A Very Passionate Man

by Maggie Cox

  ‘I should have made an appointment,’ she admitted, clutching her square crocheted bag with its bright yellow daisy motif to her chest, ‘but I couldn’t pluck up the courage. I thought if I was going to do this I just had to come, and not talk myself out of it.’

  ‘Why don’t you sit down? Can I get you a drink? You look hot.’

  It wasn’t how she wanted to look at all, Rowan thought, miserably stroking away the perspiration that had gathered on her brow. She wanted to look cool and sophisticated…she wanted Evan to think her beautiful…she wanted him to regret every single moment he’d been away from her, even if she knew that was about as likely as Third World debt being wiped out tomorrow…

  ‘It’s a glorious summer’s day out there.’ Her smile retreated almost as soon as it appeared, her glance nervous. He was the one who appeared cool. Cool and unruffled and in control, in his black sweats and to-die-for bronze tan; those remote green eyes of his exposing nothing—least of all pleasure in seeing her.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said wryly, ‘and I’m stuck in here.’

  Rowan had been more than a little taken aback when she’d arrived at the state-of-the-art gymnasium, the sumptuous carpets in Reception and the beautiful blonde behind the desk with her slightly haughty glance almost making her want to turn back through the automatic doors and go home again. But she had to do this. For her baby’s sake if nothing else…

  ‘So…how have you been keeping?’ she asked, a just-discernible tremble in her voice.

  The question was full of heartbreak, and Evan wondered how he was ever going to forgive himself for running out on her in such a cowardly fashion, even when at that particular time he’d honestly believed he had no alternative.

  ‘I’m fine,’ he said honestly. ‘I’m doing much better. How about you?’

  Her brown eyes darted away for a moment, scanning the room, her gaze alighting on several framed certificates of merit and fitness qualifications that adorned the wall behind Evan’s desk.

  ‘You said in your note that I could contact you if…if I needed anything or if there was an emergency…’

  ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ His voice was like a whiplash and it startled Rowan. Swallowing across the sudden pain in her throat, she clutched her bag against her even tighter.

  ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said breathlessly, ‘eight weeks, to be exact. I’m going to have your baby, Evan.’

  He didn’t ask her to repeat what she’d just said because Evan knew instinctively that every word was true. If ever there was a woman incapable of lying then that was Rowan. In terms of decency and honesty she was light-years apart from Rebecca—his ex-wife. Rowan hadn’t told him she was pregnant to try and trap him…she’d merely told him the truth, honestly and directly—and, God help him, what was he going to do about it?

  ‘Did you…did you hear what I said?’ Moving towards a leather swivel chair, Rowan gave in to a sudden desperate need to sit down, her sunny yellow bag clutched tightly in her lap, her dark gaze apprehensive.

  ‘I heard you.’

  At the flat monotone of his voice hope was swept away like debris in the wake of a storm. Her fingers gripped the soft crocheted bag even harder, her nails digging into the material for support. ‘I thought you should know. I didn’t want any more lies in my life. You can be a part of the baby’s life or not…it’s up to you. I didn’t come to make demands or to pressurise you in any way. Anyway, now you know.’

  Because she feared she might break down in front of him, Rowan got hastily to her feet, her chest hurting so badly that suddenly there wasn’t enough air to breathe. He didn’t care, she realised disconsolately. It didn’t make any difference to him whether she was carrying his child or not; he still saw no future in a relationship with her. Better that she’d found that out now than nurse false hopes indefinitely. Now she knew that Evan categorically wasn’t interested in either her or the baby, she could press on with her life without him.

  Her head began to swim as she started towards the door, and she was unprepared for the shock of his touch as his hand whipped out to possessively encircle her wrist.

  Her startled gaze fell into a sea of green and her heart almost thudded right through her chest at the expression she saw there.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

  ‘Home. I’ve parked my car at Jane’s and now I’m going to get the tube and go back there. It’s a long drive back to Pembrokeshire, and I’ll be too tired to face it if I leave it much later.’

  ‘I’m not letting you make that long drive back tonight. You can stay at my flat, then I’ll drop you off at Jane’s in the morning. OK?’

