Forever Yours (The Forever Series #1)

by Cheryl Holt

  “Yes, it’s who you’ll be as of noon tomorrow.” He sighed with delight, liking the sound of it. “You’re not a virgin anymore.”

  “No, but I didn’t need that silly old chastity anyway.”

  “You survived it?”

  “All in one piece.”

  “Was it like you imagined it would be?”

  “Sort of. I thought it might be more…well…romantic I guess.”

  He snorted with amusement. “It will be—after we’re better acquainted. In the beginning, it’s a tad awkward.”

  “Will we do it often?”

  “I’m randy as a goat, Abigail. So yes, we’ll do it often. I probably should have warned you.”

  “No warning is necessary. I liked it. I love being here with you like this. I didn’t realize it would be so intimate. I knew about the nudity and all of that, but I didn’t grasp that I would feel so close to you after it was over.”

  “We’re bonded forever.”

  “Lucky me,” she murmured. They yawned, and she asked, “What now?”

  “Now we nap for a bit, then I’ll wake you and we’ll try it again.”

  “After today’s debacle, I’m so weary I might slumber straight through until morning.”

  “It’s all right if you sleep until then.”

  “But you can’t fall asleep with me. I can’t have the twins see you. Or Faith. I’d be mortified if she caught you creeping out.”

  “In a few hours, we’ll be married,” he said. “How can it matter if I’m discovered?”

  “It will matter to me.” She pinched his waist. “I’m still not convinced I should have agreed to this. Don’t embarrass me over it.”

  “I can’t bear to depart just yet.” Gad, he was maudlin as a smitten boy. “Don’t kick me out.”

  “I don’t want you to go either.”

  “I’ll have to get used to living with a decent, moralistic female. It’s been a long time.”

  “Without much effort, I’ll have you acting decent and moralistic too.”

  “I doubt you can manage it. I’m betting it’s too monumental a task.”

  “I like a challenge.”

  “It might turn out to be more of a one than you anticipated.”

  She scoffed. “Be sure to leave before dawn.”

  “I will.”

  He dozed after that, and when he opened his eyes it was dark, but the moon had moved across the sky. He reached for her, but she wasn’t with him. He glanced around and found her standing over by the window and staring out.

  She was partially attired, wearing a petticoat and chemise with her robe over the top. Moonlight bathed her in silvery colors so she appeared ethereal, like a ghost or a pixie.

  “Abigail”—he rose up on an elbow—“you must be freezing. Come back to bed.”

  Slowly, she spun toward him, and on observing her expression he suffered a twinge of alarm. Was she about to deny him what he craved more than anything? Would she refuse to wed him after all?

  As quickly as the frantic notion pelted him, he chased it away.

  He’d pressured her horridly, and he wasn’t sorry. He was his father’s son, but not his father’s son. He’d seduced her with wicked motives, but he’d rectified his sinful conduct by proposing marriage.

  She couldn’t change her mind. Though they’d only dallied once, it was possible she was increasing with his child. He’d ensnared her so she couldn’t escape, and at the prospect he was smugly delighted.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. “You look unhappy. Please don’t tell me you are.”

  “I’m not unhappy. I’m…ah…struggling over how to confess a secret. I should have spoken up sooner, but I want to marry you so much, and I’m a coward. I thought I could remain silent, but I can’t. It would kill me to live a lie.”

  “What lie?”

  “You’re fond of me, aren’t you? You’ll listen and try not to judge me too harshly?”

  “Yes, but what is this about? You can confide in me. I hope you know that. There’s no reason to fret.”

  “There’s plenty of reason which is why I’ve been so reticent. I simply beg that you not forget the promise you made to me about the twins. I intend to hold you to it.”

  “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “I’ve spread falsehoods about myself for so many years that it’s hard for me to finally admit the truth.” She stoically studied him, then she said, “Could we go down to the parlor?”

  “Why?”

  “We need to talk, and you should be dressed and sitting down before I start.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  What had she done? Was she insane? What had possessed her? Was there any excuse for her reckless abandon? No.

  Alex was so handsome and seductive, and she comprehended that he was. She’d been worn down from the exhausting day, from worrying about Millie. Coupled with her fatigue, she’d blithely ignored the fact that—when he was near—she simply couldn’t behave as she ought.

  She’d craved the comfort he’d offered, and during the episode it had seemed as if she was a different sort of woman, one to whom the rules of morality didn’t apply. What a deranged, inclement folly! What a disaster!

  She watched him pour himself a glass of wine, then seat himself on the sofa. She was standing over by the fireplace, too alarmed to sit with him.

  He looked a tad irked at being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night, but other than that he was thoroughly relaxed—as if he regularly trifled with innocent maidens and wasn’t affected in the slightest by their illicit romp.

  As to herself, she was completely flustered, her wits scattered, her anxiety spiraling out of control, and her body ached in spots she’d never noted before. She was about to burst into tears, which was silly because she wasn’t sad. She was bewildered by her negligence and couldn’t figure out why she’d participated in the irresponsible deed.

  While she’d been sequestered with him in her bedroom, she’d conveniently forgotten she had no ring on her finger. They weren’t married so she had no power to bind him to any vow.

