by Maisey Yates
And when she came apart in his arms, her orgasm making her shiver and shake, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He gripped her hips, pounding his need into a body that felt created for it. Created for him. Until the rush of release roared through him.
Then she collapsed over him, her hair falling over them like a curtain, her heart pounding fast against his.
“Creed,” she whispered. “I love you.”
* * *
She could feel it, the tightening of his muscles, the resistance in his body. What she’d said was the last thing he wanted to hear.
He wasn’t happy to hear her say the words at all.
It was what she had been afraid of, except worse.
Because she had hoped... She had hoped that even if he wasn’t going to say them back right away, he wouldn’t resist them, or reject them.
That he would at least accept what she was offering freely, that he would let the words reach him, let the emotion touch him.
But the way those muscles went taut, it was like he had built a brick wall between the two of them.
A shouted rejection could not have been any louder.
With a firm grip, he set her away from him, putting her naked on his couch, the chill in the air feeling pronounced after she had been cradled so close to the warmth of his body only a moment before.
“It was a nice evening,” he said. “Please don’t spoil it.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling mutinous and angry. “Me being in love with you spoils the entire evening? Because I have news for you. I’ve been in love with you for longer than just tonight. It’s only that tonight I realized just how deeply I felt about you.”
“Wren, it’s not the time.”
“Why not? Why isn’t it the time? We’re married. We’re having a baby.”
“And I have a suspicion that you’re trying to make a fairy tale out of all of this. And I get the appeal. Because you’ve been Rapunzel, locked away in a tower, and you seem to think I might be able to save you, or that I did save you. But that’s not true. We’re just two people who had unprotected sex. We have chemistry, or we wouldn’t have done what we did in the first place. The first time I did it, I had the excuse of youth. But this time? You and I have something explosive. We both know that. We’re not kids. We’re not inexperienced. But because of our age, you should know that chemistry isn’t love.”
“Why would I know that?” she asked. “Why would I know that chemistry isn’t love? I’ve been in a lot of relationships, and there was nothing like what we have. Shouldn’t you want this? With the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Shouldn’t chemistry be part of it? Maybe it’s not love all on its own, but I think it definitely indicates we are the kind of people who could fall in love with each other. And I did. I don’t need you to say you love me, I really don’t. But I’d like it if you could take my words and at least...at least accept them. Let them sit inside you. See what they could heal. Creed, loving you has fixed so many things inside me. It’s amazing. It’s more than I ever expected. If you let it, love could heal you, too.”
But she already knew he wasn’t going to allow it to happen. Not here. Not now. She already knew he was going to say no, because refusal was written in every line of his body. And she knew him.
Knew him like she’d never known another person, and to an extent she had to wonder if she knew him so well because now she knew herself. Because of all that honesty.
She was really beginning to dislike honesty.
She was really beginning to resent this journey she’d gone on to peel back the layers of herself and expose everything she was. Not just to the world, but to herself.
Because one thing she hadn’t appreciated about the life she’d had before all this was the protection she’d had. Because she had been able to hide in plain sight, and tell herself she was doing everything she needed to do, when in reality, following that prescribed path presented little to no risk at all.
And now, here she was, on the path she was blazing for herself, standing in front of a man and exposing the very deepest parts of herself.
It hurt.
It was hard.
And this was why Wren understood—without knowing any of the details—that her mother had chosen a safer life. The one with borders and boundaries and limits.
Because these feelings didn’t have limits. And there was no guide for how to proceed.
Because Wren felt simultaneously the most and least like herself in this moment that she ever had.
This was bravery.
And she was leaning into it while he was running scared.
“I love you,” she repeated. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his voice low. “God knows you’ve been through enough. But that’s not what I was in this for. It’s not.”
“Me either. I didn’t kiss you that day down in the wine cellar so I could fall in love with you. So I could marry you and have your baby. But here we are. This has been the strangest journey, and it was the one I needed. Because it was a journey to me, a journey to us. Because it was somehow absolutely everything we were ever going to be. It’s all right here. You’re the only person who has ever looked at me and asked what I wanted to be. And said that no matter what that turned out to be, you would support me...”
“That’s not love,” he said. “It’s convenience. I want access to my child, and I want the marriage to be mutually beneficial so you don’t leave it.”
“Well, your generosity created love in me. Love for myself and my life, and for you. I didn’t know that I could love you. I hated you. And I realize now the reason I hated you so much was that you called to something in me I wasn’t ready to reveal. I didn’t want my life to change. And something in me knew that you could change it. Just by existing, you could change everything that I was. Everything that I am. That you would drag me out of my comfort zone. Out of my safety. I wasn’t ready. So I fought you. I pushed back against you. Until I couldn’t anymore. My life was at a crossroads that day. I felt like an alien in my hometown, an alien in my skin, and it wasn’t until I gave in to you that things started to feel right.”
