Walk Me Down

by Bellus, HJ

  The kind, hot stranger just smiles.

  “I can hold your hand if you want,” he suggests.

  I start laughing out loud and duck my head to hide the amusement spreading over my face.

  “You must think I’m crazy,” I whisper softly.

  “I won’t lie, I think your theory about minions is a little crazy, but I’ll be honest, crazy is hot.”

  My face fills with even more heat, and my tummy flips again. My insides cringe at this feeling. It only brings back awful, hated memories of love. This stranger is giving me a run for my money, and with a fake leg, I can’t run very damn fast these days.

  “Thanks,” is all that leaves my lips.

  An older, hefty dental hygienist opens the door and peers around the room. I’m now convinced everyone in the dental field are evil minions. This man is downright scary looking. “Tessa, Tessa Jones,” he booms out in a thick, gruff voice as his meat cleavers of hands grip the file folder. All the blood leaves my face and instant dizziness sets in. I’m going to die in this motherfucking dentist office today. My breathing is out of control until the stranger grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door.

  “I’m with Tessa today, Hugh,” he replies as he marches his way back to a small cubical. In this very small cubical is all the terrifying equipment that is going to kill me. The stranger gently pushes me down into the chair. Immediately, I try to climb out of the chair.

  “Sit down or I’ll sit on you,” he replies.

  I refuse to listen to him and again try to get up from the chair. Within seconds, he plops down dead center in my lap. I mentally cringe and think out all the options of keeping him from touching my legs. Then in the middle of this scheme, I realize this beautiful stranger is sitting on my lap.

  “Okay Tessa, it’s going down like this. You are getting your damn tooth fixed today without passing out on me. I happen to know the dentist very well. I know for sure he is not in cahoots with the devil. He’s my dad and is amazing at what he does.”

  “My name is not Tessa. It is Tess,” is all I can manage to say.

  Why is this man still here with me? Why isn’t he leaving? And most importantly, why the fuck is he still on my lap?

  A tall, slender man walks around the corner. He’s a much older version of the stranger holding my hand. Holy Shit! The dentist offers me a warm smile and gives his son a quizzical look.

  “One, what are you doing here, Finn? Two, how many times do I need to tell you to stay off my patient’s laps?”

  “You see, Dad, we here have ourselves a big old chicken. She thinks you are going to do her in. I’m just offering up some comfort to the poor thing.”

  “On her lap? Damn boy, thought I taught you better. Get up now.”

  Finn. His name is Finn. He fits it to a tee.

  Standing up, he continues to talk to his dad as his dad prepares some instruments.

  “Originally I dropped by to talk to you about Granddaddy and my plans, but then Tess here filled me in on her theory of evil dentists. She damn near passed out when Hugh hollered her name. I promised her I would stay with her and that you weren’t evil.”

  “Well, Tessa, I’m Dr. Evans, and I promise I will take good care of you today. Are you okay with my son in here with you?”

  “Yes, sir. Do you have that laughy gas stuff? Can I get an IV that knocks me out? Your son isn’t shittin’ you. I hate dentists with a passion. No offense to you,” I say with a shaky voice as the tears yet again spill over onto my cheeks.

  Heavy sobs escape from my chest. Yes, I’m currently ugly crying in front of two strangers. Finn grabs a tissue and starts drying my tears. There was something gentle and calming about these two men that force me to open up just a little to them. They don’t make me feel foolish, but I do need to pull it together before they have me committed.

  “Yes, I do have laughing gas. We can use that if it makes you feel more comfortable. I need to go over your medical history with you.”

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! I squeeze Finn’s hand tight. I don’t do this. I don’t talk, share, or explain. I just don’t. My doctors and specialists know me inside and out. They don’t make me relive my awful past.

  “I am healthy as a horse, nothing to worry about,” I lie.

  The thick, deep scar that runs from the bottom of my ear down to the center of my neck is on fire with embarrassment and feels like a flashing sign, calling me out as a liar. The tiny cubicle goes silent.

