Maggie's Baby

by Colleen French

  Maggie had to smile. He was managing this situation better than she would have without his help. He was a good parent, his skills well honed. He wasn’t making light of Taylor’s pain, but he was trying to keep her from dwelling on it.

  Jarrett placed an order for all three of them. “And M&Ms?” he asked Maggie. “You still like them?”

  She was digging in her purse to find money. She couldn’t believe he remembered. “Sure,” she said with a smile. “Let me get this.”

  “Nah, you paid for the tickets. Let us get the snacks.”

  They paid for the popcorn, drinks, and candy and went into the theater. Taylor took her popcorn and soda, without so much as a thanks, and went to the far side of the theater.

  “So much for a movie together,” Jarrett said. “These seats all right?”

  “Fine.” Maggie sat beside him and offered him the bag of popcorn. “She is going to be all right, isn’t she? Do you think she needs to see a counselor or something to help her get through it?”

  “I think she’ll be fine. At breakfast she went on a five-minute tirade about how angry she was that I didn’t tell her you were alive. Then she went for every detail. She wanted to know why you gave her up, why I took her, and what took you so long to find her.”

  “Did you tell her?” The popcorn tasted so good that Maggie took another handful.

  “As much as I knew.” He shrugged. “And from my point of view, of course. Eventually I think she’ll need to hear the story from you, too.” He glanced at her. “When you’re both ready.”

  Just the thought of having to discuss the private adoption sent a tremor of fear through Maggie. But she could do it when the time came, for Taylor’s sake and for her own.

  “So how’d she take what you had to say?” Maggie asked quietly as the theater began to fill up.

  “Actually, I think she understands. I told her to imagine what it would be like if she was pregnant now and felt there was no one she could turn to. I had to tell her a little about your mother.”

  “Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Maggie said, remembering the ruse she’d been forced to employ of not letting him know where she lived or what her parents did for a living.

  He tossed a kernel of popcorn into his mouth. “Actually, I know more than you think.”

  “Oh, God,” Maggie groaned, sliding down in the seat.

  “When I came back from Spain, I tried to find you, you know. I found Bob and Ruth.”

  She raised one hand. “Keep talking and I swear I’m going to shrivel up and die of embarrassment right here in this seat.”

  He laughed and patted her knee. “It’s all right. We’ve all done some crazy things. After seeing Ruth in her natural habitat, I can see why you lied to me. I’d rather have lived on Ivy Drive, too.”

  Maggie laughed with him, relief filling another aching part of her. She had hated hiding the truth of where she lived, who she really was. It had been difficult even as a teen to live a lie, especially with Jarrett. She had loved him so much. “So you got the gist of my double life?”

  He nodded. “Must have been hard for you.” He paused and then looked up to meet her gaze. “You could have told me, you know. It wouldn’t have made a difference to me. I’d have felt the same way about you.”

  She smiled sadly. “I know now you would have. I just didn’t know it then.”

  He tossed a popcorn kernel into his mouth. “Do they know you found us?”

  She shook her head, not trusting her voice.

  “When are you going to tell her?”

  Suddenly Maggie wished the movie would hurry and begin. She wasn’t ready to talk about Ruth, about the full extent of what her mother had done to her. She wasn’t ready to think about resolving any of the issues, though she knew in her heart they had to be resolved before she could ever really be whole. “I ... I’ve been thinking about going to see her. Telling her in person.”

  “You need to talk to her about it.”

  Maggie nodded, a lump in her throat. “I know.”

  He brushed his shoulder against hers. “I’ll go with you if you want me to.”

  “You would?”

  “Sure.” He lifted a shoulder. “I could deflect the blows.”

  She eyed him. “Verbal or physical?”

  He patted her knee. “Whatever you need.” The big screen flickered and the lights went down. “Hey, share those M&Ms?”

