Oregon Dreams

by Rachel Wesson

  She fought every impulse in her body. She wanted to move toward him, to ease the troubled expression from his face but she knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He had to make the next move. He had been forced into being a father. It was not right to try to persuade him to become a...husband. The word whispered across her mind mocking her. All those times her sisters had talked about getting married, settling down and having a family came flooding through her mind.

  “Miss Thompson, thank you for waiting. I very much appreciate it.”

  She winced at his formal tone but stayed silent. It was time for him to explain. When he stayed silent, she gestured to the stone opposite hers.

  “Why don’t you sit down and tell me the story from the start? So I can understand.”

  “Sadie, my sister, married young against our pa’s wishes. He didn’t think Toby Ellis had what it took to be a family man. He had all these dreams yet no real work ethic. But Sadie was in love and when she threatened to elope, he gave his permission for them to wed. Pa gave them some acres of land, good land hoping that would be enough of an incentive for Ellis to get himself sorted out.”

  “But it wasn’t?”

  “At first it seemed to be. Sadie and Ellis were happy. Soon she was pregnant. Ellis was very much the proud father to be. He was pleased as punch when their first child, Benjamin or Benjy as he was known was born. Eleven months later, Sarah came along. Then another two babies both of whom died in the first few weeks.”

  “Oh, your poor sister. I can’t imagine how heartbroken she must have been.”

  “I wasn’t there so I didn’t see her but I guess she was.”

  “Where were you?” Johanna gasped. She hadn’t meant to be so forward. “I’m sorry, you must think me dreadfully nosy.”

  “No, it’s fine. I was back East with my grandmother. I went to college. She had some grand plan to make me become a banker. But then Pa wrote...” He stopped to take a drink.

  Johanna guessed he needed a couple of seconds to compose himself.

  “Sadie was in trouble. Ellis had gone and the bank was threatening to foreclose.”

  “But I thought your pa gave them the land.”

  “He did, but Ellis had taken out a loan on it. He’d gambled it away and then ran leaving Sadie and the young’uns. Pa and me, we headed out, found him and brought him home. We gave them enough money to keep the bank happy. The balance was supposed to be paid when the next crops were brought in. Sadie was happy again, although I don’t think she trusted him fully. Ellis disappeared again. He told her he was heading to Oregon to claim some land and start his own farm away from her interfering family. She found out she was pregnant some weeks after he left.”

  “But you don’t believe him?”

  The eyes that caught hers now were tortured. “When we found him that first time, he had another woman. That woman believed herself to be married. She was in the family way. Pa nearly killed Ellis. I almost wish he had. At the very least we should have left him where we found him. But Pa had made Sadie a promise to bring him home so that’s what he did.”

  “And your pa?”

  “When he found out Ellis had run out again and Sadie was pregnant, he couldn’t handle it. He gave Sadie an ultimatum—to pack her bags and head back East with him to my grandmothers or he would cut his ties.”

  “Sadie chose her husband?”

  Rick nodded. “I couldn’t let her make this trip alone. She was determined to go to Oregon to find him. But...well, you know the rest of her story.”

  Johanna sniffed, trying to keep the well of tears down. She rummaged for a handkerchief. He handed one to her. “It’s clean.”

  “Why don’t you bring the girls back to live in the east?”

  “Pa died on his way back and my grandmother and Sadie never got along. She has a cruel streak reserved only for the women in the family. Pa was her favorite, but his sisters speak of a woman I have never seen. Sadie made me swear not to take the girls to their grandmother.”

  “So instead you want to dump them at an orphanage?”

  “Jo!”

  She jerked at his tone.

  “Sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted. I don’t want to dump, as you so kindly put it, anyone anywhere. But I don’t know how to be a farmer. How am I going to make enough money to keep the girls?”

  “What were you going to do before Sadie died? Surely you weren’t going to leave her in Oregon alone with the children.”

  “No, of course not. I was going to help her get set up and employ a man of labor to help her. I would call as often as I was able.”

  “Why couldn’t you help her run the farm? Didn’t she know enough to tell you want to do?”

  “She did but I had other dreams. I still do. I want to teach Johanna. But not just in one place. I want to set up a string of schools all over the territory. So all children can access education. It’s a basic right and it makes so much difference to their future. I am sure you agree given what you told me of your dreams?”

  He looked so hopeful she was tempted for a second not to respond. But she couldn’t just sit there and listen.

  “I understand your need to see children in school. I agree education benefits everyone and helps give people a chance to escape poverty.” She faltered at the look of hope and understanding in his eyes. “But no dream is worth sacrificing family over. Those girls are your flesh and blood. You are their only hope now. You cannot, you must not leave them to the mercy of an orphanage. They have been through enough, especially Sarah. She must know something of her father regardless of how hard your sister tried to keep it from her. Children pick up more than we give them credit. For her sake and Carrie’s, I beg you please don’t do this.”

  “You have a very tender heart, Miss Thompson.”

  “I believe you do as well. If you didn’t you would have turned back that first day after burying your sister and her children. You would have put the girls on a train to your grandmother and gone back to living your dream but you didn’t. Why not?”

