Find Your Own Truth
Page 30
While fighting Spider at the last, he had stood in the realm of the totems. Borne by the Dance, he had seen more than he could tell now that he was back in his body. And when he had been there, he had understood more than he had seen. Then, he had seen as a shaman sees. Then, he had known the shapes of all things in the spirit and the shape of all shapes. He had learned the greatest secret of power: that all must live together like one being and in that harmony find the beauty residing in all things.
The sublime understanding of that truth was slipping from him now that he was mundane flesh, but its core burned in his heart. From here on all he could do was live as best he could, trying, always trying, to find that beauty.
“Walk in beauty." a brave man had once said to him.
It had been intended as a benediction, but now Sam knew it as a command as well. Life bought with death owned a duty to those who had sacrificed. He intended to pay that price.
Inu barked to call him back, and he started down the slope. Seeing a light in the cabin window, he smiled. She was awake. There hadn’t been much chance to talk since Willie had brought her home. She’d been undergoing treatment and was unconscious much of the time. If she had awakened by herself, it meant she had turned the corner.
“Feeling better?” he asked, coming through the door.
“Not much, but I can feel my fingers.” Hart held up a hand swathed in pictograph-decorated bandages.
He sat on the bed and gently brought the hand to his lips. “Glad to hear it. Kelly Gray Eyes will be pleased, too. But you’d better not stress it before the next healing ritual. You how those Bear shamans are about patients who don’t follow orders.”
“Too well." she said.
He reached over to the telecom, brought up the medical file, and fed it the data from the monitors. The medical expert system said it would be another few days before she was up to light exercise, but from the insistence of her roaming hand he doubted she’d want to wait. He captured her fingers in a double-handed grip and held them still in his lap. He didn’t want to wait, either, but one of them had to be disciplined.
Thwarted, she seemed subdued. They sat in companionable silence for several minutes. Inu padded over and nosed his way under Sam’s left arm, insisting on being petted.
“Did we win?” she asked softly “We’re alive.”
“What about Spider?”
“Gone.”
“Destroyed?” she said incredulously.
Sam shook his head. “Not even the Great Ghost Dance in all its power could destroy Spider, for that would violate the Dance’s own magic. Spider is a part of the earth as much as any totem. Spider will be diminished for a time; harmony demands it.”
Hart watched the dog for a while, then said, “I have a vague memory of someone saying something about you being mundane. Was I dreaming?”
“No.”
“That’s awful.”
“I don’t think so." Sam said with a shrug. Then he smiled at her. “That is, unless it means that you don’t want me around anymore.”
“I’ll have to think about that." she teased. “But during the raid on Weberschloss, you touched my mind and used the Dance to send magic to help. You were there with me.”
“Yes.”
“I mean we shared . . . you know ...”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t want to leave me?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
She used her good hand to grab his arm and pull herself to a sitting position. Slipping both arms around him, she gave him a fierce hug. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Should I argue?”
Inu barked and Hart shushed him while Sam said, “Who asked you?” The brief flurry of excitement exhausted Hart’s reserve. Sam laid her down and closed her eyes with kisses. But she wasn’t ready to sleep, and he no longer had the power to compel her. She reopened her eyes.
“Sam, maybe when I’m healed we can find a way to open you to the power again.”
“Why? I’m content with the way things are.”
“I couldn’t live like that.”
“You don’t have to.”
Her brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“I walked the paths of power when it was time for me to do so. Now it’s time for me to find another path. I don’t miss the magic much, and it’s left a lot of good things in my life.” He touched her nose. “Having been a magician has made some positive changes in my life.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
“Well, for one thing, I’ve learned to sing a lot better.”
“This is a major improvement in your life?”
“Uh-huh.” Sam cleared his throat, then began;
The world before me is restored in beauty.
The world behind me is restored in beauty.
The world below me is restored in beauty.
The world above me is restored in beauty.
All things around me are restored in beauty.
My voice is restored in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
He could see in her eyes that she understood.
Acknowledgments
The usual round of thanks to Liz and the FASA crew for the usual reasons. A tip of the hat for the guest appearances of Rikki Ratboy and Striper goes to Paul Hume and Nyx Smith, respectively. Sam’s last song is from The Mountain Chant: A Navajo Ceremony, as reported by Washington Matthews in the Smithsonian Institution Bureau of American Ethnology’s Fifth Annual Report, 1883-84.
Copyright
Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Books Ltd, 27 Wrights Lane, London W8 5TZ, England Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Books USA Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Ringwood, Victoria, Australia Penguin Books Canada Ltd, 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 1E4 Penguin Books (NZ) Ltd, 182-190 Wairau Road, Auckland 10, New Zealand
Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: Harmondsworth, xVliddlesex, England
First published in the USA 1991 First published in Great Britain 1991
3579 10 8642
Copyright © FASA, 1991 All rights reserved
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Printed and bound in Australia by The Book Printer, Victoria
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