The Way to Game the Walk of Shame

by Jenn P. Nguyen

  And even more surprising, it felt good. Damn good. Taylor must have realized it, too, because she froze beneath me. Her eyes slid from my face to my chest. I could practically feel the heat in her eyes.

  My stomach clenched at the feel of her body pressed against mine, her arms wrapped around my neck. Her heart thudded hard against me. Or was that mine? I wiped away the lingering tears on her cheeks. “So what should we do now?” I murmured, already lowering my head toward hers.

  She let out a shuddering breath that made her body move up and down. “We—we should go downstairs and see if your mom needs help making the cookies.” With that said, she scooted out from beneath me and hurried toward the door.

  I froze for a moment. My elbows held up my weight as though Taylor were still there. For a second, I had forgotten about Brandon and my dad and her dad and basically everybody in the world but us. I even forgot about the fact that we were just pretending to be dating. All I wanted right now was for her to be back in my arms. Wide, brown eyes staring up at me.

  With a groan, I collapsed on the bed.

  10

  {Taylor}

  Today would have been another Dear Diary moment if I still had one. I did when I was younger. A navy hardcover spiral notebook with pastel-blue pages. The kind with a little metal lock on it and a key necklace. I wrote in it every day until I realized how easy it was to break the flimsy lock that was the only barrier to my innermost thoughts and desires. Then bam! Into the trash it went.

  Did anyone even keep diaries anymore? Everyone I knew had a blog now—although in my opinion, that’s even worse. Anyone could read it. Even the ones that are “locked” and marked private. You could even Google how to hack into it on the same web page. And if anyone could read it, there was really no use in making it private. Might as well put it in skywriting.

  But that’s beside the point. My point is that today was a Dear Diary day.

  Carly was the one who brought up the problem first. She had overheard Lauren telling some other girls that Evan and I didn’t look like a real couple. That there was no way he could keep his hands to himself at school if we had any real chemistry. And she gave us two weeks before we broke up.

  Before I could even start panicking, Carly had an idea. “Why don’t you guys have a big makeout performance at school and prove everyone wrong?”

  Judging by her big smile, I’m pretty sure she’d been waiting ages to make this suggestion.

  I was reluctant at first. Especially when Evan hesitated. Then I was a little offended. It didn’t take long for him to get on board, though.

  As we waited for the bell to ring and our audience to arrive, he stretched his arms overhead as though limbering up for a marathon rather than just a kiss. “Ready, Taylor?”

  “Are you kidding me? I was up all night anticipating this,” I said flatly, shuffling through the history flash cards I had made the night before.

  “You don’t know how much the thought of you in bed thinking about me warms my heart.” Evan wiggled his brows at me. “And other parts of me, too, of course.”

  I rolled my eyes and smacked the cards against his shoulder. “Gross.” I wasn’t as offended as I would have been last week. Jeez, I’d even gotten used to his warped, dirty sense of humor. The best way to counter him was with sarcastic comments. Something I had plenty of.

  My nonchalance was a front. Inside, I was a wreck. A big ol’ fat mess. Every time I thought of kissing Evan, the image of that afternoon we almost kissed in his room flashed in my head.

  I don’t know what happened. Maybe my emotions had already been wired up because of my dad, and I had let down my guard. But I’d almost lost control. And strangely enough, the fear of losing control was what had snapped me out of it. Even though I had wanted to kiss him—really, really wanted to—I hadn’t. I couldn’t. Because I wasn’t ready for it.

  That was last week, though. I was fully prepared today. My emotions were reined in and I knew what to expect. I’d even read a couple of articles online on kissing in case my paltry experience wasn’t enough. There was tons of stuff on the Internet. Thank god I clicked off the monitor before Kimmy and Mom came in, or I would have had a lot of explaining to do.

  I shifted my weight from my left foot to my right. “Are you sure this is a good spot?”

  “Trust me. This is the best place for our performance. Everyone knows this is the prime spot to get some action. And since it’s behind the gym-room lockers, there’s barely any teachers around.”

  “Hmm, I guess you would know.”

  “You can bet your ass I would.” Evan slid down the locker until we were nearly eye to eye. “By the way, my mom wanted me to give you a basket of banana-apple muffins to bring home. Remember to get it from my trunk when I drop you off.”

  “Oh yum.” I practically licked my lips at the thought. Every day, she gave Evan some new baked treat to bring me in case she didn’t come home in time to see us. I had already gained over four pounds in the past two days. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could have eaten it in the car.”

  “Because I hate bananas. What if I tasted it during our kiss? I might throw up, and that would probably give people the wrong idea about you.”

  I raised an eyebrow at his look of horror. “Oh please. You don’t see me complaining. I should have made you stop by the gas station so you could get some gum.”

  “Oh, you definitely don’t have to worry. Carly gave me some. And I brushed extra long this morning for you.” His pearly smile almost made me believe him. He gave me a slow wink, and my stomach fluttered in response. “But seriously, are you ready to give the kissing performance of a lifetime? I don’t know how much experience you’ve had, but I have a reputation to maintain, so this has to look good. But then, you don’t need to worry,” he said as an afterthought.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you won’t need to act. I’m sure you’ll get too swept up in the moment to remember we’re just acting.” Evan let out a dramatic sigh. “I, however, will have to fake it the best I can.”