“That’s good,” he said. “And that has to be enough.”
“That’s the problem,” she said softly. “It’s not. Because I realized something tonight when we were at the party. When everybody was at their stations with their husbands, and I had to make a choice. What family was I going to join? I realized that my place was beside you. But it’s not because of a piece of paper, and it’s not simply because I’m carrying your baby. It’s because of love. And it’s... I’ve been chasing that my whole life, Creed. I tried to be the best that I could be, but I was looking for love and acceptance from a man who could never give it. I made myself acceptable for my father, and I lost myself. And I can’t hide what I am anymore. Who I am. What I feel. Least of all with you. Please don’t ask me to go back to hiding.”
“Wren,” he said. “I can’t love you.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
“Something broke in me a long time ago,” he said. “I failed. I failed at the most important thing a man can fail at. I’m not a father to my son. And I created an enemy to take the blame. I wanted to blame Louisa. But now I realize... I can’t.”
“Why not? Why can’t you blame her, but you can blame yourself?”
“She must have known. She must’ve known that I wasn’t going to do the job that Cal did. And she did what she had to do to protect her life, her child. But it was my responsibility to be better, to do more, and I couldn’t. I didn’t.”
“Because of that you can’t love me now?”
“I...”
“Will you love our baby? Or is what you feel for him or her all tied up in the boy you can’t have? Because it seems to me that’s awfully convenient. To have put all your em
otions into something that you lost eighteen years ago. Of course you love your son. I understand that. It makes sense to me, even though you don’t know him. I get it. I do. But at a certain point, you’re just self-fulfilling a prophecy. You’ve decided that you’ll fail the people who love you, and you’ve gone ahead and made sure you will by deciding you’re not able to give again. You let that first loss decide how the rest of your life is going to go. Not just for you, but for me, for our baby.”
“I want to be there,” he said. “I want to take care of you both...”
“I grew up in a house that was quiet. That was half-muted with secrets and emotional distance. I have my sisters, and I love them dearly. But our parents... They didn’t love each other. My father couldn’t love anyone but himself. My mother is just defeated. I won’t put our child in that place.”
“I’m not your father,” he said. “I would never hurt you. I would never hurt our child. I would never hurt another woman...”
“I know you aren’t our father. But I still can’t face a life without love. A house without love for me and for my baby. That kind of home was my whole existence before. You can’t ask me to make it my life again. I finally found myself. All of myself. But I did that through loving you. And this woman I’ve become isn’t going to accept less than I know that we can have. If I didn’t think you could love me, then maybe I would take this. But the problem is... If I accept what you’re offering now, then I’m going to be robbing us both, robbing our child. Of the life we can have, of the home we can have. Of everything we can build together.”
“I gave you a house,” he said. “I gave you vows. What more do you want from me?”
“Only everything,” she said quietly. “Just everything that you are, everything that you ever will be. Your entire heart. That’s all. And I’ll give the same back, but you have to be willing to give to me. And if you can’t, then... We’ll share custody of the baby. I would never take this child from you.” She paused, considering. “And you know what, if at this point you can’t believe that I will keep my word about custody, then we really shouldn’t be together.”
“Wren,” he growled.
He reached out and grabbed hold of her arm, pulled her to him, pressing her naked body against his. And then he kissed her. Deep and wild and hard.
But with fury.
Not love.
And she so desperately wanted his love.
Because she had come through the clearing, come through the fire, come through the storm. And she was willing to stand through it, whatever the risk.
And because she’d found a way to be brave and honest, she wanted him to do the same.
Because she loved him more than she had ever thought she hated him, and she desperately needed to know that he loved her, too.
She pulled away from him, even though it hurt. Pulled away from him, even though it felt like dying.
It would be easier to stay. Whether he ever said he loved her or not. It would be easier to just stay. But then he would still be in hiding.
And she would be out in the storm alone.
And he would never know...
He would never find this freedom that she’d found. The sharp, painful, beautiful freedom that made her all she was.
Love meant demanding more from him.
Love meant she had to push them both to be the best they could be. She could not allow him to hide, not allow him to remain damaged but protected.
She wanted him to feel whole in the same way that she felt now. Glued back together, those cracks glowing bright because they were pressed together by love.
“I need you to love me,” she said. “I need you to find a way. And if it takes years, I’ll still be here waiting for you. But I won’t live halfway. I won’t live in a house with you without love. I won’t share your bed without love. I won’t take your name without love.”
“You’re ruining us,” he ground out. “Over nothing.”
“No, over everything. And as long as you think it’s nothing, that difference is not something we can ignore.”