  “I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t break my word to my sister.”

  “And now?”

  “What do you mean?

  “Is it any easier to break your word now? Because that is exactly what you would be doing. Your sister trusted you with the most precious thing she had. Her children. Her little girls. Two gorgeous little people who deserve only the best things from life.”

  “I know but...”

  “I don’t think it’s because of your dream Mr. Hughes. I think it’s because deep down you’re scared silly you won’t cut it as a father.” Johanna stood up. “Believe me if you leave these girls, then you will prove your fears right. No decent pa, whether by blood or by circumstance, would leave his girls to the mercy of strangers. Not while there was a breath left in his body. I thought you were a real man. Perhaps I was mistaken.”

  Johanna walked away, praying he wouldn’t follow her. She didn’t want him to see her tears. Not only for the girls and his sister but for him as well. She knew he was scared. She could help him but only if he asked her to. If they were married, she could love the girls, look after them on a daily basis leaving him free to pursue his dream in a modified version. What of your dreams? She sighed. Her dreams were always just that. There was no way she could combine being a wife and mother with being a school teacher. It simply wasn’t done.

  Chapter 11

  Johanna avoided Rick and the girls. She couldn’t face the devastation on young Sarah’s face nor could she face Rick. She didn’t want to accept he had made the decision to leave the girls even if his words suggested he had. There was another way. But he had to find that path alone.

  “Why are we going this way, Pa?”

  “The other route takes us over a river and Captain Jones said it would be difficult to ford it after all the rain. So we are taking the one crossing the hills. It will be hard on the cattle though. The ground is a mixture of sand and gravel with the occasional hard rock. Be prepared t
o see many lame cattle at the end of the trip but hopefully we won’t suffer too badly.”

  The suffering of the animals made Johanna’s heart clench. She knew her pa and the other men needed the cattle for their fresh start in Oregon. They had no choice. There was no other way of getting the cattle there. But it was still horrible to watch the number of abandoned, lame or dead animals as they made their way along the trail. The stench was disgusting and made worse by the flies. The grass was very thin making it even more difficult on their cattle.

  She couldn’t do anything about the cattle but she could help the oxen. When they stopped for the evening, she gathered some cornmeal and a little molasses. Mixing it together she gave a little to each of the oxen.

  “What are you doing, girl?”

  Johanna jumped. She hadn’t seen her pa coming. “They need it, Pa, they worked so hard today pulling the wagon over those horrible rocks.”

  Something in her tone must have pulled at her pa’s heart strings as he didn’t lecture her about wasting food. He simply patted her back. “You got a soft heart just like your mother.”

  She was saved from replying as Captain Jones blew his bugle summoning the men to his side. Johanna prayed it wasn’t bad news.

  “What did Captain Jones want, Pa?” Becky asked as the family sat down for their evening meal.

  “He reckons there is going to be a storm tonight. Says we need to tie everything down.”

  Becky and Johanna exchanged glances. Becky wasn’t scared of anything but even she didn’t like lightning. Johanna was terrified of it.

  “Pa, can I watch the lightning? Can I? Please, Pa.”

  “No, lad, I want you safe. Lightning’s nothing to be messed with.” Pa stroked Stephen’s hair as if to tell him it wasn’t a rebuke.

  “Johanna, isn’t that Carrie Ellis crying? She seems to be calling for you.”

  “I best go see what’s wrong. Maybe Mr. Hughes is on guard duty.”

  “He’d have told you rather than leave the girls alone. Wouldn’t he?”

  “Usually, yes, he would but somethings wrong.”

  Johanna hurried over to the wagon.

  “What’s wrong, Carrie? Why are you crying?”

  “I hate lightning. It scares me. Sarah is scared too.” Carrie’s shoulders heaved as she sobbed. “Uncle Rick said he wouldn’t be long but he’s been gone ages.”

  “He had to go find some cattle,” Sarah clarified. “Do you think he will get caught in the lightning?”

  Johanna hoped not. “There might not be any tonight. So let’s not worry about that now. What story would you like?”

  “A magic one.” Carrie piped up before Sarah could answer.

  “Come here to me, both of you.” Johanna cuddled the girls as she told them a bedtime story about magical witches and far away kingdoms. “Now go to sleep and dream about your prince charming.”

  She kissed both girls—Carrie was already asleep and Sarah’s eyes were closing.

  “Thank you, Jo, you always make us feel better.”

  Johanna smiled at her, in a way feeling envious of the young girl. She wished she still believed in faraway castles and princes. She stayed by their fire until Rick returned. He came back, look tired and more than a bit frazzled. She handed him a plate of food and some coffee.

  “How did you know I didn’t eat?”

  “I guessed from what the girls said,” Johanna stood up. “I have to be getting back.”

  “Can’t you stay a little while?”

  She was tempted. She hesitated just a few seconds too long.

  “Please sit, have some coffee.”

  She didn’t want to as she was still angry over his decision about the girls, but he looked so miserable she didn’t have the heart to say no.

  “You look too tired to talk, so please let’s not talk about the girls,” she said as she poured some coffee for both of them.

  “I don’t want to fight, I just want to talk.”

