by Hazel Kelly
“I mean I never had that reaction to someone touching me. I couldn’t feel my legs and-”
“Shit, Ella. Are you trying to tell me you’ve never had an orgasm?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a no then.”
“What should I do?”
“Stop running from shit that feels good for a start.”
I sighed.
“What did he say? Anything?”
“I think he was disappointed and confused.”
“And what did you say?”
“I said he was my boss and I was never going to sleep with him.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re an idiot, and I don’t think I can help you.”
“I didn’t tell you that so you could laugh at me. I want your advice.”
“Oh, Ella.”
“Don’t oh Ella me.”
“I don’t know what else to say. Do you have feelings for him?”
“I don’t want to.”
“But do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well I can’t help you if you don’t even know what you want.”
I shook my head. “I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m so inexperienced compared to him I-”
“Ella, this isn’t fifth grade. This guy doesn’t want to collect the bases. He wants to show you a good time. If you like him back, you should let him.”
“But what if I-”
“What if you what? Enjoy yourself? You know what your problem is?”
“I sense you’re going to tell me.”
“Your problem is you think too much.”
“You really think so?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Promise me that the next time a gorgeous, rich man who you have feelings for tries to seduce you, you won’t get in your own way.”
“When you say it like that it makes me sound like an idiot.”
“Well if it walks like a duck…”
“But he’s my boss.”
“You deserve to be chaste and alone.”
“Jackie! That’s not fair.”
“Look, Ella. Lots of people sleep with their boss.”
“And it ends in disaster.”
“Not always. Just the ones you hear about. It goes really well for lots of people, and the others just get on with it cause they’re consenting adults.”
“Mmm.”
“Plus, if you sleep with him and he tries to fire you later, there’s always blackmail.”
“I would never do that to him.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. Cause you care about him. Which only proves my point. So stop overthinking it.”
I hugged my knees to my chest.
“And when you guys get hitched, maybe you can put me at Alastair’s table.”
I laughed. “Fair enough.”
“I have to go, Ella, but have fun at the party.”
“Thanks, Jacks. I will.”
I said good bye and hung up. Was she right? Was I just getting in my own way and taking everything too seriously?
My phone buzzed again and I turned it over in my hand.
It was a message from Will answering my question about whether Thursday was a date.
It said, “It’s whatever you want it to be.”
Chapter 10: Will
I always considered going to the Winter Gala a bit of a chore. It’s not that I wasn’t keen to raise money for the Children’s Hospital. I gave them money every year. In fact, last I checked the Leukemia wing was still named after me.
The thing I wasn’t crazy about was stuffy parties that were crawling with socialites, and the Winter Gala was attended by every kind of rich person there was. New Rich, Old Rich, Inexplicably Rich.
There was nothing I dreaded more than having to schmooze with people I would normally avoid, but the fact that Ella would be there was enough to make me look forward to it. I thought it might be fun to see how she reacted to the sheer decadence of the event, and I trusted that sending her over to get fitted by Alastair was enough of a hint that it wasn’t just any old fundraiser.
Of course, I hoped the real fun would start when we left the party. It was obvious from what she’d said that I would have to take it slow, but I didn’t know how much longer I could wait. After all, I never waited for anything apart from elevators and meals in restaurants, and I only waited for those things because I couldn’t pay someone else to do it.
And it wasn’t so much that I didn’t think Ella was worth waiting for. The fact that she’d resisted me even after she melted in my hands meant that she didn’t give herself to just anyone. So I was determined to make it extra special when she finally let me have my way with her.
The problem was that patience wasn’t my strong suit, and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to continue pretending much longer. Craving her was one thing, but in my experience, cravings only grew more intense when they weren’t indulged.
I picked up the phone and dialed 8.
“Will, darling. How are you?”
“Fine, Alastair. Thanks. I was just calling to see how things went with Ella this morning.”
“They went fabulously. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but your description of her was perfect so we had lots of great choices.”
I smiled at the thought of her turning in front of the mirror while Alastair raved at her. “So she found something she was happy with?”
“Of course she did. The only problem we had was narrowing it down.” He mumbled something about a hem to someone and then spoke back into the phone. “She looked good in everything. Her body is to die for. An absolute pleasure to dress.”
I felt my chest tighten at the thought that he may have seen more of her than I had at this point. “Oh good.”
“And she was so funny,” he continued. “She wanted to know if I made anything ready to wear that was machine washable.”
“And?”
“I sent her home with a goody bag and put it on your tab.”
“Excellent.”
“She nearly wouldn’t take it though.”
“I’m not surprised. She can be quite headstrong when she wants to be.”
“She’s fabulous, Will. Don’t let this one get away.”
