Derailed

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

“And what if I’m never ready for us to be more?”

  He shot me a confident smile. “You will be. Bye, Molly.” He walked out, forgetting his empty coffee cup on the table.

  ***

  Kelly called to cancel our plans when something came up with her mom, so I went ahead and made some calls and sent out a batch of emails about the party. I knew that Ben was the next one to invite. I doubted he wanted to go to a party at Gavin’s, but with his whole exclusive declaration, he might make himself go.

  I decided to ask Ben in person. I thought about calling, but figured that he surprised me enough; it couldn’t hurt to give him a taste of his own medicine.

  Ben opened the door shirtless again. This time he was wearing only gym shorts and was sweaty rather than clean.

  “Hey, this is a nice surprise.” He ushered me in, careful not to touch me and get me sweaty.

  “You can finish what you were doing. I just had something to ask you.”

  “You’re not in a rush, are you? If you can wait, I’ll just finish and shower real quick if that’s okay.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “Okay, cool.” He took off down the hall.

  I settled down on the couch for all of ten minutes before my curiosity got the best of me, and I went to see exactly what he was finishing. I followed the music downstairs to an unfinished basement where he had a bit of a home gym set up. He had never been that into working out when I knew him. It kind of surprised me—but it shouldn’t have considering the incredible shape he was in.

  I surveyed the equipment until my eyes settled on Ben, who was bench pressing.

  He finished the set of reps and sat up, his face slowly turning into a pleased smile as he caught me ogling him. “Couldn’t resist taking a look, huh?”

  “Do you really mind?” I figured there was no reason to explain myself.

  “Not in the slightest.” He grinned.

  “You have a nice set up here. I’m kind of jealous.”

  “You are more than welcome to come over and use any equipment you want. No membership fees. Just do me a favor and stay over once in a while.” Ben was getting really good at finding ways to ask me to stay the night.

  “Isn’t there a reduced fee if I only want to use free weights? I’m kind of missing the gym at school. I don’t want to lose what I’ve got.” I flexed a bicep. I was proud of my arms. I’d been a total weakling in high school. I was thin, but with no muscle or anything. I’d made it a goal to get stronger when I went away to school. I wanted to be able to take care of myself the best I could. I didn’t want to ask boys to do any menial things for me. I met Becca in a kickboxing class freshman year. We ended up going to the gym together three or four times a week all though college.

  “Damn, someone’s been working out.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  He stood up, toweling off before heading my way. “Nuh uh, get in the shower, mister.”

  “You’re no fun.”

  “I’m clean.”

  “You could just shower with me…” He gave me his mischievous grin.

  “Get in the shower, Ben.”

  “Okay, I’m going.” He followed me up the stairs. “If you want to take a look again, feel free. You know where the bathroom is.”

  I laughed. “I’ll be in the living room.”

  Ten minutes later, Ben slid onto the couch next to me. “So what’s this thing you had to ask me? Or was it just an excuse to visit?”

  “I didn’t think I needed an excuse.”

  “You don’t, but maybe you were trying to save face or something.”

  “Nope, but good try. I’m actually here to invite you to a party.”

  He slung an arm around my shoulder. “Ohh, is this an actual date?”

  “No. It’s just a party I’m attending—or really co-hosting—that I thought you might want an invite to.” I leaned into him instinctively. He smelled like soap and fresh laundry.

  “Co-hosting? Who’s the other host, or should I not ask?”

  “Gavin, but before you get upset, it’s a joint bachelor-bachelorette party.”

  “And where is this party?” He turned to look at me.

  “At Gavin’s.”

  “When? Not only will I be there, but I’d be happy to drive you.”

  “I have to get there early to set up.”

  “Because he needs help setting up booze?” he asked skeptically.

  “Yeah, I guess.” I tried to suppress a smile.

  “Well, I’ll just come early with you. If he needs your help, he won’t mind an extra set of hands.”

