The Way to Game the Walk of Shame

by Jenn P. Nguyen

  That wasn’t really a surprise. I’d watched them hang out together. Each time she smiled at him. Every time he looked at her. Brian was Mr. Perfect. Just like Taylor was Ms. Perfect. Literally. Those were the class titles they had won, along with Most Likely to Succeed. They belonged together. All I’d won was the Class Troublemaker title. And Most Attractive. Brian probably couldn’t wait to march over and introduce himself to Mr. Simmons as the new boyfriend. The ass.

  Even though I had been expecting it, the pain still hit me like a crashing wave. You can see it coming. You can even prepare yourself for the impact, but it can still flip you over on your board. The shock of the cold and the sting of the salt in your sinuses. Over and over again. The thought of Taylor and Brian officially being together made me sick. “You know what? I have to go.”

  Taylor grabbed my hand. “No, Evan, you have to understand! Kissing Brian made me realize my true feelings. I finally know now—”

  I pushed her away before she could finish her sentence. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear anything about it. All I wanted to do was get out of here. “I get it. You’re sorry. Apology accepted.” It only took a couple of strides to get out of the house.

  “But—”

  As quickly as I’d driven to Taylor’s house earlier, I must have beat the record by half just getting out of there. I could hear Taylor calling my name, asking me to listen, but I didn’t turn back. I just jumped into my car and sped off.

  Images of Taylor and Brian kissing and laughing kept running through my head like a damn video on repeat. Of them holding hands and going to college together and living happily ever after like the freaking perfect couple that they were.

  On an impulse, I yanked my phone from my pocket and dialed. “Hey, Lauren, are you free right now?”

  * * *

  She slid into the front seat with a grin. “It’s about time I got you all to myself.” Lauren threw her purse in the backseat and curled her legs beneath her before turning to face me. “I even considered pretending to be a damsel in distress to get your attention. I know how you can’t resist a girl in need.”

  Annoyed as I was with Taylor, I couldn’t help snorting. “You’re no damsel, and you’d beat up anyone who caused you any distress.”

  “Well, you’re right about the first part, but not the second. The cause of my distress is looking fine and healthy right in front of me.”

  I didn’t take her bait. “So, where do you want to go?”

  “Anywhere.” Lauren leaned even closer until her chin was on my shoulder. “You’re the one who called me, remember?”

  My jaw clenched. I grabbed my sunglasses from the compartment beneath my radio and slipped them on before jerking the shift stick into drive. My abrupt movement dislodged Lauren from my shoulder. “I didn’t really have anywhere in mind. I just wanted to get away.”

  She nodded. “Then how about the lake?”

  The lake wasn’t really a lake, more like a giant puddle that was a mile off the freeway. The cool thing about it was that no matter how hot it got—even if it hadn’t rained in weeks—or how much it poured, the puddle was always the same size. It never evaporated or anything. It was also the first place where Lauren and I had hooked up when we started dating the first time.

  My fingers drummed on the leather steering wheel at a red light. I snuck a glance at her out of the corner of my eyes. She was sprawled out on the passenger seat. Her red curls swept back as she leaned out of the open window.

  There were barely any cars on the highway when I pulled onto the deserted road. I parked the car beneath a tree by the lake’s edge and rolled down the windows, breathing in the musty air. Dark clouds rumbled in the distance. It was going to rain soon. This was probably a bad idea.

  I turned my head to suggest that we go to the mall or something instead, when Lauren pounced.

  As she pressed her pouty lips against mine and ran her tongue along the thin line of my mouth, dozens of images washed over me. Our first time at this very lake in this very car. Hanging out in the park. Snuggling together in the back of the worst movie showing so we’d be sure we’d be alone.

  Suddenly, a picture of Taylor and Brian alone in the library flashed in my mind. Arms touching. A harmless hug. A light kiss. Something more. A lot more. And that was it. Something inside me snapped. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need to be with Taylor. My lips opened against hers, barely parting a centimeter.