  I knew what he was doing. He was trying to keep the mood light so I didn’t overthink this and get nervous. Too late. “Oh, just shut up and keep stretching.” I shoved the flash cards in my back pocket.

  “No need. I’m done.” Evan straightened and motioned for me to come closer. I awkwardly placed both hands on his shoulders like we were ballroom dancing, and he smothered a laugh against his fist. “That’s good, but I think we might have to get a little closer than that. I mean, unless you plan to telepathically kiss me.”

  “Ha-ha.” I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his neck. In response, he looped both arms around my waist.

  “Much, much better. All right, Operation Makeout is about to commence,” he whispered when his face was mere inches from mine. He brushed my bangs off my forehead and smirked. “Showtime.”

  “God, Evan, did anyone ever tell you that you’re a master at turning a girl on?” I muttered right before his lips touched mine, making him laugh.

  Despite all his big talk, Evan was holding back. His lips were against mine, but that was it. It was nice—much better than the handful of kisses I’d had before—but something was missing. Like he was afraid I would run away if he deepened the kiss. I was still tempted to run, but now that we were here, my perfectionist nature was demanding to take over. If we were doing this, then this better be the best display of kissing this school had ever seen.

  Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer. His shoulders grew stiff beneath my forearms, but his lips pressed tightly against mine. I let out a soft sigh and touched the tip of my tongue against his. Evan sucked in a deep breath and hesitated for the barest of seconds before taking over. His mouth slanted open and over my own as his arms dropped down to my hips to hold me against his body, lifting me up. I had to tiptoe to stay on my feet. At least I think I did. I wasn’t really sure, since I could barely feel
the ground. My legs had turned to jelly. Mush. Ice cream on a sunny, ninety-five-degree day.

  Hmmm. This was more like it. The kiss was turning out pretty nice. Okay, if pretty nice meant awesome, blow-your-mind-out hot.

  It was … god, like nothing I had ever imagined. I’d read about kisses like this in novels, but I never thought that it was possible. Nothing can make the world melt away and make you forget about everything and everyone except the person in front of you. The way he smelled. His muscles and warm skin pulsing beneath your fingertips. The softness of his hair as your fingers ran through it. And his lips, soft but impossibly hot without burning as they pressed against yours, opening and moving to massage, to kiss, to taste …

  The first thought that popped in my head was that Evan wasn’t lying about his experience. In fact, he may have underplayed it. This was some damn kiss. And he didn’t lie about the brushing. He tasted nice and minty.

  I don’t know how long the kiss was or how long it would have been if someone hadn’t bumped into Evan, making both of us stumble into the wall. My head would have smacked against the bulletin board if his hand hadn’t reached out to cradle it, blocking the impact.

  Evan’s breath tickled my left ear. “Are you okay?”

  “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” I was barely able to pay attention to anything but the feel of his arms wrapped around me. But somehow, I pulled away enough to peer over his shoulder. Through the chattering crowd, I could see a slim figure dart through. Her curly red hair swung back and forth in its upswept ponytail.

  Lauren.

  Evan followed my gaze. “That’s weird.”

  “What is?”

  “That Lauren shoved us.” He laughed and shook his head. “If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she was jealous or something, but that’s impossible.”

  Noticing the familiar way he talked about her, the hazy feeling of the kiss vanished. “Are you—did you two used to date?”

  “Well, yeah, but it’s been over for ages. Now we just hook up every once in a while.”

  His casual admission hurt. It reminded me that he would have never been so honest if we were really dating, which we weren’t.

  For a moment, I had forgotten that we were pretending. I had forgotten about everything but us. That kiss was incredible, and now it felt tainted and dirty and wrong. I shoved him away, wanting to get as far away from him as I could. “That’s great. Real great. Look, I have to get to class.” I barely registered the surprised look on his face before striding away.

  It didn’t take him long to catch up to me. Damn my short legs. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “Wait.” He smacked his hand against his forehead and sighed. “I know what it is.”

  My heart stopped, and everything grew blurry. He couldn’t have figured it out. I barely understood what was wrong. “You do?” I gnawed on my lower lip.

  “Yeah, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You should just admit it.”

  “What?”

  “Admit that you were swept away by the kiss just now, like I said you would be.” Seriously, his grin couldn’t be any bigger than it was now.

  My eyes lowered to the ground, and I laughed it off, knowing that it sounded pretty weak. Even to my ears. “Please.” I started to walk faster, but he easily followed.

  “Please kiss you again?” Evan laughed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a half hug, half headlock. “Come on, just admit it. Come on. Come on.”

  “All right, all right!” I laughed and pulled away from him. “You were … satisfactory, I guess.”

  “I’ll take that. Too bad you weren’t.”

  I looked up at him, expecting to see a smile. To my surprise, he had a serious expression on his face. To make things worse, he caught my gaze and shook his head disappointingly. A bright blush climbed up my cheeks. “Well, it’s not like I have your experience or anything, but—”

  “That’s definitely obvious. I mean, there was just too much tongue. Way too much.”