  Maggie offered him the bag and the hint of a smile. She almost felt as if they were on a date. He had even draped his arm casually over the back of her seat, maybe because there wasn’t much room and that was the most logical place for him to put his arm. But maybe, just maybe, it was there because he wanted it to be.

  ~~~

  “So did you sleep with him?” Kyle walked behind Maggie and placed an avocado in her shopping cart.

  She looked at him as if he’d grown an extra head. “No, I haven’t slept with him. How could you say such a thing? My husband just died.”

  Kyle dodged as she tried to elbow him and added shallots and fresh cilantro to the basket. “Just asking. Sounds like you’re headed in that direction. I know these things.”

  “I’m not sleeping with him,” she said a little louder than she’d intended to.

  Maggie looked away in embarrassment as a middle-aged woman bagging Red Delicious apples stared at them. “Right now we’re just trying to get Taylor used to the idea of having two parents. Jarrett and I haven’t really discussed ‘us’ per se.”

  “So, have you kissed?”

  She must have looked guilty, because he didn’t give her a chance to respond.

  “Aha! You have kissed,” he accused with delight. “You kissed Jarrett McKay.”

  “Actually, he kissed me.” She grabbed the cart and pushed.

  “But you kissed him back, didn’t you?”

  “Do we have to talk about this in public?”

  “Sounds like the relationship is going pretty well to me,” he said in a singsong voice. “I hear more enthusiasm in your voice lately than I ever heard concerning good old Stanley. God rest his soul.”

  “Kyle—” She held up one hand. No matter who or what Stanley had been, she would not speak ill of him or listen to others do so.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t besmirch a dead man’s character. I’m just being honest.”

  “You’re being honest. Jarrett’s being honest.” She surveyed the fresh vegetables. “What is it with the men in my life these days? What happened to those caveman stares and grunts? Life was a hell of a lot simpler when men weren’t telling me their deepest, darkest feelings.”

  “Aren’t we touchy today?”

  She pointed. “Get bananas. You can make Bananas Foster. It used to be Jarrett’s favorite dessert.”

  “Aha.” Kyle waggled a finger. “See, what did I tell you? First you’re playing footsies on the balcony, then movies and walks on the beach. Stolen kisses. Now his favorite dessert. This is all headed in the same direction—hot, sweaty sex.”

  “Kyle!”

  He leaned to whisper in her ear. “Hot, sweaty, good sex. The kind that makes you scream.”

  She tried not to smile. “I don’t scream.”

  “Not with Stanley, maybe.” He lifted one eyebrow suggestively. “But with Jarrett, who knows?”

  Just talking about sex with Jarrett warmed her to her toes. If she weren’t only in her thirties, she would have sworn she was having hot flashes. She shoved the shopping cart forward. “Enough talk about Jarrett.”

  “All right.” Kyle placed his hands on the cart beside hers, helping her push. “What about Taylor? She coming around?”

  Maggie had to smile. Kyle was a good friend. He knew what questions to ask. He understood how important Taylor was to her. “She’s still angry, but I think she’ll come around. Jarrett does, too. For a while she wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence. Now she at least says hello and good-bye. When I left the message on their machine asking them to d
inner tonight, Taylor was the one who called me back.”

  Kyle added a fresh ball of Parmesan cheese to the cart. “Her father didn’t make her call?”

  “Maybe, but that’s okay. The point is she called and actually talked to me. It may not be much,” she admitted, “but it’s a start.”

  They halted in front of the seafood counter. “I’m happy for you,” Kyle said, his voice warm and genuine.

  Maggie smiled. It felt good to feel this good. Even with the uncertainty of where her relationship with Jarrett was heading, she was feeling better every day. She was actually enjoying life again, hearing music, tasting good food. When Jordan died, Maggie had been sure her life was over, that she would never be more than a walking shell again. She’d been wrong.

  She only hoped she could make her relationship with Taylor work. As far as Jarrett was concerned, he was still too great an unknown. Although they had expressed interest in each other, she didn’t know if they could make it work.

  Chapter 14

