Lost, Found, Loved

by London Casey

  Parker shut his mouth. He didn’t say another word.

  I left the bedroom, and I left the apartment.

  My next plan was to find Abby. Like hell I was going to let Parker dictate what happened next between me and her.

  To my surprise, when I got outside, Abby was just starting to leave. Backing up and then creeping forward.

  I pointed at her car and waved to get her to stop.

  She put down her window and sat there as I approached.

  “He’s all yours,” I said.

  “What?”

  “I’m done. I want nothing to do with him ever again. And not just because of what happened with you. I should’ve ended things a long time ago. You just pushed it over the edge. So I guess, in some sick way I should thank you. But I’m not going to do that. I want you to feel the guilt. I want you to feel like a bitch. But you know what? If you really have feelings for him and love him or whatever, then park this car and go inside. If you think there’s a chance anything could be real, then go for it. I’m all out on this.”

  “What about us?” Abby asked. “I care about you more than him.”

  “That’s good to know,” I said.

  Abby touched my hand.

  I looked down.

  I thought about the places that hand had touched.

  Private places that were promised to just me.

  I sucked in a shaky breath and pulled away.

  “Not yet,” I whispered. “I won’t make a promise I can’t keep to you, Abby. I won’t lie to you. Maybe someday things will be okay. But not today.”

  “Okay. I understand. I am sorry, Bella. For everything. For lying and lying again. When you came back though, I was afraid…”

  “Abby? I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit if you’re sad, afraid, happy, whatever. I really don’t give a shit.”

  I walked away from her.

  Would there come a time when she and I could figure things out?

  I had no idea.

  What I did know was that I needed to get to Zayne. I need his big, tattooed arms wrapped around me. I needed to look into those bad boy eyes and tell him how much he meant to me.

  I needed to tell him I loved him.

  I needed to tell him that his heart was my new home.

  As I walked away, I looked back and saw Abby pulling back into her spot.

  Did that hurt? Yeah. It did.

  But there was no more looking back.

  It was about looking forward.

  Forever looking forward…

  “Sorry, sugar, you missed out.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, staring up at Tate.

  He was like ten feet tall and half as wide.

  “He’s off to Miami.”

  “Miami? Why?”

  “Took a job,” Tate said. “Is there something I should know about here?”

  “I…” I looked down. Shit. I had gotten a ride to get my car and then I went to St. Skin. “I fucked up. He thinks something that isn’t true about me. Fuck.”

  “Hold up, sugar,” Tate said. “He’s got to get to the airport. He was packing up some bags before going. He’s not going to get everything down there in one shot, though. You’ll have your chance at him. Let me try and stall him out so you can get to him.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You two really have something going on here, huh?”

  “Yeah, we do,” I said. “Things have been messy. His past. My past. Everything exploding together. I didn’t expect him to take off, though.”

  “That’s Z, sugar. That’s what he does. You gotta get used to that and just roll with it.”

  I nodded. “I can deal with that later. Right now, I need to see him. If he’s going, then I at least want to say goodbye.”

  “Okay,” Tate said. “Let me see what I can pull off here. I’m going to be calling in a couple favors on this one, sugar. Hope it’s worth the effort.”

  “If I can keep Zayne here, is it worth it?”

  Tate laughed. “You think you’re taming that kind of crazy? Good luck.”

  “Luck is all I have right now,” I said.

  I turned and pulled out of St. Skin. I looked back at the neon logo hanging above the building and stepped out to the street and heard the blare of a car horn. I jumped back, realizing I almost got myself run over.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  I had really messed up.

  Zayne must have thought I was pushing him away. I just wanted to be alone with Parker and Abby. To put my foot down and have my voice heard. There was no need to run off to Miami, right? Unless that’s what he was going to do to me. What, was he planning to dip out every time we argued?

  Fuck that.

  I hurried to my car and started it.

  Now I was a little pissed at him.

  I tried calling him a few times, and he wouldn’t answer. That’s why I’d gone to St. Skin. I thought he was working. But he was ignoring me. And running off on me.

  I sped away…tears in my eyes. Love in my heart.

  And an idea in my head.

  36

  ZAYNE

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know,” Tilly said. “Airline called and said something’s messed with the ticket. Give me a few to figure this out.”

  “What the hell, Tilly? I’m ready to go right now.”

  “I know, brother. Give me a few. I don’t want you to get over there and get fucked. I’ll shoot you a text when to leave.”

  “Right.”

  The call went dead.

  I curled my lip.

  Tilly called me about two minutes after Tate called me. And all Tate wanted to do was shoot the shit on the phone. It was like he was trying to stall me.

  “Fuck,” I said.

  I turned and looked at the door.

  Tate had been messing with me on purpose. What were the chances that Bella called Tate for help? And as tough as Tate was, he couldn’t resist a good love story. That big moron called me to get me to wait at the apartment so Bella could show up. I should have known, since she called me a handful of times. I didn’t want to talk to her yet. It would be easier and smoother after I got to Miami. Less risk of seeing each other and jumping right back into the fire.

  As for Tilly…who the hell knew what he was thinking. One way or another I’d get a ticket to Miami.