  It wasn’t OK. Nothing was OK. Suddenly deathly tired, Rowan tried to extricate her wrist. Evan wasn’t having any of it. He held on as if he never intended to let go again. Her brown eyes widened in confusion.

  ‘You’ve seen a doctor, I take it?’ he enquired brusquely.

  ‘You think I’m lying to you?’

  A muscle trembled in the side of his tantalisingly smooth, tanned cheek. ‘Did I say I thought you were lying? I just wanted to make sure you were being looked after.’

  ‘Why? Because it absolves you of any responsibility?’ Heartsick, Rowan stared at his wide, muscular chest in the dark sweatshirt, the colour swimming before her eyes. She felt her chin tipped up again so that she had to face him, her pulse quickening at the piercing glance he gave her in return.

  ‘No. Because I want you and my baby to have the best care… Is that so hard for you to believe?’

  ‘My baby’ he’d said. Hope leapt inside her. As fragile as rice paper, but hope just the same.

  ‘You haven’t said how you feel about it, so how would I know?’

  ‘I won’t pretend it hasn’t come as a shock. And we need to do some serious talking, that much I do know.’

  ‘So we’ll talk. I don’t need to stay at your flat tonight. Perhaps once I get home, and you’ve had time to think things over, you can ring me and let me know? As I said, I don’t want you to feel pressurised. I know you don’t want commitment. I just thought it would be good for the child if he or she could see you once in a while…that was all. But if you don’t want that, I’ll understand.’

  ‘Just like you understood when your husband had an affair and got his girlfriend pregnant? And when his gutless friend told you he’d been planning to leave you for the woman? For God’s sake, Rowan! Don’t you think it’s time you stood up for what’s yours?’

  The fury blazing in his eyes took her aback. His hand tightened its grip on her wrist, then he let it go abruptly as if disgusted with himself.

  ‘What’s mine?’ Her lip trembled and she was helpless to prevent it.

  “‘If you were mine and I were yours”…isn’t that what you said?’

  ‘But Evan, I—’

  ‘Oops! Sorry, boss…didn’t know you had a visitor.’ A tall, athletic-looking young man with cropped dark hair bowled into the room without knocking.

  Guiltily, Rowan took several steps away from Evan and went round the desk to examine more closely the impressive array of certificates and diplomas on the wall, but she hardly saw them at all because her concentration was blown to smithereens.

  ‘Can’t a man have any privacy round here?’ Evan barked, irritably scraping his fingers through his thick black hair.

  ‘Chris has just phoned in sick,’ the other man related quickly. ‘He’s due to take a class in half an hour and I was wondering if you could do it.’

  ‘Fine. What’s wrong with him?’

  ‘Thinks he’s coming down with the flu.’

  ‘Ring him back and tell him not to worry about getting back until he’s properly recovered. Between us we’ll cover for him.’

  ‘Thanks, boss.’ With a fleeting interested glance in Rowan’s direction, the young man quickly exited the room. Hearing Evan exhale slowly behind her, Rowan squared her shoulders before turning round. ‘I don’t want to be a problem—’ she began.


  ‘I never, ever suggested you were a problem, did I?’

  ‘Your note said—’

  ‘Forget the damn note! I took the coward’s way out and you know it. You should be furious with me—why aren’t you?’ Before she could answer him, Evan paced the floor to the other side of the room and back again. He was wound up as tight as a clock and Rowan hardly dared breathe. Right now it seemed that one word or sound out of place could tip the precarious balance between them as easily as a butterfly’s wing.

  ‘You have a right to be angry, Rowan. When people treat you badly you have a right to express your disappointment. Don’t keep it all inside and let it chip away at your confidence.’

  Still she said nothing. A bead of perspiration rolled down her back between her shoulderblades. Although there was a fan whirring in the corner of the room the air was too close, oppressive, even. It made it hard for her to think. Finally, she found her voice. ‘And have you resolved all your anger, Evan?’