  Maggie leaned on the rail of her living room balcony. From here, she could see the ocean to her left and the sun setting over the bay to her right. The breeze had shifted and was coming off the bay, carrying the tangy scent of salt spray and marsh grass.

  Maggie liked this time of year, when all the tourists returned to their homes to prepare for school, leaving the beaches in their more natural state. The nice thing about September was that the air was still warm, the water still tepid.

  Maggie heard footsteps behind her. Kyle and Jarrett were in her kitchen washing dishes, talking about some basketball player’s salary, so Maggie knew it had to be Taylor coming onto the balcony.

  The teen walked to the rail and leaned over. She stood at arm’s length from Maggie.

  “So how was dinner?” Maggie asked. She knew it had taken a lot of guts for Taylor to step out on the deck alone with her, and she admired her daughter for her courage.

  “It was good. Thank you.” Her response was clearly a product of good manners.

  “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  Taylor gave a snort. “Yeah, right. Like I had a choice. You know my father made me.”

  Her comment dug deep inside Maggie. It had been a month since she and Jarrett had told Taylor the truth. After this much time, Maggie had thought her relationship with Taylor would have improved, but it hadn’t. Her daughter was still being nothing more than civil to her.

  “Taylor, I understand why you’re angry with me—”

  “You don’t understand,” Taylor cut in bitterly. “How could you? All these years I thought I was one person and now you’re telling me I’m another.”

  Maggie turned to face her daughter, but Taylor kept her gaze stubbornly averted. “My finding you doesn’t change who you are, Taylor. I don’t want to take anything from the life you have with your father. I just want to add to it.” She softened. “Every girl needs a mother.”

  “You’re not my mother.” Taylor pressed her lips together. “A mother takes her daughter to the ladies room at the mall. A mother bakes heart cookies and sends them to class on Valentine’s Day. A mother helps her daughter pick out a bra that fits right.” She crossed her arms over herself. “You’re not my mother. You never did any of those things. You were nothing but an egg.”

  “Ouch,” Maggie said aloud. “If you meant to hurt me, that one did it.”

  “I’m sorry,” Taylor confessed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just—” Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want you to hurt me. I don’t want you to hurt my dad.”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Maggie took a chance and draped one arm over her daughter’s shoulder.

  Taylor stiffened, but she didn’t pull away.

  “I’m so sorry for what I did. If I had it to do over again, I never would have let them take you away from me.”

  Taylor wiped at her eyes with her forearm, sniffing. “Dad says he thinks I was taken from you illegally.”

  Maggie nodded. “ ’Fraid so.”

  “He said your mother made you give me up, that she convinced you it would be best for me, because you couldn’t have taken care of me without a college education.”

  “She made me think giving you up was my only option. I was young and I was scared and I believed her.”

  “I would never do that to my daughter if she got pregnant,” Taylor said, shaking her head.

  “Neither would I,” Maggie whispered.

  “I told my best friend, Heather, that you came to see me.”

  “Did you?” Maggie smiled, letting her arm slip from her daughter’s shoulder. She didn’t want to let go of her, not ever, but she didn’t want to smother her, either, not when Taylor was finally opening up to her. “And what did Heather say?”

  They both leaned on the balcony rail, side-by-side, just as Maggie imagined a mother and daughter would.

  “She didn’t say much about my finding out I had a mother who was alive, but she thought it was cool that you’re a doctor. She wants to be a doctor, too. She wanted to know if she could ride in your car.”

  “Yes, she can have a ride.” Maggie fiddled with the cuticle of one of her fingers. “So how about you? What do you want to be?”

  Taylor shrugged. “I don’t know. I used to think I wanted to be an archaeologist, but I love history so much that maybe I’d like to be a teacher. Not for high school, but maybe college.”

  “You’d make a good teacher.”

  “What makes you say that?” Taylor dared a hesitant gaze into her mother’s eyes. “You don’t know me.”

