Blurring the Lines-nook

by Roni Loren

  Harris laid his hand over mine. “I couldn’t get to you here. Not until you asked. This place is different. It lets me…” He pressed my chilled hand between his palms. “…be with you. Touch you.”

  “This is only a dream,” I said softly.

  He shook his head and shifted his body so that we could be face-to-face. “No, baby, it’s not. I can be here. We can be here. Together. For as long as we want.”

  My stomach flipped over. “What do you mean?”

  “This place is beautiful and special. You don’t have to leave. I don’t have to leave.”

  I blinked. “Not leave?”

  “You can paint, live in one of the cabanas on the island. We can be together, Gretchen.”

  Only bits and pieces of what he said registered. But I got the most important part. I could have Harris back. If this wasn’t some dream to wake up from, I could have him back. The thought made everything inside me tug and pull and twist in directions I couldn’t identify. I reached out and touched his face. The freshly shaven jaw. The dimple. All so solid and familiar. And the look in his eyes was one of utter devotion and unwavering hope.

  Harris was here. And we could be together.

  The possibility should have sent me soaring. But my emotions were so all over the place that I simply sat there, dumbfounded.

  And that’s when he leaned over, took my face in his hands, and kissed me.

  He tasted like Altoids. He’d always tasted like that—minty and clean. A man who’d never be caught with bad breath. That familiarity jolted me out of my stupor, allowing panic to rush in. The kiss was warm and eager, an aching edge to it, and my body responded almost automatically. I’d done this a thousand times with Harris. But this time, there was guilt weaving through me, a sense of betrayal. And I couldn’t decipher where that guilt was coming from.

  “Gretchen,” he murmured against my lips. “Baby, I’ve missed you so much. I love you. Always. We can have always.”

  Before I could respond, his mouth was on me again, and I let myself have that moment with him. This was the point I’d wake up. This was my closure. Our real good-bye.

  But when he pulled me onto his lap to straddle him, his very real erection rubbing against me, the scene didn’t fade. I didn’t wake up. Instead, everything became more vivid. My body awakening. My senses coming alive.

  His hands cupped my bottom, his expression fevered. “Make love to me, baby, and I won’t have to ever leave you again. That’s all we have to do. And we can be together.”

  He slid his hot palm beneath the waistband of my shorts and moved his thumb exactly where he knew I liked it best before tucking his fingers inside me. Harris had learned me after so many years together and played every hot spot of mine like a master musician. I came almost immediately, my breath moving in short bursts and my head tilting back.

  That was when I realized this wasn’t a dream at all.

  Because I always woke up after an orgasm in a hot dream.

  And the man about to fuck me was very, very real.

  All we have to do is make love, and we can be together.

  The words whispered through my head as Harris reached for the button of his pants. There was a finality in this. What we were about to do would seal some pact. I didn’t know what or how, but I’d been around my gran’s shop long enough to know that pacts or deals weren’t anything to take lightly. And Harris was in a hurry, sweat marking his brow, his fingers fumbling. He’d never been a fast and furious lover. Something was wrong.

  Nerves chased over me, indecision burning hot in my belly. In a dream, one last time with Harris had seemed like an appropriate way to close that chapter with a man I had loved. But all of sudden, I had the distinct feeling this was less about closing and more about opening.

  I put my hands over his. “Harris, wait.”

  He lifted his head and kissed me again. “We don’t have time to spare. I can’t wait another day to be with you. Please, love.”

  “Let’s just slow down for a minute. Kiss me.” I needed something to halt this roller coaster. I needed time to process what this was, what it could mean, how I felt about it.

  He kissed me. Deep and hungry and in a way that reminded me of our early days in college. But his hands were still opening his fly. The breeze picked up, lifting the hairs on my neck, and I pulled back.

  The dark sky was morphing, the songs of the birds becoming more fervent.

  “No.” Harris yanked at my shorts.