  “Okay. I want to get a picture of your tooth. The good news is that we should be able to do everything here in the office today. Now, if you could open up and let me take a look.”

  “Laughing gas first?” I manage to let out a little giggle with this pathetic request.

  I was totally serious about being doped up with some laughing gas. Finn grabs a clear mask and cranks up a tank. Placing the mask over my nose, he then grabs my hand again. I watch his action and notice his dad shaking his head back and forth. I can’t tell if it is from amusement or disapproval. Either way, thank God for Finn.

  “Get out of the way, rookie,” comes a familiar voice.

  Meat clever hands guy settles in on the side opposite of the dentist.

  Dr. Evans pries open my jaw and looks around for a minute. Starting to feel a little goofy and just a bit relaxed, I give myself a mental pat on the back.

  “Dad, I think you should x-ray her instead of Hugh,” Finn whispers.

  My hand grips his hand with more force at his gentle, caring words. Finn doesn’t let go for the next sixty-two minutes as his dad drills, fills and polishes my broken tooth.

  If my torn jeans didn’t turn the man on then my gauze filled, slobbering mouth will be sure to do the trick. Half of my face is completely numb, and it feels like it’s dragging along on the floor. My lip feels the size of a banana. I try to say thank you to Finn and his father, but just ended up spewing saliva all over them. I wave at the handsome pair of men as I try to do a halfway sexy walk like the old Tess was a pro at doing. Pretty sure I’m nailing a doped up clown right now, but hell, at least I’m alive.

  Cinnamon Jolly Ranchers are evil bastards. I won’t lie. I am sure I will still be addicted to them, but less chomping on the little suckers for me. For shit sakes, I want to avoid the dentist office for the rest of my life. For the first time in a long time, I go to bed with a smile on my face and a man on my mind.

  Finn. He was something else. I can’t quite put my finger on it. My heart is trying to convince me to let it beat again, but ignore it. Love isn’t for me. Fairy tales are lies and are only created to crush people.

  ***

  The blaring music and stench of alcohol have never been a turn on for me even during my college days. But my dear best friend, Scarlett has managed to drag me out to the local bar tonight. She’s always lecturing me about starting to live my life instead of just surviving. “Tess you survived. Now step up to the freaking plate and start living your damn life!”

  She’s out on the dance floor grinding with all sorts of strangers while I nurse a Corona. She loves to dance and loves to have sex even more. What I would give for just one tiny ounce of her carefree courage to live life to the fullest as a crazy, wild slut. She’s definitely my hero in disguise, in more than one way, with her crazy red hair and scandalous clothing and go get ‘em attitude. Scarlett is one epic woman. I have told her over and over that I was just going to follow her through life and be her built-in nanny or maid, so I wouldn’t have to face the cruel world alone.

  The thumping pace of the music slows down and Mrs. Lauper’s voice permeates the hot, stale air of the bar. “Time After Time,” the most romantic song known to mankind. Dreaded tears start to pull at my eyes, being alone in the world just plain sucks and not having the courage to do anything about sucks even harder and sucks even bigger balls. I want to feel love again. The good kind of love. The Rhett kind of love. The kind that warms your tummy, tickles your toes and dances on your heart. I handily polish off my Corona at the awfu
l thought of not ever being loved again.

  Smack dab in the middle of my pity party a strong, familiar hand grabs my wrist and starts tugging on it. With my desperate tears dried up, I turn to peer up into Finn’s gorgeous face. My brain pulls back, but my damn body follows him without hesitation or second thought. Holy Shit! My dreams have been filled with this man for the last week. Every night his caring hands embrace me while his dark wavy locks brushed against my sensitive breasts, and now I’m in his arms on the dance floor dancing. You would think I was a naïve toddler just learning to walk because this man has me tripping all over myself.

  “Tess, I have you,” Finn softly whispers into my ear.

  At his words, I let go of all my fears and worries and just dance with Finn.