  I was sure Gavin would mind a lot, and as much as I would have loved to see the look on his face, I didn’t want to stir up trouble at Kelly’s party.

  “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  Ben got ready to argue, but I held up a finger to silence him. “But if you keep your mouth shut and don’t argue, you can take me home.”

  “Deal.” He held out his hand as if he wanted to shake on it.

  I gave him my hand, which he only used as an excuse to pull me onto his lap to straddle him. He grinned. “I prefer this to a handshake.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gavin picked me up right from work. In the end, that had seemed like the best option. I had to work until eight anyway, and I didn’t want to have to worry about getting my car home. I changed into a deep purple halter dress, leaving my other clothes at Marney’s. I didn’t want to think about how my clothes being at Gavin’s house could be construed.

  I had just locked up when Gavin pulled up out front.

  He parked, walking to meet me even though most people would have just waited in the driver’s seat. “You look gorgeous.” He didn’t conceal his assessment, and I tried to hide my discomfort. It was as if Gavin had turned things up. Gestures that I could have written off as friendly at one point seemed like too much—like his hand on the small of my back as I took the few steps to his passenger seat.

  “Thanks.” I buckled my seatbelt, careful to keep my focus on the scenery out the window rather than on him.

  I watched the passing houses as we arrived in his neighborhood. He lived in one of the newer, townhouse-style units they’d put in along the waterfront.

  He parked out front. “This is me.”

  “Cool.” I hopped down.

  He came around my side just as I reached the ground. “I could have helped you with that.”

  “I managed just fine.”

  “You shouldn’t ever just manage. Do you have problems letting someone take care of you?”

  “No, I just don’t need help getting out of a car.”

  He laughed deep in his chest. “Even a big one?”

  “I’m not that short.”

  “No, but your dress is…”

  I shook my head. My dress was no shorter than what anyone else would be wearing.

  He went around back, opening the hatch to pull out a case of beer. I noticed several other cases underneath, as well as bottles of various liquors.

  “Wow, think you got enough?” I grabbed a case myself, waiting for him to lead the way in. I was pleased when I saw the look of consternation cross his face when he noticed what I was carrying. Luckily, he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. He did shake his head before climbing up a set of stairs and unlocking the front door, shifting the weight of the beer against his chest so he could turn the key.

  I followed him inside, glad to relieve my arms of the beer when we reached his kitchen counter. He lived in a loft, something I never expected to see in Clayton Falls. “Nice place.”

  “You like?” He watched my reaction carefully.

  I took in the high ceilings, exposed brick and piping, and the huge windows overlooking the water. My first thought was how could he afford all of it on his salary? Real estate was cheap in town, but not at all cheap on the water. I decided to keep that particular thought to myself. Maybe he’d made the money playing baseball.

  “It’s nice. Very moder
n.” I also edited out the part about never wanting to live in a loft. I’d given Adam the unedited version. He’d wanted a loft apartment while I craved the character and coziness of an older home—we used to joke we’d end up in a 1980s cookie-cutter suburban place just to find a happy medium.

  “All right. I’m going to get some more from the car. Here are some bins, and there are bags of ice in the freezer. Want to start on that?”

  “Sure, not a problem.” I was glad to have an assignment to pull my thoughts away from Adam.

  By the time we finished setting up the drinks and snacks, it was almost time for everyone to arrive. I tried to discretely slide the cards onto the counter.

  “Is that the truth or dare game?” Gavin asked.

  “Yes. The only time I’ve seen them used was with all girls, so it will be interesting to see how it works tonight if we decide we need them.”

  “I’m sure they’ll be entertaining.” He had changed out of his uniform into a polo shirt and khakis and came to stand right in front of me.

  “So, people are coming at nine, right?”

  “Uh huh.”

  It was hard to think with his face looming so close to mine. He leaned over, placing a hand on either side of where I stood pressed against the counter.

  “Thanks for helping me set up.”

  “Not a problem. It’s my job too.”

