “Ugh, I hate it,” I whine. I love it. I love it.

  “Nonsense. One day you’ll marry. And I’ll be standing behind you like this, helping you with your wedding veil. I can’t wait for that day.”

  “I’m never getting married.”

  “Never say never. Some day you may meet that special someone who sweeps you off your feet and gives you a happily ever after.”

  I roll my eyes. “Pfft. Highly unlikely, Mother.”

  “Well, I hope you do. And I hope he’s someone who’s as good to you as your father is to me.”

  I scrunch my face and stick my tongue at our reflections.

  She laughs. “Okay. Just know, if you ever change your mind and marry, there’s nothing in the world that would stop me from being there.”

  He was right. I would always look back on our wedding day regretting that she wasn’t there.

  “Oh my God.” I stretch across the floor and grab my handbag. I remove the small bag my mother gave me earlier tonight. Inside is a blue velvet box.

  Steadying my nerves, I open the box slowly. My eyes widen and I gasp.

  Inside is the delicate diamond and sapphire cross I wore on my First Communion. I smile when I realize she replaced the broken link chain with a sturdier but still dainty diamond cut rope chain. I tilt the box side to side and watch the jewels sparkle. It’s prettier than I remember. There’s a small folded paper tucked inside. I remove it
then unfold it.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as I read the message:

  Something Old

  Something New

  Something Borrowed

  Something Blue

  For the Beautiful Bride

  May you and Ben enjoy a lifetime of love.

  Always with you.

  Love, Mom

  “Here.” Allie snaps me out of my memories. She hands a glass of wine to me and sits down on the floor next to me.

  I take a gulp, looking down at the note in my hand. “Oh, Allie, what have I done?”

  “You fucked up, honey. You need to fix this.”

  “What if he doesn’t want to see me? I don’t think I could stand to be rejected by him.”

  “The coaster assault incident would be a deal breaker for most sane people but I’d put money on the fact that if you knock on his door, he’ll answer it.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe we should just let it be. Go our separate ways.”

  “I’m not going to watch you waste the rest of your life drowning your sorrows in cupcakes, while you pine over a man who is in love with you. You had a fight, albeit a whopper of a fight. The timing is pretty shitty, but you’ll figure it out.” She tilts her head, studying me. “What is it?”

  “What?”

  “What is it you’re really afraid of?

  Pulling my knees in close to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and gently rock myself back and forth.

  “What if he’s changed his mind?” My voice quivers. “I definitely gave him reason. Marriage was never on his radar. Maybe he found a get out clause and used it.”

  “Ben’s not the type to ask for something he doesn’t want. When he met you, his radar changed. He asked you to marry him because he wants to marry you.” She reaches out, gently rubbing my arm. “God only knows why. You’re so goddamn unstable. Maybe you have a magical pussy.”

  A chuckle slips out. “You have a way with words,” I say.

  “Coming from an editor, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “It was,” I assure her.

  “Can I ask you something? I want you to answer honestly.”

  I nod.

  “You say you worry that Ben has doubts… but I’m wondering if it’s you who has doubts about marrying him.”

  “I will never love anyone more than I love him.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  I think back to my life before Ben. Once I dusted off the grime from my loser ex, I found my happy again. Well, my happy enough. After all, I still had the things I love, like my family, Allie, and my job. Life was good, maybe a little mundane, that safe gray area between black and white. Still, it was okay.

  Then I met him and as I got to know him, things changed. Once we fell in love, life was richer. Crystal clear yet full of color. And that safe gray spot became part of a new color palette. Because of him, I learned gray is fine. But adding splashes of color is remarkable.

  That’s how I see my future, the only future I want. A one note wheel turned into a kaleidoscope of shifting colors. That safe area became alive and wonderful. Ben was my safe spot in the most exhilarating way and I think I was his.

  He knows me well, maybe better than I know myself. Because of that, he sacrificed for me. And I was too selfish to appreciate it.

  “Jules, what does your gut tell you?”

  “That he loves me so much he called off our wedding.” Tears well in my eyes again and I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “And?”

  “And I have no doubt whatsoever that I want to marry, have his babies, and live the rest of my life with him.”

  “Well then, my friend, let’s win back your boy.”

  Chapter 14

  I tossed and turned most of the night. I wanted to go to him last night, but it was late. I figured he needed time to cool down. And I was afraid.

  Unable to look at my wedding dress and unwilling to be alone, I slept with Allie. I’m sure my crying kept her up half the night, but she never complained.

  My eyes spring open and I lunge for the nightstand.

  “Don’t bother,” she says as she walks through her bedroom door in a purple terry cloth bathrobe and matching towel wrapped around her wet hair. “He didn’t text you.”

  “Maybe…”

  “No,” she interrupts. “No phone calls either. I checked your phone when I woke up.”

  “Okay.” I didn’t think it was possible for the sinking feeling in my stomach to drop any lower, but it has.

