Andy Squared

by Jennifer Lavoie

  “Your stairs creak and the pipes are loud enough that we’d hear the water stopping.”

  “You can’t hear anything if you get too excited. You didn’t hear your uncle approach us the last time.”

  Ryder had the grace to look embarrassed for a moment.

  Andrew threw a shirt at him and changed out of his clothes, completely comfortable with Ryder watching. He left the soaked pile on the floor and then turned to Ryder, hands on his hips.

  “If you’re wet, get off my bed. I don’t need to sleep in a puddle tonight.”

  Ryder sat up, making a show of wringing his shirt onto the bed after he pulled it off. Andrew grabbed it and tossed it on the pile, then handed him a T-shirt. The shirt fit tightly across his broad chest, but it looked great and showed off his arms even better than the last one he wore. Andrew had to remind himself not to stare as he followed him down the stairs into the living room.

  His mother called him into the kitchen and cut him a slice of still-warm pie. He grabbed a second one for Ryder and waited in the other room. When Ryder came out of the bathroom, he had dressed in a dry pair of jeans and settled on the floor next to him. They turned on the television and watched Rudolph while they ate the pie. The day reminded him so much of being a kid, and he wished momentarily that things were just as easy as they had been when he was ten. So much to worry about now. College. Andrea. Dating Ryder. Getting found out. If only it were easy again.

  Charlie called later that evening and asked about what they’d gotten. Andrew talked with him for a bit while Ryder dozed on the couch in a light sleep.

  Andrew’s grandparents left a few hours after that to head back home and wished them all a Merry Christmas again. They hugged everyone, including Ryder, as they left.

  “Drive carefully,” his mother said and waved from the front door. A blast of cold wind blew into the house and stirred the flames in the fireplace. “I hope the storm holds off a bit longer.”

  “The weatherman said it’s going to blow over, but to expect a big one for New Year’s,” his father said from his armchair.

  “Maybe we’ll have to change our plans, then.”

  “Don’t worry about it. The party is just down the road,” his father replied.

  Andrea got a call from a few of her friends and went out to visit one of them to exchange gifts. As she left she called out that she’d be back later. Andrew’s parents sat down with the boys to watch another Christmas movie before heading up to bed themselves.

  Once they were alone, Ryder held out an arm and Andrew slid closer, allowing himself the comfort of resting his head against Ryder’s shoulder. Ryder’s fingers slipped into his hair. It felt nice and comfortable and everything right. He closed his eyes, tired from the day, and swore he’d rest just a minute. When he opened his eyes again, the fire had died down and Ryder’s fingers were no longer in his hair. He glanced up at him and saw that he had also fallen asleep. A little alarmed that they could have been caught, he pulled himself out of Ryder’s arms and stood. Ryder shifted and lay down on the couch, still mostly asleep. Andrew grabbed a blanket and tossed it over him, then headed upstairs to his own room.

  Andrea, luckily, had not yet returned, so he crawled into bed. Once he had settled onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling. Spending Christmas with Ryder had been great. If it hadn’t been for Andrea causing trouble, it would have been perfect. A nagging feeling grew in his stomach, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was about. Probably college and having to deal with Andrea. Their conversation wasn’t finished, and he didn’t look forward to the rest of it. But it would be okay. It would blow over. He worried too much; things were just fine.

  Chapter Twenty

  Andrew was glad Ryder had a great time with his family, and when his aunt and uncle came back, he didn’t want to leave. The horses had been cared for in their absence by one of the hired hands, but Cobalt would be missing him. Ryder made Andrew promise that he would come over soon to go riding, which of course he agreed to.

  With Ryder gone, the house became much quieter. Even Andrea had gotten used to having him there and his mother missed the extra hand around. After he left, Andrew found himself cornered as she rambled on about how polite and well-spoken Ryder was, and how much he reminded her of his mother. Unknown to her, though, he had also acted as a buffer between the twins because Andrea kept her complaints to a minimum, much to Andrew’s relief.

