Lady Disdain

by Michelle Morrison

  Finally he spoke. “I’m glad you came. I wasn’t sure you were going to.”

  “I’m sorry I was late. There was a cart on the bridge—or maybe two, I don’t know. But it—or they—had spilled over and apparently the owner had a hard time righting it and people were helping themselves to his wares. Apples, I think. And we got a late start because my hair—well, that’s not important. The point is, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be late.” Her rapid-fire speech exhausted, she stood there, feeling exceedingly foolish.

  He smiled and said, “It’s alright. You made it. And your hair looks nice.”

  “Does it?” she asked tentatively, touching the plaits wrapped round her head. “Sally did it for me at the kitchen. I’ve not even seen if it’s ridiculous or stylish.”

  “It’s perfect,” he replied.

  She felt her cheeks flush. “Thank you,” she said softly. Then, gesturing to the large empty room, she asked, “What is this place?”

  “Well, it’s the reason I asked you to meet me here today. You see, I received word from the publisher who had arranged to reprint some of my maps that he was bankrupt. I’ve always wanted to expand my business, so I’m setting up a print shop here in London and will certainly need to hire many people. I’ve no idea how to begin advertising my need here, but it occurred to me that you might be able to put me in contact with any number of hard workers in need of employment.”

  Sarah’s eyes widened, even as some small part—oh very, well, a bloody large part—of her was bitterly disappointed that his reason for meeting her was not personal. “Why yes, of course. That would be wonderful. Will you—that is, ah—” she broke off, suddenly shy to ask what she was desperate to know. She cleared her throat and took herself firmly in hand. “What I mean to say is, will you be needing a manager as well since you’ve your primary business in Philadelphia?”

  “No,” he replied succinctly and her heart skipped a beat.

  “No?” Her voice came out absurdly high.

  He smiled. “No. I’ve hired a manager for my Philadelphia company. I shall be taking up residency here in London.”

  “Oh?” Another octave higher. “I’m sure your sister is delighted at your decision.”

  “I’m not doing it for my sister.”

  Sarah’s mouth went dry and she couldn’t tell if she were hot or cold as he took a hesitant step toward her.

  “I was…highhanded, to put it mildly that last day at your flat. I had no right to spring fully formed plans on you like I did. I had no right to assume you would give up your life here to be with me.

  “I hope…that is, I was wondering, if I might see you again.” He took a shaky breath and licked his lips and she suddenly realized he was as nervous and uncertain as she was. She felt a warmth flood her veins at the idea and she looked at him expectantly as he continued, “I would like to court you. More formally, that is. Try to do things right this time.”

  Ten different emotions surged through Sarah’s body. Or perhaps it was ten thousand; it was hard to tell. What she was sure of was that for whatever mistakes Sam had made in their whirlwind romance, she had made just as many. More, perhaps, as the hurts and burdens of her past had never left her until the loss of Sam made her realize with brutal clarity just what holding on to them was costing her, even five years later.

  Wave after wave of realizations crashed over her, washing away the last vestiges of pain from her experience with Peter Gilbert and the loss of their baby. She suddenly felt scrubbed free and brand new. The cleansing had started months before but it was only now that she realized she was whole again. She knew what she wanted and she knew what she was willing to do to get it.

  The fact that Sam had offered to completely upend his life to be near her was simply the final confirmation of what she must do.

  “No,” she whispered.

  His face blanched. “I beg your pardon?”

  She shook her head. “No, you don’t need to move to London.”

  “I…see,” he said woodenly and she realized all the words and feelings in her head and heart were jumbled together and not making their way out of her mouth.