  But a centimeter was all the invitation that she needed. Lauren climbed onto my lap with the grace of a cat, never stopping the kiss as though she couldn’t even if she tried. Her right hand ran through my hair while the other took my hand and laid it on her waist beneath her shirt. I rubbed against her silky smooth skin and pressed my hand against the small of her back. Her body fit against mine perfectly.

  She let out a sigh and leaned her head back so my lips could trail down her throat.

  We moved together with ease like we’d done this a thousand times—which we had. I breathed in the familiar scent of the perfume on her neck. Flowery, like lavender or something. Lauren always wore the same perfume. The smell alone used to turn me on, but now it was just that. A smell. And no longer one that I liked. If only it was a little sweeter, like vanilla or cinnamon. Or maybe the fresh smell of apples.

  Like Taylor.

  With a sigh, I gently pushed Lauren off my lap. I shouldn’t do it. I couldn’t. Not when my head was filled with thoughts of Taylor.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Yes, what was wrong? I glanced over at Lauren’s indignant face—shirt crumpled and still raised enough that I could see her tanned, flat stomach—and groaned. Damn, she was sexy. Shit. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, mentally cursing myself out for being an idiot. “Nothing, I just don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”

  “Is it because of Taylor? Have you seriously fallen for her?” I don’t know what she saw on my face, but something convinced her that she was right. “Look, I was fine with you messing around with the little virgin, because I thought you were just having fun. But she’s different from us. She’ll never understand you.”

  She was right. About everything. But that didn’t make my feelings for Taylor change. If anything, it made me like her even more. And in some ways, Taylor actually understood me better than I understood myself. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “I want you to tell me that there’s nothing going on between you two.”

  “I can’t.” I winced at the way my voice cracked, and I shook my head. “Why does it even matter to you how I feel about her?”

  “Because of the way you looked at me at the beach party! Like I didn’t matter!” Lauren lashed out. Her hands were like claws as she dug at her jean-clad thighs. “Because no matter how many girls you dated or who you had sex with, you always came back to me. Because you cared about me.”

  My hand flattened hers until she stopped. “I do care about you.”

  “And I care about you, too.” She let out a deep, rattling breath. Her hand tightened on mine. “We belong together, Evan. You and me.”

  I was stunned. Lauren never spoke about her feelings, so I never even imagined that she felt this way about me. Especially because I never felt that way about her. I couldn’t help feeling like a complete ass when I pulled my hand from hers. “Lauren…”

  “Is it because I won’t commit? Because I can. We could go to prom together or get a billboard to tell the world we’re exclusive if you want. And then after graduation, we could—”

  “After graduation, I’m going to college.” Even though I’d just made this decision, it was still weird to say out loud. It made it more real.

  “Yeah, right, and I’m going to Yale.” When I didn’t answer, her laughter faded until there was just silence. Raindrops were just starting to come down, splattering the windshield. “Wait, you’re serious? Where are you going?”

  “Troy University.” I finally looked up at her stunned
face.

  “And that’s…”

  “In Florida. Fort Walton, actually.”

  “So you’re just going to move there after graduation. Just like that. Because of her?”

  I let out a deep breath. “This isn’t for her. This is for me. My dad lives there. Well, Destin. And I’m going to live with him for a few years while I go to school.”

  “Your dad?” She stared at me as though I had suddenly sprouted horns and was doing a hula dance in the front seat. “Isn’t he in jail or something? I don’t understand why you would want to live with him. You’ve got it good here.”

  It’s so weird that we were friends, but I’d never bothered telling her about my dad. Or anything important. The only one I had ever opened up to was Taylor. That should have been my first clue about my feelings. “You’re right. Taylor is different, but she makes me different, too. She makes me want to have a future. Do something with my life. And I like the person she’s made me into.”

