Crazy About Curves: 10 Luscious Reads

by Adriana Hunter

  “So it had nothing to do with the fact that you couldn’t sing, or that they couldn’t play their instruments?” Sam tried, but she couldn’t keep the twinkle from her eyes.

  “Okay, so maybe a little, but come on, I had the perfect name picked out.”

  “So, what’s Ricky Bender doing these days?”

  “You know, I couldn’t tell you. He moved away the following year. His dad got relocated with his job, and we lost touch.”

  Sam cocked her head slightly. “What about your other member?”

  “Aji Gorgenson. We’re still friends, but I don’t see him that often. I’ll catch up with him at the gym once in a while, if we happen to be there at the same time. He’s married, two kids, and I have no idea if he ever picks up his guitar these days.”

  “That’s neat that you still keep in touch.”

  “One of my oldest friends, though we sort of went separate ways. He went away to college and made a new group of friends. Just the way life is,” Chris said with a shrug.

  “Becky and Winnie are probably my oldest friends. Becky has more dirt on me than anyone possibly could, so we have to stay friends forever or I’m totally sunk. Winnie moved away for a while, and then ended up back here. They’re the two I mostly hang out with. I see other friends from time to time, but they’re the ones I’d call in a pinch.”

  The conversation flowed, comfortable and casual. It wasn’t until the topic moved to his new niece that it got more serious.

  “Can I ask you something?” Sam asked carefully.

  “Sure, ” Chris answered quickly, not knowing where this was going.

  “You don’t have to answer if it’s weird.”

  “Okay...”

  “This thing with your sister and your ex-girlfriend raising the kids...are you okay with it? Not that it’s two women, but that it’s your ex-girlfriend. Had you been dating long?”

  He sat thoughtful for a minute, not sure if he was going to answer it completely and honestly, but for some reason it was easy to talk to Sam, so he chose to be vulnerable and open.

  “At first, I was shocked my sister had fallen for her. She’d never dated women before. I think that alone threw me. Don’t get me wrong, all I want is for her to be happy. I guess at the time I was like, of all the women in the world, why did it have to be my girlfriend?” He looked down at his hands and fidgeted. “It’s not that I saw her as “the one” you know. I wasn’t heartbroken as much as I thought I would be, but I think we were caught up in the drama of everything going on with my sister. I mean, sure, it was weird at first, but I’ve gotten used to it. It’s been less than a year, but somehow things fell into place. Of course, her ex is being a dick about it. It’s rare to see friendly splits these days when kids are involved. They aren’t a traditional family, so I worry her ex will use it against her at some point with a custody battle.”

  “Wow. That was brutally honest, thank you.”

  He nodded. “Now, you tell me something about you.”

  “Me? I’m boring. There’s not much to tell.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Okay, let me think.” She pondered for a moment, and then started into a story. “One time I was at the mall and I’d snuck into the naughty store. You know the one,” she blushed. “Anyway, it had taken all of my courage to finally go in. I’d circled it multiple times, and each time I walked by I was convinced I could go inside. Only each time, my heart would start racing, and I’d do another lap around the mall. Finally, after about my fifth lap, I go inside. I keep my eyes glued to the floor so I’m not making eye contact with anyone, and I walk smack into a floor display. I knocked down this pyramid of boxed dildos...there were sex toys everywhere. I’m horrified, and people are turning to see what happened. In that moment, I came eye to eye with my mother. My mother! I freaked out and ran out of the store. Neither one of us ever mentioned it again. I was beyond mortified. First I’m embarrassed that she saw me, and then I start to freak out because I realize she has sex with my father, and I didn’t want to know what she was looking at!”

  Christopher’s belly started to twitch as the laughter erupted. “Dildo destruction, sex toys everywhere!

  “I’ve still never mentioned it to my mom, even to this day. My parents are cool and all, but ick.”

  “Ick?”

  “Yeah, nobody wants to picture that!”