  “Wait!” she cried as he turned away. “What I mean to say is that you were not the only one who was at fault that day. I—I never forgave Peter Green for what happened all those years ago and perhaps more importantly, I never forgave myself. As a result, I wrapped myself in a…a blanket of misery. Or perhaps it was guilt. Whatever it was, it kept me from being able to move on. Even when I realized how much I loved you—“ her words seemed to shoot through him like a bolt. “I could not allow myself to admit it to you. Then when you announced your plans for us—indeed, a bit highhanded,” she said with a smile. “That fiercely independent streak that was necessary for me to survive, well, it rebelled. And even though I thought I was the most reserved person I’d ever met, my temper got the better of me.” She took a deep breath and said what she knew was in her heart.

  “I don’t want you to relocate to London.” He frowned and was about to say something but she pressed on. “I don’t want you to give up your business and the life you’ve built there because I very much would like to join you in America. If you’ll still have me.”

  They stared at one another, reading each other’s souls in their eyes. In two long strides, he snatched her into his arms, burying his face in her hair and holding her tightly to him.

  “Of course I’ll have you. How could you think otherwise?” he pulled back to cradle her face and stare into her eyes.

  “But what of your work? There are hundreds of people in Southwark who rely on you. I know how important that is to you.”

  She smiled through the tears that blurred her vision. “It turns out, according to Dr. Kendall, that there are just as many people in need in America as there are in England. Philadelphia, in particular, could use another organization to help people get back on their feet, according to what Dr. Kendall hears.”

  “And your aid society here?”

  She laughed and it felt like the sun rising on a new day. “Eleanor has become a veritable dynamo. She has truly taken my small charity to another level. She’s secured so many donations that we’ve been able to hire staff to help us. They will endure long after my name is forgotten.”

  “Trust me,” he said gruffly. “You are an unforgettable woman.”

  She touched his cheek gently and he lowered his lips to hers.

  It was a hesitant kiss at first, as if their mouths weren’t ready to believe the words they had just spoken. But as they nibbled and tasted one another, the heat built. Stealing their breath, even as it made their hearts pound in time. She traced the corner of his mouth with her tongue and the kiss exploded. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her even more closely to him, tasting her, drinking her in, ravishing her lips, her cheeks, her neck.

  “I love you,” he said into the skin of her cheek.

  “I love you,” she replied against his brow.

  Their lips came together again, renewed familiarity making the kiss deeper, more intense, more arousing. Sarah felt like her blood was on fire. Without a heater or occupants, the building was chilly, but she felt as if she stood in the midst of an inferno, one that didn’t hurt her but instead brought her to life.

  She dropped her reticule to the floor and tore off her warm pelisse, somehow peeling her gloves off at the same time without getting tangled. Sam did not have as much luck with his precisely tailored jacket, but she quickly freed him from the fitted sleeves and then set to work on his cravat while he unfastened the long row of buttons down the front of her gown.

  Whispered “I love yous” and “I missed yous” accompanied the rustle of displaced clothing. The heat of desire notwithstanding, it was not warm in the building and their impatience to join together was too great. Her gown gaped open, his shirt remained half unbuttoned as he rucked up her skirts and she unfastened his trousers. He caught her by the ribs and lifted her up against him. She wrapped her legs aro
und his waist and as he slid home, they stumbled backwards a few steps until the wall caught them.

  Sarah gasped as he sank more deeply in her. They paused, both panting, as their gazes locked and she felt completely at one with him. Except there was no longer a “him” or a “her.” There was only a “them.”

  The bricks at her back were cold and she could feel a tremor in his legs from holding them up and still they remained rapt in each other’s eyes. But then she wanted more. She wanted pure, carnal domination of him just as she wanted to be completely owned by him. She clenched her inner muscles as tightly as she could and he gasped. She smiled, feeling like a siren with a mortal at her mercy.

  An answering wicked grin curled his lips as he adjusted his grip on her bottom and thrust over and over.

  Her breath came in sobs as she clung to his shoulders, riding him to their mutual pleasure.