“Thank you so much. I owe you one.” I opened my front hall closet and pulled out the dry cleaning bag that contained my suit for the evening. “What did she decide to wear then?”
“Nice try. You’ll have to wait and see.”
I hung up the phone and shook my head. No wonder they got along. He was a tease, too. I hung my suit at the bottom of the staircase and went to the kitchen for a drink. Apparently, just thinking about Ella made me thirsty. I pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and heard a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I waited to see if I imagined it, but sure enough the knock came again.
I pulled my fleece robe around me and walked over to peek through the eyehole. As soon as I saw her puffy eyes and her red nose, I threw the door open.
“Laura. My god. What’s wrong?”
She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck.
I waited for about a minute while she whimpered before pulling her back so I could look at her. “What happened?”
“My Dad,” she choked. “My Dad-”
She didn’t have to say anything more. She was dramatic, but she wasn’t a crier. I pulled her back against my chest and smoothed her hair down against her head.
She squeezed me tight.
“When did you find out?” I asked.
“Last night.”
“You should’ve called me.”
“I wanted to, but I couldn’t even speak.”
“I’m so sorry.” I hated to see her in pain like this. Nothing had ever made me feel more helpless than losing my parents. “Does Ben know yet?”
She shook her head. “I’m flying out to tell him this afternoon.”
&nb
sp; That’s when I noticed the small rolling suitcase outside the door.
“I know he’ll be upset so I want to tell him in person.”
“I understand.”
“Then we’ll both fly to Florida on the first available flight.”
“How’s your Mom?”
“She’s a wreck, Will. She’s completely beside herself.”
I shook my head and handed her a crumpled tissue from the pocket of my robe.
She looked up and wiped underneath her eyes.
“Let me know when the arrangements are made for the funeral.”
“You’ll come?”
“Of course I’ll come.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. I’m sure it will mean a lot to Ben, too.”
I was sure it wouldn’t mean shit to Ben, but that didn’t change the fact that it was the right thing to do. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, Laura.”
She blinked up at me. “I hurt all over.” She sniffled and dragged a finger over my chest. “I just want to feel anything else, ya know?”
I nodded. “I know.”
She stood up on her tip toes and tried to kiss me, but I turned my head so her lips landed on my cheek.
She sank back down on her heels and furrowed her brow. “What’s wrong?”
I was surprised she could even look more hurt than she already did. “I’m not going to comfort you that way.”
“Why? Please? I just want to feel something good.”
I stepped back. “Sorry.”
Her eyes scanned the apartment and traveled up the stairs. “Is someone here?”
“No. Nobody’s here.”
“So what’s the big deal?” The pain in her eyes took on a sudden tinge of anger. “Have some compassion, Will. I’m asking you to fuck me cause my Dad just died.”
I wasn’t sure if she thought spelling it out made the offer more appealing, but that wasn’t the effect it had on me.
“Can you really not do this one tiny thing for me?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“But we haven’t done it in months, and I need this.”
“I can’t help you.”
“What’s really going on here?” She crossed her arms. “You used to be fine with our arrangement.”
I shrugged. “My feelings have changed.”
“Your feelings have changed?” She brought her hands to her head. “Your fucking feelings have changed?”
I tried to stay calm and remind myself that her anger was merely misplaced.
“Were you thinking of letting me know that?”
“I think I just did. Though I do feel bad about the timing.”
“You feel bad, do you? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“Laura, you know how much I care about you, and I feel terrible about your Dad, but I don’t want a sexual relationship with you anymore.”
Her mouth was hanging open to the point that I was kind of insulted. Did she think she could just carry on using me at her convenience for the rest of her life?
“Who is she?”
“Who is who?”
“The woman you’re seeing? Do you think I’m stupid? Men don’t turn down free sex unless they’re getting it from somewhere else. So who is she?”
I stuck my hands in my pockets. “My sex life isn’t your business.”
“Is it serious?”
“Can I get you drink? Do you want to sit down or something? You’re welcome to hang out until you have to leave for the airport.”
She shook her head. “No I- I better go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She turned around and reached for the door. “Sorry I barged in like this.”
“It’s okay. I appreciate you telling me what happened.”
She looked down at the floor and swallowed.
“Please let me know if there’s anything I can do?”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Besides that.”
“Right.” She opened the door. “I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Have a safe flight.”
“Thanks.” She stepped into the hallway and grabbed the handle on her suitcase. “I’ll tell Ben you said hello.”
Tell him whatever you want, I thought. You always do.
Chapter 11: Ella
Will offered to send a car for me but I insisted I meet him at the hotel. When I arrived, I helped myself to a tiny breath mint from a bowl in the lobby and bit it in half right away so as not to risk needing the Heimlich in my designer gown.
