Walk Me Down

by Bellus, HJ

  “Tessa, I fell in love with you the day we met,” he whispers.

  Before I’m able to get another word out, we both notice a tug on his fishing pole. Finn always catches at least ten fish. Tonight was my first catch. I typically give up way too easy and just find a spot in his lap while he snags them, but tonight has been a quiet night of fishing with me only catching one. There’s been lots of beers thrown back, though, and I finally understand the whole fishing thing. It’s just time to decompress from the rest of the world.

  Finn pulls back on his pole and begins reeling in the fish and when his catch finally surfaces from the pond, I’m unable to hold back my laughter. It’s even smaller than mine. Immediately, I run to the cooler to grab mine and compare it to his.

  “Finn, oh my God, my fish is bigger than yours. I didn’t think they came any smaller than mine.”

  “Shut up and get your ass in the truck,” he growls.

  His hidden smile isn’t lost on me, and I know, deep down, he loves all of this.

  One night, he explained to me the reasons behind wanting to stay on the farm with Granddaddy, and it was centered around his mother. She was an amazing person, and I love hearing all of Finn’s memories. The only time he’s ever teared up is when he admitted most of the memories would be lost if it wasn’t for his granddaddy retelling the stories.

  “We have to go show Granddaddy,” I squeal getting into the truck.

  “You two will never let me live this one down, will you?”

  “Nope.”

  From the driver’s seat, Finn grabs my cheek and begins to speak, “Tessa, I love you with everything I have. In the beginning of all this you were scared you’d be the one walking away with a broken heart, but now my biggest fear is that I’ll be the one walking away with the broken heart.”

  I don’t know how to respond to Finn’s statement, so I don’t. I can’t promise him anything besides just this summer. I still have no clue where I’m going when summer is over. My original plans were to throw a dart at a map, move there and begin my nursing career, but that was all before Finn. I can only hold Finn’s hand while he drives and pray this all works for both of us.

  Pulling up to Granddaddy Jimmy’s place, I immediately recognize Finn’s dad on the porch. I haven’t run into him since the day he fixed my tooth. Since then I’ve learned way too much to be able to even look at the man much rather hold a conversation.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Finn says.

  “Why do you think he is here?” I ask.

  “All I know is it can’t be good.”

  We both hop out of the truck and I go for the cooler while Finn walks up to the porch.

  “What did ya catch tonight, kids?”

  I hear Jimmy’s voice.

  “We just caught two fish,” Finn replies.

  “Well, I guess you two aren’t eating tonight because this old man is hungry and two fish is about my limit,” Jimmy jokes back.

  Finn takes the seat next to his granddaddy while making no attempt to talk or look at his dad. I know there’s been added tension since we’ve started hanging out. Finn hasn’t come right out and told me, but Wes has. I feel extremely guilty for adding more drama to their plate.

  I usually just go bounding right up the porch and make myself at home. Tonight is different. The tension in the air could be felt miles away. I stop at the foot of the steps and look up at the three men. Grudges, hatred and old pain fill all three of their faces, and it immediately breaks my heart. Tears spring to my eyes knowing I don’t even have my parents in my life, nor will I ever have the chance to have both of them sitting on a front porch with me, and here these three sit.

  I watch as Granddaddy gets up, walks towards me and grabs my hand leading me up to the porch to sit by Finn.

  “What do you think you’re doing, son?”

  His dad blurts out before I can even sit down next to Finn.

  “Dad, we’re not going to talk about this again.”

  “Yes, we are. You need some fucking common sense knocked into you.”

  “It didn’t get us anywhere yesterday. Why would it today?”

  Finn never told me he talked to his dad yesterday. I wonder how many times he’s visited with him. It makes me sick to think he can’t talk to me about it. I grab his hand and whisper, “I love you” to him. I notice Granddaddy’s nod of approval at my move, and I know he will always be here for us. Always.