  Despite the coolness of the air, they grew sweaty as they strained to meet even closer. She drew his mouth to hers and kissed him with a wet intimacy that mirrored their physical joining. Her lips pressed open mouthed to his, her breath hitched, and she heard a keening wail escape her as pleasure flooded her senses. Her body spasmed around his in delight and sent him over the edge to the same blissful oblivion.

  He buried his face in the crook of her neck and groaned loudly, the erotic sound causing her to shudder again with pleasure.

  They remained intimately locked for an eternity after, their breathing labored, their hearts pounding. Finally, Sam lifted his head and kissed her gently on her forehead, her closed eyelids, her cheek, and her lips.

  Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled dreamily at him. He gently lowered her to the ground, staggering slightly as he tried to regain his balance.

  Her own legs were scarcely able to hold her up and she rested against the wall until they felt strong enough to support her weight.

  “I can’t feel my feet,” he said and suddenly they were both laughing as they held each other up.

  Several minutes later, their clothing repaired as much as possible, Sam said, “You said you wished to come to America. You didn’t exactly say you wished to marry me. That was part of the original offer.” A teasing grin lit his face but she could see uncertainty in his eyes.

  “What do you think I wish to do?” she asked.

  “What do I think?”

  She stepped closer to him, her heart in her eyes. “What do you know? Right here,” she said, tapping on his chest.

  He stared at her for a long moment and then grabbed her to him in another bear hug. When he set her down, she pushed back enough to look into his eyes. “Of course I will marry you, Sam. The sooner the better.”

  His eyes widened. “Why? Do you think—” He looked at her midriff and she smiled.

  “No,” she said gently. “Because I can’t bear another day apart from you.”

  He kissed her soundly and she suspected they’d have ended up tearing their clothes off again if there were anything besides the wall or dirty floor to bear them.

  “When is the quickest we can be married?” he asked.

  “Three weeks,” she said morosely. “Unless by chance you have a bishop who owes you a favor?” This said more hopefully.

  He laughed and dropped a kiss on her nose, then bent to retrieve his jacket. “Would that I did. I wonder if I could hire a false brigand to threaten a bishop,” he said, stroking his chin and trying to look diabolical. “I could then swoop in and save him, thus ensuring his willingness to grant me a special license.”

  She laughed aloud, realizing that she did so most often while in his company. She thought it was a good sign for the future.

  “When will we leave for Philadelphia?” she asked as he escorted her downstairs.

  He chuckled and when she paused on the landing and turned to him, she discovered he had a sheepish grin on his face.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Well, the thing is, I really did intend to set up shop here. It wasn’t a ploy to convince you to move to America.”

  “I didn’t think it was. I just assumed you were in the beginnings stages of, well, everything and could…” she trailed off. She had no idea what was involved in establishing a print shop.

  He smiled and chucked her gently under the chin. “When I go in, I go all in. I’ve bought out the printer who was going to publish some of my maps. I received word that they had made some bad financial decisions and were on the verge of bankruptcy. It seemed like a sign, so I contacted their agent and I am now the proud owner of two English printing presses and a handful of clients. I’m afraid I’m going to have to stay here for a few months at least to get the business up and running.”

  “And then Caroline’s baby will be due,” she reminded him. “You won’t want to miss that.”

  “True,” he said with a smile and pulled her into his arms. “Will you be able to stand staying in England until perhaps next summer?”

  “Married to you, I don’t care if I’m on the Orkney Islands,” she said with a kiss. “And that will give me plenty of time to train someone to replace me as I suspect it won’t be long before Eleanor will need to limit how much she works.”

  He laid a gentle hand on her midriff. “You could beat her to the punch,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  She felt her cheeks tingle with warmth. She’d not even considered the risk of pregnancy a few minutes ago—further proof that she believed in Sam fully and had finally left her past behind. “I could, though it’s not a competition, you know,” she teased.

  He smiled at that and said, “Let’s go inform Lady Chalcroft of our plans and see if it redeems me in her eyes. I don’t think I can withstand another inquisition like last night.”