  “Well, I don’t. It’s like I don’t know you anymore.” Lauren ran her fingers through her hair until it was a tangled mess around her shoulders. “You already planned out your future? Without me? Did you even consider me, think of me, at all?”

  I didn’t. I had deliberated over every little detail of my decision, but Lauren never came up. At all. “We’ll still be friends.”

  She scoffed. “Friends? Really? Is that what we are?” She closed her eyes and swallowed a few times before angling her body straight forward. Her arms crossed tightly against her chest. “You know what? I think you should take me home. Anything is better than sitting here and listening to you gush over Little Miss Sunshine.”

  “Lauren…”

  I reached out to touch her arm, but she jerked away like I had hit her. Her eyes flew open and were glued to the water in front of us. “Just take me home. Now.”

  I let out a sigh and turned the engine on. First I had lost Taylor as a girlfriend, and now I’d lost Lauren as a friend. What started off as an awesome day was quickly turning into hell.

  26

  {Taylor}

  Evan wasn’t home, and he wasn’t picking up any of my phone calls. But he couldn’t avoid me forever. I’d camp out on his lawn if I had to.

  My eyes glanced over at the empty driveway, and I chewed on my lower lip. I almost regretted telling him about the kiss, but I had to tell him the truth. I had to explain that I was glad that Brian kissed me, because it made me face my heart and realize that I wanted to be with Evan.

  The door flew open, and Mrs. Willard almost ran over me on her way out. Her purse knocked against the back of my head. “Sorry, Taylor, I didn’t see you. What are you doing here?”

  Rubbing my throbbing head, I hopped to my feet. “I’m waiting for Evan.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed together. “You’re not with him? I could have sworn he went over to your house to tell you the good news…”

  “He did, but I—” My face flushed, and I didn’t know how to continue. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk.”

  Pursing her lips together, she silently scrutinized me. “Do you want to come in and wait for him? He might be home soon.”

  “No, I can just wait outside if you’re about to leave.”

  “It can wait.” Mrs. Willard reached out and placed her hand around my arm. She tugged me toward the door. “Come in. Do you want something to eat?”

  “Thanks, but I’m okay.” I followed her into the living room and sat on the couch facing the TV. I clasped my hands tightly on my lap. I glanced around the room and tried to take my mind off how I had messed up everything with Evan. “You said something earlier about Evan having good news?”

  She laughed a little bit to herself and leaned her hip against the arm of the couch. “Well, it’s good and sad. At least for me. I don’t really want him to leave, but it’s his choice. I can’t protect him anymore.”

  I got a little light-headed, and my vision blurred. I still didn’t understand what the heck she was talking about, but I didn’t like the direction this was going. “I don’t—wait, Evan’s leaving?”

  Her grin slowly faded. “He didn’t tell you anything?” She grimaced and chewed on her thumbnail. “Oh boy. This feels kind of awkward now. Maybe you should wait for Evan.”

  Like there was any way I could wait for this. I reached out and grabbed her arm. “No, tell me.” I tried to give her the best puppy eyes I could, channeling Oreo on steak night. “Please?”

  It only took another minute or so, but she caved. “He called his dad.”

  I blinked at her in surprise. “That’s awesome!” This was huge news! So he finally called him. No wonder Evan looked so excited earlier. Or at least he did before he found out about Brian and me. “Is he going to visit him?”

  Mrs. Willard looked down at her feet. “Actually, his dad asked Evan to live with him in Destin next year while he goes to college. And he said yes.”

  Bam! The world crashed at my feet. I sank back into the couch and stared at her. Destin? But—but that was so far. How could he—where was he—and college? When did he even get accepted? It was like I had missed out on everything.

  “Honestly, I’m actually proud that he made this decision. Don’t tell him I said that, though.” Mrs. Willard pretended to zip her lips. “I’m still counting on guilt-tripping him into coming back here to visit as often as he can.”