  Maggie heard the hostility creeping into her daughter’s voice again. “I think I do know you. I’m a pretty observant person. I know you’re smart, that you express yourself well and that you can be very creative, but you can also appreciate someone else’s creativity.” She brushed a stray lock of hair behind Taylor’s ear. It was silky smooth between her fingers. “And I know you’re beautiful.”

  “Me?” Taylor wrinkled her sun-freckled nose. “Not me. I still look like a little girl. Dad will barely let me wear makeup to school, and all my girlfriends call me ‘Flatso’ because I don’t have any boobs.”

  Maggie smiled. She remembered the pains of adolescence all too well. “I think your boobs are just right for your size, and you are beautiful. You’re beautiful to me.”

  The teen blushed. “You’re just saying that because you’re my m—” She didn't finish the sentence.

  “Because I’m your mom?”

  Taylor nodded, compressing her lips, the sparkle of tears in her eyes again. There was something else bothering her.

  “Taylor, what is it?” Maggie hated seeing her daughter in pain like this. It tore her up inside, especially because Maggie knew she was responsible for all the upheaval. “You can tell me.”

  She shook her head.

  “Oh, come on,” Maggie cajoled. “It really is better if we talk. You can tell me you’re angry with me. Shoot, you can even tell me you don’t like me, if that’s it. Just talk to me.”

  “That’s not it,” Taylor said, her voice barely audible. “I do like you.” She sniffed.

  Maggie took a step closer. “Then what is it?”

  Taylor looked up at Maggie, her eyes shining with new tears. “Are you going to leave again?”

  “Oh, Taylor.” Without fear of smothering her, Maggie wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged her tightly. She felt different than Jordan, but so good in her arms, as if she belonged there. “No, I’m not going to leave you. I did that once and I’ll never do it again. I swear I won’t.”

  “Okay,” Taylor said into Maggie’s shoulder, sniffing again. “Okay.”

  Maggie drew back to look into her eyes. “So is this why you’ve been so cool with me? Because you thought I was just passing through?”

  “Dumb, huh?” Taylor took a step back, wiping her tears.

  “No.” Maggie’s brow creased. “Not dumb at all.”

  “Anyone want coffee or tea out here? Kyle says dess
ert’s almost ready.” Jarrett stuck his head through the doorway. He immediately saw Taylor had been crying and looked to Maggie for an explanation.

  Taylor spoke up before Maggie could. “I’m fine, Dad. Can I have some coffee? Just half a cup?” She ducked under her father’s arm and disappeared into the house.

  “Is everything okay?” Jarrett stepped onto the deck.

  Maggie rested her elbows on the rail, smiling. “Great. Everything’s great. We still need to talk, but I think we’ve had our breakthrough.” She couldn’t stop grinning.

  “That right?” He leaned on the rail beside her, his arm brushing hers.

  Maggie could feel tension arc between them like static electricity on a stormy night. It had been like this all evening. Was Kyle right? Were she and Jarrett headed for the bedroom?

  Was that what she wanted?

  “Maggie?”

  “Mm-hmm?” Suddenly too nervous to look at Jarrett, she stared out at the ocean. He could feel that same sexual tension between them; she just knew it.

  “I have to admit I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, you and Taylor and I.”

  “So have I.” She dared a quick glance at him, then focused again on the white ocean breakers.

  “And I also have to admit that secretly I was a little pleased that Taylor was so angry with you and you needed me as a buffer.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged, his muscles rippling beneath his faded surfer’s T-shirt. He’d gotten his hair cut recently, so he didn’t look so much like a beach bum, but more like a relaxed kind of guy. “I don’t know. I suppose because I got to spend time with you, too.”

  So this was it—his signal. He was ready to move on to the next stage in the relationship. Was she?

  “So is it coming to that?” she asked softly.

  “To you and me?” He massaged her shoulder. “I think so. Is that what you want?”

  Maggie’s gaze met his. “I don't know. Are you ready for that? Can you forgive me for being a coward? For letting my mother take our child from me?” Her eyes grew scratchy, but she fought her tears. She wanted to be able to talk about this without crying. It was time to stop crying and get on with life. Taylor was proof that there was still so much here for her, that God hadn’t abandoned her. “Can you forgive me for being too big a coward to come looking for her, for you?”