  The dimple in his right cheek popped up before he could turn his head away. I shoved him so he would be on the other side of the hall. “God, you’re annoying.”

  “But you still like me.” Evan ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more than I had, and adjusted the straps of his bag over his broad shoulders. “I was joking. You’re a great kisser. Perfect even. And that kiss? Wow. I mean, it was just … sublime. Magical. I really think I saw stars for a moment, and that’s not because of brain damage from your abuse.”

  “Shh!” I could see people turning around to stare at us as we walked by. I fumbled to cover his mouth. “Do you have to be so loud?”

  “Why would I worry about a few people hearing about our lurve,” Evan dragged out the last word as though he were singing. He ducked at the exact moment I reached out to smack him again. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to his side. “I’ll be quiet if you walk me to civics.”

  I bit back the grin that crept up my face. “Fine.”

  His hand tightened around mine. “Well, come on. You don’t want me to be late, right?”

  Our arms swung between us, and I was surprised by how comfortable this was now. How nice it was to just laugh and not have to worry about who was watching. And to just do what we wanted.

  Still … I couldn’t help wondering if he was enjoying the moment as much as I was, or if it was just all in my head.

  11

  {Taylor}

  “Thanks for getting the snacks for me,” I said over my shoulder to Brian. My eyes were glued to the computer screen as I finished typing up the checklist for Career Day to send to Mr. Peters. “I know I was supposed to prep for the meeting, but I have so much catching up to do for this event.”

  “It’s fine. You know I don’t mind helping.”

  “Yeah, I can always count on you. That’s why I take advantage of you so much.”

  Brian chuckled and leaned against the edge of the table. “Gee, thanks for letting me know.”

  I gave him a cheeky grin. “No problem.”

  We were quiet for the next couple of minutes, but it was a comfortable silence as we both worked. Finally I clicked the Send button and swung around in my seat, stretching my hands over my head in triumph. “So, do you need me to do anything else?”

  “Nah, I’m done.” He checked his cell before shoving it back in his pocket. “And everyone should be here soon.”

  Nodding, I grabbed a small pretzel bag from the table and practically inhaled it within seconds. I was so excited today when Mr. Peters handed me back the reins for planning Career Day that I had barely eaten any lunch. I did have time to stop and smirk at Lin before leaving the cafeteria, though.

  “So…” Brian cleared his throat a few times before continuing. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about Evan.”

  “Hmm?” With cheeks still puffed out, I swallowed and reached for another bag—Cheetos this time. “What about him?”

  He shrugged. “It’s just kind of strange. I mean, barely two weeks ago, you told me that there was nothing going on between you two. In this same room. And now you’re dating?”

  My eyes flicked down to the orange and blue bag in my hands. Did he suspect something? It sucked to lie to him, but I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t tell Brian the truth. “I never said that there was nothing between us. I just said that nothing happened that night.”

  His eyebrows rose. “And now?”

  “Uh…” Wait, was he asking me if Evan and I had had sex?

  Suddenly realizing what he said, his cheeks flushed a dull pink—probably mirroring my own hot face. “No, I didn’t—what I meant was that I’m just surprised you guys are dating. You guys don’t look like you fit together. You’re different.”

  Images of Evan and my conversations flashed in my head. “I thought so, too, but he’s actually not that bad.”

  “Really? ’Cause he kind of seems like he doesn’t
care about school and college and stuff. You know, all the things that are important to you.”

  I got quiet at his words. Our relationship didn’t make sense because we didn’t make sense. Brian had me there. He saw things the same way I did. School and Columbia were my life. And even though I’d tried asking Evan about the college applications I had given him a few days ago, he never gave me a straight answer. No matter how many times I brought it up. I mean, he seemed interested at first, but I didn’t know if he’d changed his mind at all.

  But none of this mattered, since we weren’t actually in a real relationship. It didn’t matter if we didn’t care about the same things or have anything in common. It didn’t matter that our relationship experiences were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Or that his ex-friends-with-benefits friend was the image of raw sexuality, while I was a little choir girl. A choir girl who was studying to be a nun.

  It didn’t, because we weren’t planning to ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. This was just for a contract. A deal.

  The high of Career Day planning faded, and my appetite was gone. I crushed the remaining Cheetos in the bag into a fine powder. “We’re just dating. It’s nothing serious.”

  Nodding to himself, Brian scooted in and bent his head closer to me. He playfully nudged my elbow with his own. “Still, you have to admit, Evan isn’t exactly the type of guy you bring home to your parents. Can you imagine the heart attack your mom might have?” His mock look of horror made me giggle.

  At the thought of Evan hanging out with my parents, I couldn’t help laughing even harder. “No, you’re definitely right about that.”

  “Knock-knock.”

  We both looked up. Evan stood at the doorway. He had an easy smile plastered on his face, but it wasn’t his normal smile. It was a little forced.

  “Maybe I should have actually knocked.” His hand rose and rapped against the heavy wooden door before he walked into the room.