"Thank you," he said, freeing me. "I won't let you die, Auren."
"I'm already dead, Makari," I said, blinking against my tears.
He gripped my head in his hands. "You are not dead. Stop that, now."
When he pulled me to his chest I sobbed harder. "At least you’re crying now," he whispered.
"My crying is a good thing?"
"It's better than the blank look you'd been wearing since yesterday. Any kind of emotion from you has to be an improvement."
I shook my head. "Don't you understand, Makari? I'm crying because you're forcing me to live, and my life brings nothing but misery to others. I don't want to hurt people anymore."
"You haven't hurt anyone, Auren. If anything, you are the one who has suffered at the hands of others. That ends now. I will make sure of it."
"I’ve hurt people." Maybe if he knew what I'd done on Luten Isle little more than a year before, he would decide I wasn't worth saving. So, I told him about releasing the demon which had killed dozens of villagers.
He paused, his expression haunted. "Why would you do that?"
"I was practicing calling the veil. Kado was sleeping, and as I started to go into the shadow world I didn't know how to stop it. The demon must have sensed my panic and came to attack me. I figured out how to leave, but it followed me out."
His face brightened. "So, it was unintentional."
"Yes, but disaster follows me. People always get hurt or killed because of me."
"I’ve killed countless people in the last several months. I've torn families apart and orphaned children, all in my father's name. If anyone deserves death, it's me."
Makari didn't understand. How could he? "At least you have a choice. You can stop hurting people and help them instead. It's my existence that brings suffering to people. Only my death can stop it."
"I don't believe that, Auren, and somehow I'll make you see it."
I didn't argue with him, it was too exhausting. I lay silently on the table as Makari left to bring a fresh bowl of broth. Once he fed me, ensuring I ate every last drop, he took me back to my room.
I grabbed his hand when he stood to leave. "Please stay." I didn't want to be alone. More than that. I felt safer in his presence, less vulnerable somehow.
"Okay."
I rested my head in his lap when he sat back down on the floor. "Why do you care so much about what happens to me, Makari?"
He combed his fingers gently through my hair. "I always cared. Even before I met you. I just refused to acknowledge it."
I couldn't reconcile the man who took care of me with the one who tortured me less than twenty-four hours ago. What had changed? He was still blocking me, so I couldn’t see into his mind. Sighing I closed my eyes, and allowed his presence to calm me. He wouldn't hurt me anymore. That much I was certain of. I could feel his love, it echoed my own emotions, though they were buried beneath my grief. I wanted to ask if he would help me free my father, but my lips wouldn’t form the words. All I could manage was a soft murmuring.
"Sleep, Auren."
I couldn't do anything else.
Chapter 6
For days, Makari patiently nursed me back to health. It didn’t improve my will to live, but I knew I couldn’t kill myself. I would never hurt him that way. Makari had become my only anchor to life and was quickly becoming the center of my universe. When he was with me, I felt safe and protected, and I slept soundly in his arms. The moment he left, the walls closed in, and I had trouble breathing. At those times sleep evaded me until I all but passed out from exhaustion. Then the nightmares would come. Only when he returned did I feel safe again, like I couldn't exist without him.
"Hush," he said, holding me close. "You're safe now, Auren. It’s going to be okay. I promise."
But it wasn't okay. Each day my grip on reality crumbled until I feared I would lose my mind. Makari too, seemed lost. He was beginning to despair, as though he understood I was fighting a losing battle because I was dead inside. I hoped he would take pity on me and release me to the shadow world, so I could join my mother.
"Eventually you'll have the strength to let me go," I told him one day as he held me in his arms.
I expected to see the same hopeless expression; I waited for him to tell me he wouldn't let me go. But instead his body became rigid, and he pushed me away, holding me at arms' length so we were looking at each other. His gaze was so stern, and in an odd way it reminded me of Kado.
"No! You have to stop this Auren. You’re not dead, and it's time you stopped wallowing in self-pity."
I tried to bury myself against his chest, not wanting his anger I only wanted him to understand. But he held firm.
"Enough, Auren. I'm not going to do this anymore. You need to snap out of it. I need you back with me. Your people need you. I can't help you escape, and you can't help anyone like this." Makari looked away. When he spoke again his voice was soft. “I did this to you. I did this because of blind devotion and fear. I didn’t trust in our connection, and if I broke that bond I’ll never be able to forgive myself.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Please, Auren."
Sinking back against the wall, I hugged my knees to my chest and wept softly. I couldn't believe he blamed himself. He didn't get it. I didn't want to be a source of suffering anymore. Something pressed at the edges of my mind, but I brushed it aside. It pressed harder. When I lifted my head, I saw Makari's eyes were closed. It was only then I realized I had pushed him out. It was the reason he was so upset. I had closed off our connection. Even though I wanted to, I couldn't re-establish our bond. It was as though a force field surrounded my mind, and I was powerless to turn it off.
"Stop fighting, Auren," Makari warned. "I'm not going to hold back anymore."
"I'm not fighting. I—"
Makari pulled me towards him and covered my mouth with his. My resistance only made him deepen the kiss, until I had no choice but to kiss him back. As I did, my defenses lowered.
