A Cowboy in Her Arms
Page 16
“It’ll do, but are you sure about this?” he asked as darkness encircled them, and the two streetlights slowly began to glow, her lovely face illuminated by the amber light.
“Yes,” she told him, her voice a faint whisper. “But it doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.”
“I wouldn’t expect that,” he told her as he slipped off his light jacket, spread it on the grass and eased her down onto it.
“It just means that we’ve gotten beyond a lot of our past.”
He unbuttoned her blouse and unsnapped her pink lacy bra that easily opened in the front. She drew in a quick breath, then slowly let it out as he ran a thumb over a pink cherry-blossom nipple.
“I like how that sounds.”
“That we’ve gotten beyond a lot of our past?”
“Yes, and how you breathe when I touch you.”
“It’s a natural reaction,” she said as he leaned over and sucked the very tip of her breast while he caressed the other, careful not to chafe her soft skin with his rough, dry hands.
“I’ll try to be careful,” he told her before he moved his mouth over to her other breast, to her other cherry bud.
“Um, I’m loving your touch,” she muttered. “It’s a man’s touch.”
Then she took one of his hands and tenderly kissed the bruises on his knuckles and the rough spots on his palms. He watched as she kissed each finger, then placed his hand back on her breast.
As soon as he touched her, she did it again, that guttural quick intake of air, almost sounding as if he’d surprised her, as if she hadn’t been expecting the sensation. The thought heightened his desire for her and brought a flood of their lovemaking memories rushing back. All those days and nights they’d spent together wrapped in passion.
Somehow, he’d never felt like this before, never felt the myriad of emotions that now ran through him.
He knew her body, just as she knew his, but for some reason this time seemed like the first time. Like they were both new to this moment, and the anticipation of it bore deep into him.
He slid his hands down her taut stomach and began to unfasten her jeans. She reached up, slid her hands under his T-shirt and helped slip it over his head. She slowly ran her fingertips over his chest, then over his shoulders and down his arms.
“I love the way you feel, the way you look,” she told him in a low, teasing voice, as he pulled her jeans and panties down her legs, stopping at her boots.
“I can’t go any further,” he told her, as his gaze slowly made its way up her now-naked body. She was truly beautiful, and even more beautiful than he remembered her to be.
“Let me help,” she said, and reached up to undo his jeans.
Within their next few breaths, most of their clothing lay on the grass next to them, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her gorgeous naked body. He ripped open the condom packet that he’d pulled from his back pocket, then carefully rolled it over his erection.
“Now,” she whispered, her legs parting, ready to take him inside her.
But he wanted more, wanted to make this moment last a bit longer.
“I want to taste you first,” he said.
She gave him a wicked little smile, sucked in a breath and slid her fingers into his hair as he kissed a trail to her center. She relaxed and gave in to his touch, abandoning any apprehensions she may have had. It didn’t take long for her body to quiver from his mouth on her, and when he knew she was close to the edge, he stopped, wanting to fall over that edge with her.
“Joel, please,” she said.
“Now,” he told her as he slowly glided himself inside her, taking his time at first, feeling her warmth surround him.
“Now,” she whispered as she moved her hips to accommodate him.
He moved faster as he stared down at her and she up at him. Their eyes steadfast on each other, their pace increasing until they both fell over the edge in waves of blissful release. So much so that he felt the earth rumble...or was that his phone vibrating in the jacket pocket, which lay under both of them, on the grass?
He rolled off of her then, pulling her in close, ignoring the phone call, telling himself whoever it was would leave a message.
“Is that your phone?” Callie asked as she pushed in closer to him.
Everything that was in him wanted to disregard the vibrating phone, but when the buzz seemed louder than a train whistle and the phone poked him in the ribs, he couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Joel finally said after the phone began its second bout of vibrations. “I need to take this. It might be Polly.”
“Sure,” Callie said as she slipped out from under his touch. “I understand.”
Joel found his phone, gazed at the screen, then sat up and tugged on his underwear and jeans. “It’s Emma.”
“Of course it is,” Callie said under her breath, but Joel caught it.
“What’s that mean?”
“Nothing. I just meant that...nothing.”
Joel stood and answered the call, turning away from Callie.
* * *
CALLIE PULLED UP her panties and jeans, fastened her bra and buttoned her shirt. She knew Emma’s needs came first, but in this situation, her timing couldn’t have been worse.
She had to face the fact that Emma would always have to come first, which was completely understandable, but could she deal with that reality?
She felt like the evil stepmother who was trying to separate a father from his daughter. It was an odd emotion that Callie struggled with. She loved children, loved being around them, loved teaching them, playing with them, and longed to be a mom.
But Emma was different.
There was something about Emma that Callie simply couldn’t accept, and it hindered her relationship with Joel. Even now when she’d forgiven Joel for their past and longed for his touch, she didn’t know if she could give Emma the love she deserved. And truth be told, she knew it was a package deal.