  But as his fingers moved over the button, nothing happened. His skin was losing color and substance.

  “No!” Torment filled his face, and he tried to hug me to him. His arms moved right through me.

  “Harris,” I said in a choked voice, not knowing what to do to help him.

  Pink tinged the sky and he began to cry. His hand cupped my face, but I could no longer feel it. “Tomorrow night. Come back and we won’t have to ever be apart again. Please, baby.”

  I opened my mouth to say something—though I wasn’t sure what—but he was gone before anything came to me. I was left on the bench, kneeling on the wood with nothing else beneath me but empty space where he once had been.

  I’d lost him again.

  And this time, it was definitely my fault.

  Chapter 11

  ~Burke~

  Burke couldn’t move or think or breathe. At some point, he’d crouched in the sand behind a large flowering bush, but he hadn’t remembered how he’d gotten there. All he knew was that he was watching the woman he loved make out with his dead brother.

  He pinched himself hard enough to bruise, trying to wake himself up. But the scene didn’t change. It was Gretchen. And Harris. His brother who he’d seen lowered into the ground—alive and kissing his girl.

  Burke couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or scream. Seeing his brother in the flesh was impossible to process. Part of him wanted to run and embrace him, to tell him how much he missed him, how pissed he was that he’d left, to ask all the questions he wanted to ask. But seeing Harris and Gretchen together stirred other not so brotherly feelings deep inside him. Anger. Possessiveness. Heartbreak.

  He looked on in anguish as the kissing turned more ardent. Harris slid his hand down Gretchen’s belly and then lower, into her shorts, touching her. Burke’s ribs squeezed, robbing him of air. Gretchen’s head lolled back, exposing that gorgeous throat, and in no time at all, she came hard against his brother’s hand. Even though Burke was far away, he knew what she had to be saying. Harris. Harris. Harris.

  It was like a rusty knife jabbing into Burke’s side and twisting. A few hours ago, it had been his name on her lips. His body giving her pleasure. Those bright eyes shining his way. He’d let himself believe it for a moment. Really believe it. That maybe they were finally getting their chance. But he should’ve known.

  Hell, maybe he’d always known.

  No matter what happened, no matter how much time passed, he’d forever be the consolation prize. The second place ribbon.

  This island had given Gretchen what she most wanted.

  And it wasn’t him.

  It never would be.

  He forced himself to his feet and, as quietly as possible, headed back to the cabana. The sun was just coming up when he opened the door and slipped inside.

  One day.

  That was all they’d had.

  He knew nothing in life was forever, but he’d thought for once, he might have a shot at something close to it.

  He grabbed his suitcase and walked out.

  Chapter 12

  ~Gretchen~

  I stared out at the water, holding a conch shell to my ear. The animal who’d called it home was long gone, so only the cavernous sound remained. I closed my eyes and listened to the whooshing noise. People said it was supposed to sound like the ocean. But with the waves already in the background, it only sounded like a void. I suspected the same dead space was trapped inside of me—just white noise filling all the corners. I had no more t
ears left to cry. No more energy to give.

  I’d found what I thought I’d most wanted. The impossible. A miracle. Magic. I should be falling to my knees in thanks, ecstatic. But I couldn’t access that emotion. All I could think about was the decision that hovered over me, a decision that would have to be made tonight. Harris had told me to come back. He wouldn’t have to leave again. We could be together.

  All we had to do was make love. And live here.

  I set the shell down and hugged my knees.

  Could I do that? Stay here with Harris for good? Live here and grow old while he…well, I didn’t know what he would do. Probably never change. If someone had asked me a month ago if I’d give it all up—home, job, the possibility of children—to have Harris again, I wouldn’t have blinked. I would’ve made a deal with the devil himself to get him back.

  But now, everything was shaded with different hues.