  “Yeah, very true. I think we make a good team. Maybe this won’t be the only party we co-host.”

  I forced a smile, ready for him to move back.

  “Look, I really like you, Molly. You’re—”

  “Gavin—”

  He placed a finger on my lips. “Shh. Just let me finish.”

  I nodded.

  “You’re exactly the kind of woman I’ve been hoping to meet. You’re smart, beautiful, and a lot of fun. I really think we should make a go of this.”

  “What happened to waiting for me to finish my rebound?” I swallowed hard. Gavin had such a bad habit of dropping things on me at the beginning of an evening.

  “I’m not as patient as I thought. Why should I wait for you to mess around when I can offer you so much more? You deserve more. You aren’t the kind of woman who should ever settle for being someone’s late night hook-up.” He watched me warily, like he wanted to say the words, but he was afraid of taking it too far.

  “Not to burst your bubble, but I’m not settling as someone’s ‘late night hookup.’ I’m the one setting the terms, not Ben.”

  “Either way, it’s beneath you.”

  “Ouch.” I didn’t try to hide how much his words bothered me.

  “You know I’m right.” His eyes challenged me to disagree.

  “What if I don’t want more? I’ve had more, and it didn’t turn out so great.”

  “Yeah, you got burned. I’m sorry, but it’s better you broke up before the wedding, right? At least it wasn’t a divorce. You can’t let it keep you from trying to find a real and meaningful relationship again—especially one that could be so good.”

  I was so focused on his words about the break up with Adam—on it being better than a divorce—if he only knew the truth—that I didn’t prepare myself for what was so obviously coming.

  Gavin’s lips hit mine for a moment before I could respond by turning my head. “Stop, I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to happen.” I pushed my hands firmly into his chest.

  He stepped back slightly, giving a frustrated sigh. “It can’t happen if you don’t give it a chance. Don’t I get at least one kiss—one real kiss to convince you?”

  “No. Come on.” Even the split seconds his lips were on mine made me feel like something was wrong. There was only one set of lips I wanted.

  He backed away, hands out in front of him in defense. “A guy has to try, right?”

  “I guess.” I saw a space and moved, willing the doorbell to ring, announcing guests.

  I turned when I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll be good, okay?”

  I forced a smile. “Okay.” I was so happy Ben was coming.

  After a few awkward seconds, the doorbell finally rang, and the first guests flowed in. I smiled politely at a couple of guys who’d graduated with Tom and my sister, but was pulled away by Katie and a guy I recognized from the class above mine.

  “Hey, can you believe Kelly is getting married so soon?” Katie gushed, holding on to the arm of her date. Her red manicured fingernails stood out against his black t-shirt. She had quite a grip on him.

  “I’m not too surprised, actually.”

  “Well, I guess you almost got married too.”

  “Yup.” I closed my eyes, wanting the conversation to end. There were only so many times I could handle discussing it. “Can you excuse me?”

  I walked away, glad the loft was beginning to fill. I busied myself rearranging chip bowls until Gavin joined me into the kitchen. I hightailed out of there, grabbing a bottle of beer on my way out.

  Moving through the open living area, I made small talk with a few other old friends before spotting who I was looking for.

  Ben was deep in conversation with Aaron, the bassist from the Grizzlies. As I headed over, Ben looked up. A slow smile spread across his face when he noticed me. Aaron turned around, evidently noticing the change in his expression.

  Aaron pulled me into a hug before I could reach Ben. “If it isn’t Miss Disappearing Act herself.”

  “Hey. I just needed some air.”

  “I bet. But it’s good to see you.”

  “Same to you.” I always got along with Aaron in high school. He’d been one year behind us, but part of the same crowd.

  I moved out of Aaron’s embrace and found my comfort spot at Ben’s side. His arm went around me automatically, pulling me to his side and giving me a quick kiss before he realized what he was doing. He had just kissed me in the middle of a party when we weren’t even officially back together.