Which was fabulous. Alastair and I decided on a floor length black dress that hugged my curves without clinging to them. It had a low neckline and a sheer band just across the bodice, but was otherwise very plain. I paired it with some simple jewelry, and I felt as good as I did in my dress at the Christmas Party. Maybe even better.
Of course, being fitted by Alastair Costello was more than enough excitement for the day. He made me feel like a real celebrity, and by the time I left it felt like we were old friends. He even sent me home with a bag of pieces from his latest collection and each garment was softer and more chic than the next.
I was trying not to stare at the elevator doors even though I couldn’t wait to see Will. So when I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was Paul, I did my best to hide my disappointment.
“Ella.”
“Hello, Paul. How are you?”
He looked at the floor for a second. “I’m good, thanks. I just wanted to inform you that Will isn’t quite ready yet so he asked me to send you up to his place for a drink.”
“Oh. Thanks for letting me know.”
He nodded and began to back away.
“Where am I supposed to go?”
He smiled. “My apologies. Right this way.”
I followed Paul to the elevator and he held the door for me.
“What floor is his place on?” I asked as I stepped inside.
“The fiftieth.”
I scrunched up my face. “But there are only forty six floors.”
“For guests. That is correct.” Paul opened a small bronze door below the floor number buttons and entered a code.”
“So the other floors are for residents?”
“That’s right.” Paul looked at me from head to toe. “I hope you don’t mind me saying that you look absolutely lovely this evening.”
“That’s very kind of you.”
The elevator came to a gentle stop and Paul stepped in the way of the doors. “It will be the first door on your right.”
“Is it a specific number or-“
“It’s the only door on the floor.”
“Oh. Of course it is.” I nodded and stepped into the hall. “Have a good night, Paul.”
“You, too.”
I waited for the elevator to close and swallowed. Then I walked to the only door and knocked.
Will opened it right away and his face lit up when he saw me.
I suppose mine did, too, because he wasn’t wearing a shirt and his abs looked as solid as a stack of bricks.
He smiled and checked me out. “Ella. You look incredible. Wow.” He leaned in and pressed his cheek to mine. The smell of his aftershave was intoxicating.
“Thank you.”
He stepped back and held his arm out to invite me in.
“You look…”I shamelessly eyed his torso and tried to suppress a grin. “Underdressed.”
He laughed. “Sorry I’m not quite ready. I won’t be much longer.”
“That’s okay.” I let my eyes sweep the place. It didn’t look like the rooms in the rest of the hotel at all. There were exposed wood beams, oversized canvases featuring modern art, and a delicate looking staircase that led up to a lofted second floor.
“I figured it would be nicer for you to wait up here. Can I get you a drink?”
“Sure,” I said, hoping he would take his time.
“What would you like?”
“What do you have?”
&nbs
p; He looked at me sideways.
I laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I’d love a glass of white.”
His face sank. “You’re kidding. That’s the only thing I don’t have.”
“Don’t worry about it. I can have something els-”
“That was a joke.”
I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe I fell for that,” I said, following him around the corner.
“That is surprising.” He pulled a bottle of white from the fridge. “Maybe your dress is too tight.” He opened a drawer and grabbed a bottle opener. “I could help you out of it if you’re worried your brain isn’t getting enough oxygen.” He flashed me a crooked smile.
“I think I’ll be okay once I’ve had a drink, thanks.”
I watched a thousand muscles move in his back while he uncorked the bottle, grabbed a glass out of the cupboard, and poured a generous glass of wine. I tried not to stare at his abs while he carried the glass over to me.
“Make yourself comfortable.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling exposed by his nakedness. I watched him climb the steps to the lofted area, appreciating a view of his butt I’d never seen before. Then I walked over to the window to appreciate a more appropriate view.
“Did you have fun with Alastair this morning?” Will asked from upstairs.
“I had the best time. You really didn’t have to do that.”
“I did, actually. You’ll see when we get to the gala. Everyone else will be dressed like it’s the goddamn Oscars, too.”
I let the dry white swim on my tongue for a moment before swallowing it. “I can’t wait.”
“I’m usually bored to death at these things so I’m really glad you agreed to come with me.”
“Well I’m glad you appreciate it because I had two other galas I was supposed to go to tonight so this better be good.”
The sound of his deep laugh echoed down from above.
I turned when I heard him coming down the stairs. He looked absolutely devastating in his crisp white shirt with his suit jacket over his shoulder.
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and held his arms out. “Well? What do you think?”
“I have to admit you look pretty handsome.”
He put his suit jacket over the back of one of the high dining table chairs and walked up next to me. “It’s a bit of a waste though.”