  Harris had admitted he hadn’t always been honest with me. He’d made up lies about Burke. He’d moved me away from home and my family to keep me far from his brother. And to get the house we’d wanted, he’d made what sounded like under the table deals. In a lot of ways, those things showed his devotion, how far he was willing to go to have me. I didn’t doubt that he loved me. But I couldn’t help but wonder what else he’d manipulated and how well I really knew him.

  I also couldn’t stop thinking about what might’ve happened if he hadn’t interfered.

  If he hadn’t told me that Burke fooled around with that dance team girl, would I have continued to harbor my crush on Burke? Would I have pursued him instead of growing closer to Harris? I didn’t know. That was one of those forks in the road of life where once you chose one path, you couldn’t see what lay at the end of the other.

  Only this time, I was staring down that same forked road again—two paths splitting from the spot I stood on, and the same two men waiting at each end. If I said no to one, I’d break his heart and lose my best friend. If I said no to the other, I’d end his second chance at life. I pressed my forehead to my knees, wishing I could crawl into that shell and disappear for a while.

  “Hey there,” a low, soft voice said behind me.

  I lifted my head, knowing the voice without having to look. My chest squeezed tight. “Hey.”

  “This seat taken?”

  When I shook my head, Burke lowered himself to the spot next to me in the sand, leaving at least a foot of space between us.

  He gazed at the water. “How long have you been out here?”

  I traced my fingers through the sand. I hadn’t gone back to the cabana after Harris had disappeared. The thought of facing Burke had been too much. “Since a little after sunrise.”

  “You followed Dr. Magdalene’s advice.” A statement, not a question.

  I kept my focus on the horizon. Seagulls were dive-bombing the waves as they crested. “Yeah.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. How could I even begin to tell him what had happened? He would want to lock me up in the psych ward.

  He rocked forward, a barely there nod. “You remember.”

  I swallowed past the dryness in my throat. “I do.”

  He exhaled loudly. “Now you know why it wouldn’t have been right to touch you last night.”

  I wanted him to touch me right now. The cold, dead space between us was almost too much to bear. He’d always been the one I could go to when I felt off balance or confused. The friend I could count on. I wanted his arm around me, telling me it would be okay. But I had no idea if it would be. It might not ever be again. He’d told me he loved me, and I’d left and let another man kiss me…touch me.

  Yes, it’d been Harris, but that didn’t make it feel any less like a betrayal.

  “Burke—”

  “I’m leaving on the next plane out tomorrow morning. They aren’t running any today.”

  My attention jerked his way. “What?”

  He peered down at the tracks I’d left in the sand, those dark brows sinking low. “I saw you with him last night, Gretch. I thought I was going fucking crazy, but I know I wasn’t dreaming. I know that somehow, he’s here.”

  I closed my eyes, misery flooding me. “God.”

  “And I don’t know what that means exactly or how it works. All I know is that I can’t stay.”

  He was leaving. Burke was leaving. I reached for his arm.

  He turned to me, resignation on his face. “I’m sorry, Gretch, but I can’t do it. It probably makes me a selfish asshole. But I don’t want a life where I know someone settled for me, that I’m what you got instead of what you wanted. I saw you kissing him last night, and it all came rushing back. You were his. If you decided to be with me now, it’d be because he’s not around anymore. If he were, you’d be with him.”

  “Burke.” Something was breaking inside me. Splintering.

  “I love you, cher, but I can’t be the guy in your life who sorta fits the spot my brother left behind well enough to call it good. I’ll never be able to be him for you.”

  The words were like shards of glass, slicing at my skin. “I never asked you to be him. You could never—”

  He scoffed at that, an ugly sneer touching his lips. “Exactly. That’s always been the problem, hasn’t it? I could never be him.”

  He stood and brushed the sand off his shorts, leaving me gaping up at him in shock. “Burke—”

  “So what’s the deal with this hocus pocus, huh?” He spread his arms wide. “Was it a one time visit or is he here now? Can you call him when you want? Or does he just show up at night to fuck you?”