  ‘What happened between me and Rebecca is firmly in the past—a time and place I don’t intend to go back to any more if I can help it. What I’m interested in now is my future.’ Raising the slats of the pale ivory blind at the solitary window, he peered through it for a few seconds before continuing. ‘Mine…and yours.’

  The two didn’t necessarily go together, Rowan thought miserably, but when Evan made her the sole focus of all his attention once more it was hard to hold his glance, it was so frighteningly intense. Instead she found herself studying the glossy brochures advertising the gym spilled across his desk, specifically the nubile and very fit-looking young blonde pounding a treadmill.

  An uncertain little smile tugged at her lips. ‘You were going to help me get fit. I suppose it will have to wait now until after the baby…getting fit, I mean. It doesn’t mean that you have to—’

  ‘Did you hear what I said?’

  All of a sudden he was standing in front of her—a tall, imposing, awesomely fit-looking male with ebony-black hair and green eyes seductive and dangerous enough to make a mother lock up her daughter until she was old. Suddenly drenched in heat, Rowan lifted her gaze to meet that unashamedly bold glance of his. ‘I heard.’

  ‘And do you know what I mean by it?’

  ‘Yes… No… I mean… Stop looking at me like that! I can’t—I can’t think when you look at me like that!’ Hot and flustered, Rowan would have moved away if it hadn’t been for the fact that Evan had taken her bag from her and thrown it on the desk and now had firm hold of both her hands.

  ‘I’ve missed you, Rowan.’ The sincerity in his words made his voice seductively hoarse—like whisky and cigarettes.

  Rowan’s beleaguered heart soared into the sky. ‘I’ve missed you too, Evan,’ she said softly. ‘Too much.’

  His kiss was gentle at first, almost as if he was afraid to touch her, as if the contact after weeks of separation was too much to bear. He tasted and drank from the honey of her lips in brief, hungry little bursts, but then his hands were cupping her face, as if to anchor her, and his tongue was thrusting into the hot sweetness of her mouth, demanding everything. Desire ignited between them, fervent and rapacious and hot enough to start a serious conflagration.

  Sliding her arms around the hard-muscled strength of his torso, with the evidence of Evan’s passion pressing hard against her belly, Rowan surrendered to his ardent demand, loving every second of his touch, her senses exploding with the realisation that perhaps he did care for her and the baby after all. The thought sent adrenaline crashing through her like a rapid. Twisting her mouth away from Evan’s, she stared up at him, her warm brown gaze anxious and uncertain. She had to know the truth about how he felt.

  She had to know it once and for all. Passion was one thing, but Rowan knew that it wouldn’t sustain her through the long years that hopefully lay ahead. Without love, passion was like a sumptuous banquet left to grow cold.

  ‘About the baby. I need to know how you feel, Evan. I’ve had sleepless nights wondering how you would take the news…whether you would even want anything to do with me again. Your note was so…so cold.’ A shadow came over her gaze and Evan brought his hands down to the softly flaring curve of her hips in her filmy pink summer dress and held her there.

  ‘Aren’t I showing you how I feel?’ One corner of his mouth kicked up in a sexy little grin.

  Rowan bit down on her lip. ‘That’s not what I meant. Would you have got in touch with me again if I hadn’t come here today?’

  Turning his back momentarily, Evan reached into his ‘out’ tray for the cream vellum envelope he’d dropped on top. Without preamble he gave it to Rowan. ‘I’ve been meaning to send this for the past month, but I worried that if I sent it you’d merely tear it up and throw it away. Finally today I got up the courage to go ahead and send it.’

  Extracting the beautiful gilt-edged card from its crisp envelope, Rowan briefly admired the study of a woman standing amongst the flowers in her garden before opening it carefully to read the words inside. It read: You have my heart and always will. Evan.

  ‘There’s only one woman who I want to be the mother of my children, Rowan…and that’s you. That make it any clearer for you?’

  Words deserted her.