  She nodded. Maybe by spending time with him she could influence his decision. Ma always said it was better to give a man an idea and then let him think he thought of it in the first place.

  “Thank you for the book. I am enjoying it immensely,” she said stirring her coffee for something to concentrate on. Her eyes kept being drawn to his face and she didn’t want to give away her feelings.

  “Have you cried yet?” His gentle tone suggested he knew the answer.

  “You mean after reading about the plight of all the orphans?” As soon as she asked, she wished she could take back her words. The look on his face almost made her reach out to hug him. Instead, she quickly stood up. “I have to go. Sorry.”

  She didn’t wait for his response but walked quickly back to her family.

  There was no lightning and for that Johanna was thankful. But the winds rocking the wagon from side to side were fierce. She watched the canvas move back and forth as the wind howled. The cattle bellowed. Poor animals were scared too. She didn’t get a wink of sleep so she rubbed her blearily eyes when it was time to get up.

  A scene of devastation greeted her as she got down from the wagon. Tents were upside down, some of the young boys were trying to catch canvases flying off in the wind. She saw her pa talking to another man all the while shaking his head.

  “What’s wrong with Pa?”

  “Nothing, but his friend lost a few of his cattle,” Ma answered. “He didn’t round them up properly last night. Captain Jones told us to keep them inside the wagon circle but he ignored him. Now your pa is going to have to go help round them up.”

  “What can I do to help you, Ma?”

  “You don’t look like you got much sleep either. Why don’t you and Becky take turns and try to have a nap today? I don’t want either of you getting sick.”

  “Yes, Ma.” Johanna had no intention of napping but she couldn’t wait to get back to her book. Oliver had just met Fagin. She was enjoying it immensely. Half of her wanted to ration out the pages so it lasted more of the trip. The other half wanted to read it in one sitting.

  It didn’t take long to find the wandering cattle and the wagons started off again. They traveled until they met the Big Sandy River where they finally found decent grass.

  “We will be crossing the Green River in a couple of days.”

  On hearing her pa’s voice on the other side of the wagon, Johanna held the pan so tightly her knuckles turned white. She had heard stories about this river. It was seen by many to be more dangerous than the Platte. That crossing, in which Millie’s husband had been injured had been bad enough.

  “Don’t tell the girls about it yet. We don’t want to frighten them,” Ma whispered back obviously not realizing Johanna stood within earshot.

  “We’ve been lucky on the river crossings to date. Jones knows what he is doing.”

  “He does but even he can’t control nature. We’ve seen enough graves to know how many die by drowning.”

  Johanna gulped at the sound of tears in her ma’s voice.

  “Della, don’t take on so. You’re stronger than that.”

  “I am sick of being strong, Paddy Thompson. I am fed up of this trip. I never want to see another wagon until the end of my days, eat another meal cooked in the open or see a buffalo chip. I have had enough.”

  “Aw, Della, don’t be like that. We have fared better than most. Our daughter has got herself a fine husband, we haven’t lost any family members and have held on to most of our belongings.”

  A rustling sound suggested her pa had embraced Ma. “Look at that view. Have you ever seen mountains that beautiful? They are majestic. Just you wait, we will be over them and in Oregon before you know it.”

  “We have at least three months traveling still ahead of us, Paddy.”

  “Yes, we do, me darling, but just imagine how good our lives will be at the end of it. We shall be surrounded by our daughters, their husbands and our grandchildren. The farms will do very well and we will all be comfortable. You believe me, Della
, don’t you, darling.”

  “I know I would follow you to the end of the earth and back again. But grandchildren? I hope you are praying the wedding takes place first.”

  Pa roared laughing then silence reigned.

  Smiling, Johanna set the pan down and retreated away from the wagon. She knew her parents loved each other, and although she was a little guilty at listening to their private exchange, it made her feel good knowing the harsh trip hadn’t diminished their affection for one another.

  Chapter 12

  Johanna stared at the mountains around them. She was driving, her pa instructing her. Captain Jones had insisted everyone learn to drive the wagons just in case they were needed. Johanna knew it was his way of preparing for more calamities ahead. They had been traveling steadily downhill for the last number of hours, their snowcapped surroundings a reminder of what was to come. The weather, although thankfully clear of rain, was a little cold. She wished she had changed from her cotton dress into a woolen one.

  A hideous scream rang out echoing via the mountains. Pa grabbed the reins, his strength helping to stop the wagon.

  “What was that?” Johanna asked, her voice wobbling as the screams continued. “Indians?”

  “Stay here.” Her father’s curt response made Johanna pause. But she only waited long enough for him to move away from the wagon before following him. Someone was in trouble and she may be able to help.

  There was a crowd of men around one of the wagons. She couldn’t see anything but the injured man was moaning loudly.

  “Miss Thompson, maybe you should go back to your wagon.”

  Johanna hadn’t noticed Rick until he spoke.

  “I am not a child, Mr. Hughes, I may be able to help.”

  Johanna pushed past the crowd of onlookers. There was a lot of blood but her eyes were focused on the victim. Joey Freeman. He was still alive. She rushed to his side where his sister was trying to help.