  “Did I just break the rules?” he asked playfully. We’d never set out rules about kissing in public, but we’d steered clear of it so far.

  “Probably, but I’m just as much to blame.” I straightened my dress even though it didn’t need it.

  “We do seem to run on auto-pilot, don’t we?”

  “It seems like it, but I think we figured that out already.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, we have.”

  “And here I was wondering how long it would take for you two to reconnect.” Ronny walked over with a cute brunette at his side. It took me a minute to realize who she was.

  “Daniela?” I had a hard time believing this was Tom’s younger sister. She always had the longest white blond hair, and it was now short, spiky, and brown.

  “Yeah, it’s me.” She twirled around, showing off her funky, yet really cute dress.

  “Wow, you look… great.”

  “Thanks, you too. Does my brother know about that by the way?” She nodded in Ben’s direction.

  “I’m sure Kelly’s told him we’ve been hanging out again.”

  “Hanging out again?” she laughed. “I just saw you guys kiss, but whatever. When I talked to Tom the other day, he, uh, thought you were interested in someone else.”

  I had no doubt who she meant.

  Ben jumped in. “I’m more than enough to keep Molly busy, same as ever.”

  “Yeah, I can see that. I just—Oh wait, I think they’re here.”

  The couple of honor had arrived.

  ***

  Two hours later, Kelly hugged me tipsily. Ben had gone to find me another bottle of water. I hadn’t even finished the first beer, but I wasn’t feeling great. “Thanks so much for this party. It’s been awesome!”

  “You’re welcome, but it’s really Gavin you should be thanking. He did almost all the work. I was just along for the ride.”

  “Speaking of Gavin, he’s sloshed. I’ve never seen him drunk before. Do you have anything to do with that?”

  “I don’t know, maybe?” I had a
sinking feeling he’d taken my rejection worse than I’d thought.

  “Well, aren’t you a heartbreaker.” She rolled her eyes.

  “It just happens naturally.” I tried to play it off as if I didn’t care.

  She laughed, but I couldn’t shake the guilt gnawing at me. I hated hurting people even if I had no choice.

  “What happens naturally?” Ben returned with the water.

  “Molly’s ability to make grown men fall to their knees,” she said theatrically.

  Ben moved closer to my side. “Well then, there are going to be a lot of disappointed men out there, because even if she doesn’t realize it yet, there’s no way I’m letting her go again.”

  “Aww.” Tears welled up in Kelly’s eyes.

  “Whoa, that’s making you cry?” I looked at her skeptically.

  She wiped her eyes. “It’s just so sweet.”

  “Okay, stop it. You’re the one getting married. Speaking of which, he’s right there.” I pointed to where Tom stood. He waved in acknowledgement. “I’m sure he’ll say something sweet to you.”

  “I can never hear enough sweet things, I’m happy, and it’s good to see you happy because you’re my best friend,” she said drunkenly.

  I tried not to laugh. “Thank you. You’re my best friend too.”

  “I know!”

  Tom came over to claim his emotional and inebriated fiancé. “I think some people are about to play Never Have I Ever if you guys are interested.”

  “I think we’ll pass,” I answered for both Ben and me. My throat was really starting to hurt, and I was hoping to make an exit sooner than later.

  “No way! You have to play at least a few rounds!” Kelly literally jumped up and down.

  If it hadn’t been her bachelorette party, I might have said no, but I couldn’t ruin her fun.

  “Maybe for a little while.”

  We stopped by the kitchen so I could grab a beer and followed Kelly and Tom over to where a small circle had formed. It looked like the game had already started.

  “Never have I ever kissed on the first date,” Katie said.

  All right, so things were still tame enough. I took a tiny sip of my beer. Ben took a sip from his own.

  “Never have I ever dated the same person twice.” Daniela looked right at us. Ben and I glanced at each other, not sure whether we were supposed to drink or not. After a moment’s hesitation he took a big swig of his beer. I gave him a small smile and did the same. I was kidding myself if I didn’t at least consider us dating.