I gasped and pulled away. "No, don't, I can't."
"Why?"
I shook my head. I couldn't let him in my head again. It was bad enough knowing the truth about myself. I didn't want him to see. I wouldn’t survive his rejection, and he would despise me. I needed him. I needed his love.
"Why, Auren?"
"I'm afraid."
"You have nothing to fear," he said, stroking a thumb across my cheek. When he pulled me towards him I tried to resist, but couldn't. My limbs wouldn't cooperate. This time his kiss was soft, sweet, and I melted into it.
"I love you, Auren, and I'm going to protect you. But you need to let me in. It's the only way I can help you."
The pressure in my head intensified, followed by a familiar pressure in my solar plexus. I gasped, afraid of what it meant.
"Just let go," he said, wiping away a tear with his thumb.
The force field collapsed so I was left holding him back with my own dwindling strength. When I focused my energy, the pressure on my solar plexus increased. Then he was in my mind and there was no going back. The pressure increased until I felt his presence everywhere. I collapsed, exhausted, into his arms.
"That's better," he whispered, rubbing his lips against mine.
Now that he knew everything about me, and he finally understood, I was afraid to look at him. I had to force myself to meet his gaze. What I saw in his eyes made no sense. They were full of love and a kind of wonder.
"Nothing that has happened is your fault, Auren. When will you understand that? My father is the one who caused this suffering. You're just as much a victim as everyone you think you've hurt."
"I don't see it, Makari."
"Then I will make you see it."
He laid me gently on the ground and kissed my forehead. It was only when he began to walk towards the door that I found my voice again.
"Don't leave me."
"I'm not leaving you, Auren. I'm going to see your father."
Shadow Stalker:
Turning Tid
es
(Episode 9)
Prologue
Makari paused outside Auren's room, casting a worried glance her way. He had seen what happened to others who were broken by the cleansing process, those who never fully recovered. The thought of the girl he loved sharing their fate, knowing he was the one responsible, was almost too much to bear. If only he had allowed himself to listen, to stop long enough to hear her words.
Auren blamed Drevin's indoctrination for Makari’s failure to believe her, and maybe it had something to do with it. But he would be lying to himself if he claimed it was the only reason. The truth was he feared his father, which made him nothing more than a coward. Auren’s attempts to persuade him to join the Coalition were appealing, but his father would hunt him down and make him suffer for his betrayal. There was little chance the Coalition would defeat the Galvadi Empire, even with the help of the shadow stalkers, and he simply didn't want to fight for the losing side. Coward.
At least that was how he’d felt before he saw the look of betrayal in Auren's eyes. That look would haunt him for eternity. He knew it was that moment, and not his torture, which had broken her. Even his promise to keep the secret made no difference. Her mind was trapped in the instant she revealed their location, and in her mind, she had sealed their fate. The desire to protect them was the last thread of sanity Auren had left, and Makari had cut that thread with little thought of the consequences.
As he pushed these thoughts aside, he took a minute to gather himself outside Zain's room. He was Auren's only hope now, and Makari had no idea how to help her. He could hardly confide in the other guides, and Zain was likely to want him dead for harming his daughter not to mention having invaded his mind, retrieving Kado's identity, so he could find the delohi-saqu. Makari doubted he'd forgotten that and wouldn't blame Zain for the attempt on his life. That’s if he was capable of retribution after enduring the cleansing—no, the torture—for over eighteen years. Makari would be lucky if Zain was still coherent. Still, he had to try for Auren's sake.
Taking a steadying breath, Makari pushed into the room and closed the door behind him. When he activated the dim lights in the room, he saw Zain curled up on the floor facing the far wall. The man's long, gray unkempt hair was so mangled, it looked like it would have made a good nest for a bird, and though his skin would have naturally been as dark as his own, after being denied sunlight for so long, it was pale. If Makari hadn't seen the slight rise and fall of Zain's chest, he might have thought the older man had passed into the shadow world.
"It's not my meal time," Zain said as if to himself. "Has Drevin decided he'd like to continue my torture, despite having discovered the identity of my daughter's protector?"
Makari frowned, wondering how he knew what time it was, let alone the schedule for meal time. "No. But I am here in regard to your daughter."
Zain turned, leaning on an elbow, and acknowledged his presence for the first time. "If it isn't the spawn of the fallen one himself."
Makari knew the shadow stalkers referred to Drevin as the fallen one, but he hadn’t seen his father that way. Not until recently. Now he could only agree with the Foramar's assessment. If his father was wrong about Auren, then who knew what else he was wrong about.
"Well? What has he done to my daughter? Has he sent you here to gloat over her demise?"
The venom is Zain's voice almost made him take a step back, but Makari held his ground and knelt beside the man. "Actually, I'm here because I need your help to save her."
Zain watched him for a moment. "I'm listening."
"She was captured on Appolia a few months ago. Her identity wasn't known to her captors, but I recognized her the moment we met. I'm sure you’re aware of my history, that my father trained me with the sole purpose of hunting her down.” Makari took a breath, trying to order his thoughts. “The fact is, I couldn't bring myself to turn her over to him. I was determined to prove she wasn't the delohi-saqu, but when she didn't succumb to the cleansing, I assumed my father was right about her and…"
A fire burned in Zain's eyes. "What have you done with my daughter?"