  Charlie came over the next day with plans for New Year’s Eve. A party had been set up down at the old campgrounds in the next town over. Fireworks had been purchased—and though it went unsaid in front of the parents, alcohol—and just about everyone from their school was going to be there. Sarah had already said she would go, and Charlie’s next stop was Ryder’s place.

  “Sure, we’ll be there,” said Andrew.

  “Cool, I’ll let everyone know. Bring anything if you can, but we should have plenty.”

  He waved as he left, jogging out to his car, and backed out of the driveway with tires spinning on the slick pavement.

  “Was that Charlie?” his mother asked as she poked her head around the corner of the kitchen. He nodded. “He left already?”

  “Yeah, he just came to ask about New Year’s Eve. There’s going to be a party in the old campground in Stonington. I told him we’d go, is that all right?”

  “That’s fine…as long as you’re careful. And no drinking,” she warned, looking at him sternly.

  Andrew held up a hand innocently. “I promise, Mom. We won’t drink. I’m sure there won’t be anything there, anyway.”

  She hesitated but nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen.

  *

  The next few days of Christmas vacation went quicker than Andrew would have liked. After finding a printout of majors for UConn students on the foot of his bed one morning he began to sleep in each day and only got up once he knew Andrea had left with her friends. He had become adept at avoiding Andrea as much as possible until he knew how to handle the college situation. Once he went riding with Ryder when the weather had warmed, and the other days Ryder came over to his place and they hung out and watched movies all day. Through it all, no one suspected anything. Andrew’s mother began to think of him as a fixture in her house, and his father appreciated the help he offered with the more labor-intensive chores of splitting and carrying wood. Andrew felt more comfortable in their relationship, and snuck kisses whenever they were alone—even if one of his family members was just in the next room.

  When New Year’s Eve finally arrived, Andrew and Andrea got ready for the night and bundled up in their warmest clothing. Their parents were still home to see them off and were getting ready themselves for the party at their neighbor’s house just down the road.

  “Remember, no drinking,” warned their mother for the fiftieth time that day.

  “We won’t,” they answered in unison, rolling their eyes.

  “And if you need us, call. We’ll have our cell phones, but you can also call the Jacksons’ house. You know their phone number.”

  “Mom, we get it.”

  “We’ll be home shortly after midnight, okay? Don’t stay out too late. And come home if you’re not feeling comfortable, or if anything happens.”

  “Alice, really. That’s enough,” his father said, steering his wife away from them. “Have fun, kids. Just be responsible.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Andrew grabbed his keys off the table and Andrea shut the door behind them. Snow fell lightly but the weatherman predicted that it would only get worse. There wouldn’t be any fireworks if it didn’t stop. Once in the truck, they headed out to pick up Ryder before the drive out to Stonington.

  “Have you come to your senses yet?” Andrea asked as she sat across the cab, her arms folded against her chest to keep warm.

  “My senses about what?” Andrew asked, though he knew where the conversation was going. He sighed. It had taken her long enough to corner him on it. He’d already held off the discu
ssion for as long as he could.

  “About UConn. We’ll get our acceptance letters next month.”

  “I didn’t even write the essay. How could you do that?”

  “Because you were being stupid about it!” she yelled, throwing her hands into the air. She turned to look at Andrew, her eyes narrowed. She reached forward and gripped the dashboard directly in front of her. “You don’t get it, do you? UConn is such a good school and you’re going to throw away a great opportunity for what? To go to Utica? Grow up, Andrew. You need to get out of this small town and live a little!” Her breath came out in giant puffs of steam and threatened to fog the windows with all her excitement. Andrew tried to keep his focus on the road.

  “No, you grow up. We can’t always be together. I don’t want to go out of state. What’s the big deal? It’s not like we’ll be in the same classes in college.”

  “We could be, at least for our undergrad courses. We can sign up for classes at the same time. It will make the transition easier for you.”

  “Andrea, this is ridiculous.”