  Sarah smiled and pulled his watch from the small pocket of his waistcoat. “Lady Chalcroft won’t rise for another hour.”

  “Excellent! We’ll have time to eat before we face the dragon.”

  Sarah scowled at him playfully. “She’s not a dragon. She has simply become very protective of me.”

  Sam led her outside and helped her into the waiting carriage.

  “Nonetheless, I think I shall endeavor to be around when she first makes an appearance this morning. That way I can catch her when she’s unaware, let her see what it feels like to be caught off guard.”

  Sarah laughed but said, “In the first place, I don’t think cousin Elizabeth intended to catch you unawares. Surely asking what you were doing in Southwark before dawn was a fair question.”

  “But the way in which she asked me!” he protested. “It was like she suspected me of being a burglar.”

  Sarah laughed again—or perhaps she hadn’t stopped—and she impetuously kissed him. “In the second place—“ she began.

  “There’s a second place?

  She lifted her eyebrows and ignored the interruption. “In the second place, you should be aware that no one in the history of Cousin Elizabeth’s life has ever caught her off guard. I often think if she’d had the keeping of Napoleon, we’d never have had to go to war a second time.”

  “I thought the exact same thing!” Sam exclaimed, pulling Sarah into the crook of his arm. “Now enough about dragons and cousins. Let’s talk about how wonderful you are.”

  Sarah felt a wide, happy grin curve her lips even as tears of joy filled her eyes. The last ghostly wisps of heartache and grief melted away beneath the warmth of this man’s love, and she knew that though the future might bring times of sadness or strife, they would always have this rock solid foundation of love to see them through it.

  Epilogue

  “Here she is! All cleaned and swaddled,” Juliette Wilding said, carrying a tiny bundle into the room.

  Sarah winced as she pushed herself up higher against the pillows. As soon as Juliette laid her new daughter in her arms, however, she forgot about all pain and discomfort and stared in wonderment at the tiny being who had worked one arm free and was waving it about as she grunted.

  �
��I think she’s hungry,” Juliette said.

  “I’m not sure—“ Sarah began, embarrassed.

  “Here, let me help you.” Juliette held the baby while Sarah untied her gown and then positioned the squirming bundle against Sarah’s breast. “If you tilt it like—oh bother, will you die of mortification if I touch you?”

  Sarah laughed. “After six years of working in Southwark, I doubt much in this world will mortify me.”

  Juliette helped Sarah and the baby get situated and Sarah gasped at the sensation when her daughter latched on. Juliette smiled.

  “It is an unusual feeling, isn’t it? But then from the moment you’re pregnant, it’s just one long string of unusuals.”

  The two women laughed and Sarah offered up thanks that she and Eleanor’s friend had become close as well. She’d been on her own for so long, and now to find herself surrounded by friends and family was delightfully overwhelming.

  “You make a fine midwife,” Sarah said. “Speaking of which, where is the midwife?”

  “I believe your husband is plying her with his best brandy and paying her three times her usual fee.”

  Sarah smiled as she thought of Sam.

  “Here,” Juliette said. “Switch her to the other side now.”

  “Thank goodness I have you,” Sarah said, laying a hand on Juliette’s. She still felt awkward sometimes expressing her emotions, but every day that she was surrounded by love made it easier.

  Juliette smiled. “I envy you, having me,” she joked. “My only female relative present when Jonah was born was Aunt Constance.”

  Sarah frowned. “I didn’t realize your aunt had had children.”

  “She hadn’t! I had to figure everything out myself once the midwife left!”

  Sarah found herself wondering about new mothers in Southwark, if they always had a mentor to teach them how to care for their babies. Her brain clicked into planning mode. When she’d become pregnant so soon after their wedding, Sam declared he did not want to submit her to the trials of sea travel at the same time and while they would eventually depart for America, she suspected she had at least six months to enact some new ideas at the charity. Her plans were interrupted by a surprisingly loud belch.