The Bastard Preacher

by Dee Dawning

  God, you never gave me any direction. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

  Five minutes after hanging up, her heart seemingly skipped a beat at the sight of him. Her poor stomach clenched as he drew closer. He walked up to her and tried to kiss her. She turned her cheek. "Not here. People will see you. Here's the key to my motor home. Go there and wait for me. Do not, I repeat, do not get undressed. We are only going to talk."

  Chapter Five – Jamie Lee's Engagement

  And that is why I think that God has used it in churches because we have seen a lot of healing take place in churches and we have seen a lot of healing take place in families.

  Rev. Kerry Shook

  After letting himself into Missy's Motor home, Jamie Lee entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door on the minimal chance there might be a six-pack of beer in there. There wasn't, so he grabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper and headed to the couch. After taking a swig of the tangy soda, he picked up the remote, turned on the TV, and switched the channel until he came to Miami Vice. He looked at his watch—seven-oh-five. If this revival went like the one in Tyler, Missy would be walking up the stairs after ten p.m.

  After Miami Vice, he switched to Mission Impossible and when that was over, he found a rerun of Charlie's Angels. He liked that. Watching three beautiful women cavorting around put him in a good mood.

  Damned if Cheryl Ladd didn't look like Missy. Remember, use charm on Missy. This girl loves you. Let her reel you in until you get what you want.

  He dozed off around nine-thirty and woke at ten-fifteen when a gentle hand crossed his forehead.

  Sitting up on the couch, he rubbed his eyes. Jamie Lee looked for Missy and rubbed his eyes a second time to make sure he wasn't imaging things. Missy's father, Reverend Sonny Riverton sat there, staring at him. He had to admire Missy. She was full of surprises and kept him guessing—always off balance.

  The reverend's deep baritone voice boomed out. "Sorry to wake you, son." The man's large paw reached across the coffee table. "I'm Sonny Riverton and Missy is my daughter."

  What's going on? Did she tell him about us? Did she tell him I fucked the shit out of her? Is he going to insist we get married?

  Missy walked into the room and handed a large cup to Sonny. "Here's your coffee, papa." After Sonny took the cup Missy asked, "Mr. Vincent would you like some coffee, too?"

  If Reverend Riverton could have coffee, so could Mr. Vincent. He smiled at the possible, future Mrs. Vincent. "Please, I would love a cup. Cream only." As she walked into the kitchen, he shook Sonny's ham of a hand. "Jamie Lee Vincent, sir. It's an honor to meet you."

  "Likewise. Now, my little honey tells me you two shared a very intimate session."

  Jamie Lee's mouth remained open while the reverend took a sip of coffee.

  "Where she acted as your personal savior and brought you to Jesus. Is that right?"

  "That's right sir and I ju—"

  Sonny held a hand up. "If you'll be patient and let me finish. You can speak then."

  Missy brought a two cup coffee carafe, a cup and creamer on a tray and set it on the table while she sat next to her daddy. She poured coffee in the cup, added cream and handed it to him. "Here you go Mr. Vincent."

  "Thank you." He took the cup and a sip while Sonny continued. "As I was saying, Missy claims that after you accepted Jesus as your savior, you indicated a desire to serve God. Is that right Jamie Lee?"

  "That's right, sir."

  He lifted the cup to his lips once more and set it down. "Good. Now we're getting to the crux of things. Missy also tells me you have amorous inclinations toward her and she to you. You know she is seeing the son of a powerful televangelist in Atlanta. That connection would be an asset to our ministry, but Missy is my favorite and if she prefers you, I'm inclined to let her have her way, on one condition."

  As he took another sip of his coffee, Jamie Lee took the opportunity to speak, "What is that, sir?"

  The intensity of the reverend's stare began to rattle Jamie Lee when he spoke, "I want to see into your soul. I want to know that your wish to serve God is a calling and not just a job. I want to know that when you marry my daughter, you will love her, respect her, and never lay a hand on her, for if you do, Jamie Lee, you will feel my wrath. Next, I want to hear about your personal experience when Jesus accepted you and I want to hear about the fire in your belly you feel to serve God."