  He didn’t have to continue the conversation because at that moment they pulled up to Ryder’s house and saw him waiting for them on the porch, jumping up and down. He rushed at the truck before Andrew had put it in park and threw open the door.

  “Shit, it’s cold out!” he complained.

  “Why weren’t you waiting inside?” Andrew asked as he cranked up the heat. Andrea reluctantly slid over and let Ryder in, though she kept closer to him than Andrew.

  “I knew you’d be here any minute. Is something going on?” he asked as he shut the door.

  “No,” they both answered.

  The drive to the campground took about half an hour from the Kensingtons’ farm, and by the time they got there, dozens of other vehicles had parked in the plowed-out area.

  Andrew found a spot near the road and shut down the ignition. Charlie saw them get out and waved them over, holding a red plastic cup.

  “Hey! You’re here,” he said with a lopsided grin.

  “Obviously.” Andrea snorted. Sarah held on to Charlie’s arm, laughing. She held a red cup as well and waved it at them.

  “Drinks are in the pavilion. Hey, Ryder.”

  Ryder nodded. “Hey.”

  “They had to cancel the fireworks because it’s too wet. But they’re going to do them on the second if the storm clears by then.”

  “We’ll have to come out again,” Andrew said, and made his way toward the pavilion. Ryder trailed after him, and people they knew from school stopped them on the way to chat and catch up. They had to speak loudly over the heavy bass of the music coming from a smaller gazebo just past the pavilion. Andrew introduced Ryder to the people he knew from Stonington. Most of them were on the soccer teams, and a few others he knew from mutual friends’ parties.

  When they finally reached the pavilion, someone asked what they wanted to drink. Ryder grabbed a soda, insisting he didn’t want a drink, but Andrew grabbed a cup of beer. He took a sip from it and made a face.

  “Watered-down,” he responded when Ryder looked questioningly at him.

  “Don’t drink it, then.”

  Andrew shrugged and sipped at it as they mingled with the crowd. Karina was there, and she winked at the two of them and motioned them over. Andrew groaned when Ryder followed her to the edge of the field, away from anyone they knew.

  “So?” she asked when they were alone.

  Ryder grinned and gave her the thumbs-up.

  Karina squealed her excitement and gave them both hugs. “Congrats, guys! I promise I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”

  Andrew looked around and saw a few people lingering at the edge of the field near them. He swallowed nervously, wondering if they heard her outburst. When they didn’t glance over he assumed they hadn’t, but he motioned for her to keep it down anyway.

  “That’s cool, but uh, what’s with the squealing?” Ryder asked, slinging an arm around both of their shoulders. Some of his soda splashed onto the ground.

  “I think it’s cute. I love adorable gay guys.” Before either of them could protest, she winked and slipped out from under Ryder’s arm and bolted back to the party.

  Adorable gay guys? Andrew stared after her, rolling the word over in his mind. Was that what he really was? Gay? He’d never thought about it like that. He just liked Ryder. He liked spending time with him and seeing him, and yeah, kissing him.

  Gay.

  The word sent a jolt through his chest, a tingling sensation that spread to his palms and down his legs. It made him jittery, almost nervous, but not quite. Andrew glanced at his palms before he watched her go, shaking his head. “Karina. Who knew?”

  “She’s cool. I like her.”

  “Yeah, she’s awesome. But a little loud.” He glanced around for a second time to make sure no one was watching. One girl had glanced their way and stared at them. Andrew’s stomach dropped, but when her friends called her name she turned back to them and laughed at their joke.

  She probably didn’t hear anything.

  They made their way back to the party and found Andrea. She chatted with Michael and Karina. Ryder looked around and asked if Melissa had come, but she hadn’t. This sort of party wasn’t her thing, though Karina had asked her to come out.

  As the time neared midnight, Andrew had ditched his drink and got a new cup for soda. Sipping on the flat Pepsi, he joked around with everyone. Charlie was completely wasted and unsteady on his feet, and he had to lean heavily on Sarah. She laughed with him, but Ryder made a face at the whole display and started to wander off. Andrew got up and followed him, calling out to get him to stop.