“Sure, baby, I understand,” Joel said into his phone. “I know. I know. Don’t cry. I’ll be there soon. Put Auntie Polly on the phone, kitten.” When he turned back to her she was fully dressed again, staring up at a gorgeous sky filled with stars. The night had finally cooled down and she felt a chill, rubbing her arms for warmth.
“Emma got sick all over herself and wants to go home,” he told Callie. “I should’ve known something was up when she didn’t want to eat.” He turned back to the phone and made uh-huh sounds. Then he said, “I’ll be right there,” and disconnected.
He swung around to Callie, who stood next to him now and scooped her up in his arms. Holding her tight against his bare chest. His strong arms encircling her, ratcheting up her desire for him once again. She rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, struggling with a torrent of conflicting emotions.
“You’re so cold.” He held her closer, rubbing her back for warmth. “Come home with me. Spend the night. Once I get Emma settled, she’ll sleep until morning. Then tomorrow we can spend the day together, just the three of us.”
Despite how good she felt in his arms, she moved away. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Emma’s not feeling well, and having me around will only make matters worse.”
He slipped his T-shirt over his head, then stepped into his boots, picked up his jacket, gave it a shake and dropped it around Callie’s shoulders. “Don’t be ridiculous. Emma loves you. She’d be thrilled to spend an entire day with her Miss Callie.”
“That’s the problem, Joel... Emma.” Callie screwed up her courage. Maybe this wasn’t the right time, but she had to tell him before...before her feelings for him spiraled out of control. “No matter how I try, I can’t seem to warm up to her. There’s just something between us that doesn’t click. I don’t know what it is. If I did, I could fix it.”
“Yes, I’m kind to her. I explain things to her, but do I love her? Can I love her? I don’t know. I don’t know if I could ever love her. She’s hard to control, Joel. She purposely takes the toys her classmates are playing with and won’t give them back. She’ll swipe their crayons and break them on purpose. And Wheezy, I’ve told her time and again to leave him alone while he’s recovering, but she won’t listen. Whenever I’m not looking she pulls him out of his pen and tries to get him to hop over whatever hurdle she’s managed to put together. She’s a difficult child, Joel.”
“Why haven’t you told me this before...before I fell in love with you?”
His words stung. She knew that deep inside she’d never stopped loving him, and now more than ever she wanted his love in return, but until she could work out her feelings about Emma, she didn’t know how they could ever be together.
“I’m sorry,” she said, moving away from him. “I should have told you, but I thought you knew, that you could sense it.”
A deep sadness gripped her by the throat as she tried to control the emotion that welled up in her eyes.
Joel ran a hand through his thick hair. Confusion furrowed his forehead. “I love you, Callie, but that little girl has been through way too much. I’m not willing to bring anyone into my life who can’t love her as much as I do. I made a promise to myself when Sarah died to be the father Emma deserves, and nothing and no one is going to jeopardize that, not even you...especially not you. I thought it would be different this time, Callie. I’ve finally grown up and changed. I thought you did, too. I thought you could easily love Emma as your own, if not for me, then for Sarah. You said you once loved Sarah like a sister. This isn’t how you would love one of your sister’s children, Callie. There wouldn’t be a barrier of intolerance. Love would come automatically.” His phone rang, and he glanced down at the screen. “It’s Emma. I have to go.”
Then he turned and walked away, leaving Callie alone to face the cold hard fact that Sarah had not only played a game with his emotions, but she’d hit the jackpot with his love for Emma. In Sarah’s own mixed-up and tragic way, she had managed to turn Joel into a committed dad, and a true cowboy whom Callie admired and loved more than she ever thought possible.
* * *
IF JOEL THOUGHT he was going to get any sleep on that Saturday night after everything that had happened with Callie, he was badly mistaken. Not only couldn’t he sleep, but he’d been wrong about Emma sleeping through the night. She kept waking up with bad dreams, crying for her mommy.
It broke his heart.
“It’s okay, kitten. I’m here,” Joel had cooed as he knelt next to Emma’s bed and ran his hand over her damp forehead, pushing her hair back from her face.
“But I want my mommy. Where’s my mommy? Can we go home now, so mommy can find us? I think she doesn’t know where we are. That’s why she’s not here.”
Joel hated to see his daughter in so much pain, her little face contorted with sadness, her eyes wet with tears as she clung to Joel.
“We’ve talked about this, baby. Your mommy’s not lost. She’s in heaven.”
“I don’t want her to be in heaven. I want her here, with us.”
“I know, but she can’t be, at least not physically. But I guarantee that she’s watching over us.”
“But I can’t see her, Daddy. I can’t feel her kisses. I don’t like heaven. It’s a terrible place. Do they keep her in a cage like where Miss Callie keeps Wheezy? Is that why she can’t come see us? Is she in a cage?”
“No, baby. Heaven is a beautiful place with trees and flowers and all the things that your mommy loves. She’s free to walk around or fly if she wants to.”
“Is that why she doesn’t come back, because she likes heaven better than she likes it here with us? Because she doesn’t like me anymore?”