  I carelessly melt into his long, lean body. A masculine tangerine scent fills my senses, as Finn lowers his hands down to grip my waist. I could smell him forever. Being a little adventurous, I press my body into his and tug on his hair then bury my face into the crook of his neck to smell him again. A romantic and lustful electricity buzzes between us and without using words it’s very obvious what both of us desire. The primal want is palpable and raw. The song ends and Finn pulls me off the dance floor to a tiny, dusty side room. A dim, buzzing light barely lights up the small space.

  Finn pushes me against the wall and without saying a word he starts to undress me. Without knowing, he’s taking me back to the day of the accident by exposing all of my flesh. Strangely enough, I let him. He starts by pulling off my shirt and bra. Then he makes his way down to my blue jeans, the place where all my hurt and darkness resides on a daily basis, and where the visual reminder of the worst day of my life is. The day I can never take back. The carnal need to have Finn buried in me drives away all sane thoughts. He’s going to see how truly broken and scarred my body and soul is. Finn is walking into a fully rigged booby trap and is about to be blasted with the nasty, ugly truth it holds.

  With my head arched up and eyes squeezed shut with utter fear and horror, I feel Finn’s fingers dig into my flesh as he drags down my pants. Not a word, not a gasp, not a shudder of horror…nothing but dead silence comes from Finn. Dead silence fills the desolate room. My heart stops and I begin to cry with complete shame and revulsion. Yes, my very own heart cries for me in this moment.

  I feel Finn as he instantly drops to his knees before me and grabs my foot softly peppering kissing on it. Salt tears land on the top of my delicate flesh causing goosebumps to form on my foot. His tears touch my flesh, and then I feel as he touches every part of each of my legs. After moments of tenderness, his mouth works its way all the up to my lips. Cupping my face with his strong hands, we both pause a moment, and then I attack his mouth with mine. When I finally dig up enough courage to open my eyes, Finn has tears streaming down his beautiful face.

  The taste of him in my mouth is purely assaulting. He finally pulls away leaving my lips bruised and swollen with his want. Only three words are spoken between us and they were on the dance floor. “Don’t stop, Finn.” He takes all of me.

  Chapter 4

  Neutered

  “What the hell,” shouts Tommie.

  The kitchenette sink in Tommie’s small veterinarian clinic is overflowing with water, as I stand mere inches from the cascading waterfall lost in thought. Remembering Finn’s hands and mouth all over me last night has consumed all of my senses. My hand instantly flies to the faucet, and my face reddens with embarrassment at being caught.

  “Sorry, sis, I’m kind of distracted this morning,” I reply.

  “What’s your problem, Tess? You seem a million miles away and you even dressed up a little bit today. Are you sick? God, don’t tell me you’re thinking about ending your life today and wanted to look good for it.”

  “Jesus Christ, Tommie! I had sex last night. Okay, I know you won’t stop being a nosy, bossy, bitchy older sister until I spill it, so there you go. I got banged in the small office at the G Spot last night by Finn. Are you fucking happy? No, I’m not going to kill myself yet, dumbass.”

  Tommie’s face falls in disbelief at my words. I can tell she is trying to decipher if I’m telling the truth or not, so I flash her the glaring hickies that are plastered all over my chest.

  “Happy?” I snapped at her.

  Tommie quietly turns around and heads straight for her office. I can’t tell if it’s from shock or doubt. The cold hard fact is I couldn’t be happier at the moment and only hope to have another fling with Finn again and soon. Fling, being the perfect word, because only dumbasses can truly fall in love that quickly, right? I mean, I’m right. Right?

  The shrilling sound of the door opening draws me from my thoughts again. What a fucking mess I’m in. Willing myself to pull my shit together, I look up and see a gorgeous blonde standing before me. As if she just walked straight off the cover of Vogue and strutting her stuff proudly. She’s the type of woman every woman wants to look at and the kind every man wants forever. Her skin is the clearest I’ve ever seen. Her golden silky locks are long, draping over her shoulders, and her mile high legs are killer. She reminds me of someone I once knew, me before the accident.

  Drying my hands on my jeans and pulling myself from the tiny girl crush I just formed, I begin to speak. “Can I help you?” I ask.