  “Hey! Wait for me,” he said and dropped his cup in the trash barrel. Ryder had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, though he kept glancing at his watch. “Aren’t you having fun?”

  “It’s all right,” he said and glanced around. “But it’s not much of a party.”

  “Yeah, sucks about the fireworks.” He followed Ryder out behind the main building and glanced around. They were alone, though he could hear people talking nearby and the music still filled the cold air. Ryder leaned against the building and pulled Andrew close to him.

  “Ryder…people are all over the place.”

  “There’s no one here right now. Relax,” he said and refused to let him go. Andrew realized he was losing an uphill battle and stopped fighting. Besides, he wanted to kiss Ryder. He leaned against him and tilted his head up for a kiss when he felt a hand under his chin.

  Soft and sweet lips pressed gently against his, and Andrew let himself be drawn deeper into it. He closed his eyes and pressed closer, enjoying the feel of Ryder’s warm hands sliding up under his jacket and shirt to press against his bare skin. Ryder shifted his legs and spread them into a wider stance, inviting Andrew to stand inside the space they made, and he did. He lost himself in the moment and forgot they were in a public place where anyone could see them, but for that minute, it didn’t matter. All the sounds faded away to muted silence; the only things he heard were the rushing of his pulse and their soft breaths.

  He didn’t notice the footsteps coming from around the corner of the building until it was too late. When he heard the sharp gasp, he jerked his head back and waited for the worst. And it really couldn’t have gotten any worse.

  Right at the corner of the building stood his sister, with her eyes wide and one hand frozen on the side of the wooden structure. She stared at them with a mixture of shocked fascination and horror. Andrew felt his own face color despite the cold, and then pale. He felt sick and dizzy. Ryder swore softly under his breath.

  “Andrea—”

  “Oh, my God,” she said, and turned to leave just as suddenly as she came. Andrew waited a second before rushing after her with Ryder close behind.

  “Andrea, wait!”

  “I want to go home!” she yelled as she dodged everyone in her path. She ran to the truck, opened the door, and climbed inside. And
rew climbed awkwardly into the driver’s seat. Ryder started to climb into the passenger seat when Andrea pushed him back out. “No. You find your own ride home.”

  “Andrea! We brought him here. I’m not going to make him—”

  “I don’t want him touching me! He can walk home for all I care!” she screamed, and a few people closer to the cars turned to look in their direction.

  “Andrea, you’re making a scene,” Andrew whispered.

  “Look, I can catch a ride with Karina if it’s a problem,” Ryder started, holding his hands up.

  “No, get in the truck. I’ll bring you home.”

  “I said—”

  “Andrea! Knock it off. I’m giving Ryder a ride home.”

  She remained locked in fuming silence.

  Andrew blew out his frustration. “If you want, I’ll take him home and then come back and get you,” Andrew reasoned. A few of their friends had started toward them, concern on their faces. No, not this. Please not this. Not now.

  “I am not staying here. Take me home right now, Andrew.”

  “Andrea, look—”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” she said, cutting him off again.

  Andrew swallowed hard and started the truck. He motioned for Ryder to hurry up and get in as a small crowd started to gather behind the truck. Andrea seemed to realize everyone had focused their attention on them and stopped her protesting when Ryder climbed in. She centered herself on the seat and crossed her arms tightly over her chest, avoiding touching either of them. Andrew drove back into town and turned down the road for the Kensingtons’ farm. All the lights were off in the house when they pulled up. Ryder got out of the truck and hesitated before shutting the door.

  “I’ll call you?”

  Andrew nodded and gave him a small, tight smile. Ryder looked worried as they drove off.

  With Ryder out of the car, Andrea moved over as far as she could. She leaned against the door, not looking at her brother. Andrew’s heart pounded in his chest, and he felt sick. He’d made a stupid mistake and now he would pay for it.