  Marry Missy? I certainly entertained the possibility, but this is awful quick. "In all due respect sir, we never talked about marriage and while your daughter is a prize I would treasure, this is moving along too fast."

  Sonny's nostrils flared and he looked annoyed. "You make a good point son. Since you won't tell me about your personal experience when Jesus accepted you, let me tell you. Shortly after your personal savior, Missy, brought you to Jesus, you copulated with her in the same holy water that had saved you."

  Jamie Lee's stomach turned over. Missy did tell him.

  "Then you went into your savior's bed and fornicated with her for hours as they surely do in the bowels of Hell. The next morning, when you wanted to continue your fornication, she asked you to leave. Is that about what you experienced?"

  What could he say? He nodded.

  "Lest you think Missy told me, let me explain. I told Missy what happened. Missy and to a lesser extent her sister are channelers. God wanted you to fuck my daughter. God wants you to be together. That is why I came to speak with you in a reasonable tone instead of having Bill break both your arms and throw you off the lot.

  "However, through the years, I have found that God is not infallible and on very rare occasions, makes mistakes. If he was wrong about you, it's not too late and it would give me extreme joy to have Bill forcibly escort you from the premises. Do I make myself clear?"

  He wants me to marry his daughter. To save her honor. "Yes sir, however, if I may be so bold, I think you are wrong about one thing. While people make mistakes, God doesn't. Since we have no knowledge of his reasons and purposes, we cannot judge his results. He is omnipotent. He is infallible. You're right. God wanted me to fuck your daughter. He wants us to be together and I dare not go against almighty God."

  Sonny's face remained solemn for a while and then a broad smile ushered forth. Squeezing hard, he nearly broke Jamie Lee's hand as he shook it. "Spoken like a true revivalist. I see a big future for you." Still holding Jamie Lee's hand, the Reverend lifted him up and embraced him. "Welcome to the family, son."

  Missy came over and hugged them as best she could.

  After a long hug, Reverend went into the kitchen to get a coffee refill while Missy pulled Jamie Lee's lips down for an engagement kiss. When the kiss lasted about a minute longer than it took Sonny to get his coffee, he said, "Ahem. Now that we have Missy's future figured out, we have to work out some details.

  They broke the kiss and the two men sat down while Missy happily fetched her future husband a refill for his empty coffee cup.

  "Here's the way I see it. We will need about two weeks to extricate Missy from her engagement to Donald Robson, son of Pat Robson. After that's accomplished, we'll wait two months to announce her engagement to you.

  "Now tell me son. What do you do?"

  Missy set Jamie Lee's coffee down and took a seat close to him.

  Jamie Lee figured he'd marry Missy to get into the Riverton clan's inner circle, but the speed and smoothness with which the Reverend had brought about their engagement threw him. He made a mental note not to underestimate the good reverend in the future. "Ah, I been workin' in a full service gas station. I'm learning to be a mechanic."

  "That will never do. How old are you?"

  "Almost twenty-four."

  "Okay, here's what we'll do. Starting right now, you are working for the 'Soldiers of the Lord.' Prior to that, you attended Hardin Simmons University for the last two semesters via one of our Christian scholarships. Obviously, since you never left Tyler, you took the courses by correspondence." He chuckled. "I always
knew those scholarships would come in handy some day."

  "Daddy, when would the wedding take place?"

  "Well darlin', the wedding will take place five months after we announce your engagement. That would put it sometime in March."

  "Ooh, that seems so far off. Would Jamie Lee and I be able to…lay with each other before then?"

  "I don't see why not. Just be discreet." He wagged a finger at Jamie Lee. "Don't you dare get my baby knocked up, ya hear?"

  * * * *

  Missy got a call from her dad the next morning.

  "Jamie Lee, my dad would like you to meet with him in his motor home."

  His gaze shifted up from the Saturday morning cartoon on the TV to her. "What about?"

  She shrugged. "I'm not sure. He said something about paperwork."