Her questions tore at his heart. “Your mommy loves you, kitten. She will always love you, no matter what. Just like I will always love you. And Aunt Polly loves you.”
“Miss Callie doesn’t love me. She was mad at me tonight, Daddy. I didn’t mean for my plate to fall off the table. I didn’t mean to push it that hard, honest.”
“When someone gets angry with something you do, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means that for the moment, they’re upset with your actions. That’s all. Miss Callie loves you, kitten,” Joel told Emma, knowing perfectly well how Callie felt about her. “We all do.”
“I don’t think so, Daddy. I do mean things in school sometimes, and Miss Callie gets real mad. I don’t like it when she gets mad at me, but sometimes I can’t stop myself from being bad.”
Joel could identify with that kind of behavior. He’d participated in it for most of his life. “You know what helps me from doing mean things?”
“What?”
“I think about you, and how much I love you, and how much you love me. Then just like that, all the mean goes away. All that’s left is love. Maybe you should try it when mean comes knocking on your door. Think about how much I love you, and how much your mommy loves you, and Auntie Polly.”
She sat up and spread out her little arms, a big smile brightened up her sweet face. “And how much I love everyone.”
Joel spread his arms, as well. “Everyone!”
Then he gave his child a big tight hug, tucked her under the covers and kissed both her cheeks, her forehead and her nose.
She giggled. “That tickles, Daddy.”
“Get some sleep, kitten. I’m right up the hall if you need me.”
“Can you play my ballerina music box first, please, Daddy?”
“Absolutely,” Joel said, then cranked the little silver button on the back of the music box her mom had given her when she turned three. She always kept it on her nightstand and it played every night at bedtime.
As Joel left the room, the tinkling music echoing in his ears, he knew he’d made the right decision with Callie; no matter how much it ripped his heart apart, his Emma came first.
* * *
CALLIE HAD SPENT the night in a state of perpetual unrest, something she’d been wrestling with a lot lately. Not only hadn’t she been able to sleep, but when she finally emerged from her bedroom in search of coffee, sometime after ten in the morning, she ran into her brother, Carson, who had stopped by with a pink box filled with scones, muffins and pastries from Holy Rollers. He’d always had a knack for turning up when she needed him most. It was uncanny.
“What’s the occasion?” Callie asked, barely able to think from lack of sleep. She knew she had to be a hot mess, but she also knew her brother had seen her looking much worse. She wore her warmest long red robe over dark blue sweats, her hair was up in some sort of ponytail, and she hadn’t bothered removing her makeup before she went to bed. Plus, she’d cried for most of the night, so she knew her nose was beet red and her eyes had to be puffy and bloodshot.
“I thought that you might need a little cheering up this morning. I bought your favorite dark cherry muffin and a large caramel latte, a drink Amanda Gump said was your favorite.”
He held up the beautiful, extra-large white paper cup, and Callie near about cried.
“God bless Amanda!”
Callie took a quick sip, sighed, sat down at the kitchen table and opened the box of goodies. Carson pulled out the chair across from her and made himself comfortable at the long rectangular table.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, taking a long drink from his own white paper cup.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Callie told her brother in no uncertain terms.
She went right for t
he cherry muffin and took a big fat bite. Nothing had ever tasted so good in her entire life...or maybe just in the last couple weeks, ever since she’d decided to give Joel Darwood another chance.
“You have to. I didn’t drive all the way over here just to bring you doughnuts.”
“Muffins.”
“Whatever. What happened last night between you and Joel?”
She drank her latte, savoring its rich, creamy caramel flavor. Perfect. The staff at Holy Rollers really knew how to make a latte.
“Nothing.”
“That’s the problem, right there.”
She stopped midchew. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I saw you two sneak off. In fact, half the town saw you, but Joel came back alone, about twenty minutes later. Not enough time for...well...serious stuff to happen. I can’t be one hundred percent sure, but I’d bet the ranch nothing...happened. And if it did, it couldn’t have been very meaningful. Why is that exactly? Except for some strange dudes our family forced you into dating, you haven’t been serious about anyone until Joel moved into town. From what I’ve seen and what I’ve heard, he’s a stand-up kind of guy, great with his daughter, treats Sarah’s aunt with respect, has learned how to maintain and run her ranch, and even helped Hank Marsh win a trophy. After all that, for some reason, you and he can’t seem to pull it together. Why not? What’s the holdup?”
Callie hated when her brother tried to get her to open up before she was ready to confide in him. Sure he was great at seeing the big picture, and maybe she’d been going to him lately for advice, but this morning she wasn’t interested in landscapes, not when she could focus in on a tiny flower...a tiny flower like Emma.
“He broke my heart, and I’m terrified he’s going to do it again,” she told him, hoping the overview would be enough and he would leave her to her coffee and muffin. She intended to consume two muffins this morning, and maybe a couple scones.
“That’s part of it, but what else? What’s really behind this, Callie? With four sisters, I didn’t grow up wearing blinders. I know when one of you has something eating away at her insides. Tell me the real problem.”