  I surged to my feet, anger bubbling up. “What’s your problem? So this is all about you, right? You think I know how the hell to handle this? You think I’m used to having my dead fiancé show up and turn everything I thought I knew upside down? He wants me to stay, Burke. If I sleep with him tonight, he can stay here for good.”

  “What?” The pissed off expression sagged into one of disbelief.

  “I can have him back.” My voice was losing steam, despair taking over. “But I’d have to stay.”

  Burke stared at me for a few long seconds. “Jesus, cher.”

  I laughed without humor. “I’m not sure Jesus has anything to do with this one.”

  “That sounds crazy, Gretch. How can that even be? And you can’t just—I mean, is that what you want? You want to leave your whole life behind for some…”

  He didn’t say ghost. Or dead guy. But I could tell he was thinking it.

  “He didn’t mean to kill himself. It was an accident.” I wet my lips. “He never meant to leave.”

  Burke stumbled back a step, like he’d been punched. “An accident?”

  My body suddenly felt too heavy to hold upright. I rubbed my hand over my forehead.

  “I can bring him back, Burke. He can have another chance.” I lifted my gaze to him. “How am I supposed to walk away and tell him I’m not willing to do that?”

  Heartbreak moved over his face like a ripple on the water. One second, it was there—bare and wretched—and the next, it was smoothed over like it had never happened. He gave a little nod. “Right. Of course.”

  “But—”

  He reached out and took my hand. I went to him without any further encouragement and fell into his embrace.

  His arms wrapped around me, his body tense against mine, and he pressed his chin to the top of my head. Silent tears tracked down my face. “I can’t believe this, cher. I still feel like I’m going to wake up and this will have been a dream.”

  Or a nightmare. “I know what you mean.”

  He held me close for a while, letting me absorb his special brand of comfort, then leaned back and gave me a sad smile. “I guess I must’ve really pissed him off when I kissed you that day.”

  “Apparently so.” I swiped at my eyes.

  “Unbelievable.” He shook his head. “I guess we can’t fight fate, huh?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He stepped back and tucked
his hands in his pockets.

  “You’ve known who your soul mate was all along, and now the universe is bringing him back to you.” He gave a little shrug and a strained smile. “I’m happy for you, cher.”

  I tried to return his smile, but I couldn’t make my muscles cooperate.

  “So he’ll be here in the flesh tomorrow?”

  I looked down at my feet, my stomach knotting. “Seems so.”

  He let out a breath. “Well, the plane leaves at nine tomorrow. Bring him with you to tell me good-bye. I never got the chance last time. And if he wants to punch me for touching his girl, I’ll gladly take it.”

  I lifted my head. “You don’t have to leave so soon.”

  “Yeah, cher. I do.” The pain in his eyes was impossible to miss. “Good luck tonight.”

  I opened my mouth to say something else, but he was already turning his back on me and heading away from the beach.

  When he was almost too far away for me to make out, he put his hand over his face. I didn’t see him break down. I didn’t have to.

  He’d said I’d always known who my soul mate was.

  And maybe he was right.

  I’d always known.

  Chapter 13

  ~Burke~

  Burke sulked in the back corner of the castle’s busy nightclub, trying not to obsess about what was probably happening on the other side of the island while he sat there. Midnight had passed a while ago. Gretchen would be at the crossroads again, seeking out his brother. Making love to him. Performing some ritual that would undo the things that had been done.

  Burke hated himself for wishing that there were no mystical loopholes to hit a reset button. For wishing that the rules of the universe he’d grown up knowing were the true ones. It was like wishing his brother dead. He should be all for anything that would bring Harris back.

  His brother had been his best friend growing up. They’d argued and fought. They’d never agreed on which sports teams to pull for. But they’d kept each other secrets and they’d had each other’s back. He’d loved him. Losing Harris had been the hardest thing he’d ever gone through. To see his brother again, to have him back in this world would be a gift.