  “Um yeah. I made an appointment to get my puppy--”

  Her words are cut off by the crashing sounds of the front door and the loud crashing noise accompanying it. I look up to a mid-size Golden Retriever come busting through the door and on the end of the leash, Finn.

  “There’s my boys,” Blondie coos.

  Everything inside me freezes with sheer horror. Finn. Girlfriend. Dog. I let him inside of me last night. He touched every single part of me.

  “Just a sec. Just a second,” I manage to mumble out before racing off.

  “Tessa,” Finn hollers.

  I force myself to ignore the tone and the sound of his voice and instead prep the room for the procedure scheduled. I knew we had one puppy to neuter this afternoon, never did I imagine it was Finn’s girlfriend. Never.

  “What’s going on in here?” Tommie asks.

  “Prepping for the procedure, fucking duh.”

  “Stop throwing shit now, Tess. What’s wrong?”

  Throwing a sterile kit at Tommie, I let her have it, “The guy who fucked me is out there with his puppy. Wait, I mean his girlfriend’s puppy.”

  “Stop, please. You need to leave. Go get some fresh air. I can’t have you here like this, Tess.”

  “Oh, I’m not leaving, you can bet your ass on that one, sister. We have a dog to neuter.”

  “Settle down then,” Tommie warns as she leaves the room.

  Moments later, the door opens and Tommie leads Finn, Blondie and the puppy into the room. It took everything in me to calm down, the few minutes I was by myself, but just a few seconds of seeing his handsome face and those hands that were all over me, I’m instantly enraged again. I want to shout, “How” “Why” and most of all “Fuck you, Finn.”

  Tommie begins her typical vet routine explaining to them about the procedures and after care, while I busy myself organizing and reorganizing all the perfectly placed instruments.

  I finally hear Tommie’s voice. “Are you ready, Tess?”

  “Yes,” I reply

  “Okay, we’re going to ask you to leave now. We’ll be in contact with you when the procedure is done or you are more than welcome to wait out in the waiting room,” Tommie instructs.

  Blondie pipes up, “Thank you so much. Take care of my boy for me. Finn and I have some catching up to do.”

  “Kara, it’s not like that and you know it,” Finn hisses.

  “Can’t blame a girl for trying.”

  Kara giggles at her own joke, and all this mess makes me want to stab my left kneecap with a scalpel.

  “Tess, walk these two out while I get to work, and remember to switch the phone to go directly to the answering service.”

&nbs
p; Finn walks over to their puppy, pets his head and begins to speak, “You’ll be alright, little buddy. Sorry about the nut thing, but I promise you a full day of fishing and fetch at Granddaddy’s. These girls will take good care of you, Rocky.”

  He instantly straightens, stands up and walks straight towards me, grabs my hand and shouts over his shoulder, “I’ll meet you at the truck, Kara.”

  Halfway down the hall, I realize I’m allowing Finn to drag me.

  “Stop, Finn.”

  He doesn’t loosen his grip or slow his speed. Finally, we hit a dark corner of the office, and he spins me around to face him.

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  Silence

  “Listen to me, Tessa. She’s my ex and needed help.”

  Silence

  “Fucking listen to me.”

  Raising my head, I reply, “I did. Now leave me alone.”

  I push off Finn and make my way back to the front office. I find Kara waiting for Tommie and immediately switch the phone to get the fuck out of the front office.

  “Finn, where did you run off to? Mom and Daddy are waiting on us for lunch. Let’s go, baby.”

  “Ex, my fucking ass,” I mumble under my breath.

  “Tessa, don’t,” he warns.

  Kara catches Finn’s warning and the anger in my eyes. The three of us freeze and everything in the office suddenly becomes very tense.

  “This is her,” she hisses.

  “God dammit, Kara. I’ve told you over and over again we’re done and have been. Just because you come home for the summer doesn’t mean I’m here on bended knee for your presence. We’ve been done for months.”

  “Finn, you know we’re meant to be together forever. We’ve been together since first grade.”