  “You could carry out any legacy you wanted in this town, be with Kara and have a life worth living, but you choose this,” his dad says, throwing his arms up in the air.

  Finn jumps to his feet, rushing to his dad and his finger is pointing straight at his dad’s chest. “You can hate this place because it reminds you of her. You can resent me because I still choose to love my mom out loud. You can hate all of it. Just do me a favor and leave me the fuck alone. I love Tessa, this farm and nothing will change that.”

  “You’re going to regret this,” his dad replies.

  We all watch as Dr. Evans walks away from the porch. It’s a picture that’s hard to swallow because he resembles Finn in every way from the good looks and build, but the two couldn’t be any different from each other.

  “I’m proud of you, son,” Jimmy finally speaks after Dr. Evans’ Lexus is out of view.

  Finn is still seething pissed off and pacing the porch. He doesn’t respond to his granddaddy, and I wonder if he even heard his words.

  “He’s going to push you and Finn. This place reminds him too much of your mother. Her spirit lives in you and that hurts him. Your dad does love you, Finn. Sometimes life’s circumstances cause us to make poor choices and he’s just fighting his own demons.”

  “I’m going to fucking hit the bastard the next time he brings up Kara or demeans my relationship with Tessa,” Finn finally says.

  I feel like he has forgotten that I’m sitting right here with the words he just spoke. He’s still pacing back and forth. My gut tells me that my name came up a time or two yesterday in their conversation.

  “He can never take your love of Tessa away. You can’t let him poison you by getting you so upset,” Granddaddy replies.

  “He’s hell bent on ruining me,” Finn says.

  There it is. Finn’s biggest fear is now out and floating among the three of us. He finally drops back down into his chair completely defeated. I still feel invisible to him.

  “Like I said, son, life has a funny way of creating monsters without even knowing it.”

  Jimmy nods his head in my direction, signaling me to say something, and I freeze. My only coping strategy I’ve developed over the last few years is avoidance. Avoiding anything and everything that brings up pain in my life. Will is always there trying to get me to release a bit of it, but I’ve mastered the tactic of avoiding the truth at all cost.

  Standing to my feet, I push back on Finn’s shoulders and sit down on his lap.

  “So, Jimmy, we caught two fish. That’s right I said we. I caught the biggest one. Look,” I say.

  Opening the cooler, I pull out the two fish with the biggest smile on my face. And wonder why fishing can’t be like real life. Simple, relaxing and honest.

  “Those things won’t even be enough meat to make one fish stick,” Jimmy replies and all three of us laugh at his words.

  Chapter 8

  Time to Jump

  Finn’s slight snoring is comforting. I couldn’t leave him tonight after witnessing the showdown between him and his dad. I helped Jimmy fix up the tiny fish for dinner. We also made burgers and a green salad since the fish were basically an appetizer. Finn disappeared while we cooked, and I could only guess it was to decompress fully from the night’s events.

  Something Jimmy said to me while we cooked is still haunting me hours later.

  “Finn needs you. If you aren’t ready to fully stand up for him, you need to let him know. The boy lost one love of his life. I don’t think he has it in him to lose another.”

&
nbsp; His words brought me to tears, and I cried right in the middle of his kitchen. Will has always tried to fill the void of my parents, but he’s more like a big brother to me than anything else. Jimmy, on the other hand, is so fatherly I wanted to pour out all my fears right there in the kitchen with him. I desperately wanted to share all of my pain, fears and just how broken of a person I am. Then maybe he could see that I’m a strong enough woman to be there for Finn.

  “Baby,” Finn’s groggy voice drags me from my thoughts.

  Finn is laid out on his back with me clinging to his side.

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m not,” I say.

  “I feel your tears rolling off my stomach.”

  Touching my face, I realize Finn is right, which causes more to flow. I feel Finn sit straight up in bed and drag me up to his chest.

  “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

  “Babe, it’s three in the morning. What’s wrong?”