  I grabbed the keys to my motorcycle and one bag off the table. That’s all I needed. I’d be a nomad on the road, in the air, getting away from everything. Whatever it took to shake all the shit off me. I couldn’t be in love. I couldn’t set myself up again. Everything between me and Bella had been forced and made-up to make our exes jealous.

  Simple as that.

  I left the apartment and was able to do so without Bella showing up.

  She’d get there, see my truck, see the motorcycle gone, and know what it meant. Her heart would ache, maybe even break, but she’d get it. Even if she decided to stay in Hundred Falls Valley, she’d do great. She’d write. She’d be happy. If she wanted the tattooed bad boy life, there were plenty of guys at St. Skin.

  As for me? I’d be gone. A distant memory that would get more distant as the days and months went on.

  I convinced myself over and over that I was doing the right thing.

  So, I kept riding.

  Nothing was going to stop me.

  Nothing.

  I throttled the motorcycle harder, gaining more speed.

  I was on a familiar road. The road where all this shit started and the road where it was all going to end.

  The faster I went, the sooner it would all be over.

  I finally smiled, feeling relief.

  And that’s when I saw the car up ahead, on the side of the road, someone sitting on the hood.

  It was one big setup. They had all set me the hell up.

  The second I saw Bella sitting on the hood of her car, I knew it. Trying to recreate what had happened when I first met her. That day al
l I had wanted to do was go for a ride to clear my head. Now, I was doing the same thing. I was going for a ride to the airport to get on a plane so I could clear my head.

  Instead, my motorcycle roared as I throttled it, slowing down to pull to the side of the road. I stopped and climbed off. I took my helmet off and dropped my one and lonely bag to the ground.

  Bella didn’t turn around.

  Just like before.

  I approached with a sense of caution, reminding myself that everything I had done up to this point was with the goal of Miami in mind.

  When I got close enough to see Bella, she turned her head.

  Tears in her eyes.

  I swallowed hard.

  “What is this, darlin’? Did your car break down?”

  She shook her head. “I needed to see you again.”

  “You’re sure about that? You were quick to boot me out.”

  “I didn’t kick you out like that,” she said. “Are you serious, Z? You get a little annoyed and just take off?”

  Bella slid off the car and charged at me. Her hands slammed against my chest, but I didn’t move.

  “Did you just call me Z?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I did. Do you think this is funny?”

  “Do you?” I asked. “We had a thing going, Bella. I was there to support you. To do what you needed.”

  “And you did,” she said. “I asked you to leave so I could finish it. Myself. Prove to myself, to them, to you, that I’m strong enough.”

  “Who the hell would think you’re not strong enough?”

  “Me,” she said.

  I stepped back. She grabbed my shirt.

  “Zayne, please,” she said. “I took care of it. You talked to Steph alone, right?”

  I gritted my teeth. “Yeah. Right.”

  “I sat there the entire time with my heart in my throat. Worried something was going to happen. Worried she was going to do something to you or you were going to give in and…”

  I nodded. “I get it, Bella.”

  “You worried the same thing about me.”

  “Fair enough,” I said. “But you wanted me gone.”

  “I did,” Bella said. “So I could finish it. And I did, Zayne. I finished.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “I told them exactly how I felt. I made it clear things were more than over. I want to stay here, Zayne. I want to stay in that little town. With you. I want to work at the cafe with Donna. Maybe I want another tattoo…”

  “There’s plenty of guys at St. Skin,” I said. “You and Tate are buddy-buddy.”

  “Yeah, I went to Tate,” Bella said. “He called that guy in Miami.”

  “Wait…so the plane thing was an excuse?”

  “What plane thing?”

  “Nothing,” I said. I turned and looked down the long and desolate road. They’d all fucked me. Bella to Tate and Tate to Tilly. A big circle of fuckery. “Christ.”

  “Zayne, I just needed to see you again,” she said. “One more time. If this is it, then this is it.”

  “I didn’t come here to live here, darlin’,” I said. “I came here to get away from her and to save money to get to Miami. Tilly has a place for me.”

  “You have a place right here too,” Bella said. “Right here.”

  “That’s not what I wanted.”

  “You stopped to help me. You lied to me. You wanted all of this, Zayne.”

  I looked at her. “Yeah, I did. And I got what I wanted.”

  “So you used me?”

  “Bella…”

  “No. Say it. You don’t want this. Say it to my face.”

  I stepped toward her, staring down at her. “I saw the way you looked at them, Bella. The way you wanted me out of there. I was comfort to you. That’s it. I was a security blanket. You needed me when you needed me. That was it. Just like I needed you. So, yeah, I used you. You used me. That’s what this was. All based on being fake.”

  “And this is fake right now? You being mad? You being jealous?”

  I sucked in a breath. “No, Bella. That’s the problem. I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake anymore.”

  “And flying to Miami is real? Leaving all your stuff behind?”

  “I’ll make arrangements.”

  “You’re running,” she said.

  “And you’re broke down again,” I said.

  “My car isn’t broken down, Zayne. I waited for you.”

  I nodded. “Right. You waited for me. And you got my attention. So, what do you want to say to me?”