  As Evan absorbed the beauty of her face, it finally hit him like a sledgehammer just how much this wonderful, gorgeous, courageous woman meant to him. Although his sojourn in the Canary Islands had helped to restore his health and fitness, mentally he had been in torment since he’d walked out on Rowan. As the days and weeks had gone by, and he’d finally returned to work, he’d found it harder and harder to live with himself because of what he had done. But the most telling sign of all that he needed her in his life, for now and for ever, was the fact that he missed her morning, noon and night. No longer were his thoughts saturated with memories of Rebecca’s perfidy or betrayal, because at last he had let go of the anger and hatred that had been chewing him up inside. Now instead his thoughts were full of images and memories of Rowan—and the fact that she was now in his arms, having told him she was pregnant with his child, was like a miracle. A miracle he hardly deserved.

  ‘I’m sorry I walked out on you like I did. I didn’t mean to be cruel. That note…’ His handsome brow creased as if he despised even the mention of it. ‘I had all these feelings for you, and frankly they scared me senseless. You’d already been hurt more than I could bear, and I was terrified that I would cause you more pain by not being able to commit. Can you understand that?’

  ‘I can understand it perfectly.’ Her smile was brighter and more dazzling than the sun beaming down outside on London’s hot pavements. ‘Lucky for you I’m such an understanding, forgiving soul.’

  ‘You’re an angel.’ Drawing her close into his chest, Evan shook his head in wonder as he took in her soft brown hair, escaping in clouds of silk around her ears, and her dark, melting eyes as they gazed up at him with a warmth so profound it had the power to make him her slave for life.

  Rowan laughed softly. ‘Oh, I wouldn’t go that far. I can be as cranky and moody as the next hormonal woman, so be warned!’

  ‘I love you.’ He kissed her once, twice, three times, before raising his head to study her once more. ‘Do you think you’d be willing to take another chance on wedlock and marry me?’

  Suddenly shy, because her heart was too full for her to speak, Rowan managed the faintest of nods.

  ‘Can I take that as a yes?’ Evan prompted, a smile tugging at his gorgeous mouth.

  Laying her palm against his chest just above his heart, Rowan let all the love she felt for this once angry, taciturn, wounded man radiate like a sunburst from her eyes.

  ‘I want you to know that I’m marrying you because I love you, Evan…not just because of the baby. You’re a good man, even if you sometimes doubt it, and I would trust you with my life.’

  ‘And I guess I’ve got that ridiculous straw hat of yours to thank for introducing us. We might never have spoken if it weren’t for that.’<
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  ‘Hmm…there was always my creaking gate, remember? The one you insisted on fixing even though I didn’t want you to!’

  ‘Perhaps there were other forces at work in our case.’ In a mood for conciliation, Evan tweaked her earlobe affectionately then, bending his head, got reacquainted with her lips as only a man in love could.

  Rowan walked out into the garden. Hugging her arms across her chest in her shell-pink cardigan, she marvelled at how here, in this wild, sometimes inhospitable part of the country, the weather could change so suddenly. The day had been sultry and almost unbearably hot, but now as Rowan looked to the rolling hills yonder she saw the mist come down, sweeping gracefully over the landscape like the train of an oyster satin wedding dress. The atmosphere of wonder and mystery it created reminded her of the huge adventure that was life. Anything could happen at any time; that was the miracle. Life was spontaneous, no matter how you tried to control it, and even if you didn’t have a clue as to how things would unfold you just couldn’t fail to be struck by the magic and symmetry of it. Out of something bad…good had come. She just had to be awed by that.

  ‘What are you doing out here all on your own?’

  Recently showered, Evan came up behind her, encircling her waist with his arms and urging her back to lean against him. Needing no coercion whatsoever, Rowan smiled and leaned into his quiet, implacable strength as if she’d been doing it for years. Immediately her senses were swamped by him, her heart increasing its rhythm just because he had touched her.

  ‘Hmm…you smell nice.’

  Shutting her eyes, she breathed him in, secretly thrilled at the fact that since they’d been home he’d hardly been able to keep his hands off her. Now again she experienced the stirrings of desire, feeling wanton and wild and—for once in her life—totally carefree. It must be the influence of the weather, she thought. Misty and mysterious, it called to something elemental in her soul.