  Jamie Lee watched workmen break down the tent and load segments of it on an eighteen-wheeler as he strolled to the other side of the back lot—to the reverend's identical Zephyr motor home. "Come in," came the reply to Jamie Lee's tentative knock on the door. He stepped inside and noticed his future father-in-law sitting at a fancy desk busily writing on a tablet. "Have a seat, son. I'll be with you in a minute." Scanning the room, which had been a living room in Missy's motor home, he noticed an attractive redheaded lady typing away at a desk on the far side of the room near the driver's cocoon.

  He stepped over and took a seat in one of two chairs that fronted Reverend Riverton's desk. He crossed his left leg over the right, and tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair, he continued to look around. The room was set up like an office on wheels, with computers, a copy machine, and file cabinets. Everything appeared to be the best money could buy.

  While Jamie studied the photos on the wall to his right, the red head suddenly appeared on his left, and tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned his head toward her, she flashed a winsome smile. Holding a clipboard in her left hand, she offered her right hand. "Hi, I'm Gwen. Welcome to SOL."

  He had to think for a second what that meant and then remembered the ministry called itself 'Soldiers of the Lord.' He shook her hand and studied her. Jamie Lee Vincent. "Pleased to meet you." He was, too. She was very attractive. Red heads had never appealed to him, but this one did. She was exceptional.

  Bending down, her low cut blouse afforded a clear view of her shapely breasts as she handed him the clipboard, which had a form and a pen clamped to it. "I need you to fill out this employment application and a W-9 form." With his gaze glued to her impressive rack, he took the clipboard and set it in his lap conveniently covering the sudden swelling taking place below.

  Gwen smiled again. "Can I get you something to drink?"

  His gaze switched from Gwen's breasts to her eyes. He smiled. "Coffee, if you have it."

  She snickered. "Oh, I think I can find some."

  As Jamie Lee watched her shapely legs escort her sweet ass to the hallway, he heard the reverend clear his throat. His gaze shifted and he saw Sonny gaping at him over his reading glasses. "You are taken, and so is she."

  Properly chastised, he nodded and dutifully filled the application out.

  When he finished he handed the clipboard to the reverend. "Here you go, sir."

  He took it and glanced over it. "You didn't fill in closest living relative, son."

  "That'd be my mom, Consuela Vincent."

  The reverend's eyes narrowed. "She's Mexican?"

  "Half." Jamie Lee fidgeted. "Is that a problem?"

  "Not as long as I know about it. What's her address and phone number?"

  "1242 West Nautilus Street, Tyler, 903-555-9392."

  "You live there, with your mother?"

  "Ah-huh."

  "Where's your dad?"

  He lifted his right leg over his left. "Don't know."

  "What'dya mean, you don't know? Is he alive?"

  "Don't know. Mom said he left before the mattress cooled off."

  Sonny rolled his eyes. "You're a bastard?"

  He smiled. "I guess so. Some call me that and don't know it's true. Is that a problem?"

  "A little. I'll need to get together with your mama and work out some kind of background for you. I see you left the 'applying for' space blank."

  He smiled. "Didn't think you'd want to see son-in-law there."

  "Don't get smart. For the time being, you're going to be Missy's driver. You'll start by driving her to Shreveport, but I'm putting down apprentice minister. That's what you'll be if everything checks out and we get your background cleaned up. Does that sound all right with you?"

  "Very much so."

  "Gwen."

  She was behind Jamie Lee, but he could still picture her prime breasts as she answered in her sultry voice. "Yes, Sonny."

  "Here's Mr. Vincent's application and W-9. Make a copy of the application for me. I want you to check out the references and employment."

  Jamie Lee tried not to look at Gwen as she took the application from the reverend and mostly succeeded.

  The reverend stood and held his hand out. "Thanks for coming by. You need to get going so you can get my baby to Shreveport on time. If I need anything else from you, I'll get in touch."

  After shaking hands, Jamie Lee left, catching one last look at Gwen out of the corner of his eye.

  * * * *

  Reverend Riverton's driver, Walt, pulled up to 1242 West Nautilus Street in Tyler. It was an average looking home, maybe thirty years old. Considering there was no man of the house, the home appeared to be in good condition. He instructed Walt, "I don't want to raise any curiosity by parking the limo in front of the house, so find somewhere else to park until I call."