  “So the poor salesman had to clean up the dildo collapse, and you didn’t get what you went in for?”

  “Pretty much.” She laughed, realizing what a silly story it was. “I love the internet; it’s so much easier to just order something privately.”

  “Do you think your mom likes the web for that reason too?”

  “Okay, you stop. As far as I’m concerned, my parents don’t have sex anymore. The image alone freaks me out.”

  Samantha climbed across his lap, her thighs straddling his, and let her hands rest on his broad, meaty shoulders. “I love how your body feels,” she purred, running her fingers across the muscled ledge.

  He smiled. “I’m glad you appreciate it.”

  Sam let her hands slide across his shoulders and down over his arms. Closing her eyes, she squeezed gently. There was something delicious about a man’s bicep when it was solid and strong.

  Christopher watched Sam as she stroked his body. She was caught up in the moment, unable to hide her arousal. He could barely control his erection, watching her.

  “Kiss me,” he whispered.

  Leaning in, her chest pressed to his, soft and squishy, tender and warm. She stopped just short and looked into his eyes. “What is this? What’s happening here?”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t want it to stop.”

  His large hand wrapped around the back of her head and pulled her in the last couple of inches. He was desperate to taste her, to drink her up, and to melt into their kiss.

  Christopher’s hands took liberties, sliding across her back, and then gently slipping under the edge of her sweatshirt. His fingers caressed her warm skin, first her lower back, then her upper back. She knew what was next. She knew where his hands were headed. Normally, she’d be right there with him, ripping her own bra off, but tonight, for a moment in time, she wanted to feel like he was there for her, not just for her body.

  “Christopher,” she pulled back the slightest bit. “I don’t want to rush things. I have a tendency to rush, and then I regret it.”

  He slipped his hands out from under her sweatshirt reluctantly. “I understand. I’m sorry I took advantage.”

  She slid the back of her hand across his face. “There’s nothing to apologize for. It would feel amazing, I’m sure. I just want to be honest with you. I’m going to need to take things a little slower.”

  “I’m totally fine with that. I appreciate the honesty. It’s refreshing not having to guess.”

  “You’re not upset?”

  “Of course not. Sure, there’s a part of me that feels like a spoiled child that can’t have his candy, but the mature man in me understands.”

  “Thank you.” She climbed off his lap, realizing she’d started it.

  Clearing the pizza box and their plates away, she sat back down beside him. “Tell me more about you,” she said, wrapping her arms around her knees, watching him talk.

  “Hmm, I’m not sure what to tell you. You know I have two sisters, my folks are still married, and I had a normal enough childhood. What do you want to know?”

  “Tell me about your work. Do you like it?”

  Chris shrugged a little. “Are you supposed to? It is what it is. It pays the bills. I knew it was a safe choice, but I have a tendency to make safe choices.”

  “Not me. I always dive in head first and figure things out later. I wish I’d stop to think more often.”

  “It sounds fun though, and adventurous.”

  “Sure, when it works out; when it doesn’t, not so much.” Sam shook her head a little, emphasizing how it wasn’t so great when it didn
’t work out.

  “Let’s see...oh, I’m thinking of getting a new car soon. I’m not sure if I want practicality and good gas mileage, or something bigger. I’ll figure it out eventually.”

  “When are you doing that?”

  “I’m still looking.” He laughed. “I guess I should admit that I’ve been looking for months now. It takes me a while to make up my mind.”

  “See, I’m spontaneous. If I think about replacing my car, I’d be at the car dealer that day.”

  “I like to research my options.”

  “Do we have anything in common?” Sam was concerned that if they were too opposite, this would be a relationship they should never have started.

  “I think we’re mutually attracted to one another,” he winked.

  “Well, that’s a given, but seriously. What if we have nothing in common, like absolutely nothing?”

  “Well, let’s figure out what we do have in common, so you don’t worry,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “Oh, I like that!” A smile spread across her face.

  “We’ve established we both like pizza,” he grinned, starting the list.