  I peek at her alarm clock. “Oh God, it’s late. You should be at work.”

  “I told them I’d be in this afternoon.”

  I look down at my hands, embarrassed that my drama has bled into my best friend’s life.

  She huffs. “Cut the crap, Jules. They were fine with it.”

  My mother always accused us of sharing the same brain, maybe she was right.

  Allie strolls over to her closet, while I pick up my phone. “I’m going to get the inevitable over with and call the hall to cancel,” I tell her. “It has to be done sooner or later.”

  She turns around and gives me a small nod, never taking her eyes off me.

  I press the catering hall’s number in my contacts list. As I listen to the rings, acid rises up my esophagus. The bedroom is suddenly sweltering.

  “Good morning, Majestic Springs Manor. This is Thomas. How may I help you?”

  “Umm.” I clear my throat. “This is… This is Julia Conti. I’m afraid I have some unfortunate news.”

  “Is this about the cancellation?”

  “You know about it?” I ask.

  “Your fiancé informed us earlier this morning. Has something changed?”

  I think I’m going to throw up.

  “No,” I say sadly. “Nothing’s changed. I wasn’t aware he took care of it already.” I clear my throat again. “I’m sorry.”

  “No problem, Miss Conti,” he says kindly. “Mr. Martin took care of all of the financial…”

  “I’m sure he did,” I interrupt before he could finish.

  “I’m very sorry, ma’am,” he says quietly.

  “Thank you. So am I.” I end the call and drop my phone on the bed, weeping into my hands.

  The bed dips as Allie sits next to me, wrapping a sympathetic arm around my shoulder.

  “He already called them,” I tell her, my voice quivering.

  “I heard.” She wraps her other arm around me and pulls me into a hug.

  “He doesn’t want to marry me.”

  “Shh. That’s not true.”

  “He canceled the hall.”

  “You were just doing the same,” she reminds me.

  I look back at her, my vision blurred by my tears. “What am I going to tell my family?”

  “You’re not telling them anything until after you talk to Ben.”

  “Allie, I’m scared. What if it’s really over?”

  “Like I told you last night, that man is in love with you. My God, if you two can’t make it work, there’s no chance for the rest of us. Go. Talk to him.”

  I drop my head down, my chin against my chest.

  She raises my chin with her index finger and looks directly into my eyes. “He loves you, Jules.” Her voice is soft, her expression sincere. “Nothing’s going to change that.”

  “Okay. I’ll go to his place and fix us.”

  “That’s my girl.” She wraps her arms around me again and hugs me tight.

  Chapter 15

  My perfect manicure is ruined as I chew my thumbnail down to the skin during the subway ride to Ben’s apartment. The train stops at my regular work station and I exit. Checking my phone that has not left my hand since I left my apartment, I find two texts—from Stuart and my sister.

  None from him.

  Chickenshit that I am, I walk at a snail’s pace toward Ben’s place. All of Allie’s assurances rang true. But she didn’t witness our falling out. She didn’t see how angry he
was and how he watched me leave without batting an eye. She didn’t see how much I hurt us.

  I pause in front of Emilio’s Café. He knows I pass here to and from work. He doesn’t know I called out today. He watched me from the bar for weeks when we were broken up. Maybe…

  Aware that it’s a long shot, especially considering it’s near lunchtime, I peek in the front window, hopeful I’ll see him. Although our current status is royally fucked up, if he’s here and watching I know he’s still with me.

  “Dammit,” I whisper to myself. The bar stools are empty. All of them. I swallow hard, press my lips together and move on.

  Reaching my work building, I momentarily debate if I should go inside and talk to Vivian. She’s great at advice, like a second mother. Then again, I’d have to confess what an idiot her assistant editor is. Her respect is important to me. She’s never judged me before—but my current actions are pretty hard not to judge.

  Walking past the building, I continue to his apartment, my pace slower and slower with each step. In contrast, my heart is beating so rapidly it feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest.

  I stop in front of Ben’s apartment building and look up to the twentieth floor. I squint, as the glare from the sun prevents me from seeing if he’s standing by his apartment window. Honestly, I don’t know if he’s home. Allie convinced me to skip the calls and texts. She said to speak to him face-to-face. Listening to myself got me into this mess, so I went with her recommendation.

  “Woman up and go to him,” she advised. She also suggested I show up with nothing but a trench coat. I skipped that idea.

  I’m a few steps from the front door of his building, close enough to see Andy the doorman opening it for someone. I place my hand over my mouth, afraid I’m going to vomit up my morning coffee.

  Leaning back on my heel, I pivot in the other direction.

  “Coward,” I mumble under my breath as I hightail it out of here, my snail’s pace now elevated to gazelle speed.

  ~o0o~

  Central Park, specifically Bethesda Fountain.

  There’s something magical about this place that makes me feel close to him. And I need to feel close to him. I recheck my phone. Three missed calls, six texts.