  He stepped from the car, and as it pulled away, he walked up to the front door and pushed the doorbell. About thirty seconds later, Consuela Vincent opened the door and invited him in. For some reason, despite the fact that Jamie Lee was extremely handsome, the reverend expected Jamie Lee's mother to be unattractive and dumpy. She was neither. Ms Vincent was a petite five-three, shapely and striking.

  As the reverend stepped in, Consuela smiled. "It really was you on the phone. I thought someone might be pulling my leg. Please follow me into the parlor."

  "So, you know who I am?"

  "Oh yes. I've watched your show from time to time. You have a very impressive presence."

  When they entered the parlor, she invited him to sit, "Pleased be seated. I heated some water. Would you like some tea?"

  He sat in what appeared to be an antique French provincial love seat. "That would be nice. Thank you."

  She nodded, smiled and left, leaving Sonny to study well preserved antique furniture and wall hangings a few of which were of attractive gay nineties women in various states of attire.

  After a short time, Consuela returned carrying a tray with a tea service and an assortment of herbal teas.

  Sonny selected lemon, while Consuela picked chamomile, pouring hot water into both cups. Picking up her cup and saucer, she leaned back into the matching sofa and lifted her cup to her lips. "Now, what can I do for you?"

  "Jamie Lee has applied for a rather important job with our organization, therefore I need to ask you some questions. Would that be all right?"

  She nodded, but said, "I'll let you know when it isn't. What would you like to know?"

  He pulled a pocket recorder out of his coat pocket. "That's fine. I have a little recorder here. Would you mind if I recorded our conversation."

  "No, that's fine."

  Sonny decided to start with some softball questions. "How long have you and Jamie Lee lived in Tyler?"

  "Twenty-three years. Jamie Lee was born here. Before that I lived in Dallas."

  "What do you do for a living?"

  "I'm an antique dealer."

  "You have a store then?"

  "Yes."

  "In Tyler?"

  "Yes."

  "Tell me, does Jamie Lee have any siblings?"

  "None living. My daughter, Lindsey, died at the age of four in 1975."

  "
I'm sorry. You say Jamie Lee was born here in Tyler? What hospital?"

  Consuela straightened. "University of Texas Health Care Center."

  "In what year?"

  She took a sip of her tea. "1968. March 16th."

  "I understand you don't know who Jamie Lee's father is. Is that right?"

  She fidgeted and nodded.

  "Most women know who fathered their children or at least have an idea. Could you please explain the circumstances under which Jamie Lee was conceived?"

  Consuela's skin tone reddened and after squirming, she said in an imperious tone, "I hardly see how my son's father has anything to do with my son's ability to perform a job." She raised her gaze and met his. "Do you want to tell me what this is really about?"

  "Yes. Do you have anything stronger than tea to drink?"

  She smiled. Her smile was lovely. She was a lovely woman. "I have brandy." She rose, went to an armoire, and returned with a decanter almost full with amber liquid and two old fashioned glasses. She filled each glass half full then set one closer to him on the coffee table.

  He picked the glass up and downed it in one gulp. Scrunching his mouth and nose, his pursed lips seemed to move in a circle on his face. Finally, he smiled at her. "That's good brandy."

  "More?"

  "Please."

  She poured his glass three quarters full, and then picked up hers and drank half. "You were saying."

  After downing half of his refill, he continued, "The job Jamie Lee is applying for is apprentice minister and husband to my youngest daughter."

  Consuela's eyes rounded, raising brows halfway up her forehead. "My boy has been busy."

  Sonny smiled. "Yes, he has." He snickered. "Maybe that's why I see a little of me in him. Can you see why I need to know everything? Believe me, I'm not out to embarrass you or anyone, but I cannot correct defects in his and your past if I don't know about them."

  Consuela stared around the room, seemingly thinking. Then she looked at the reverend and spoke, "I see. So you and I would be related by marriage."

  "Ah-huh. You could say that."

  The corners of her lips curved into a demure smile. "Do you like antiques?"