  “I like to work out, and it’s obvious you do, too.”

  “It’s a necessary evil. What do you do?”

  “It changes a lot. I was doing some spinning and kickboxing, I went through a swimming phase, and lately I’ve been doing this interpretive dance thing.”

  “That sounds interesting. You should show me.” Chris grinned, imagining her curvy body moving while she danced.

  “You’re funny. It’s sort of a combination of tai chi and a free flowing dance movement, combining mind and body stuff. I get bored and jump around a lot, or sometimes it just depends on the instructor. What do you do?”

  “I like to lift weights, but I don’t get really intense about it like some guys do. I just go in, do a routine a trainer showed me, and call it a day. I try to go over at lunch a couple days of the week.”

  “I like what the weights are doing to your arms.” Sam gave a giddy smile.

  “Come back to my lap.”

  “If I do, I’m afraid I won’t get off.”

  “Oh, I can get you off,” he teased. “Okay, that was cheesy. I apologize.”

  “You went there!” She was laughing. “What happened to going slowly?”

  “Right, right.”

  Sam climbed back on his lap. “Like this?”

  Chris stroked her cheek. “You’re a beautiful woman. Do you blame me for trying?”

  Sam blushed, her cheeks turning pink. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “It’s true.”

  “You keep that up, and I may have to smother you in kisses.”

  “Oh, the sacrifices...”

  Christopher’s hands wrapped in Sam’s hair and pulled her close. He nibbled her lip, kissing and teasing her. “You’ll need to keep me in line.” His voice shifted to a low growl. “You’re so sexy.”

  “Stop, stop!” She jumped off his lap. Her insides were jelly, electricity sharp in the air. “If you talk like that, we’ll be naked in bed in a handful of minutes.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He grinned wolfishly.

  “We need to go slow, remember?”

  “You’re right. Why don’t I go for the night? If I stay, I can’t promise my hands won’t roam.”

  “Mmm, I want your hands to roam. This is so hard. Part of me wants to tear your clothes off and take you to bed; the other part wants you to respect me in the morning.”

  “This isn’t about respect. We’re two consenting adults.”

  “I need to wait.” She lowered her head.

  “Then we wait.” He stood, and kissed her hand. “Thank you for the company. I hope to see you again soon.”

  She smiled. “Thank you for understanding.”

  Chapter 12

  The Alpine Slide served spirits and good food according to their sign, but nobody warned them about the conversation. They couldn’t have known. It looked serene enough, with white table clothes, cloth napkins, fine china and an ambiance that spoke of romance. There were candle lit sconces tastefully decorating the walls, and subtle, pleasing colors throughout the dining room.

  The outside of the building held no clues either. It was an unassuming restaurant, and had a reputation as a nice place. The stone front and burgundy trim didn’t give anything away, either. They couldn’t have known.

  But Fred went there, and Fred changed the entire atmosphere. Fred was a lonely older man, who just happened to be on a date with a girl he’d run into at his high school reunion. Fred was easily in his late seventies or early eighties.

  Walking into the restaurant hand in hand, Christopher and Samantha were led to their table. It sat by a big picture window. There were romantic views of a three tiered water fountain just outside the window, like the kind people take pictures in front of.

  Only Fred was there. Fred was a regular. Fred wore a hearing aid that he didn’t have turned up loud enough, so each time he spoke, his entire conversation filled the room. The other guests tried to politely ignore him, lost in their own conversations. But Fred and his date sat one table over from Sam and Christopher.

  “You know, you can get cancer down there,” his date semi-whispered. “My doctor sent me for a test the other day.”

  “Oh yeah, you can get that stuff anywhere,” he answered, his voice carrying across the room.

  Sam tried to ignore their loud, grating voices, as they discussed their medical ailments, along with a list of all their friends that had recently died. Fred’s date said she regularly read the obituary column, just to see who she was outliving these days. They were a chatty couple with plenty to talk about.