Her dreams started to crack in front of her like a sheet of ice. Dreams of a shared life. A shared Christmas. Those Christmases she thought they might have here in this house, starting with this one.
But it was gone now.
Hope.
She whispered that word to herself.
Just keep your hope.
Wren collected her clothes and dressed slowly.
“Your car isn’t even here,” he said.
“No,” she said. “I know. But my sister will come and get me.” She stopped. “If you can’t fight me now as hard as you did over the winery business, then... I don’t know, Creed. I just don’t know.”
She went outside then. And it wasn’t Emerson who ultimately came to get her, but Cricket.
“What happened?” Cricket asked.
“Oh, my heart is only broken,” Wren said, pressing her face against the glass in the car.
“Why did you marry a man you hate?”
“Because I never really hated him. I was just afraid of loving him.” She sighed heavily. “Because loving him hurts. Really badly.”
“That’s stupid,” Cricket said. “Love isn’t supposed to feel like that. It’s not supposed to be that close to...this. All these bad feelings.”
“The problem is,” Wren said slowly, “when someone has been hurt, it’s not that simple. And he’s been hurt really badly.”
“Well, now he’s passed it on to you. And I don’t think I can forgive him for that.”
“I can,” Wren said. “If he wants me to.”
Cricket scoffed. “Why would you?”
“Because some people are like Dad,” Wren said. “They’re toxic. They don’t love people because they are too busy loving themselves. But some people are wounded. Creed is wounded. What he has to decide is if he wants to stay that way. Or if he’s going to let himself be whole.”
“It all sounds overrated to me.”
Wren thought back to the last few months, the journey that she’d been on, the one that had ultimately led here, which was so very painful. And she realized she would do it all again. Every time. Exactly the same.
Because however it came out in the end, it had led her to this place, where she had decided to be brave and honest. Where she had decided to heal regardless of what he chose to do.
“Someday you’ll understand.”
“No. I’m not interested in that kind of thing. And when I am, I’m going to choose a nice man who has nothing to do with any of this.”
“With any of what?”
“I want to leave the vineyard,” Cricket said. “I realize this isn’t the best timing. But I want to tell you... I want my own life. One that’s totally different from this. I never wanted to be here. Mom and Dad never cared about what I did and...”
“I think Mom does care,” Wren said softly. “But I think, like Creed, she’s wounded. And sometimes she doesn’t know how to show it.”
“I’m not wounded,” Cricket said, defiant. “I’m going to find a place with people who aren’t. Present company excluded. It has nothing to do with you and Emerson. I might want a ranch. I want you to buy out my share.”
Disappointment churned in Wren’s chest. The idea of Cricket leaving the winery was painful. Another loss, but...
Her sister needed her chance. Her chance to find herself, like Wren had found herself.
“It’s okay, Cricket. You have to find a place that makes you happy. You have to find your path.”
Privately, Wren knew that it wouldn’t be as smooth as her sister was imagining. But she also knew Cricket would have to find it for herself. And maybe... Maybe Cricket would find a nice, simple relationship. An easy kind of love. But somehow Wren doubted it. Because Cricket was too tough and spiky to accept anyone soft.
To accept anything less than the kind of love that moved mountains inside her.
And that kind of love didn’t come easy.
But if Cricket needed to believe she could find a love that did come easy, then Wren wasn’t going to disabuse her of the notion.
Because just like Wren’s own situation, no one could do it for Cricket. She would have to fight her way through on her own.
“And what’s your ideal man?”
“One who isn’t half as much cowboy drama as yours and Emerson’s dudes. I’m going to get a job at Sugar Cup. I’ve already decided. I’m going to serve coffee while I build my ranching empire. And I’ll meet a nice guy.”
“I didn’t think you were interested in meeting anybody.”
“I’m not,” Cricket said.
“So there’s nobody in particular that you like?”
“We shouldn’t be talking about me.”
“I prefer it to thinking about myself,” Wren said.
“No,” Cricket said. And she sounded so resolute that Wren wondered if she was lying. “I think love should make you feel sweet and floaty. I don’t think that crushes should make you angry.”
“Oh,” Wren said. “Sure.”
Sweet summer child.
But again, her sister was going to have to figure all this out for herself. Just like Wren had.
And honestly, even though Wren felt like she had figured a lot out in the last few months, she also didn’t know how her story was going to end.
But she supposed that was the real gift. She had learned, through this series of changes, that while chapters of one’s life would come to a close, there was always a chance to make herself new. To make her life into the best version that she could.
And she would carry that hope with her.
As long as she was here, she would have a chance to change for the better. The hope of better was what made one brave. It was what made everything worth it. And so, she would continue to hope, no matter how dark it seemed.