  She supposed it was possible that she’d underestimated him. He might learn her identity and not care that she was a Henley. He might laugh at how furtive she’d been and insist it didn’t matter. He might act that way, but she was so afraid he wouldn’t.

  For hours, she’d tarried, observing him as he’d slept and wondering if she was brave enough or cruel enough to keep her name from him. But she wasn’t that duplicitous or brazen, and there was no hope for it. She had to come clean.

  “Well? What is it?” he asked. “If you think you can wiggle out of our agreement to wed, you should think again. In light of what we just did upstairs, you could already be increasing with my child.”

  “I don’t want to back out,” she said.

  “Good because I’m not about to let you. What’s wrong? Get it off your chest so we can go back to bed. I’m always surly in the middle of the night.”

  “I have to tell you something about myself. Something important.”

  “Fine, Abigail. Tell me. I’ve been waiting to hear it since the first moment I met you.”

  “I’ve debated over how to proceed, and I’d finally decided I would never confess it. But with my discovering how intimate our marital relations will be, I can’t keep it a secret. It would eat me alive and cloud every minute of our life together.”

  “You should never keep secrets from me.”

  “Promise you’ll remember how fond you are.”

  “I’m very fond of you.”

  “And…and…I love you. Remember that too.”

  “You love me?” He chuckled with amusement. “Don’t grow maudlin. I can’t abide sappy sentiment.”

  “Try to forgive me.”

  “I can’t believe you’ll require forgiveness. You’re not a monster, Abigail, so it can’t be that horrid. You’re frightening yourself for no reason.”

>   “You might be very angry with me.”

  “Maybe. It depends on what you’ve been hiding. I asked you once if you’d been ruined or had a babe out of wedlock, but I just found out you were a virgin so I know it’s nothing like that. Any other situation would be paltry by comparison.”

  “It’s not paltry, Alex.”

  “Spit it out, Abigail. Please. You’re making this a thousand times more difficult than it needs to be.”

  “You were certain I had a scandal in my past, that a tragedy had befallen my family so we lost our status in the world.”

  “Yes, I’ve been sure you tumbled down society’s ladder. What happened? Was it your father? It must have been. It can’t be a sin you committed.”

  “It was my parents—and my brother. They’d journeyed away from England. My father was on a diplomatic mission for the government—at least I presumed that’s what it was—and their ship sank. They perished.”

  “Then what? Your estate was bankrupt? Strangers inherited and tossed you out? What?”

  “My cousin, Jasper, inherited, and he claimed my father died penniless so there were no dowries for my sisters or me.”

  “Sisters? I thought you only had one.”

  “No, I have two.”

  He rolled his eyes in exasperation. “All right, you have two. Keep going, will you? I’d like to finish this.”

  “His wife is vain and cruel, and she wouldn’t let us remain in our home.” She shrugged. “I understood her position. She couldn’t move a piece of furniture without our complaining. It was hard for her to settle in and make the place her own. She was mostly responsible for forcing us to leave, and her husband was henpecked. He wouldn’t overrule her decision.”

  “You’re more generous about it than I would have been.”

  “It could have been worse than it was. We had a few people to help us. The headmistress at our school introduced me to Mrs. Ford, and I went into service. My sisters joined me after they graduated. We’ve been getting by.”

  He snorted with disgust. “After I’m your husband, will you give me permission to call on this cousin of yours? I’d like to have some words with him and his wife.”

  “No, I don’t need that from you, and considering what I’ve discovered since I arrived at Wallace Downs, you shouldn’t ever visit there.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s Middlebury.”

  He paused for an eternity, pondering her comment. Ultimately, he murmured, “Lord Middlebury was Hayden Henley’s father.”

  “Yes, and Hayden was my brother.”

  If she’d taken out a pistol and shot him, he couldn’t have reacted more violently. He blanched as if she’d punched him, then he leapt to his feet and stormed to the other side of the parlor, putting as much space between them as he possibly could.

  “You’re a Henley?” he demanded.

  He pronounced the name Henley as if it were an epithet, as if it were cursed.

  “Yes, I’m Abigail Henley.”

  “Not Barrington.”

  “No. Barrington was my mother’s maiden name.”

  “And you use it…why?”

  “Mrs. Ford felt potential employers would be uncomfortable hiring an earl’s daughter. She was concerned it would raise questions regarding my authority and rank. Plus, Jasper has developed a shocking reputation for gambling and vice. I couldn’t have anyone know I was related to him.”

  “You were perfectly happy letting me hire you.”

  “I have very little say in where Mrs. Ford assigns me. I possessed no facts about you except that I would be teaching two girls.”

  He didn’t reply, but walked to the sideboard and poured himself a whiskey. He drank it down as if bracing himself.

  “Would you ever have told me who you are?” he asked.

  “I like to think I would have eventually. I’ve been struggling with it—ever since I learned about the duel—but I couldn’t figure out how to admit it. I was afraid you’d send me away.”

  “You’re right about that.”

  “Then why would I have confided in you?”