"I tortured her for information, using the old methods. I thought—"
"You did what?"
Zain leaned toward Makari, and this time he did move back.
Makari held up his hands. "Please let me explain, Zain. It's important you know."
"Explain then." The fire never left Zain's eyes.
"I thought if I could give my father the location of the Coalition, he might see my worth. It was selfish, I know, but at the time I truly believed Auren would eventually enslave the people of the Serpent Isles. Regardless of how I feel about her, I couldn't allow that to happen."
Zain's gaze darkened. "What do you mean, how you feel about her?"
"I love her. When we touched, it was like coming alive for the first time. I saw my whole life in her eyes. I've never experienced anything like it."
Zain sighed and rubbed his forehead. "This cannot be, Makari. This is what brought us to this in the first place."
"I don't understand."
"We do not choose our mate. It is one of the many rules shadow stalkers must live by. Our mates are chosen by the shadow people based on compatibility, and the offspring we will produce. Your father's parents mated against the will of the shadow people and, when he was born, I was told he would bring suffering to the shadow stalkers and the people of the Serpent Isles. I was ordered to kill him, but I didn't." Zain paused as though lost in the memory. "I couldn't bring myself to kill an innocent newborn. I was young and foolish. But it’s why your father despises the shadow people. He made them his enemy, the moment he discovered they had ordered his death."
"And you think Auren and I aren't meant to be mates." Makari's voice rose in pitch as his throat constricted.
Zain gave him a look which said the answer was obvious.
Makari shook his head. It couldn't be true. "But I’ve seen into her mind. Her mother told her she would meet her true mate on Nadiria. She believes we're meant to be together."
"Her mother?" Zain's brow furrowed as though struggling with some important decision.
"Yes, when she was still on the Dark Isle, Auren encountered her mother in the shadow world. Her mother told her to forget the boy she had fallen in love with because her true mate waited for her on Nadiria."
"And you saw this clearly in her mind?" Zain studied Makari's face carefully.
"As if it was my own memory."
Zain nodded. "This changes things then. Tell me what is wrong with her?"
"She revealed the Coalition's location, and I think it pushed her over the edge. Her mind just snapped. She believes she’s dead inside and wants me to…" Makari took a deep breath. "She wants me to kill her. I need your help. I was stupid for listening to my father instead of listening to my heart."
"Yes, you were. But you’re young yet. In fact, I’m surprised you managed to overcome your training at all, given what you must have endured since birth."
Makari wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or not. "I've never completely trusted my father. I can see the lies as he speaks them. That must sound crazy."
Zain raised an eyebrow. "It doesn't sound crazy at all. It's a rare gift for a shadow stalker, but obviously the shadow people wanted you to see the truth."
"The shadow people wanted it?" Makari had no idea what relationship the shadow stalkers had with the shadow people beyond their creation. Drevin spoke of little else but their corruption, so it was strange to hear Zain speaking with such reverence.
"Our abilities are given to us by the shadow people before we are born, those which every shadow stalker has, and those which are afforded to us depending on our individual destinies."
"Can you help her?" Makari asked. Though he was interested in learning more about the shadow people, Auren was his priority.
"I can't." Zain said tapping his recinder. "But if you really are her true mate, you may be able to. I can teach you a healing tec
hnique, one which can be used to repair her mind. But she will need to be here, so I can guide you through it."
"I’ll see what I can do," Makari said, his mind already planning ways to make it happen.
Chapter 1
As I sat in the corner on the cold, hard floor, with my knees pulled to my chest, I rocked back and forth as I watched the door for Makari's return. He'd been gone too long. Something must have gone wrong. I tried not to worry, but my mind was whirling with the possibilities. What if my father didn't know how to help? What if Makari decided I wasn’t worth his time anymore?
When my eyes began drooping, I forced them open again. I couldn’t sleep until he returned because I needed him. Without him the nightmares would return. He was the only one who made me feel safe. I could only sleep when I felt safe.
It was getting harder to stay awake, which only made my fear more acute. What if Makari had returned to his own room to sleep? Did that mean I should at least try to rest? I knew he would want me to, but I couldn’t succumb to the nightmares. Not when the image of my friends haunted me. Their horrified faces and accusing stares boring into me until I felt exposed.
My breath rushed out in relief when I saw movement by the door. Makari had finally returned. I rushed to his side, feeling weak and helpless as I sobbed in his chest. He held me close, stroking a hand down my back until I was calm enough to speak.
"I thought you weren't coming back."
Makari sighed. "Why would you think that? I'll always come for you."
I gazed up at him. "Did you see my father?"
"Yes, and he wants to see you.” He brushed a strand of hair from my face. “It wasn't easy, but I think I’ve found a way. I have assigned you the task of delivering his meals. If anyone asks, it is a way for you to show your loyalty to my father by being in service."
I nodded, letting the news digest. It hit me with a pang of delayed excitement. I was going to see my father. "Can we go now?"
Shadow Stalker Part 2 (Episodes 7 - 12) Page 8