  Bella ran her hands up my shirt and touched my face. Digging her fingers into the scruff on my face.

  “There’s only one thing I wanted to say to you.”

  “Which is what?”

  “I love you,” she said.

  “Bella…”

  “Zayne. Z. I love you. I fucking love you, okay? Whatever we were trying to do together and to each other…this is what happened. You make me feel good about myself and what I’m doing. You’re the only person who has ever looked at me as a writer. You’re the only person who didn’t make me feel like a fool for doing it. You’re the only…”

  My hands grabbed her by the hips. I pushed and walked her to her car. Her body hit the car, and my body crashed against hers.

  She let out a gasp.

  “So that’s what you wanted to tell me,” I growled. “You wanted to tell me you’re strong enough to be alone, but at the same time, you love me and want me around.”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  I looked to my right. To my motorcycle. To the road that went back into Hundred Falls Valley. To my left was freedom. A road that went anywhere I wanted it to go.

  But in front of me…

  She was everything.

  “Zayne…”

  I shook my head. “You want to play the small-town romance game a little longer, darlin’?”

  “I just want to be with you. So tell me where I’m going. Either pouring coffee in that little town or buying a plane ticket to Miami.”

  I laughed. “This is insane.”

  “Yes it is. But…”

  I put my lips to hers. Just for a quick kiss. Just to shut her up. I broke the kiss and kept the tip of my nose to hers.

  “It’s insane how much I love you, Bella.”

  “So, what do we do now?” she asked.

  “I have an idea,” I said with a grin.

  “Oh?”

  I backed away and grabbed for my phone. I walked to my motorcycle and grabbed the helmet. I held it out for Bella to take.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  I hit the screen and placed a call.

  “I’m calling Gonzo to come tow your car again.”

  “What?” Bella asked, laughing.

  I smiled at Bella. “You’re getting on the back of my motorcycle, darlin’. And I’m taking you wherever I want.”

  “Fine by me,” she said. “I trust you, Zayne. I believe you. I love you.”

  “I love you, darlin’,” I said.

  I stared at her as I called for Gonzo. He laughed and called me a crazy son of a bitch. I told him I would pay whatever fees he wanted to charge. I didn’t give a damn. I just wanted Bella on the back of my ride, her hands around me, and I wanted her as mine.

  If I was going to put my heart out there, then so be it. I was going to do it in a big way.

  When Bella got close enough to me again, I grabbed her and sat her on the trunk of her car.

  And I kissed her.

  Time meant nothing without Bella around. I could finally tell the difference between what was real and what was fake.

  It was all about how I felt.

  And kissing Bella…that felt good. That felt really fucking good.

  So I kept kissing her.

  And I would keep kissing her—for the rest of my damn life.

  37

  BELLA

  (A LITTLE LATER IN LIFE)

  My fingertips slid up and down the mu
scular ridges of his back. His body thrust harder, faster, leaving me with no choice but to bite his shoulder to keep from screaming too loud. We didn’t need another complaint. Yes, another…

  His hands grabbed my ass, squeezing tight, lifting me a little, our bodies so tight together it was hard to breathe. All I could smell was his skin and his sweat. It was my new favorite smell.

  “Fuck, darlin’,” he growled as his lips made a trail from my neck to my ear.

  I tried to say something back but it came out as an inaudible groan.

  Zayne kissed my mouth, and we devoured each other yet again. I had lost track of time. Not that time mattered. It was just about us. Being together.

  With a grunt, Zayne rolled and took me with him. I was then on top of him, riding his beautiful, tattooed body. I put my hands to the headboard of the bed and started to pump my hips. He felt so good, deep inside me, leaving my body aching and tingling in places I could have only dreamed about before.

  Zayne’s big, strong hands started at my hips and slowly climbed up. He cupped my breasts and came forward, his hands going to my back, pulling me against him. His mouth kissed my chest, the tip of his tongue flickering against my nipples one at a time, racing back and forth, kissing up my chest, down to my breasts again, then pulling away.

  I looked down at him, sucking a shaky breath, gritting my teeth. The pressure was intense. So fucking intense.

  “Zayne…”

  His hands grabbed my hips again. I was quivering as my body reached its peak. My climaxes with him were so wild that my body would freeze up, and I couldn’t find my breath for a few seconds. His hands eased to my ass and he lifted me up. And Zayne kept going. Thrusting up at me. Loving me. The sounds of our bodies echoing through the bedroom. Our groans, grunts, breathless gasps of pleasure.

  With one hand, Zayne then touched the back of my neck and pulled me toward him, bringing my mouth down to his. We kissed again, his hand spreading across the back of my head. Commanding me. Controlling me. Moving his body up and into me. With such perfect precision. I was stuck in the space of climax, unable to come down from the wild high my body felt. Which was not a problem at all.

  Zayne lifted with one last hard thrust and held there, letting me feel everything he had to offer.

  I shuddered and groaned into his mouth as we kept kissing.

  His arms wrapped tight around me, and I collapsed into his chest. I was breathless. His heart raced. I looked at the clock on the night stand in the hotel room. It was just past noon.