  Climbing up into Finn’s lap, facing him in the dark, I let go of all my fears.

  “I’m not a strong enough woman for you, Finn. I’m broken and hurt from my past. I want my parents back. I want the Tess who lived recklessly back and I’ll never get that. I’m a broken, weak person, but I do know one thing…I love you, Finn.”

  “I hate life,” Finn replies.

  I know exactly what those words mean, and that he just understood every single one of my words. With everything I have I melt into him. My need builds up for the man, reaching down between us I free him from his boxers and then grab both of his hands raising them above my head and then sink down onto Finn.

  His groan of pleasure sets me on fire, and I take the lead this time. Every time we’ve been together, Finn’s has always been the driving force. Not tonight. He tries to move his hands, but with all my might I keep them pinned to the wall above us. My hips quicken up their pace as I feel my want and desire mingle. I can feel Finn begin to buck underneath me and each time he pushes up in me, it causes me to drive closer to releasing.

  “Finn,” I scream as I let go of everything.

  I let go of past pain and memories. I let go of all my insecurities and only see me as Finn does. I let go of everything except for my love for Finn.

  Collapsing down onto him once again, he whispers, “You just wrote another chapter of our love story that I’ll never forget, Tessa.”

  “I love you, Finn. There’s something about you that I just know I have to have and be with.”

  I feel Finn pull my head up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “What’s this all about?”

  “I love fishing with you. I love spending time with you, eating lunch or riding in your truck next to you and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be strong enough to keep you forever.”

  “One day at a time, Tess. We are both afraid to death of having our hearts broken, so let’s just take it one day at a time.”

  “I can do that,” I whisper.

  I go to get out of bed to clean up, but I’m stopped by Finn.

  “What are you doing?” He asks, pulling me back down on him.

  “Going to clean up.”

  Finn’s room is above the shop not even in the same house as Jimmy’s. Thank God, because I’m pretty sure I just did more than moaning with the man.

  “I don’t think so,” he says, rolling me on top of him again.

  “Finn, are you hard again?” I ask, feeling him pressing up into my belly.

  “Nah, it’s just a semi,” he says.

  “You are insanely way too horny for your own good.”

  “I can’t help it when I’m around you.”

  “You are crazy,” I say.

  “I have an idea,” he says, bounding out of bed.

  “What?”

  “Jump on my back, baby.”

  “Finn, what are you doing?”

  “Do you trust me?” He asks.

  “When you’re sleeping,” I joke.

  I hop onto his back piggyback style, and he takes off for the door. My heart skips a beat or two as he makes his way down the steps.

  “Are you going to tell me where we are going since I’m only in my panties?”

  “We are going to clean off, country boy style.”

  Finn turns the corner at the end of the shop and heads straight for the little dock by the pond.

  “No,” I yell.

  “Shh, you’ll wake up Granddaddy.”

  “Finn, not the water. No, no, no, stop now.”

  “You’re going in, baby.”

  “No, I’m naked and it’s going to be cold and my leg. My leg,” I scramble.

  “You’re not fooling me,” he says catching onto my tactics.

  Finn’s foot hits the dock. I feel him reach back to my kneecap and slide off my prosthetic at the same moment Rocky jumps up on both of us and licks away.

  “What are you doing?” I scream in horror.

  “Tonight it’s going to be just us. Not the things that define us. You and I are going to jump in the pond as just us and when we get out it will still just be us.”

  “Rocky is going to start barking and Granddaddy will wake.”

  “So be quiet, pet my puppy and take the leap with me.”

  “Okay,” I say, as I feel my prosthetic drop to the ground.

  “Here we go,” Finn yells.

  I feel as his body takes off into a dead run down the dock. I throw my hands up in the air and enjoy the moment. Our bodies hit the ice cold water together as our limbs struggle to surface back up for air. I’ve never swum without a lifejacket since the accident. Will and Finn have pulled me around on a tube in the lake, but that was always with a lifejacket and both my girls by my side.