  “Why would you come here? Your audacity is astonishing.” He was incredibly enraged, as if he’d like to march over and shake her.

  “I didn’t know about the duel! I didn’t know about you or your wife or her affair with Hayden. I didn’t know Hayden had been wounded. When it occurred, I was away at school. My mother stopped by to inform me that my father had to travel to Italy on urgent government business, and Hayden was accompanying them. They departed immediately, and I never saw any of them again.”

  He stared at her, an impasse as vast as an ocean opening up between them.

  “The twins are your nieces.”

  “Yes.”

  “Were you aware of it before you arrived?”

  “No!” she vehemently declared. “I told you! I had no idea who you were, and I definitely had never heard about them. Mrs. Ford provided limited details about your situation: that you were wealthy and a bit…well…difficult. I assume she was worried—if I was notified of your history—I’d refuse the post.”

  “You should have refused it,” he brusquely stated.

  “I’m glad I didn’t though, and I won’t pretend any differently.”

  “I was studying the twins the other day, realizing how much they look like your brother, but they look just like you too. The resemblance is close enough that they could be your daughters.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s why you’ve been pestering me to stay at Wallace Downs, isn’t it? You’re determined to watch over them.”

  “Yes.”

  “Call me stupid,” he fumed, “but I had persuaded myself you wanted to stay because of me, that you were eager to wed me.”

  “It’s both of those things. I’m eager to marry you and to build a family with you and the girls, and don’t you dare act as if that’s a peculiar sentiment. I recognize the ominous issues you had with my brother, but I loved him. He was funny and smart and larger-than-life, and I was in awe of him.”

  “Bully for you,” he spat.

  “The twins are a part of him he left behind for me. I’ll always be grateful.”

  “Is that why you allowed me to climb into your bed? Was it so you could guarantee your spot with them?”

  “I participated because I’m excited to be your wife. I’m not lying about that.” She gulped with dismay, feeling as if she hadn’t explained herself in a suitable or convincing way. “Please don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind. You can’t be that fickle. Don’t let this matter more than it should.”

  “Not let it matter? Are you mad?”

  “I was a girl when it happened! Don’t blame me for it.”

  “I don’t blame you,” he claimed, but it certainly appeared as if he did.

  “And don’t blame me for loving my nieces, for being relieved I found them.”

  “I don’t blame you for that either.”

  “Then why are you glowering at me? You suffered enormous losses because of my brother, and I don’t understand his conduct. In my memories of him, he was virtuous and good so I can’t guess why he involved himself with your wife. But I need you to remember what I lost because of all of this.”

  “I get it, Abigail. Your world fell to pieces afterward. Welcome to the club.”

  “I won’t apologize for Hayden, and I won’t try to justify his behavior. I couldn’t.”

  “I wouldn’t listen to any justification.”

  “I simply wish you could find it in your heart to move beyond my name and my past. My name shouldn’t keep you from being happy. I can make you happy, Alex. You know I will. Won’t you let me?”

  He didn’t speak or step toward her or exhibit any sign that her remarks had had an effect. He was very still, sifting through her revelation, and she couldn’t imagine what he was thinking.

  Had she wrecked everything? Did he hate her? Would
he send her away?

  It definitely seemed as if he was considering it, but she was a fighter, and she wouldn’t permit him to withdraw his proposal. He hadn’t come over to her so she went to him. He watched her approach, but there was no expression on his face. He might have been observing a stranger.

  She snuggled herself to his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. She gazed into his eyes, but he gazed back coldly, evincing no reaction to her bold advance.

  “Don’t be angry,” she pleaded.

  He scoffed, then killed her a bit by pulling her arms away from his body. He shifted away so she wasn’t touching him.

  “I’m not angry,” he said.

  “Don’t lie to me. You can’t. I can see you’re livid.”

  “No, I never get angry anymore. Your brother taught me that I can’t remain rational when I’m upset.”

  “How can I fix this? There has to be a way.”

  They froze as if perched on a fence, and it was a moment where the resolution could land in either direction. He could smile and insist he forgave her and none of it was important to him or he could shove her away, stomp out, and never return. Which route would he choose?

  “You can’t fix it,” he announced like a death knell.

  “Don’t be silly. You’re distraught and I—”

  “Distraught!” He snorted out a laugh. “Abigail Henley, you have no idea.”

  He walked to the window and stared out. Dawn was breaking out on the horizon. Soon, morning would arrive. Where would they be?

  She wanted to go over to him, but she’d already tried that and had been rebuffed. She wouldn’t try again. The news she’d imparted was shocking, and she was struggling to persuade herself that—after he absorbed it—he’d calm down and all would be fine. In her mind, that’s how she’d expected the encounter to unfold, but it was obvious she hadn’t guessed correctly.

  He was quiet forever, studying the sky as it lightened from black to indigo. Ultimately, he said, “The past decade was hard for me.”

  “I know it was.”

  “During my banishment, I wasted so much energy evaluating my conduct and attitudes. I decided I was a man who had cared too much, and I couldn’t afford to be that man any longer. I couldn’t rage or vent my fury. It was dangerous for me to simmer with emotion—so I changed myself.”