  They couldn’t have known...

  Christopher’s hand slapped up over his mouth, trying to hold in the laughter. Sam’s eyes opened wide as the words traveled across the dining room.

  “I swear I’ve got a pack of hemorrhoids like a cluster of grapes up there.” Fred started to share his latest issue with his date.

  Completely unfazed, she responded, “I’ve got a doctor for that. If you want his number, let me know.” She took another bite of her food, carrying on like this was normal small talk.

  Chris reached for his glass of water, trying to distract himself, anything to hold back the laughter. Sam froze like a deer in headlights. The romance of the night was quickly fading. In fact, it was pretty much dead. Should they bail before it got worse? But having already put in their order, they were stuck. There was nowhere to go.

  The waitress showed back up with their salads, asking if they needed anything. They nodded, unable to speak. Fred continued his conversation.

  “I swear, some of them are as big as cherry tomatoes.” He grunted. “I’m lucky I can sit.”

  “You need more fiber,” his date suggested. She continued to eat.

  Sam looked at her salad, and at the bright red cherry tomato that sat proudly on her plate. She swallowed hard, looking down. There was no way. She couldn’t do it. With her fork, she pushed it to the side of her plate. She smirked, watching Christopher do the same thing. She’d never look at cherry tomatoes the same way again. Or grapes. Or life.

  Mouthing the words, “Oh my god,” to Chris, Sam took comfort in the fact that she wasn’t alone. Maybe, just maybe, she should say something and put the guy out of his misery. Would they think she was listening in? It’s not like she could help it!

  She looked to Christopher and then over at Fred. “I’m sorry. I need to do this,” she warned Chris. With a deep breath, she leaned toward Fred and whispered, “Try some cortisone cream.”

  “Huh?” The old man’s voice carried.

  “Cortisone cream,” she said just a bit louder.

  “I can’t hear you,” he said while pointing to his hearing aid. “Damn thing never works well enough.”

  Raising her voice louder than she’d meant, she repeated herself. “Cortisone cream, try cortisone cream for t
he hemorrhoids.” In slow motion, the entire dining room crowd turned her way. She wanted to slide under the table, mortified.

  Chris didn’t know what to make of the situation. He was too horrified to move, and instead let out the laugh he’d been trying to hold in earlier. The dam broke, and his sides were aching as the burst of laughter flooded out.

  A random guy from across the room chimed in. “I’ve got a guy. Do you need a guy?”

  And then another lady spoke up. “Ever since I gave birth, let me tell you... Did you know they can band those things?”

  “I once had to take a long train trip with a swollen one. It was torture, burned like hell.” The stranger a few tables over added in.

  Sam couldn’t stop laughing as the conversation spread from table to table.

  The entire dining room was now in discussion, swapping stories of hemorrhoids, which had then moved on to takes of surgeries, scars, medication mishaps, and more. What started as a romantic evening felt more like some weird family reunion where no topic was off limits.

  Chris shook his head. “Never in my life have I seen something like this.”

  Sam suggested they duck out and take dinner to go.

  “What? Why? I haven’t laughed this hard in ages.”

  Neither had she. She’d laughed until her sides hurt, tears ran down her face, and then she felt the leak down below. It was a moment she couldn’t take back. Horrified that she’d just peed herself in the middle of the restaurant, Sam panicked. There was no polite way out of this. She didn’t know what to do. She was mortified. Not only did she ruin the restaurant’s chair, there was no way he wouldn’t see the wet spot when she stood up.

  Sam was at a complete and utter loss. Should she admit it, or sit and hope things air dried? She’d never been so embarrassed in her life. She took a deep breath and spoke the words she never thought she would say on a date.

  “Chris,” she whispered. “I need to leave. I think I just peed myself.”

  “What?” His face went slack.

  A lady called over, “They have stuff for that. They make undergarments for bladder incontinence.”

  Sam’s face turned beet red. She slid under the table, refusing to pop her head out.