  I surface before Finn and panic a little trying to paddle enough to stay up. The full moon lights the entire pond, and I don’t see him or the water rippling anywhere for that fact.

  “Finn,” I holler.

  Moments later, I feel his arms wrap around my waist and feel their way up to my chest. Finn’s head comes up from the water with a huge grin on his face.

  “You scared me, asshole,” I yell.

  “You made it. We made it.”

  “We did,” I finally admit.

  “You know there’s only three more weeks until the fair.”

  “Yeah, so,” I reply.

  “We have three weeks to live it up,” he whispers into my lips.

  “I want to stay here with you and Granddaddy,” I say.

  My words shock me, but they may be the first honest words that have left my mouth in a long time. I’ve never felt as much at home and where I belong as I do with the two of them.

  “I’d love that,” he replies.

  “It’s done then, but we will have to get my crazy family to warm up to the idea.”

  “Shouldn’t be hard,” Finn says. “Since Scarlett is busy doinking my brother and Tommie and Will are trying so hard to make a baby.”

  “I like this,” I admit.

  “What?” Finn asks with a raised eyebrow.

  “You, me, this pond.”

  “Yeah, me too, but since you are moving in I’m going to have to buy you a cute little checkered apron and pitcher to make lemonade in, so you can pamper your man.”

  “I don’t fucking think so,” I say giggling.

  “C’mon, I can even buy you a little naughty maid outfit to wear at night in our room,” he finishes wiggling his eyebrows.

  “Alert the media, your semi is growing again,” I say laughing.

  Then taking Finn by surprise, I push him down in the water dunking him, but making my escape before he can grab me. I hear him sputtering and splashing behind me, but swim like hell. The feeling is liberating as I push as hard as I can with my arms and try to coordinate my legs. I reach the dock before Finn and use my arms to hoist myself out.

  “Beat ya, lover boy,” I taunt as he makes his way to the dock.

  “You play dirty, Tessa.”


  “A girl has to win somehow,” I say grabbing my prosthetic.

  “Let me do that,” Finn says hopping out.

  “Why?”

  “Because I need to,” he replies, lowering to one knee.

  “Oh my God, Finn, you lost your boxers,” I squeal, laughing hard.

  He just shoots me a devilish grin.

  “You did it on purpose, didn’t you? What if Granddaddy wakes up? You’re naked.”

  “You just better be quiet,” he says.

  I watch as Finn very carefully places my prosthetic in place. I can tell he’s nervous, and it melts my heart to know he’s so concerned with me. Once his job is done, I watch as he kneels back on his knee and bends over kissing my toes, trailing kisses all the way up my leg. His action reminds me of our very first time in the closet, except we are laying down this time. No more words are exchanged as we both devour each other.

  Chapter 9

  Good News Finally

  “Tess, it’s so good to have you home for a night.”

  “My God, Tommie, you act like I’ve moved across the country.”

  “You basically have. I never see you anymore.”

  “Dumbass, I work with you every day at the clinic.”

  “It’s just not the same and you know it, but I’m super happy for you, Tessa.”

  Plopping down on the patio furniture, I take a swig of my moscato and ask, “Where’s Scarlett?”

  “Probably out humping her man like you typically are,” Tommie says sitting by me.

  “You’re really butt hurt, aren’t you?” I ask facing Tommie.

  “I just miss you little shits,” she replies.

  “Well, you have us tonight. It’s girls night, Momma,” I say using my most cheerful voice.

  “Tessa, I’m pregnant,” Tommie blurts out.

  My jaw drops and tears instantly well up. She and Will have been trying for months and months

  “Tommie,” I scream.

  “I’m so happy,” she says through her tears.

  “I’m going to be an aunt. Oh, I’m so happy. Could you imagine Daddy’s face?”

  My words cause both of us to cry harder and then we laugh at our sobbing mess.