  “Okay…”

  “It was actually because of you that all of this even happened,” she continued with a grateful smile as she grasped my hand. “To be honest, I was worried about Evan. I didn’t know what he was going to do with his life. But he told me that you helped him find schools to apply for, and one of them just happened to be Troy University in Florida. Isn’t that a coincidence?”

  It was a coincidence. I remembered looking at the Troy University brochure and thinking how pretty the campus looked. Of course, it was Florida, so it was sunny with colorful flowers everywhere. That was actually one of the few I helped Evan with. Even as we filled it out, I didn’t think much of it because of his nonchalant attitude. I didn’t realize how far it was and what would actually happen if Evan got in. I didn’t think it through. At all. “When is he leaving?”

  “Right after graduation. His dad already got him a job at the fisherman’s wharf on the weekends for some extra cash. His first day is a week after graduation.”

  “Oh.” It looked like everything was already planned. But where did that leave me? Evan had his life all set, while I still didn’t know what I was doing. How’s that for irony?

  Just then, the house phone rang, interrupting my daze. Mrs. Willard moved backward toward the kitchen. “Let me get that. It might be Brandon calling about dinner.”

  As soon as she left, I fumbled with my phone and pulled up various airline websites. Maybe it would still be possible to visit each other and be together. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad.

  Maybe.

  Twenty minutes later, my phone dropped to my lap. It wasn’t bad. It was really bad. Plane tickets from Florida to New York were about $300 round-trip. Maybe $200 if I booked it a few months in advance and didn’t mind two stops on the way. I didn’t, if it meant I could see Evan.

  Assuming that Evan did want to give our relationship a shot, how would this work? I was already saving everything I had for rent and stuff in New York. I didn’t have extra money to visit Evan. And I couldn’t imagine Brandon giving him any money to see me. Evan would probably have to work overtime.

  And would it even be enough? Relationships were hard enough as it was without being a thousand miles apart. Literally. Columbia was 1,215 miles away from Troy University. I looked it up.

  Even if we could somehow work it out, he still had to use some money to visit his mom as much as he could. I couldn’t take that away from her. I didn’t want to distract him and have him worry about me, too. Be his burden. He had enough on his plate already. School. A new job. His family. His new relationship with his dad. This was his chance t
o reconnect with him. He’d waited so long for this, and he couldn’t screw any of it up.

  My fist clenched around the coin necklace around my throat. I won’t let him.

  Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I sighed. The thought of not seeing Evan every day was painful. I was already missing him. But if there were this many obstacles, this many problems now, what would it be like later? It was better to end it now, here, before I—we—did something stupid. It was the best thing for everybody. Our futures were already set. Our dreams were on the right course. It’s just too bad that they were in opposite directions.

  Making up my mind, I took off his necklace—the first time I’d taken it off since he put it on for me.

  Mrs. Willard came back into the living room just as I got up. “Are you leaving already? I thought you were going to talk to Evan?”

  “No, I have to go home.” My fingers ran through my hair, tugging it forward a bit to hide the fact that I was lying. And the tears that I was fighting back. I held out the necklace to her. “Could you just give this back to him for me?”

  She took it from me with a confused look on her face. “But—”

  I backed up out of her reach. “I—I really have to go. Thanks for everything, Mrs. Willard.”

  Before she could say my name or try to call me back, I ran out of the house. I jumped into Mom’s car and drove home, all the while trying my hardest to keep the tears from pouring out. Because I knew once I let them go, they wouldn’t stop.

  When I got home, Dad was waiting for me on the front porch with a huge grin on his face. In his hands was a large yellow envelope with a Columbia return-address label. It was thick and bulky. Way too bulky to just be a rejection letter.

  Which meant that they accepted me. Finally, everything I had worked for, suffered for, and given up was all worth it. I got what I always wanted. My dream of going to Columbia and living in New York was finally coming true. I should have been elated. Ecstatic.

  So why did I feel so empty? Like I could practically see the thousand miles between New York and Florida paved out in front of me.